Dating Tips – Page 44

5 Dating Don’ts for Divorced Dads

Dating as a divorced dad has the potential to feel like writing with the opposite hand; it’s the same dating you’re used to doing, but you’re going to be doing it differently.

As a married man you’re used to going out on dates with your spouse. Dates could be simple things like a trip to a local outdoor market, maybe dinner, and then home.

Perhaps they were a quiet dinner and then a movie before bed. They had the potential to be quality time spent with your spouse doing things you both enjoyed together.

Now that you’re back “in the wild” dating could be a huge eye-opener for you. The things that worked while you were married may not work now that you’re single and looking.

1. Don’t Talk About Your Past Marriage

This is the cardinal rule for dating after divorce. Don’t talk about your marriage unless specifically asked and keep it to a minimum. Use your best judgment about what you can share but any discussion of your ex can lead to more questions that you may not want to answer. Early in the relationship anything you say can, and will, be held against you for future reference.

2. Don’t Get Into a Rut

It’s easy to get comfortable doing the same thing over and over again like going to the same places for dinner over and over again. Don’t bring your date to the same place for dinner often; it’s monotonous and has the potential to tell your date that you aren’t original. Not only that you’re telling her that you’re possibly mundane and boring.

This leads me to the next point.

3. Don’t Skip The Romance

Women love romance. They thrive on it in many shapes and fashions. Remember to keep this in mind when planning a date. Do something romantic like taking her to a romantic show or a fancier restaurant. If you are going to cook her a meal, decorate your place with roses, a nice wine, relaxing and romantic music she enjoys and make her feel special.

Romance is about showing your lady how much you enjoy making her happy and showing her how you feel. Many guys that I know are romantic with their ladies even if they aren’t good at telling them how they feel.

4. Don’t Expect Magic… At First

Culture through television, books, magazines and advertisements have slowly driven us to the point that we expect “magic” to happen in our relationships from the start. Movies and television shows continually drive into us a concept of love at first sight. These things are definitely possible but tend to be extremely rare.

Dating is about getting to know the other person, learning about who they are and what they are about. It is your opportunity to present yourself as a possible mate and companion who can compliment their personality, and they yours. If you are serious about a person you should try to put forth the effort to know that person as well.

The goal of a first date, if you’re interested in the other, is to make it to a second date. The goal of a second date is to make it a third date, etc.

5. Don’t Force It

If you aren’t into her, then be upfront and tell her that you enjoyed your time together but you don’t feel you’re compatible. Maybe there’s not much of a connection there and you aren’t really that attracted. It’s important to make sure she understands this even if she’s more into you then you are into her.

This goes both ways. She may not be that into you. It isn’t the end of the world. The ocean is large and there are many, many fish. She may be honest and tell you that she isn’t or she may make it apparent by not wanting to go out again or continually brushing you off.

Don’t take it personally, most people hate confrontation and they don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings. Go into a date with an open mind and remember that you’re both here to get to know one another, not to meet before running to the courthouse to get married.

Dating is about fun and enjoyment. Meeting people new is exciting and fun and just because you don’t make good “mates” doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Just keep in mind that dating, like most other things, requires work and what you put into it you will get out of it.

Men, What Does Your Style Say About You? (Part II)

By kinowear

The majority of men today will put little effort into outward appearance, and then question why women aren’t giving them more attention. What they may not know is that it just takes a little style.

We all want to look better.

The fact is that we all want to look better, feel better, and be more attractive to the opposite sex, but it’s just not in our culture as men to talk about our appearances.

Women talk about this stuff all the time. Women trade fashion tips and tell each other whose butt looks fat in what. It’s just part of their culture, and these are things that they’re comfortable – and engaged in – discussing. It’s just not a part of conversation that men really have, it’s always been sort of a taboo amongst men.

The American workplace has also become so casual, everyone is dressing down now.

We don’t have fathers giving us style advice anymore. If you do, consider yourself lucky. The majority of us are lost and bewildered.

With nobody to turn to, men are wandering in the desert by themselves, desperately searching for the door that leads to sartorial wisdom. Inherently, we all know that the way we look matters, but nobody is out there guiding us in the right direction.

As men, especially, we need direction. There was a study done where researchers discovered that by placing a small picture of a fly in public bathroom urinals, there was less spillage. We men need something to aim at.

This means that before you go shopping, you must have a plan. Make a list of things you want to purchase next time you hit the stores. When something catches your eye online or in a magazine, add the item to your list.

This will prevent you from aimlessly walking around and merely perusing through each store; wasting time and ending up purchasing something you didn’t want because salesgirl said it was “so you.”

With a specific plan in your mind, now you’re at the store with a mission. You go in, get what you need, and you get out. The man’s way.

The best way to start learning the language of style is by looking at those who know it and begin emulating them.

So surround yourself with style savvy friends or fashion magazines, and make mental notes of what makes them look good. When you see great outfits in fashion magazines, cut them out and save the pages, take note of what is worn and how the outfit is put together. After all, the models are dressed by stylists.

When you’re out shopping, and you happen to see some other interesting items, try it on. This is a simple concept that most men don’t ever bother to implement. The only way to truly expand your style and find what you like is to try it on first. Something you judge won’t work for you at first glance may change entirely once you put it on.

Make sure an item you try on makes you feel good.

Maybe it makes you feel sexier, more confident, or says something you’ve always wanted to voice through your clothing.

The biggest fashion faux pas is dressing in something you dislike. This is not to discourage risk-taking, but risks are usually taken in the direction that the person wants to go.

If you try something on and no part of the item makes you feel better at all, you’ll look totally incongruent because it’s not something that is in sync with an element of your personality. The uncomfortable body language that accompanies this emotion will amplify the incongruence even more.

Once you begin to really use the language of style, you’ll figure out how to use it more effectively. Instead of purchasing items that are in fashion, you’ll purchase items because you need them to complete a specific look you want to achieve. It becomes a lot more fun when you know what a certain element of your outfit is presenting about your character.

It’s takes practice like anything else, you have to learn through trial and error.

One of the biggest reasons why most people aren’t willing to learn how to dress is because they believe they need a lot money to learn it. The truth is that you can still find any of the items you want at a cheaper price, or go in and try things on without purchase them.

If you don’t have the money at the moment, try all the items you want at the store as if you have all the money in the world, and then either look for something cheaper, or save up for it.

A great way to get a quick, mini-stylist is to ask a female friend who has an eye for fashion to tag along with you next time you go shopping. She’ll give you the straight facts from a woman’s view and give you the feedback you need before you decide to purchase something.

Consider getting an image consultant or a stylist.

They’ll save you a lot of time and money in the long run. Once you understand how to shop more effectively for yourself, with a road map towards your goals, you’ll be surprised at how dramatically you can transform your style.

Go out there and learn the language of style. Others will start to understand the best in you.

4 Ways Nerves Can Wreck A First Date

By bethanysmith

First dates can be excruciating to your nerves. You want to make a good impression – no, a great impression, so that this person will see everything that is fabulous about you and call you the next day for a second date.

This could be “the one” after all, and too many times our nerves get to us and cause us to do some, well, less than attractive things.

I’ve listed the top 4, in no particular order, and some solutions that can help you overcome the nerves and just be you… calm & confident.

Nervous Habit #1: Eating.

Believe it or not, this is one of the most common signs of nervousness. Picture it: you’re sitting there with a fantastic person across from you… it gets quiet for a moment… nothing brilliant comes to mind to break the silence with, so you reach for a roll and comment on the restaurant’s atmosphere.

Reaching for a roll isn’t the problem… but if you’re not careful, you’ll find that your mouth is constantly full of food.

Just take a deep breath, and be okay with silence. Look at what’s on the table in front of you and make a quick decision to eat only what is appropriate. Then pace yourself. The key is to not allow yourself to get so uncomfortable that you reach out for food.

Some people tend to eat because they are uncomfortable with attention, and they focus on the food in an attempt to draw attention away from themselves. In this case, just relax and enjoy the attention. If it’s creepy, just end the date earlier than normal and you won’t have to see that person again. There’s no sense going home with a disappointing date AND a few extra pounds of food!

Nervous Habit #2: Talking – or NOT talking.

This is perhaps the most damaging sign of nervousness, because it can really affect the way a new person thinks about your personality.

If you are someone who seems to go quiet and blank when you are nervous, then you might want to rehearse your date. You might feel silly doing it, but if you visualize over and over again asking specific and interesting questions, or bringing up unique conversations that fit your personality and interests, it won’t be very difficult at all to get those conversations started. And soon enough, you’ll be comfortable with this person and will not have to visualize the conversations in advance.

If you’re someone who seems to talk fast and incessantly when you’re nervous, you’re going to have to also do some prep work. Wear a piece of jewelry that will remind you to listen to yourself speak. Anything that is slightly intrusive on your awareness level will work great.

Throughout the evening, as you notice that piece of jewelry, notice how long you’ve been talking. If you’ve been rambling for a while, smoothly close your thought out before asking a question.

So, for example, if you are going on and on about your friends and how you met them, you might catch yourself and then say something like, “so as you can see, my friends are a big part of my life. Tell me a little about your friends.”

This gives your date the opportunity to speak, and once they begin speaking, remind yourself to just listen. When you hear a phrase that triggers a response, force yourself to only smile and nod for a little while, to give them a chance to speak.

And laugh. A lot! Laughter is key to easing nerves.

Nervous Habit #3: Fidgeting and body movements.

We’ve all done it, and we’ve definitely all seen it. You know, that whole bopping of the leg thing, or drumming of fingers on the table top, or my personal favorite, the knee shake.

There is nothing more distracting than a body part moving compulsively when you’re trying to have a good conversation to get to know someone better. And this one is perhaps the most difficult to avoid, usually because we do these body movements so subconsciously.

So my best advice here is just to be aware of your body. Be aware of your legs, your feet, your hands, your face. If you feel yourself starting to compensate for nerves by moving or fidgeting, just force yourself to stop and focus on the conversation.

Nervous Habit #4: Drinking.

Do you hear that? It’s an obnoxious laugh from across the room – probably someone who had a few too many drinks. Do NOT let yourself become that person on the first date. Please, I beg you.

Have a drink or two, and enjoy them. But the worst thing you can do to calm yourself down when you’re nervous is to drink too much too fast. The next thing you know, you’ll be laughing at every statement the other person makes, bragging about your past love life, getting topless or vomiting. Yikes.

If you’re going to get topless on the first date, you want to do so with a controlled mind and a true desire to connect physically… not because you had five tequila shots and are now dancing on the bar.

The bottom line throughout this list has been confidence. Know who you are, love who you are, and don’t get hung up on whether or not the person you’re sitting across from approves of you or wants to see you again.

If it’s right, it’s going to be amazing and you’ll love to see each other again. If it’s not a good fit, it’s okay. You’re fabulous, and the more you reinforce that to yourself the less you’ll have to deal with nerves on a first date.

3 Quick Dating Safety Tips For Women

By stephanyalexander

Dating safer after divorce is an absolute necessity in today’s world. Some people can begin dating again within a few months, others take years.

Whatever the length of time you decide to take is up to you, but it is important that you do take some time to get to know yourself again and embrace the single person that you once were before your marriage.

According to a poll conducted by WomanSavers.com of over 1,500 women, 31% feel that a date turns into a relationship after dating for 3 months, 20% after you’ve had sex, an even split between when he says I love you and 6 months, and only 14% after 5 dates.

There is no rush so take your time and do your research.

Explore options of meeting a safe date through friends, church, school, the gym, at a party or even walking a dog in the park. If you decide to date online, be sure to go to websites that have a long-term success ratio.
Try to get a first and last name of your potential date as soon as possible and google his name, run it through the WomanSavers.com database and check your local felon registry. If you think that this person is someone you may be interested in long term, do a background check on them. If you have children, you must screen your dates even more because many times pedophiles will target single mothers for access to her children.
Stay as anonymous as possible and don’t give out your real name or personal details early on. When you meet someone for the first time, meet in a public place and use only your first name. Wait a while before becoming intimate. That way you can screen out the players who are only after sex. If you do decide to become intimate, use protection until both parties have been tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

Good luck and safer dating to all.

To learn more about Stephany Alexander, visit www.WomanSavers.com.

Men, What Does Your Style Say About You? (Part 1)

By kinowear

“It’s all about personality man… women don’t care what you look like.”

Is it? Or is this another feel-good rationalization that will sabotage men for generations to come…

Some men seem to think that style is nothing but superficial beautification. Others seem to fall into the other extreme of thinking image is everything—that it defines them.

Style is a language.

It is a mode of communication.

To say that style is just beautification of the superficial is like saying words are just the decoration of pages. On the other hand, our style is not our identity.

The relationship can be best seen in the way a word defines the associated object/concept. The word is never truly equivalent to the object. It is just a representation, a communication of it.

Michel Foucault: “This is not a pipe” (It’s only a picture of a pipe)

Like the English language, there are always better ways to express the same message.

It’s like describing yourself as “happy” vs. “first-paycheck-meets-last-day-of-high school joyful.” Some styles just get the message across better. Others are just antonyms. There are many men out there dressing in the antonyms of their desired selves.

The crazy thing about the language of style is that it communicates whether you are aware of it or not.

Every single piece of clothing you put on is saying something about you. You might be putting on your “favorite” business casual outfit thinking your communicating “cultured,” “modern,” and “seasoned professional,” but you may actually be sending the message of “out-of-sync,” “antiquated,” and “amateur.”

How many judgments and presumptions can you make about the guy in the above picture?

I bet you can write a paragraph about the dude’s life, including what his love life must be like, etc. You are conscious of this judgment making process now, but most of the time you are doing this unconsciously, labeling people, and making sweeping generalizations.

If you’re guilty of this, just imagine how others must be doing the same to you.

You see, the human mind is always trying to MAKE SENSE of the world.

This often means making assumptions as an attempt to bridge the gap of information that it often experiences. When we see someone we’ve never seen before, the mind will do whatever it can with the information that is presented. That information is often presented in the form of appearance or image.

The common language of style exists whether you decide to acknowledge it or not. With your dress, you’re essentially “speaking” the language of society & culture, and conveying your characteristics through “words” that are commonly understood. Over-sized pants say something. So do red ties on presidents.

“OK, but who cares what others think? Why not just be confident?”

You should care.

Unless you live in a cave by yourself, you should care about the messages your conveying through your style and clothing. To disregard it is like being OK with wearing a sign that says “loser” on your back. If you’re constantly sending messages anyways, you might as well learn the language and utilize it to work for you and not against you.

Guys: think about how often we judge women on their appearance. We often go as far as judge the very caliber of women from a mere glance, before they even say a word. I’m guilty of it. It’s as if I can “size up” a girl before I even meet her. Women do the same, with 10x the scrutiny.

Using the archetypes of style

There are countless style archetypes. There’s the “Rock Star,” “Preppy Ivy League,” “Urbane Cowboy” to name a few. All these looks have loaded messages. These are like sub-languages. They have the benefit of carrying a preloaded message–almost like canned “pick up lines.” If done right, they can be extremely powerful means of expressing a certain trait or message. However, there is always the down-side of not completely understanding the “sub-language,” botching the entire look, and coming off as a mumbled fool.

“Oh… but that’s not me”

When you dress into a certain archetype or stereotype, it’s not to pigeonhole your personality into a certain mold. It’s about a “tool” for communication. It’s about speaking the language of society, popular culture, and conveying your characteristics through “words” that are understood. This language does not define you. It is NOT your identity. You image or “look” is simply an expression of yourself through the medium of clothing.

Try this

As an exercise: look yourself in the mirror right now, and ask yourself:

If I saw someone dressed the way that I’m dressed now, what kind of inferences would I make about that person?

Write down some of the words or assumptions that come to your mind. When you do this, really detach yourself from your appearance, and be honest. If you saw a guy dressed like this on the street, what would you guess about his career? his social life? his love life?

Are you saying the things you want to say with your style? Are you fluent in the language of style?