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How Not To Screw Up Your First Date!

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First dates are lots of fun, but they can also be pretty nerve wracking. If you’re on a first date with someone you really like and want to impress, it’s hard to know exactly what to do to bag yourself that second date. Here are a few pointers to make sure you set yourself up for first date success.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

I have a lot of trouble with first dates – I always seem to ruin them! How can stop screwing up my first dates and start having second and third dates?

 

–Steven, Alaska

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvXrpCXMFOU&feature=channel_page[/youtube]

1. Nix The Ex Factor

Don’t talk about your ex. At all! Don’t let your first date think you’re still hung up on your ex or you’re bitter towards the opposite sex in general. It will totally turn your first date off and make them want to find an exit fast!

2. Don’t Talk About Finances

Make finances one of the taboo topics, right along with religion and politics. Your date doesn’t want to hear about your financial woes and envision having to use his life savings to dig you out of debt and you don’t want to risk bragging about your financial success before you know that your date happens to be a starving artist.

3. Don’t Dress Too Provocatively

If you’re looking to hop into bed and make this date a mere booty call, feel free to dress as provocatively as you want. If you’re looking to start a relationship, definitely turn down the heat on your first date outfit. They’ll spend less time ogling you and more time getting to know you.

4. Let Information Out, Keep Baggage In

If you have kids, you don’t want to keep it from your first date. They definitely need to know the basics when it comes to sharing information. If you have a lot of baggage though, especially family baggage, it’s best to leave all baggage checked at the gate before your first date.

5. Let Your Date Talk About Them

It might sound cliché, but listen to your date talk- it’s the best way to guarantee a second date! Men do enjoy talking about themselves, and if you let them at it, they’ll want another date to learn more about you. 

6. Be Genuine and Caring

The best thing you can do on a first date is to come off genuine and caring. It’s not hard -just be genuine and caring! Let your date know that you’re having a good time and you enjoy being with them, and let them see that you’re a down to earth and caring person. Don’t dwell on negative topics, situations or issues on a first date and try to focus on the positive. Wear your best accessory – your smile – and watch your first date become the start of lots of fun and exciting opportunities!

7. Don’t Have Sex On The First Date!

As tempting as it may be, having sex on the first date is the surest way to turn a potential relationship into a booty call. If you put out on the first date, it’s likely that your date won’t call you back – well, unless it’s for more “first date” fun. Keep it in your pants and wait until whatever date feels more comfortable to you to hop in bed – whether it’s the third or the thirteenth.

Even though first dates can be rough, they can also be a lot of fun if you’re open to it. Try to calm those first date jitters and don’t try to hard to impress. Just focus on being yourself and enjoying yourself, letting your good personality shine through. Listen to your date and avoid negative topics and you’ve got a great start to a great first date.

Why You Should Never Have Sex On The First Date

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Although not having sex on the first date seems to be the golden rule of dating, many men and women still end up in the sack after a dinner, a movie and just a few hours or less to get to know each other.

Are you setting yourself up for first date failure if you hop in bed right away? You bet!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvXrpCXMFOU[/youtube]

The Dreaded Booty Calls

You might have or have had a few people on your speed dial who were good for one and only one thing, a booty call,  but do you really want to be that person on someone else’s speed dial? No way!

If you go on a first date that ends up at your apartment or theirs, you’re setting yourself up to become their booty call of the future. Worse, if the sex was bad, they probably won’t call you at all. Think about that before you strip down to your skivvies after the first date!

Ruining Your Shot At A Real Relationship

To some people, being a booty call every once in a while isn’t a big deal and it doesn’t end up being a deterrent not to have sex on the first date. However, if you really like a person and want to try to develop a real relationship with them, you are definitely ruining your chance at that if you end up in bed together right after your first dinner.

Having sex with someone, whether it’s on the first date, the third or the 27th date, halts the “getting to know you” process. After that point, it truly becomes a sexual relationship for awhile. If it lasts long enough, you and your partner will find a balance between spending time with each other sexually and spending time with each other outside of the bedroom.

Nevertheless, for a good period of time, you and your partner will be fairly focused on sex as you discover each other in a new way.

The Implications of Rushing It

If you rush into it, the getting to know you process will become obsolete and often leads to problems later in the relationship if there ever ends up being a relationship at all.

If you want a real shot at trying to build a relationship with someone, your best bet is to spend as long as possible getting to know their personality and their interests before you get to know their body.

Keeping It In Your Pants

Even if you’re with the hottest person on the face of the planet, having even just a little self control will definitely work to your benefit. You can avoid becoming just a booty call and you can even give yourself a shot at a real relationship.

When the time is right for sex, both you and your partner will feel it and it will most likely be better than either of you ever expected! Having sex too soon though, especially on the first date, will just end up sabotaging the whole dating process. Don’t waste your time!

Editor’s Note: this video and article represent the position of today’s guest and don’t necessarily reflect the opinion of Ask Dan & Jennifer. Generally speaking, having sex on the 1st date (or 2nd or 3rd) is not necessarily a problem. Each person, each couple, and each situation is different, so it’s important to follow what is right for you (age appropriate of course).

Mirroring – Discover This Little Known 1st Date Secret

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Going on a first date can be intimidating, no matter how long you’ve been on the dating scene. Fortunately, there are a few ways you can ensure first date success.

One of the most successful ways to hit it off with someone on a first date is using a technique called “mirroring.”

Mirroring is a technique that you can use to help your date feel comfortable with you almost instantly so you can focus on getting to know them.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwvWvGgV_iE[/youtube]

What is mirroring?

Mirroring is actually something that good friends and couples do naturally. For example, if you’re at dinner with a friend and they lean further towards the table, you might unconsciously do the same.

If you’re sitting in a theater watching a movie and you cross your legs, your boyfriend or husband might cross his legs too. When you’re comfortable with someone, you will naturally mirror their body language and movements and they’ll naturally mirror yours.

How can you use mirroring to your advantage on a first date?

Naturally, you’re not going to instantly and unconsciously mirror someone on a first date and it’s unlikely that they’ll mirror you. This could be a reason why first dates are often so awkward! However, you can use your understanding of the mirroring technique to make the first date jitters a little easier to handle and help make your date feel more comfortable with you.

When you’re on a first date, pay special attention to your date’s body language. You want to try to mirror them in a way that looks unconscious by you, like natural mirroring, without looking strange or suspicious.

This might take a few tries to really get down pat, so it’s helpful if you try to practice your mirroring technique with friends first. They can give you input on how your mirroring looks to someone besides yourself.

Using mirroring from now on

Once you feel comfortable consciously using mirroring as a technique, you can utilize it on your first date and even second or third dates if you need to. Eventually, if you and your new date become close, mirroring will become second nature to you, as it is with your current friends and family.

When on a date, try mirroring your date’s body language. If they rest their hand in their chin while listening to you, try resting your hand in your chin while listening to them.

How can mirroring help make a first date more comfortable?

The subconscious mind picks up mirroring and sees it as a sign of comfort and connectedness. When you mirror your date’s body language and their subconscious mind picks it up, they’ll automatically feel connected to you.

They’ll instantly want to get to know you better and will feel like they’ve “hit it off” with you. This gives you a chance to really evaluate if you’ve hit it off with them, and can make your entire dating experience better in the long run.

If you learn to use mirroring as a way to help ease some of the tension on first dates and help your date to feel connected to you, you’ll have more positive relationships. Even if the dating doesn’t work out, it’s likely that you’ll develop lots of friends in the process and avoid building up your arsenal of dreaded first date horror stories!

What To Do When He Doesn’t Call After Your First Date… What Happened?

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Almost every woman has been on a first date where the man didn’t call back afterwards, even if he said he would.It can be frustrating and even embarrassing, but it’s really very normal.

As a woman who hasn’t been called by your date, especially if you’re really interested in the guy, what can you do?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcWjYFJSoEI[/youtube]

Going On With Your Life

If you’ve been on a first date with a really great guy and everything seemed to work out great, you might wonder whey he’s not calling you back. It’s important that you don’t obsess about it! Let it go and move on with your life.

You might think that it’s a lost opportunity or you might wonder what it was about you that he didn’t like, and you might be tempted to call him and find out why. Don’t! There are several reasons why he might not have called.

He might have lost your number – really. If he did and he really did like you, he’ll find a way to track you down. He might have had some kind of crisis, or he might be transitioning out of a relationship to make room for you in his life.

Or he might not have liked you. Whatever his reasons are for not calling back, you’re going to have to accept them even if you don’t know exactly what they are. If you call back, asking why he didn’t call, you’re definitely going to look like a psycho stalker woman. Just be cool, calm and collected about it and move on with your life, even going on dates with other men.

The Second Chance

If you didn’t like the guy all that much and he doesn’t call back, it’s really no big deal. If you did, however, really enjoy the time you spent with him, it’s a little more difficult to deal with if he doesn’t call back. You might get a second chance though!

Never Ask Why!

If your date returns your call two weeks or even a month later, never ask why he didn’t call. That will end it right then and there. Just be glad to hear from him! Act like no time has passed at all since the first date and the telephone call.

If you’re cool about the phone call, you’re going to change his first impression of you and probably make him wish he had called you sooner. Don’t make him regret calling you again at all.

This is the same as if you run into him somewhere, such as at the grocery store or a bookstore, even if he’s with another girl! Show him that it’s really no skin off your nose and that you’re pleased to see him.  You might end up getting a call after that!

Maneuvering yourself within the dating world can be difficult. There are a ton of great guys out there, but the pressure is on, right? Wrong! Take the pressure off yourself, no matter how old you are or how good looking you are.

When women feel that the pressure is on to find a steady relationship, they get a little crazy and even the best of women can turn into someone a man never wants to go on a date with again. Just take the pressure off, relax and have fun! That’s what dating is all about.

Who Should Pick Up The Check On The First Date?

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First dates can be uncomfortable in and of themselves. It can be nerve wracking to try to figure out what you should do and what you shouldn’t do on a first date, while at the same time sizing your date up to try to figure out if you really like them.

While we believe that in the 21st century the “one who does the inviting” should pick up the check – whether man or woman… Special guest Victorya Rogers, feels that women need to use some good old fashioned values to catch the perfect man.

If you are a little more old school and believe that the man should always pay on the first date, it can get really uncomfortable if he just won’t pick up the check. What should you do?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKrg12HfU9s[/youtube]

When The Man Doesn’t Pay

The check for dinner is on the table. You haven’t made a move for it, because traditionally, the man pays on the first date. Unfortunately, he hasn’t seemed to make a move for it either. What do you do? Do you pick up the check just to be done with it?

Not necessarily. There are a few things you can do to make it obvious that you expect your date to pay for the check without outright asking that he do so. The first thing you can do is excuse yourself to the bathroom for a certain period of time.

Five or so minutes is usually sufficient, because it will seem like quite a while, but saying “I was only gone five minutes” sounds viable. In this time, your date may pick up the check. He may actually have been waiting for a moment like that to discreetly pay for the food.

Many men don’t want a big deal made out of the check, so they’ll pay it when a woman is in the bathroom or has made her way to the car already.

If you return and the check is still not paid, you can simply ask if you will be leaving soon or what his plans are for the rest of the evening. The point is to avoid asking about the check or mentioning at all.

If he wishes for you to pay the check or pay a portion of it, you’re going to make him ask you to do it directly. He may be waiting awhile, figuring that if he doesn’t say anything about it for a long period of time, you’ll simply pick up the check yourself. You’re not going to give him that opportunity! For you to pay the check, he is going to have to ask you outright.

If You End Up Picking Up The Check

If your date does, unfortunately, ask you to pay the check or pay a portion of the check, do so politely. Now is not the time to argue or make a scene. You can bet he won’t be getting another date though!

Many men who refuse to pay for the check or make the woman pay are either thinking of you as only a friend or trying to turn you into a one night stand and doesn’t want to make any investment because he’s looking for a quick getaway.

Do you really want to date someone like that again? If your date doesn’t pay on the first date and asks you to pay, especially after it’s after a long, drawn out awkward phase in which neither of you pay the checks, the guy doesn’t deserve any more of your time!