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What To Do When You Catch Your Cheating Man With Another Woman…

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You’ve just started dating this incredible guy, one you are sure will be the father of your children, even though you’ve only gone out 3 or 4 times, and suddenly you bump into him in public while he’s with ANOTHER WOMAN.

What do you do? Do you tell him off, run the other direction or say hello?

Stay calm! 

Just breathe. Relax and play it cool. If you make eye contact or if he literally is face-to-face with you, just say “hi” and something casual then move on (even if you are shaking and totally dying inside).

The other woman does not need to know you are also dating him. You are better than that and don’t need to stoop to competing with her. Believe me it is just as uncomfortable for him that you’ve run into each other at this awkward moment. If he cares about you romantically, and you’ve played it cool, he will call you soon and make up some excuse.

It’s all about "the talk"

Here’s the deal ladies, unless or until you have had “the talk” with each other about being exclusive, you are both free to date other people. And most likely, he IS dating someone else other than you. Not every man dates more than one woman at a time, but many do. That doesn’t make him a cheater when a relationship is new.

But I will say that this is another reason why it is a really wise to hold back on the passion especially when love is new. I’ve had clients say “but if he’s dating someone else and I won’t sleep with him then he will go elsewhere for sex and fall for her.” He may also go elsewhere, but it doesn’t mean he will fall for her. That’s not how a man falls in love.

Even if he does begin sleeping with another woman in the early stages of your relationship, it doesn’t mean he LIKES her any more than you. In fact he may be totally into you and just using her.

If you play it cool and take it slow, you will be the one he chooses to give up all others for!

Victorya Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date. To learn more about Victorya Rogers, visit ManToKeep.com.

10 Tips To Infidelity-Proof Your Relationship

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Infidelity can sneak up on even the most solid partnerships.

According to an infidelity poll conducted by WomanSavers.com of 6,330 women, 92% believe that emotional affairs lead to physical affairs, whereas only a mere 7% believe they do not.

With the increase in technology, cheating has become more prevalent.

However, following the below top 10 infidelity-proof tips will increase your chances of having a long-lasting, healthy, monogamous relationship.

1.  Don’t Drink or Use Drugs Around the Opposite Sex

Drinking alcohol or using drugs with the opposite sex is one of the quickest ways that lead to infidelity because it lowers your inhibitions.  Even having a cocktail at a business lunch can lead to more intimate conversations and inappropriate behavior.

2.  Develop common interests and hobbies.
If you and your partner are always spending time apart doing the activities you enjoy separately, there is a higher chance one of you may meet someone who enjoys doing the same activities you do.  Couples that “play” together, are more likely to stay together.

3.  Exercise and eat right.
Don’t let yourself go physically.  Exercise and eat well not only for yourself, but for your partner.  If you quit trying just because you have become comfortable, your partner will resent you for being lazy and may become attracted to someone who values their self worth more.

4.  Don’t plan meetings alone with the opposite sex.
Now I know it’s not possible to always have meetings in groups.  However, if you know you are attracted to an acquaintance, try to plan your meetings in groups because this helps lower the intimacy factor.

5.  Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. If you would be uncomfortable with your partner doing something that you are doing or are considering doing, don’t do it.  Respect your partner enough to always consider their feelings.

6.  Travel together whenever possible.

The old saying “when the cat’s away, the mouse will play” rings very true.  Don’t put yourself in situations where you are more likely to cheat such as going on solo vacations or going to a restaurant or bar alone.

If you are traveling for business and your partner is unable to join you, phone them daily to stay in touch.

7.  Don’t Mix Business and Pleasure.

The office is meant for business, not gossip or intimate details.  Don’t flirt, touch or wear revealing clothing to your workplace.  Keep it professional.

8.  Stay sexually creative.

It takes effort to keep the fire lit in the bedroom after you’ve been together for a while.  Be adventurous and think outside the box.  As long as you are both comfortable with it, there’s no harm done.  Couples who have a happy sex life are much less likely to cheat.

9.  Don’t share too many personal details with the opposite sex.

Intimate details should be for your partner.  Many times emotional infidelity leads to physical infidelity.  If a conversation is becoming too intimate for you, simply redirect the conversation to include your partner or politely direct the person towards professional help.

10.  Put positive effort into your relationship daily.

It doesn’t matter if you give your partner an extra hug or put the dishes away, the fact that you are doing something small to show you care on a regular basis can make all the difference and may prevent your partner from seeking attention elsewhere.

If you are considering cheating, respect your partner enough to end the relationship for the sake of their emotional and sexual health.  Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

Having Trouble Choosing Between Two Men? You Have to Read This!

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The question appears here as it was submitted by one of our readers, however the names have been changed to preserve anonymity.

Wendy Asks:

I have a friend (David) whom I’ve known for 2 years but our paths only crossed occasionally.  We have always had a “connection” but never pursued the relationship because I was dating Craig.

David and I ran into each other again the first of the year and have been dating pretty heavily since then.  Our feelings were strongly developing.

I had been trying to end the relationship with Craig since Christmas but felt I needed to be sensitive because he is very dependent.  I told Craig I had been seeing David.  He initially tuned it out because he was convinced we would work things out.

I catered to the pleadings to the point where I missed two engagements with David because I felt Craig was unstable.  When I finally put my foot down and told him to “let it go” he started crying, claimed his chest hurt, etc.  In the midst he asked if I would just have sex with him one last time and I reluctantly consented.

He then called David and told him I would always be his and he could prove it because I’d consented to having sex with him.  When David asked me if it was true, I was honest.

I have truly developed feelings for David who is currently very devastated.  He’s now taking time to see if he can open up to me again.  We never talked about monogamy, he knew I was trying to end things with Craig, and he has a female friend himself.

I don’t want to lose what we’ve taken so long to develop and I don’t know what (if anything) I can do.

Please advise.

–Wendy

Answering Wendy:

Wendy, meaningful relationships are based on honesty, mutual respect, and clear agreements about monogamy. What were you thinking? Perhaps after thoughtful introspection and a sincere apology to David you can move forward with him.

Although the role of monogamy in human relationships is somewhat ambiguous, the sharp pain of jealousy is unmistakable. At its core jealousy is based on a threat to sexual access. Playing with jealousy is playing with fire.

You taunted jealousy and suffered the predictable result.

Strong and lasting relationships require total honesty with your partner. Agree first with yourself, then with your partner to always be flawless with your word. Make and keep promises to yourself and each other, especially when the relationship is at stake. You have not yet done this. If you can make an authentic agreement on total honesty with David, then there is hope for the relationship. However, if past events have irreparably betrayed your trust, then you have to move on beyond both Craig and David. Until you can be honest with yourself and your partners, your relationships will not strengthen and last.

Do You Know Why?

Part of being honest with yourself is recognizing your own ambivalence. You had not yet firmly decided if you want to be with Craig, David or both. While ambivalence is inevitable, it is safer and more responsible to resolve it through dialogue rather than through sexual activity.

Do not tempt jealousy and manipulate friends while you are making up your mind. Find a trusted confidant and friend to discuss your feelings, hopes, choices, and doubts with. If it is better to stay outside of a relationship while you sort out what it is you want to do, then have the resolve to do this.

Act consistently with your decision to break it off with Craig. You have already said that your future is not with him. Agreeing to have breakup sex with Craig was a bad decision, but it is in the past and cannot be changed. Place Craig completely in the past. Perhaps then David can eventually forgive you after your full and sincere apology.

Figure Out What it is You Want

Resolve your ambivalence. If you reflect on what you truly want, you may decide to work toward a meaningful relationship with David. In that case the next step is to make a full and sincere apology to him. The apology has to emphasize your forbearance—assurances you have learned profound lessons and will never repeat these mistakes. It might go something like this, but it has to be said in your own true words:

The Dialogue

David, I have hurt you badly by lingering with Craig, and especially by having sex with him while you were working to strengthen our relationship. It was a bad mistake, it is my mistake, it is inexcusable, and I am deeply sorry for the pain I have caused you. Craig seemed so hurt by our breakup that I took pity on him. It was a stupid mistake; I should have been more resolute. I have hurt you and may have ruined any chance we had for a meaningful relationship.

I have thought long and hard about this. I know I have learned my lesson. I assure you that as long as we are seeing each other I will be honest with you, and true to you. I was honest with you when you asked what happened between me and Craig. This is a small start. I can see the pain I have caused you and it will not happen again. What can I do to make this up to you? I am deeply sorry.

Will He Forgive Me?

David may eventually decide to forgive you, but he may not. If distrust lingers in your relationship, it can never become meaningful. If distrust intervenes, you will eventually have to break up and find someone who you can be honest with and fully trust.

Why Won’t He Break Up With Me Already?!

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Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy.

Then suddenly one day, Girl meets a different boy. Oops.

Girl is shocked, confused (well, not THAT confused), and too afraid to tell the first boy about the new boy…

So what’s a girl to do?

This is a classic story that repeats itself over and over.

Yet this story rarely has a happy ending…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have been dating a few years now.

Now I met this other guy whom I really like. He has a girlfriend though he likes me more. I am flirtier with him. He makes me laugh and he is really cute. My parents and friends like him too. While hanging out we ended kissing.

I’ve been pushing my boyfriend away for awhile and he knows it and he don’t care. I am not happy when I am with him. I don’t want to kiss him, hug him or anything. He won’t break up with me, he is too “in love” with me. What should I do?

— Lost, Illinois

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou2aICplR7Q[/youtube]

Why Won’t He Break Up With Me Already?!

Hanging On Too Long Is A Mistake

The real trouble comes when you continue to lead the first boy along and hide your feelings for the new boy. So now you’re deceiving both boys. At some point the truth will come out…

One of the biggest issues in our society today is that people tend to hang onto relationships much longer than they should. No one is happy, but no one has the courage to walk away either. If the relationship isn’t working, then it’s time to walk away.

But before you make this huge decision, think about why the first relationship is not working.

Ask yourself questions like:

Are you bored?

Have you both gotten lazy?

Are your underlying beliefs completely different?

Are your lives going in very different directions?

Really think about why you want to break up. Make sure you’re breaking up for the right reasons. Otherwise, you will find yourself in the same situation with your next boyfriend, and the next.

Life has a way of handing us the same challenge, or test, over and over again until we get it right.

Honesty Is Critical For A Happy Relationship

We believe that honesty is the single most important thing in a relationship. If you can’t be honest with each other then why bother? It may be hard…

It may be hard to be honest with someone about your feelings, especially when you’re talking about breaking up. But it is really cruel to lead someone on when your feelings for them have changed.

So stop hanging around and waiting for the other person to break up with you. You owe it to boy Number One, boy Number Two, and to yourself to come clean about your feelings.

Get some courage, grow some balls (or what ever you want to call it), and either breakup or make the commitment to stay.

Only you know when it’s time to leave your relationship. No one else can make that decision for you.

If you do decide to break up with your current boyfriend, be honest and direct. Say, “Look, I don’t want to be together any more.”

He will most likely want to know why and he will deserve an answer.

Whatever your reason for breaking up may be, you need to be honest with your current boyfriend. One word of advice however… Make the breakup about your feelings.

Don’t make boy Number One your excuse to break up with boy Number Two. Don’t make boy Number Two your excuse to break up with boy Number One either. In fact, don’t make the break up about him or anyone else at all.

Keep it about your feelings, your wants, and your needs.

Otherwise you’ll cause him much more pain than necessary.

8 Signs Your Date is Married

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Ever wondered if you’re dating a married man or woman?

Maybe it’s the fact that you know nothing about their personal life or you’ve never met their friends.

Something just doesn’t jive when you’re together.

Luckily, there are some telltale signs that your lover has another!

Below are eight easy-to-spot signs that your date is probably married… 

1. What’s Your Home Number?

Getting a hold of your partner is about as easy as contacting a government employee at 4:35 pm. You have a cellular number but it always seems to be turned off or out of range when you aren’t together.

Well, you can’t expect them to take your call at their son’s soccer game, can you?

2. Are You Dating A Homeless Person?

If you didn’t know better you’d think your lover lived on the street.

You know he must have a house — he has to store that extensive wardrobe somewhere — but, much like the Sasquatch, you’ve never actually seen it.

The reason all the sleepovers happen at your house? His wife would be an inconvenience at his.

3. Tell Me About Your Family…

Speaking of mysterious, how much do you know about her personal life?

Does she ever talk about her family, where she went to school, her hometown or hobbies?

If she’s keeping you in the dark, it’s because she doesn’t want to give you the information you need to discover she’s married.

4. I’d Never Find This On My Own

And that’s exactly the point. All of your public dates take place in very inconspicuous out-of-the-way places, but those happening in the privacy of your living room likely outweigh them.

If you find yourself watching movies at your place more often than eating dinner in a restaurant, you may be getting it on with a married man.

5. What A Strange Time To Call

Consistently calling at odd hours is a definite sign of something amiss.

She may call early in the morning on the way to work or in the wee hours of the night while walking the dog, but it never seems to be at a normal time or from a normal location. Also watch for lot of (untraceable) calls from public phone booths or leaving the room to take calls on his mobile when you are together.

6. Come On, Let Me See Them

Most people keep photos of their wife and kids close to their heart. If you spy some snaps in his wallet or her purse but they won’t let you have a look, it’s a safe bet they’re not of a best bud or beloved pet.

7. PDAs Are MIA

She always finds a way to wiggle her hand from yours when you walk down the street. She nervously looks around her before offering you a peck on the lips and hugs are quick and perfunctory.

If public displays of affection are rarer than black pearls, she’s probably worried about hubby seeing her locked onto your lips.

8. Why Don’t We Do Anything With Your Friends?

The two of you always go out alone.

There’s never another couple or friends along for the ride. He says his friends are all boring or they’re married and can’t go out.

The reality is that he’s all married and just trying to keep worlds from colliding and crashing into his elaborate lie!