The three most common sex positions that involve the woman being in control of the action are, of  course, her on top facing you (cowgirl), her on top facing away from you (reverse cowgirl) and doggy style.

Doggy style might at first seem like a position in which the man is in control, but in reality, quite often the girl will start to move backwards and forwards, and well, you get the idea. She takes control and the guy stands or kneels as the action goes on.

So, with two of these positions in mind, how do you control your stimulation levels without stopping the action? Well, you don’t.

Controlling Stimulation Levels Without Stopping the Action

You use the Distract and Direct technique. Here’s how. Let’s say your partner is on top of you, in cowgirl. She’d riding you and it’s all good. Then you start to feel yourself moving rapidly up the stimulation scale, past a 5 and towards a 7.

To clarify, the stimulation scale is something you can use in your head to identify how stimulated you are and therefore how close you are to reaching your climax. 0 is not stimulated at all. 3 is somewhat stimulated but still in total control. 6 is where you really start to feel stimulated.

If you carried on with this level of stimulation, you’d rise to the next number on the scale: 7. 7 is where you’re very sexually stimulated. When you go above a 7 on the stimulation scale, you get close to the point of no return which is a 9. Passing the point of no return means you’re definitely going to ejaculate, no matter what you do.

By the time you reach 7 on this scale, you want to know that you’re going to be able to adjust the action in a such a way that will allow you to slowly bring your stimulation level back down.

Bringing the Stimulation Level Back Down When She’s On Top

Here’s how. She’s riding you and has been doing so for a minute or two. You reach 7 on the scale. You say to her,  “That feels so good. Come here, I want to kiss you.” She’ll then bend down to kiss you, so instead of sitting up straight, she’s now on top of you, with her head near yours and her chest pretty much parallel to your torso.

Distract Her With Kisses

Start kissing her and slowly take over the action. Because she’s leaning forward so much, she’ll naturally stop or vastly slow down the amount of bouncing and grinding she’s doing. You can now place your hands on her rear and take over the thrusting AT YOUR OWN SPEED.

This gives you the chance to get back to where you want to be on the stimulation scale. So, kissing her is the distraction and taking over the thrusting and movement is the direction. When you’re ready for her to start again, stop kissing her and bring your hands back to your sides.  She’ll naturally sit up again and take over once more.

Bringing the Stimulation Level Back Down in Doggy

There’s no agreement or discussion here, It just works by itself because of the change in body positions. Now let’s imagine you’re in doggy and she’s controlling the back and forth movement. You realize you’re around the 7 mark on the scale.

You need to distract and direct. Distract by leaning forward a little, reaching around her waist and rubbing her clit. This will make her slow down her movement. Now slowly begin to take over the thrusting, until you’re going at a fair speed. At which point, lean back so you’re vertical again and carry on. When you’re ready for her to take over once more, stop thrusting and she’ll feel a natural urge take control again.

The Distract and Direct technique works so well because the girl always feels like she’s the one controlling the action, even when, for a minute or two, you take over. She doesn’t realize this happens because she gets distracted by kissing or rubbing or something. Before she knows it, she’s back controlling the action. This makes sex feel two-way, shared and therefore damn good, for you and for her.

You can’t have penetrative sex without using at least one sex position. And some people say you can’t have really good sex without using at least two or three sex positions.

So what does this mean for a guy who suffers from premature ejaculation? On the face of it, it doesn’t seem to mean much.

After all, what difference does a second or third sex position make when you come two minutes into the first one? However, the truth is that sex positions can be a premature ejaculator’s greatest tool when they’re used correctly.

What Difference Does the Position Make?

Here’s how.

Let’s name 4 sex positions.

• Missionary position (you on top, as she lies under you).
• Spoons (you both lying on your sides, with you behind her).
• Cowgirl (her on top, facing you).
• Reverse missionary (she lies totally flat on her belly, you kneel—with one knee on either side of her body—above her)

You need to perform these in the order shown above next time you have sex, or, if you can’t complete them all in one session, over the course of several sexual encounters.

Setting the Sexual Stimulation Scale

Now we need to set up a stimulation scale in your mind. Make 0 mean absolutely no sexual stimulation. Make 5 mean fairly sexually stimulated. Make 7 very sexually stimulated. 8 should be close to coming. 9 should be right on the edge, just before the point of no return and 10 should be climaxing.

You’re going to perform each position for as long as it takes you to reach a 7 or 8 on the stimulation scale. While performing each position you should ask yourself the following questions (either silently, or as a discussion with your partner).

1. How tight does this feel on my penis?
2. How intense is the stimulation on my penis?
3. How quickly is it building up the stimulation?
4. How long does it take for me to go from 0 to 8 on the stimulation scale while in this position?
5. How easy is it for me to bring myself back down the stimulation while in this position by altering my thrust speed, depth and angle?

Determining Which Sex Positions Give You Control

By asking yourself the questions above, you’ll be able to determine exactly which sex positions afford you the most control of your stimulation levels and which afford you the least.

Based on this information, you can then rank them from the most intense to the least intense and then, you guessed it, use them in this order during your subsequent sexual encounters. Don’t worry about it getting samey. You can still mix it up a bit.

The important thing is that you now know which positions are a big no-no when you’re already on the edge of coming. That’s a very, very useful piece of knowledge to have when you have premature ejaculation. It will allow you to add up to 10 minutes onto your sexual performance.

One of the main reasons men suffer from premature ejaculation, which simply means reaching orgasm before they ideally want to when they have sex, is because they have a negative mindset. And it’s not surprising when you think about it.

Mind Over Matter

Our minds rule our bodies. If we are sad, we cry. If we are happy, we smile and walk confidently. And, yes, if we have the wrong mindset, we guys can climax too early during sex. Here’s how it works.

Let’s take an imaginary guy called James, who reaches orgasm too soon. He knows this and is very, very conscious of the fact that he wishes he could last longer and satisfy himself and his partners more.

He’s been sexually active for a few years, it doesn’t really matter how long. The point is, he’s not happy with his performance. Fast forward to a sexual encounter.

How Negativity Influences The Outcome

Even before foreplay has begun, as soon as the opportunity or chance to have sex has arisen, in the back of his mind is the nagging thought, “This time I’d like to last longer than I have in the past, but will I ejaculate too soon?”

Already, either consciously or subconsciously, his performance is tainted with negative emotion. It’s providing extra pressure he really doesn’t need.

Before sex he was thinking about foreplay, during foreplay he’s thinking about how he’s going to satisfy the female, and all the while at the back of his mind overshadowing his thoughts is that question, “Am I going to ejaculate too soon?”

This technique focuses on bringing you into the present and avoiding the negative emotion that’s brought on by thinking about what has happened in the past, or what might happen the next time you have sex.

Totally aside from sex, you can witness how we operate on auto-pilot. Everyday, we’re taking ourselves out of the present and into the future when we really don’t need to. Walking down the street you’re thinking of work, at work you’re thinking about sex, during sex…well, we know what you’re thinking about during sex.

The point is, to fully relax and focus and enjoy sex for long periods, you need to be in the present. Inadvertently thinking about what might happen, ejaculating too soon, takes your focus off what is actually happening: you’re moving up the stimulation scale.

How Close Are You to an Orgasm?

This in turn hampers your ability to identify how close you are to an orgasm, making its prevention impossible.

This technique has one simple goal: to increase your self-awareness and bring you back into the present during sex. It’s used during the plateau stage of sex, the hard part, where keeping control of yourself is the most important and difficult.

What you need to do is, every now and then, ask yourself a couple of simple questions in your head. “Do I feel tense or relaxed?” and “How close am I to reaching orgasm?”

It’s really important you say the questions in your head and not just “think” them. Actually say each word.

The first question uses a simple psychological principle to relax you and bring you into the situation at hand. If, after asking yourself if you feel tense, you notice your shoulders are tight, or that you’re tensing your stomach when it’s not necessary, you don’t need to think of what to do next. Your shoulders automatically drop and your tense mid-section relaxes.

Asking yourself the second question, “How close am I to reaching orgasm?” is something you should be doing throughout sex identifying where you are on the stimulation scale. This brings you into the present and focuses you, but actually saying the question in your head once in a while is doubly effective!

When tackling the problem of premature ejaculation, it’s easy for a guy to only think about sex from a male point of view because, after all, coming too soon is a male problem.

But this is a mistake. When you think about it, there are certain key similarities (and differences) between the sexes that, when understood, can help you extend your sexual performance.

The Similarities

Both sexes have that feeling that sexual stimulation and sensation are building in their ‘private regions’. They both get that sudden feeling about five seconds before they come when they know it’s going to happen. Those a few of the similarities.

The Differences

But there’s also a key difference between the male and female orgasms which is worth taking note of. It concerns breathing or not breathing during the minute or so before the orgasm could technically take place.

If a woman unconsciously holds her breath for the minute or so before she could potentially come, it will tend to delay her orgasm. In other words, make it harder for her to come.

However, if a man holds his breath for the minute or so before he could come, it will tend to make him come faster. God knows why this is the case, but it is.

So when you are having sex and want to delay when you come, you should always focus on doing the following:

• Breathe slowly and in a regular fashion. Don’t take random breaths only when you need them.

• Breathe deeply, focusing on your lower chest and belly. Expanding your belly as you breathe helps you take in more air, which relaxes you and keeps you calm.

• NEVER hold your breathe. Just don’t do it. It tenses you up and puts you on edge, making you much more likely to come too soon.

By breathing deeply and regularly in the way described above, you’ll be able to reduce anxiety and increase your ability to always be totally aware of the sensations you’re feeling in and around your penis.

The natural result? A longer, more pleasurable sexual experience for you and your partner.