Sex toys can be a touchy subject with many women, especially women who are not comfortable with their sexuality. Some women still feel like sex should be “enjoyed” in the missionary position with the lights off, and an orgasm is something only “dirty girls” have.
This neanderthal thinking can really hamper your sex life, but if your girl is shy about playing with sex toys, don’t criticize her for it. You know that sex toys could definitely spice up your sex life and increase her orgasm potential, but you don’t want to push the issue. If you’re thinking about introducing some new equipment into the bedroom, be careful of what you choose – here are ten sex toys to steer completely clear of because they’ll freak her out totally and she’ll take a long time to recover.
1. A Giant Dildo
Anything that looks like a realistic penis should be avoided. If she’s shy or reserved at all, this is going to freak her out bigtime, especially if you’ve chosen a large dildo. You may very will like the idea of seeing her take a huge schlong while you watch, but the idea of you watching her play with another penis (even though it’s a fake one) will really turn her off. Steer clear of these rubber monstrosities.
Alternative: An artistic looking glass dildo, nicely gift wrapped.
2. A Triple Rabbit Vibrator
A Rabbit vibrator is a gamble, because they tend to be large and have far too many buttons and functions for an inexperienced woman to feel comfortable trying at first. However, many women report loving Rabbit vibrators, so you may want to take this chance.
Triple Rabbit vibrators are a big no though – they have an anal extension (in addition to the clitoral vibrator that sits on top of the larger, insertable portion), making them look like some weird alien probing device. To stay safe, avoid Rabbits entirely, but definitely don’t get the triple freak-a-zoid vibrator.
Alternative: A high quality luxury vibrator like a Jimmy Jane or LELO product.
3. Freaky Bondage Equipment
Do not, repeat do not, introduce freaky bondage stuff to your sexual relationship if you haven’t already been experimenting with that kind of stuff or you know she’s into that kind of thing but you guys haven’t gone there yet. The sight of tight leather, ropes and God forbid chains, is enough to send a demure girl and possibly even those who are more experienced and open minded running the other way. Stay away from anything you wouldn’t find in a novelty store in the mall.
Alternative: Feather ticklers. A fuzzy paddle or fuzzy handcuffs. A blindfold. You know, that kind of stuff.
4. A Large Butt Plug (Or Any Butt Plug)
Don’t introduce a butt plug to your girl if she’s never tried anal anything before – for Pete’s sake, if you’re going to experiment with anal, use some lube and your fingers first! Anal toys, even the small ones, are just plain scary to some women because they say, “I’m just the beginning. I have brother and sister toys that are much larger and much more rubbery than I.” If you’ve talked to your girl about trying a butt plug or anal toy of any kind, get her a teeny, tiny one.
One that she can barely feel in there. Save the big stuff for…never. Always make sure you buy a bottle of lube when you buy an anal toy (you seriously cannot have enough lube for anal) and make sure any toy you purchase has a ring or a flared base on the end that prevents it from getting lost in there…because yes, that can happen.
Alternative: A really nice, high quality bottle of lube. By itself. With no anal toy.
5. Medical Equipment Of Any Kind
Steer clear of medical equipment. Period. Gloves and speculums are something almost every woman absolutely dreads, because they’re used to having an impartial doctor “play” with those toys once a year – and it’s never comfortable or fun when they do it. It makes a woman feel vulnerable and exposed, and she will probably never, ever associate those items with positive sexual feelings. If you bring them home, she will leave. And never come back.
Alternative: No medical equipment. How ‘bout that?
6. A Tongue Extension Vibrator
While this isn’t “scary” persay (although it may gross some women out because it just looks weird), it sends your girl a very clear message – you either aren’t skilled enough with your own tongue to give her an orgasm, or you’re too lazy to do it. Neither are good things to convey to your lover.
Alternative: Learn how to please her during oral sex with your tongue. It feels much better anyways.
7. A Pussy Pump
So you’ve read that a pussy pump can pump more blood into your lover’s clitoris, making it larger and more sensitive. Sounds great, right? Have you ever seen it in action? Maybe, and maybe that’s why it turns you on. Forget about that – how do you think seeing a pussy pump in action would make your girl feel? Remember, she doesn’t think that “bigger is better” like guys do.
Because if you give her one, she’s bound to look it up. And even if the majority of what is on the Internet is some sort of weird fetish stuff that you don’t plan on doing at all, the minute she sees a girl’s clitoris and can’t tell whether it’s a girl that has used a pussy pump or a hermaphrodite, she’s going to run the other way.
Alternative: A high quality clitoral vibrator. Get something classy, with lots of functions. When you use it on her clitoris, she’ll be more sensitive than she would be with any pussy pump.
8. A Masturbation Sleeve
This is a sex toy for you. Not her. This is like the guy who gets a fishing pole for his wife for her birthday. Bad idea! Don’t get a masturbation sleeve claiming she can use it on you to make giving handjobs easier on her or that it will spice up your sex life. It will spice up your solo time, which you will be having lots of if you get this as a “gift” for your girl. If you want one, fine. Just get something else for her too.
Alternative: You can’t go wrong with a luxury clitoral vibrator. You really can’t.
9. A Giant Econo-Size Bottle Of Lube
Lube in and of itself isn’t something that is going to freak your girl out, but don’t be tempted to buy the econo sized tub of it in order to save money. This is a bad idea anyways unless you’re absolutely sure it’s a brand that you’ve tried before and you love – if it’s not, you might end up with a huge bottle of lube you hate! It’s also a bad idea because your lover is going to think one of two things – you either masturbate a lot or you plan on doing lots of very weird stuff with her. Neither of those is going to go over well with her, so opt for the normal size bottle of lube.
Alternative: A sampler pack of lubes. She’ll actually have fun trying them out with you and deciding which ones she likes the best.
10. Ben Wa Balls
She might not know what these are – in which case you’ll have to explain them to her. This is bad. How are you going to explain to your partner that you bought her Ben Wa Balls to tighten her vaginal muscles without implying that her vagina is loose? And if she does know what they are and what they do? This is bad. She’ll assume you’re implying that her vagina is loose. You can’t win here. Don’t bother.
Alternative: A luxury clitoral vibrator. Yes, that again.
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