It’s a Pervert Party, and you’re invited!

Copy this list into a word processing program so you can edit it, or print it out.

For each question assign a number based on this scale:

5 = This is something I REALLY like. Bring it on, baby!
4 = This is fun! Let’s go for it.
3= I’m not sure, kinda freaky, could be fun, let’s try it out.
2 = I’m not really into this, but if it excites my partner I’m GGG (good, giving, and game).
1 = Eh, I don’t think so.
0 = NO FREAKIN’ WAY.
? = I have NO idea what you are talking about. Seriously, I’m clueless.
* = fantasy only, stays in my head

Be as creative as you want – feel free to add, fill in blanks, specify, clarify. No, you don’t need to painstakingly fill out each and every number, you can whiz through if you like, use checks instead. Customize it to suit your needs; use a highlighter or different colors for your answers if it helps. Most of all, have fun!

Types of persona that turn you on

[ ] = I am this character, ( ) = Partner is this character

(  ) Male
(  ) Female
[  ] (  ) Transgender, drag, queer (_______________________)
(  ) Ethnicities (Asian etc: _______________________)
[  ] (  ) People with accents  ________________
[  ] (  ) People with disabilities (Type: _______________________)
[  ] (  ) Teachers, professors, librarians
[  ] (  ) Lawyers, judges _______________
[  ] (  ) Business professionals, managers
[  ] ( ) Interns/assistant/secretary
[  ] ( ) Nurses, doctors, medical professionals
[  ] ( ) Religious figures (rabbi, priest, nun) _____________
[  ] ( ) Nobility, royalty (Princesses or:  _______________)
[  ] ( ) Musicians (Rock stars, violinists, etc: ____________________)
[  ] ( ) Athletes (Football, basketball, baseball, etc: _____________________)
[  ] ( ) Wrestlers, martial arts, ninja etc: ___________________
[  ] ( ) Blue collar workers (Mechanics, maids, other:__________________)
[  ] ( ) Bikers, Hells Angels
[  ] ( ) Cowboys, cowgirls, farmers
[  ] ( ) Soldiers, marines
[  ] ( ) Sailors, coast guard, lifeguard
[  ] ( ) Police officers
[  ] ( ) Firefighters
[  ] ( ) Mail carrier, milkman, FedEx _______________________
[  ] ( ) Airplane pilots, flight attendants
[  ] ( ) Truck drivers
[  ] ( ) Bride, groom
[  ] ( ) Hunters
[  ] ( ) Surfers, extreme sports, skateboarders
[  ] ( ) Tattooed, pierced, body modified (Type: ____________________)
[  ] ( ) Pirates, rogues, guerillas
[  ] ( ) Historical figures (Civil War, Nazi, Abe Lincoln, ancient Egyptian or:__________________)
[  ] ( ) Inexperienced/virgin
[  ] ( ) High school boys/girls/cheerleaders (consenting adults!)
[  ] ( ) Prostitutes, pimps, sex workers, Johns, sluts
[  ] ( ) Fantasy creatures (mermaid, werewolf, vampire, etc.) ___________
[  ] ( ) Furries
[  ] ( ) Droids, robots, machines
[  ] ( ) Daddy, uncle, brother, cousin ___________
[  ] ( ) Mommy, aunt, sister, cousin ____________
[  ] ( ) Babysitter
[  ] ( ) Divorced
[  ] ( ) Widow(er)
[  ] ( ) Older sibling’s friend
[  ] ( ) Older people, elderly ____________________
[  ] ( ) Executioners
Others, please specify: (clowns, sci-fi, superheroes, etc.)  ________________________

Fetish Extra Credit

[  ] ( ) Smoking
[  ] ( ) Alcohol
[  ] ( ) Soft drugs (marijuana or: _______________)
[  ] ( ) Hard drugs (heroin  or: _________________)
[  ] ( ) Exhibitionism (being watched)
[  ] ( ) Voyeurism (watching)
[  ] ( ) Erotic dancing
[  ] ( ) Watching porn
[  ] ( ) Making porn (photographed or videotaped)
[  ] ( ) Oral sex
[  ] ( ) Forced oral
[  ] ( ) Male ejaculation, cum play _____________
[  ] ( ) Female ejaculation, squirting
[  ] ( ) Menstruation
[  ] ( ) Urination, golden showers
[  ] ( ) Defecation, scat
[  ] ( ) Vomit
[  ] ( ) Anal play/sex ___________
[  ] ( ) Double penetration
[  ] ( ) Fisting
[  ] ( ) Hot play (candle wax, etc)
[  ] ( ) Cold play (ice cubes, cold showers)
[  ] ( ) Foot worship
[  ] Group sex _____________
[  ] Bestiality __________________
[  ] ( ) Necro/unconscious/sleeping ____________________
[  ] ( ) Unshowered
[  ] ( ) Infectious (yeast infection, STD’s or:_____________________)

Favorite body parts: Ass back breasts legs hair feet hands eyes pussy cock __________

Turn offs: _________________________________________________________

Clothing or accessories that turn you on

[ ] = on me ( ) = on my partner

[  ] ( ) Leather
[  ] ( ) Rubber, latex
[ ] ( ) Patent leather, PVC
[  ] ( ) Sexy lingerie, panties, bras _________________
[  ] ( ) Corsets
[  ] ( ) Satin, silk
[  ] ( ) Uniforms (UPS, military, servant, schoolgirl  ______________)
[  ] ( ) Clothing style (Gothic, preppy ___________________)
[  ] ( ) Jeans (denim)
[  ] ( ) Legwear (Fishnets, pantyhose, tights  ______________)
[  ] ( ) High heels
[  ] ( ) Boots _____________
[  ] ( ) Wifebeater t-shirt
[  ] ( ) Patterns (Leopard print, polka dots, argyle ________________)
[  ] ( ) Glasses
[  ] ( ) Hair (hairy, hairless, braids, beards, shaved head __________________)
[  ] ( ) Wet suits
[  ] ( ) Diapers
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

More Props

[ ] = on me, ( ) = on my partner

[  ] ( )  Ropes
[  ] ( )  Leather cuffs and belts
[  ] ( )  Steel cuffs and chains
[  ] ( )  Silk to be tied with
[  ] ( )  Dildos
[  ] ( )  Vibrators
[  ] ( )  Butt plugs
[  ] ( )  Needles and pins
[  ] ( )  Bondage table
[  ] ( )  Nipple clamps and clothespins
[  ] ( )  Blindfold
[  ] ( )  Masks __________
[  ] ( )  Gags
[  ] ( )  Whips
[  ] ( )  Riding crops/flogs
[  ] ( )  Paddles
[  ] ( )  Canes
[  ] ( )  Cage
[  ] ( )  Body bag
Any other props (Balloons, cock rings, stuffed animals, vegetables ____________)

Which of the following places turn you on?

Check all that apply

[  ] Your bedroom
[  ] Other place in the house (basement, kitchen, etc. __________)
[  ] Bathroom, hot tub
[  ] Other people’s houses (parents, friends, party ______________)
[  ] Mansions, bed & breakfasts
[  ] Museums, libraries _____________
[  ] Theater, stage
[  ] A school or a classroom
[  ] Camping, cabins
[  ] Woods and forests
[  ] Beaches
[  ] Farms and stables
[  ] Abandoned buildings
[  ] Back alleys
[  ] Junkyards and car dumps
[  ] Cars/vehicles ___________
[  ] Parking garages
[  ] Truck stops
[  ] The red light district
[  ] Strip club
[  ] BDSM club
[  ] Seedy bar/pool hall
[  ] Swanky upscale bar
[  ] Hospital, dentist/doctor office
[  ] Military barracks
[  ] Interrogation room
[  ] The shrink’s couch
[  ] Jail, police station
[  ] Dungeon, castle
[  ] Churches and abbeys
[  ] Cemeteries, morgues
[  ] Geographical location (The South, Ireland, third world country ______________)
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Which of the following scenes would turn you on?

[ ] = Done to me ( ) = I do to partner

[  ] Vanilla romance (dinner by candlelight, movie dates, cuddling)
[  ] Rough housing, wrestling
[  ] ( ) Massage
[  ] ( ) Making love in a public place
[  ] ( ) In the woods and suddenly a stranger comes from behind and grabs me
[  ] ( ) Stranger walks into the bedroom and finds me playing with myself
[  ] ( )  Rough sex (hair pulling, biting, etc.)
[  ] ( )  Being “raped” __________________________
[  ] ( )  Being in a public place and dominated in a subtle way
[  ] ( )  Being taken out with collar and leash
[  ] ( )  Being used by more than one dominant
[  ] ( )  Playing in combination with other couples
[  ] ( ) Ordered to please others
[  ] ( ) Sitting/kneeling at my Master’s feet
[  ] ( )  Being tied up, caressed and loved
[  ] ( ) Tied up and tickled
[  ] ( ) Tied up and (sexually) teased
[  ] ( ) Tied up in a comfortable position
[  ] ( ) Tied up in discomfort
[  ] ( ) Tied up and (in a sexual way) exposed
[  ] ( ) Tied up and whipped, flogged or caned
[  ] ( ) Restrained and left alone
[  ] ( ) Not being tied up, but verbally commanded to pose in certain positions
[  ] ( ) Tortured without being tied or cuffed
[  ] ( ) Verbally humiliated
[  ] ( ) Breast worship
[  ] ( ) Breast/nipple torture
[  ] ( ) Grabbed by the hair and dragged into the bedroom
[  ] ( ) Spanked because I have been a naughty girl/boy
[  ] ( ) Face slapping
[  ] ( ) Caned, flogged or whipped without being tied or cuffed
[  ] ( ) Used as a slave in public
[  ] ( ) Used as a slave in private
[  ] ( ) Total slave every day of the week
[  ] ( ) Sold on a slave market
[  ] ( ) Used as a dog, pony or pet
[  ] ( ) Physical limits are tested and stretched
[  ] ( ) Mental limits are tested and stretched
[  ] ( ) Sign a contract (i.e. “I am your slave for one week and will do your bidding…”
Others, please specify: ___________________________________ 

I enjoy the following psychodramas

[ ] = for me, ( ) = for my partner

[  ] ( )  Being silent or speaking only when spoken to
[  ] ( )  Dialogue in normal language
[  ] ( )  Dialogue in adapted language (“Master” and “slave”)
[  ] ( )  Swearing and filthy talk
[  ] ( )  Reasonable rules
[  ] ( )  Unreasonable rules
[  ] ( )  Obey rules or else
[  ] ( )  Punishment/rewards
[  ] ( )  Begging
[  ] ( )  Feeding (someone feeding me, me feeding someone else)
[  ] ( )  Persuaded, rather than commanded
[  ] ( )  Military/jail type commands
[  ] ( )  Strict training
[  ] ( )  Subtle role play
[  ] ( )  Obvious and explicit role play
[  ] ( )  Make me feel guilty
[  ] ( )  Make me feel cheap
[  ] ( )  Make me feel used
[  ] ( )  Make me feel owned
[  ] ( )  Make me feel useless
[  ] ( )  Objectify me
[  ] ( )  The dominant must have compassion
[  ] ( )  The dom must have no compassion at all
[  ] ( )  The dom must only have compassion after the scene
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Check any of the following that applies

[  ] I need to be sexually aroused before I enter into a scene
[  ] I need to be sexually aroused when in a scene
[  ] I like as many orgasms as I can get
[  ] An orgasm must only be allowed as a reward
[  ] An orgasm is a must to end the scene
[  ] Orgasms are not important, but nice
[  ] Orgasms are not important at all
[  ] I want to beg for an orgasm first
[  ] I want no sex during a scene
[  ] I want/need sex during a scene
[  ] I want my sexual abilities to be stretched
[  ] Sex should be used to relieve tension
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Safe words and signals

Check any of the following that applies

[  ] The submissive discusses what he or she wants ahead of time
[  ] The dominant surprises the sub
[  ] One or more safe words should be established
[  ] All activity should stop immediately when the sub uses a safe word or signal
[  ] When sub uses a safe word or signal the dom should establish if scene can continue
[  ] A scene should go on up to the point where sub uses a safe word or signal
[  ] When the sub cries, the scene should stop
[  ] The dom should be able to read body language
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

That’s right, acronyms aren’t just for the office anymore – it can be a regular alphabet soup in the bedroom, too.

I’m talking about BDSM – the ultimate antidote to vanilla sex.

Sure sex feels good on its own, but have you ever thought about taking it up a notch, pushing your boundaries? Do you have any freaky fantasies that might be ready to leave your head?

Prepare for a challenge – get off your butt and onto your hands and knees, grab a candle to light the way – but don’t forget to let some of the hot wax drip on your sensitive flesh…

What does BDSM stand for, anyway? The interchangeable initials stand for:

Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism

Let’s expand on the first four now, because S&M deserves an entire article of its own.

As you read through the list, pay attention to your feelings.

Which concepts intrigue you the most and inspire you to place an ad on a fetish site, or buy your partner a pair of shiny steel oiled handcuffs?

Bondage

I can’t remember if my first exposure to bondage was watching the Wonder Woman television show or receiving pink and green paper Chinese handcuffs in a party favor bag, but I know that both of those things had me daydreaming of lassoing that boy who always ran away from me on the playground, or tricking him into being my slave for a day because I had him trapped by his fingers.

Bondage is incorporating restraint into lovemaking.

It’s giving yourself over to the pleasure and entrusting yourself to your partner. Being tied up can feel scary, relaxing, embarrassing, arousing, intense…The sky’s the limit with the emotions that can come into play.

It’s also a great way to utilize neckties now that they aren’t worn in the workplace much anymore. I’m always pleased to visit a friend’s house and see colorful neckties affixed to their bedposts – it’s a sure sign of a healthy sex life.

These days I’ve graduated to nylon rope, which is easily obtained at hardware stores. More discriminating folks in the lifestyle opt for hemp rope, which is available online and in sex shops in a variety of colors.

Discipline

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Discipline is the use of rules and punishment to control the behavior of someone else. A rule can be as simple as not allowing someone to say “thank you” for the evening, and if they transgress, punishment ensues.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word “punishment”?

Spanking, perhaps? Oh sure, I love a good classic like spanking, but punishment needn’t be physical. BDSM can be extremely creative, not to mention mental.

I have my own personal list of punishments that I like being “forced” to do. Plus my partner is always good at keeping me on my toes. Or on my knees…

Domination/Dominant/Dominatrix/Dom

Also known as the Master, Mistress, Boss, or Top.

A Dom is in charge, gives orders, calls the shots and administers the punishments.

But he or she has to have the right balance of kindness and meanness, kind of like that tough love you hear about when it comes to parenting teenagers.

An example of a good Dom move would be giving the sub a good smack on the rear, then tenderly kissing the sting away.

Does it sound like the Dom can do whatever the hell he or she wants? Think again. Ultimately, the play session is limited to what the sub is willing to do. Communication is king, so discussing ahead of time what is on the sexual menu and what is off limits is critical.

Important note: Being a Dom is not an excuse to be a jerk.

Submission/Submissive/Subordinate/Sub

Also known as the slave or bottom.

Now this is my specialty. I’m a caseb sook submissive – I like being told what to do and get off on being “used”. I also like rules-and-punishment mental mind games and serving my Dom.

A sub might toy with being humiliated. Penetration is a big part of being sub. Some subs expect pleasure in return, while other submissive’s only goal is to pleasure their Dom. This is more slave-like behavior.

For me, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I like to see how much pain I can take – I get a sense of accomplishment after a particularly intense session, and I look forward to building up my tolerance. Sometimes I endure an unpleasant experience, such as getting my face smacked or being called dirty names, and find it doesn’t sit well with me at the time it’s happening.

Only later after having a chance to analyze it do I find it to be arousing. It’s like peeling the layers of an onion, right down to the tears you might shed. Intense!

Switch

Some people are only comfortable in one of the roles – Dom or sub. But some people can assume either role, depending on the mood or setting.

Versatile, these are the same folks who do well at large parties and small gatherings, who don’t mind driving or being in the passenger seat, or can watch super-dude action films and chick flicks.

I used to think I was pure sub, but the other night I accidentally stumbled into a “Dom for a day” situation where my partner told me he was at my disposal. I was surprised to find I liked shoving his hands above his head and having my way with him. Who knew?

That’s the beauty of BDSM – it’s a fascinating way to explore yourself and your partner through a perversely intimate power exchange, a way to turn reality upside down and own it on your own terms.

The key to making the dynamic work is trust. Yep, BDSM is like one big trust fall.

Are you ready to let yourself go?