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All Friends With No Benefits

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Spring has come around yet again, and you know what that means – less clothing, more flirting, and more fun!

Here are some tips to keep your fun from turning into disaster: First, remember to pay attention now or pay later. Keep your wits about you. Second, be honest with yourself whether the fun you’re having is worth the consequences, whatever they might be. Third, remember to use a condom! In the meantime, here are the answers to a couple of your questions.

I met this girl at school and ended up falling for her. However, at the time she had a boyfriend who was moving to France. I saw her a couple of times before they officially broke up and then asked her out on a date. She said yes, then flaked on me twice (both times legitimate-ish reasons such as her grandparents’ anniversary do and something else).

We eventually went out a couple of times and texted each other a bit, then suddenly after our second date when I kissed her goodnight on the cheek she didn’t text me for over a week and just ignored my email (I tried to contact her three times). Then she started to talk again and we have seen each other about every two weeks since. I have kissed her on the cheek a couple of times and once on the lips, but that’s it.

When we are out we have such a good time and get along great, and although there is not much physical contact she flirts back. She has since then invited me to go on holiday with her and her family. I’m just not sure where I stand. Are we going out? Her old bf is in a relationship but she isn’t going out with anyone else and never talks about other guys with me. On Valentine’s Day I gave her a card and chocolates, and she gave me the same. She lets me pay for coffees and other things like that. But my question is: Who am I to her, a friend or a boyfriend?

—James, UK

Ah, James, it’s so cute to hear about people giving each other cards and chocolates on Valentine’s day… if those people are kids! You’re an adult now, so it’s time to start using your words to say what you mean, and to find out where you stand. All you have to do is ask her what she wants, and be straightforward about what you want. She’ll appreciate you not playing games, and in the process you’ll learn whether there’s any mileage in pursuing her or not. But here’s a tip: if you’re not getting any clear signs from her, chances are it’s because she’s not that into you, so prepare yourself.

Every time I meet someone and we wind up liking each other, it always turns out she just wants me as a friend. Even though they all tell me they would date me. Is there any way I can stop winding up the “best friend?”

—Nick, US

There are so many benefits to having a girlfriend, including all the public displays of affection, hugging, kissing, and the wonderful feeling of having someone you’re exclusive with. To get that, you need to look at what you’ve done so far, and compare it to what you should be doing if you want to get that extra step further. Knowing what to do differently can be tricky with women, mostly because our concern for our own safety over the past two millennia has prevented us from having the liberty to come out and say exactly what we want.

Ensuring success in dating is not that different from ensuring success in any other area. You have to define what you want, make a clear plan for getting it, and execute your plan. Remember that what you want is a dating relationship with one girl who meets your criteria – not friendships with a lot of different girls. So find a girl that you’re interested in dating, and ask her on an actual DATE. Girls are keenly aware of the the difference between a date and just hanging out, so if you use that specific word, she won’t be in any doubt as to your intentions. After a few dates, she should have given you a real kiss, or at the very least some very clear signs as to whether or not she’s into being more than friends.


Rich Man, Poor Woman: Dating Outside Of Your Economic Class

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Money isn’t everything. Money is no object. Money is the root of all evils. Money can’t buy you happiness. There sure are a lot of idioms and quotes about the worthlessness or evils of money. While it has an extremely important function in our society, it’s widely accepted that it has no place in a relationship. Yet it can have a way of sneaking up in a relationship and forcing its presence to be known anyways. The most common way it does this is by forcing the couple to acknowledge their differences where finances are concerned.

Will Financial Differences Tear You Apart?

A difference in economic class has a way of putting strife into an otherwise happy relationship, of even possibly splitting people apart. Simple situations like treating your partner to a fancy dinner (or worse, expecting when the check comes that they will pay half of a dinner they cannot afford) can make that person feel insecure. Maybe it’s your anniversary and your partner lavishes you with jewelry, while all you could afford for him was a card and a tie. Maybe you are planning a wedding or a vacation. You, with your enviable savings account, want a lavish wedding or two-week-long luxury cruise, while he, with only pocket lint in his account, simply cannot afford it.

These situations can inadvertently give you the upper hand in the relationship if you are the wealthier, or make you feel insignificant and unworthy if you are the poorer. It can add tension and resentment to even the most loving of pairs. One source of tension can come from you feeling like a gold-digger (someone who is with a man or woman just for the money), if your partner is always doting on you. If you are the richer of the two, you may subconsciously wonder if he or she isn’t with you simply because of your wealth.

How To Prevent Money From Destroying Your Relationship

Nevertheless, it depends on the personality of the people involved and of how they handle this situation. Maybe they have reached an understanding, in which one person doesn’t mind being doted upon. In that case, these extravagances can seem surreal and exciting, an experience he or she might not have otherwise had if not for the partner.

One unexpected benefit might be the differing viewpoints each person can provide to the other, having been raised in or living in vastly different social scenes. Maybe the more financially secure partner has insight into taxes, IRAs, or investment skills, which could be helpful to the other. Or maybe the partner who grew up poor can provide a dose of humility if the other starts throwing around their money a little too casually.

The best way to keep money from ruining your relationship is to always communicate, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be. Discuss each of your ideas for gift-giving, for paying bills, for treating one another to dinner. With time and understanding, you may find a middle class, I mean, middle ground is possible.

Dating In The Bread-Line: How To Deal With Your Partner Being Unemployed

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Newsflash, everybody: we are living in a rough economic time. No, seriously, we are. Previously coveted gadgets are now considered frivolous. Businesses are dropping faster than the nation’s morale. Millions of Americans have been laid off at least once over the last few years. Because of this, the idea of your significant other suddenly being rendered unemployed and dating during a recession is not all that far-fetched. “Got it,” you think, “but how do I deal with it?”

Should You Fork Over The Dough For Your Date?

First, how long have you been together? If it hasn’t been very long at all, stepping up to support him or her could set a bad precedent for the future of this relationship. However, if you are already living together and have committed a major portion of your lives to each other, this should be a no-brainer. Try doing a few things to recession proof your relationship before the going gets too tough.

Second, how long will he or she be able to get by? Is there an emergency savings account that can be accessed? Do you have money you would be willing to loan? Did the employer give them a severance package? These situations may make the transition easier for the both of you. This is a time when couples must work together to find a solution.

If there is no backup plan, get one…fast. Now is not the not the time for your partner to host X-Box tournaments to all the unemployed people on the block. They should be sending out resumes left and right, stapling them to lampposts, if necessary (no, not really). You can help by writing up the resume if you are skilled with business writing. If you aren’t, offer to help by looking it over a couple times. Meanwhile, your partner should look into the possibility of getting a part-time job to sustain them until a full-time job comes along.

Supporting Your Partner During The Rough Patches

The best thing you can do for your partner is to be supportive and avoid financial infidelity. This is a very difficult time, one in which a person feels lowly and burdensome. Reassure them that they’ll find something. When they start to feel down on themselves, help with the online search or tweak their resume to fit each job. Having a support system will keep him or her motivated. Work with them on interview skills. Offer to introduce them to people in your network, people who could possibly help them secure a position. Try not to make money an issue or talk about money much if you can during this time. It’s stressful for all, but making them feel worse about it will not help matters.

Finally, while you love and adore this person, keep a wary eye open. Don’t let them fall into the habit of depending on you, of letting you do all the work. You don’t want to constantly hassle them about job-hunting or networking. However, if you never see them making progress toward finding a job and the high score in PacMan keeps growing with each passing day, they may be taking advantage of you and your good nature.

Q&A: Dating A Younger Man – Is It OK?

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A lot of peole have questions about age differences when dating. Is it ok to date a younger man or a younger woman? It depends. Sometimes age differences are a big deal and sometimes they’re not. Here’s how to know if the age difference between you and your beau is a big deal, and what you should do if it is.

Question: I’m 17 and have recently developed a crush on someone younger than me. He’s about 15. It sounds really bad when I think about it but he doesn’t look 14 or 15 at all. It’s not a serious crush but I like him enough to want to talk to him. He seems to act like he likes me, but I don’t really know if he does. Is it okay to date him even if he’s that young?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXzjftuymsQ[/youtube]

When Age Doesn’t Matter

When you and your partner are older, a large gap in age generally doesn’t matter. If you’re 65 and he’s 75, it’s not as big a deal than if you have a 10 year age gap with your partner when you’re younger. Smaller age gaps matter even less as you and your partner grow older. Age gaps when you are younger, however, matter a great deal not only because of legal issues but also because you and your partner are very different emotionally and mentally. Even a two year age difference in your teens can make a big difference in emotional maturity between you and your partner.

When Age Does Matter

Age differences matter a lot when you and your partner are young. For example, if your partner is 15 and you are 20 or even 25, age gaps are a big issue. Even small age gaps, such as your partner being 15 and you being 17 can be a problem. First, think about the legal issues that come up when you date a younger person, especially if you’re bordering on 17 or 18. The laws differ from state to state, but dating a younger person could get you slapped with a statutory rape charge even if you and your partner are only a year or two apart.

Dating Without Sex

If you really want to date someone younger than you, or if you’re the younger of the couple, you can still date – without sex. To avoid getting into trouble, simply focus on getting to know your partner. Go on group dates to the bowling alley or to the movies, or go out to dinner together. Talk about your favorite things, things that mean a lot to you and encourage your partner to do the same. Really get to know each other to find out if you really want to take this relationship to the next level when you and your partner are old enough to legally be intimate with each other. Remember that there are more ways to be close to someone than through sex. Hold hands, hug and cuddle with each other without having sex. Nowadays, even sexting and sending naked pictures of yourself to your partner’s phone can get you into trouble if your partner is under 18, so be extremely careful. Practice patience until legally, you’re both ready.

How To Date A Single Parent

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You are jogging in the park one sunny morning, when you find yourself keeping time with a beautiful woman. She smiles, you smile, and eventually, when you slow down, you ask her out on a date. “Sure,” she says, “but can I bring my kid along?” Eek! Don’t worry. This is not typical of single parents, although that seems to be a big fear in the minds of kid-less folks. Here’s what it’s like to really date a single parent.

Finding The Time

Regardless of whether or not you like kids, you may find yourself in a situation where you are drawn to single mom. Depending on your depth of emotion for this person, you may decide it is worth the extra time and effort. The first hurdle you’ll encounter is her abundant lack of time. As a single parent (presumably working), she is always on the go. Doing the job of two parents means doing double-duty. In order to go on dates, you need to be prepared to book pretty far in advance. Not only that, but dates may be cancelled at the last minute due to flaky babysitters or sick kids. You will have to be patient and understanding, two things that can be very hard to remember by the third rain check.

One of the most important things to remember in dating a single parent is to let them run the show where their child is concerned. Rushing them along before they’re ready for the next step will not make your relationship progress faster. It’ll make it die harder.

Getting Accustomed To The Child

The child presents a multitude of new issues in himself. For one thing, he may have lingering issues about his father (whether he’s absent or in the child’s life still) and who the heck is this new guy? Another situation is that the child can feel jealous of his mother’s attention (once completely wrapped around his finger) now being somewhat focused on a stranger. This all depends on the child’s personality. He may love or hate you, want to be around you all the time, or want his mother all to himself.

Many single parents are extremely protective and may choose to not introduce you to the child until you are both serious about this relationship. This will help you to determine if both of you are ready to take the next step.

Dating Another Single Parent

When you are a single father, dating another single parent can be great – or it can be the Apocolypse. When you think about how hard it is to date a woman when there is a child involved, think of how much harder it would be with two or more children involved. All of a sudden, he’s worried about her kids liking him while she’s worried about his children. To make it even more complicated, the kids may not like the other kids. It certainly adds a very complex level, yet if you can make it work, it can be turned into a unique, but loving family unit.