Singles & Dating

Internet, Love And Marriage

It may be hard to believe that there are any households out there nowadays without internet connectivity, but there are, and if you’re single and living in one of them, you’re less likely to be in a relationship. After all the feedback we hear on how the internet can hurt our relationships, it may seem counterintuitive but the data is there, at least for now.

Does The Internet = A Greater Chance At Finding Love?

A new study shows that adults who have Internet access at home are much more likely to be in romantic relationships than adults without Internet access. And it’s not just because people spending lots of time on the internet are meeting their significant others there, although that factors in. In addition to finding that people are more likely to be in romantic relationships if they have Internet access in their homes the study revealed that the Internet is the one place that gaining importance as a place where couples meet. This study, called “Meeting Online: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary” proves that Internet access has an important role to play in helping Americans find mates.

“With the meteoric rise of the Internet as a way couples have met in the past few years, and the concomitant recent decline in the central role of friends, it is possible that in the next several years the Internet could eclipse friends as the most influential way Americans meet their romantic partners, displacing friends out of the top position for the first time since the early 1940s,” said Michael J. Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University and the lead author of the study.

How To Keep It In Check

This should come as no surprise, as most of us have a desire for connection with someone else – as well as a readily-available internet connection! But online dating can be played out in a negative way if we’re not careful, through what I call the bio-chemical craving for connection. I discuss this more in my book, Make up Don’t Breakup – which encourages a healthy view interaction within our selves and with our partners. It can become a particular factor in people who are used to constant stimulation and change – much like what we see on the internet!

This craving starts when stress causes thrill-seeking behavior. This behavior can be in the form of financial or sexual conquests and infidelities. You’re looking for ways to self-medicate and to help calm stress levels down.

So no matter where you meet your significant other – online, in person, through friends, wherever – keep in mind that all the search for constant stimulation is great in our culture and can cause stress and thrill-seeking behavior. Of course, this craving can be harnessed for good as well as evil! Instead of allowing the desire for companionship and intimacy take you to thrill-seeking behavior that results in a “high” and then a crash, turn the desire into a search for healthy relationships.

Beware Of Dating Via Social Networks

By drbonnieeakerweil

A woman in the UK recently set up a Facebook page to help her facilitate sexual encounters. The page, entitled “I Need Sex” has since been shut down but before it was, the owner, Laura Michaels, said she met up with and slept with 50 men. Admitted Michaels, “I know that it was risky behavior but that was part of the thrill.”

According UK paper The Sun, Michaels admitted some people might “look down on me” for her behaviour and said some might even say that she may as well have been a prostitute because then she would at least have been paid for sleeping with so many different men, but she said: “I don’t see it like that at all. I was satisfying my own desires by setting up the group.”

Social Networking vs. Online Dating Sites

Gathering dates on social networking sites can be much riskier and more dangerous than utilizing online dating sites for a number of reasons, one of which being dating sites are set up to deal with issues of safety and privacy whereas social networks aren’t focused on that in terms of facilitating meetings and dates. Another issue is that it’s possible for people looking to date or hook up on social networking sites may more often be like Laura Michaels: seeking a thrill. Utilizing this method can be a bad way of trying to get attention.

As Michaels admitted to, this behavior is risky. People seeking it out usually have problems with intimacy and aren’t of the caliber that would create a healthy, fulfilling, safe relationship. It’s this thrill-seeking behavior that can often lead to affairs and other relationship troubles down the road.

It’s a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” instead. It could be the case that people looking for lots of casual encounters via social networking are seeking out a way to mask the fact that they don’t want to deal with their emotions or don’t know how to engage in true intimacy. It’s a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life.

How Social Networking Can Kill Your Potential Relationships

Additionally, social networks – while they certainly have a number of good, positive aspects – have created a culture of self-indulgence where it’s easy to broadcast any and everything about yourself and find exactly what you’re looking for. This is another behavior that’s fraught with problems when it comes to the point of trying to create a committed relationship. People who have been going a mile a minute, playing fast and loose with sex, emotions and everything in between will find that they have a difficult time honing in on a relationship.

Of course, people seeking these types of thrills aren’t usually concerned with a potential relationship down the road and that’s just the problem – they’re in it for the high the feel in the moment without examining what’s making them seek that high. Just as I encourage couples suffering from this thrill-seeking behavior to communicate with each other, I would instruct single people indulging in risky behavior to communicate with themselves; dig deeper than indulging a momentary desire and learn what feeds the need to act in such a way.

Dating In The Same Industry: Is It A Relationship Dealbreaker?

By loveandsex

Though it sounds similar, dating someone at your work can be very different from dating someone who works in the same industry. For example, politicians Bill and Hilary Clinton, writers Stephen and Tabitha King, artists Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo, or actors Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner may have never worked in the same office, co-wrote a book, shared a canvas, or acted in the same movie (respectively). However, they have traveled in the same circles, experienced the similar troubles, and strived to accomplish somewhat identical goals as the other.

Finding love within your field of work is very common since you are more likely to bump into one another and because you have a built-in shared interests (not only the career itself, but the traits that go along with it, like creativity, debate, expression, etc.). Also, knowing the complications and processes which accompany a particular position, that person is bound to be more sympathetic and able to better understand your project or plight.

Downsides To Dating In Your Industry

However, there are downsides to dating a fellow writer, lawyer, actor, or anyone else who shares your title. To start, could a conflict of interest cause a break up? If you find yourselves representing opposing clients or contesting for the same project, that competition can extend to your personal relationship. You may even be tempted use your intimate knowledge or position as a way to sabotage their chances from within (such as casually extracting private details about the project and, in turn, sharing them with your boss).

Another downside is that you are bound to know the same people, maybe even share the same friends. “Wait, this doesn’t sound like a bad thing,” you may be saying. Let me tell you, though, when it turns out your coworker is actually your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend or your best guy-friend was once punched by him in a drunken brawl, well, you can see where interacting with the same people can be a bad thing. Industry gossip can fly faster than a Boeing, and you may find yourselves caught up in it. Yet even if there were never any drama between the various parties, it can still be frustrating to share friends.

Finally, how would your relationship endure the success of one or the failure of another partner? One person is bound to earn more, gain more recognition, or achieve a higher position than the other. Would you be able to set aside your own feelings of hurt or rejection in order to praise your partner for his good work? Moreover, would you be willing to take a professional hit, if it meant that your partner would come out on top? Unfortunately, this kind of decision does occasionally surface and, when it does, it will be up to you to decide how your relationship will fare.

Q&A: Dating Tips – How Do I Make Her Like Me Even Though I’m White

By loveandsex

You like someone, but they don’t like you for some silly, superficial reason. What do you do? Should you try your best to get them to see past whatever it is that makes them not want to date you (because it is silly, after all) or do you simply let go and accept yourself for who you are? Here’s what to do when someone doesn’t want to date you because of something on the outside and won’t take time to get to know you on the inside.

Question: A girl says she only likes men who aren’t white. Is there a way to get her to like me even though I’m white?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVdugM0KWP4[/youtube]

Everyone Has Their Own Preferences

You’ve heard the saying, “to each their own.” This applies perfectly to this situation, because the truth of the matter is, everyone likes what they like. They also don’t like what they don’t like, and very rarely does that ever change. If it does, it is usually not because someone tried to “get” them to change their minds, but because the person themselves decided to try something new. If someone you like doesn’t like white people, or blondes or people that are too fat or too thin or even nerds or jocks for that matter, it may be superficial but you have to realize it’s what they like and that’s just the way it is. You like what you like (and don’t like what you don’t like) and while you may be more open minded than other people about who you want to date, you still have your preferences. Other people have theirs too, whether it seems silly to you or not and there’s just not much you can do about it.

Why “Getting” Someone To Like You Can Backfire

Trying to get someone to like you if they don’t can really end up blowing up in your face if you aren’t careful. Often, people who are trying to make someone like them end up trying too hard and end up losing themselves in the process. If someone you like doesn’t like certain things about you such as your hair or your body build, you may feel compelled to get a hair cut or color and sign up for an expensive gym membership, spending the majority of your time working out. In essence, people end up changing themselves so much in the process of trying to make someone like them that they can’t stay in touch with their true selves. And in the end, it usually doesn’t work anyway and they still don’t like you. At the end of the day, you’re disappointed with a version of yourself that you’re not familiar with. Many people in this situation have pushed away friends and family during this time as well. Of course, this is worst case scenario. Regardless of what happens, however, trying to “make” someone like you very rarely works out to that person’s advantage.

Being Confident In Who You Are

Take a break from dating and figure out who you are, what you like and what you don’t like. Figure out things you’re willing to sacrifice in a relationship and what you’re not. Learn to be confident in yourself and love yourself for who you are, just the way you are. When you start dating again, date people who are interested in the real you and will accept you as you are. There are plenty of those people out there!

Top Things Women Do To Screw Up A First Date

By dicksinthecity

Men and women are definitely equal in one way; both have an infinite capacity to screw up the first date! Embarrassing moments are far from gender specific and both men and women can make huge mistakes on the first date. So, without further ado, here’re the ladies’ top ways to ensure she never sees her crush again.

She said:

Being Clingy

Acting clingy is a HUGE no-no, whether it’s the first date or the hundredth. Embrace your confidence, not your fear.

Being On Your Cell Phone

Same cell phone etiquette goes here. Calling your best friend in the middle of a date won’t get you support – it will likely get you in trouble after your date overhears every word.

Not Keeping Cash On Hand

Despite my previous advice, do have some cash in your wallet. It’ll save an awkward situation if the “who’s paying” agreement hasn’t been sussed out in advance. You know what they say about assuming.

Being Fake

Don’t put on the “I’m perfect” act. We all know you’re human. The guy you’re seeing should be falling for you, not a facsimile of whom you think he wants to see.

Talking Too Much

There’s plenty of time to get to know each other, if all goes well. It’s really difficult to bounce back from verbal diarrhea, as the unpleasant name implies.

Flirting With Another Guy

Flirting with another guy while you’re out on a date is not cool – even if said date isn’t going well. It’s not in good form, period. You’ll come across as rude, a game-player, or both.

Acting Like You’re In A Relationship With Your Date

Don’t act like you’re already in a relationship. Slow your roll, honey! You don’t need to play games, but don’t go picking out China patterns either.

Being Late

If you’re meeting at an agreed-upon location, don’t be late. You’re playing into a stereotype, as well as wasting someone’s time.

Being Rude

Smiles, everyone! Whether it’s a match made in heaven, or less chemistry than a turkey in a freezer, manners still count. If your companion for the evening isn’t your dream guy, you can still be graceful about it.

Lying

Lying about your age or your career? Don’t. Save the padding for resumes and bras. If you get serious about each other, your guy will find out – and he may question what else you aren’t telling the truth about. Who wants to be branded a liar?

He said:

Forcing It

You know what you want. A boyfriend/husband/knight in shining armor/whatever. You tell your perspective partner this. A lot. He’s going to get turned off fast. Let him know where you’re at, but don’t beat him over the head with it. Don’t think you’re his girlfriend until he says so. Period.

Seeming Interested When You Know You’re Not

If you’re into him, great. If not, don’t waste his (or your) time. Go into the date with a time constraint. No first date should last longer than thirty minutes. You’ll know in the first thirty seconds if you like him or not. If you want to stay past the allotted time frame, great! Then do so, but put one in place prior to showing up, show you both can eject if it’s not happening.

False Advertising

If you’re a small chested girl, show it. If you’re a large chested girl, show it. There’s nothing wrong with either, but I should know which I’m dealing with before I get the shirt off. This goes to all aspects of who you are. If you want someone who will love you for whom you are, you’d better start of by showing him who that is and seeing if he’s interested. If he’s not, move on.

Looking For A Road Map

If you ever find yourself wondering “where is this relationship going?” that’s a bad sign. The truth? You know where it’s going, you’re just not happy with it. Love isn’t something you question. It’s something you know. Asking for a sign is in fact a sign. Not a good one.