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You are here: Home / Archives for bdsm

Clitoris Pump – What Is The Female Version Of A Penis Pump?

By loveandsex

Sex toys come in every size, shape and color and sex toys for men have become just as popular as they are for women. A penis pump, for example, is one of the best selling male sex toys there is. A clitoris pump – the female version of a penis pump – is made to function the same way. What is a clitoris pump and how is it used? Here’s what you want to know:

What Function It Serves

Any pump – whether it be a penis pump or one for the clitoris and labia – is designed to force more blood into the genital tissue, enhancing the sensitivity of whatever has been pumped. After pumping, the shaft and head of the penis or the clitoris and labia are engorged with blood and can be much more receptive to any kind of stimulation.

Some men who experience erectile dysfunction may use a penis pump to achieve and maintain an erection, while other men simply use a penis pump to enhance sexual sensations during intercourse with a partner or during masturbation. Women who use a clitoris pump do so for many of the same reasons. Some women may have trouble achieving an orgasm, and a clitoris pump may help the genital tissue become more sensitive and make it easier for a woman to reach climax.

A clitoris pump may also be used by couples to increase friction during intercourse, as many men and women have reported after using a clitoris pump that the vagina looks and feels much tighter.

Different Types Of Pumps

Just as there are all kinds of different sex toys, there are also different styles of clitoris pumps as well. A simple pump will basically consist of a wide plastic mouth that is placed over the vulva, with a tube going to a soft hand bulb. Some clitoris pumps will have attachments on the inside designed for clitoral stimulation during use, while others will have a vibrating bullet attached to the mouth of the pump for even more sensations.

Some clitoris pumps are designed to cover the entire vulva (both the clitoris and the labia) while others are much smaller and are designed to be placed over the clitoris only. When the genital tissues have been pumped up, they usually go back to their normal size within a matter of seconds or minutes, depending on how long the pumping lasted in the first place.

Keeping Things Safe

As with any other types of sex toys, it’s important that you learn how to use the toy properly to get the best results – and to avoid doing damage to your delicate genital tissues in the process. Never, ever use an actual vacuum instead of a pump, regardless of whether you’re male or female. The suction on a vacuum is much, much more powerful than a penis pump or a clitoris pump and can actually cause the blood vessels and capillaries inside the genital tissue to break – giving you one nasty looking bruise.

In rare cases, people who have used vacuum hoses during masturbation have had to seek emergency medical assistance due to severe engorgement of the genitals. Choose your clitoris pump wisely and select the size that is right for you. Remember to keep it clean and dry when not in use and follow all directions on the packaging.

“Extreme Pumping”

Clitoris and labia pumping to the extreme is considered a form of BDSM and is featured in many fetish videos and porn. With extreme pumping, the clitoris and labia are suctioned and enlarged a great deal, to the point where the genitals appear very swollen and misshapen. This kind of activity can be dangerous, because it too can cause the blood vessels and capillaries to break and the skin to become stretched or bruised. There are lots of fun sexual activities that are fun and don’t hurt!

Trying A Clitoris Pump

If you’re thinking about trying a clitoris pump for yourself, make sure you get one from a reputable company. Go slow, using the suction for only a few seconds or minutes at a time. Gradually build up your tolerance to stronger and stronger suction, until you achieve the desired effect. Just make sure you’re not using too much suction or doing it for too long. Relax and have fun, but if you become uncomfortable at any time or are in any kind of pain, stop immediately!

Filed Under: Sex Toys Tagged With: bdsm, clitoris, fetishes, kinky sex, Sex Toys

BDSM – What Is Erotic Humiliation?

By loveandsex

“BDSM” stands for “bondage, domination, sadism and masochism.” However, this is just a blanket term for many different styles of kinky sex, including fetishes and roleplay, as well as less common activities such as erotic asphyxiation or erotic humilation.

While erotic humiliation isn’t generally as dangerous as activities like erotic asphyxiation, it can be just as fascinating to see exactly what gets different people off. What is erotic humiliation, what does it involve and how would you introduce it or an alternative in the bedroom?

What Is Erotic Humilation?

Erotic humilation is a form of BDSM defined by Wikipedia as the “consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another; often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity.”

Depending on whether someone has a dominant or submissive personality, the act of being humiliated or humiliating another during sex can be very arousing for both partners. Rarely does a person enjoy both humiliating and being humiliated and many sexual partnerships are formed because one partner prefers domination while the other prefers submission.

The Difference Between Humiliation And Domination

Many people may confuse erotic humiliation with domination and other forms of BDSM, because the roles are very similar. There is, however, a simple distinction between the two. Those who enjoy dominating others enjoy “commanding” or “ordering” their submissive partner do do something, and the submissive partner enjoys being “commanded” to do something. With humiliation, the dominant partner enjoys verbally or physically belittling their partner, and the submissive partner enjoys being belittled and humiliated just as much.

Verbal Means Of Erotic Humiliation

Depending on the agreement between the dominant and submissive partners, verbal belittlement may or may not be an accepted part of humiliation. However, it is much more common to see verbal belittlement in a humiliation situation than a great deal of physical humiliation. Verbal belittlement during sex might include:

  • Being a human “pet,” complete with collar and leash. This may include eating or drinking out of a pet bowl or off the floor.
  • Name calling such as “slave” or “whore”
  • Belittling the body, suggesting that it is “dirty” or “ugly”
  • Men who enjoy being humiliated may enjoy their partners belittling their penis size
  • Asking for permission to eat or use the restroom
  • Being verbally mocked or ridiculed

Physical Means Of Erotic Humiliation

When couples desire more than verbal belittlement offers, they may decide to move into more physical means of humiliation. This can be something as mild as spanking or can be very extreme. When combined with sexual activities and verbal belittlement, the humiliation factor can be very powerful. Many dom/sub couples may choose to forgo the physical aspect, or they may participate with a lighter attitude. Physical humiliation might include activities like:

  • Being slapped on the rear or in the face
  • Having the hair pulled
  • Ejaculating in the face or on the body
  • Being required to perform oral sex on the dominant partner without getting anything in return
  • Being forced to worship the body of the dominant partner
  • Physical punishment such as spanking or whipping when the submissive partner is “disobedient”
  • Torture of the nipples or the genitals

How To Approach Erotic Humilation In Your Relationship

If you’re interested in erotic humilation, you may be unsure of how to approach the subject with your partner. Remember that while being open and honest about your sex fantasies is extremely important, going slow and giving your partner time to warm up to the idea is even more so.

The first step is to determine which of you has a dominant personality and which of you has a submissive one. If you and your lover are both dominant or both submissive, erotic humiliation is generally something that won’t work well in your sexual relationship. Ease into it slowly, by introducing one new concept at a time and only when your partner seems ready for it.

If You’re A Sub

  • Offer to be you lover’s sex slave for the day and see what happens
  • Tell your partner you’d love to be spanked during sex
  • Come to bed wearing a collar
  • Experiment with handcuffs and bondage
  • Ask him to call you his “slut” or his “whore”

If You’re A Dom

  • Pinch your partner’s nipples during sex (not too hard without the green light first)
  • Ask your partner if they’ll be your sex slave for the day
  • Go shopping with your partner for sexy accessories, like collars or tiaras
  • Ask your partner to give you a blowjob or go down on you without reciprocation
  • Ask your partner to let you ejaculate on their face

Special Note: Never be derogatory or dominant towards your partner without their knowing and consent first. Not letting your lover in on what’s going on before verbally belittling them or physically humiliating them will only end very, very badly.

Pubic Humiliation

Another aspect of erotic humiliation which may be arousing to both partners is public humiliation. Sometimes, consenting partners will use verbal belittlement in public and very rarely will they humiliate physically in public. However, some couples may be part of groups that also enjoy this activity and may have “sex parties” in where one or more subs are humiliated in front of the crowd.

Alternatives To Extreme Humiliation

If the idea of humiliating your partner or being humiliated turns you on, but you’re not ready to go to the extreme with it, start small and work your way up. Alternatives to more aggressive forms of humiliating might be:

  • Nibbling or biting your partner
  • Spanking or asking to be spanked
  • Light bondage
  • Dirty talk with a dash of humiliation thrown in
  • Online or long distance humiliating

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, domination, fetishes, kinky sex, role play, rough sex, submission

What is Fisting? Is It Safe?

By loveandsex

Rough sex takes on an entirely different meaning when it comes to fisting. Fisting is a sexual activity that is gaining in popularity, but there are still lots of questions that surround it. Is it safe to do, or should it be avoided? Are there ways to make fisting safer? Here is what you want to know about fisting and how you can make it as safe as possible.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNqhONOINag[/youtube]

What Is Fisting?

Fisting is considered to fall within the “BDSM” category of sex acts and simply put, it is the act of putting the hand, all the way up to the wrist or forearm, into the vagina or rectum. This is most easily done by forming the hand into a “duck bill” shape where the thumb and all the fingers meet (resembling a duck bill) for easier insertion. Then, the fingers can be moved into a fist shape or wiggled around once the hand is inside.

Fisting can be done alone during masturbation or during sex with a partner to create unique sensations for both men and women.

Is Fisting Safe?

When done properly, fisting can theoretically be safe and even enjoyable for both the giving and receiving partner. However, doing it properly is the key to making sure fisting doesn’t cause bodily harm or damage. Here’s how to keep fisting safe and fun:

  • Go slow. It’s very important that you go very slow when inserting the hand and wrist into a vagina or up the rectum. Going to fast may cause extreme discomfort or pain for your partner, and it may also cause some of the delicate vaginal or anal tissues to stretch too much and tear.
  • Use lots and lots of lube. Water based lube is best for easy clean up, but silicone based lube can be used as well. Do not attempt to try fisting yourself or your partner without a very generous amount of lube! Without lube, you can pretty much guarantee it won’t be comfortable for your partner and the risk of tearing goes up dramatically without the proper amount of lubrication.
  • Don’t use a “pumping” motion. You want to move your hand around during fisting, without taking it all the way out and pumping air into the vagina or rectum. This can cause air embolisms, which can be very dangerous and even cause death.
  • Allow for lots of warm up time and foreplay. When a woman is fully aroused and excited after foreplay, her vagina will relax more, making it easier to insert larger objects.
  • If it hurts, stop!

Fisting The Anus

Fisting the vagina is much safer than fisting the anus. Vaginas are very elastic and made to stretch and accommodate very large objects, because they are designed to give birth. A baby’s head is much larger than a fist, so you can rest assured that after fisting the vagina in a safe way, everything will go back to its normal size and shape.

That said, the rectum is not designed to accommodate objects as large as a fist. Even if you use lots and lots of lube, fisting the rectum can cause pain, discomfort at best and tearing or bleeding at worst. Repeated fisting of the rectum will change the size and shape of the anus, possibly leading to the need for adult diapers in the future because the anal sphincter has lost enough elasticity that it can no longer keep waste inside.

How To Make Anal Fisting Safer

While anal fisting isn’t considered a “safe” sexual activity, there are some things you can do to make it as safe as it can be.

  • Start small and work your way up. Start with small anal sex toys, such as tiny butt plugs, and work your way up to the bigger stuff.
  • Have a “safe” word. If it hurts too much, your partner will use the safe word so you’ll know to stop immediately.

Other Safety Tips To Consider

While taking the above steps to make fisting safer, here are some additional things to think about before you get started.

  • Trim your fingernails. Scrub underneath them and trim them, so there are no sharp corners, hangnails or dirt underneath.
  • Consider using a latex glove. Keep your hands clean and your partner’s anus or vagina bacteria free by simply slipping on a latex glove before fisting.
  • Never use a “numbing” lube. If it hurts, you need to feel it because that means you’re going too far! If you use numbing lubes, you may tear or bleed without realizing it.

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, fetishes, kinky sex, rough sex

Best Kink Articles Of 2010

By loveandsex

The great thing about kink is that there’s always something new, fun and different to try. Kinky sex never has to be the same way twice (that is, unless you want it to be) and the only limits to what you can do with your partner in the bedroom are your imagination – and of course, a few laws that ban the really scary stuff like bestiality or pedophilia.

If you and your partner are both consenting adults, you can pretty much do anything you want behind closed doors! You can experiment with kink if you’ve never done it before by trying a little light bondage with a pair of fuzzy handcuffs or role playing your favorite fantasies. You might be surprised at how much fun you and your lover can have if you learn to let go a little! If you’ve already made the dive into kink and are ready to try something a little hotter, try using a mouth gag or whip.

You can also explore really different fetishes, like a diaper fetish or domination. BDSM and kink is all about what turns you and your partner on – regardless of what anyone else considers to be “strange” or “weird.” This past year, we’ve done some research on the kinkiest fantasies and the best dirty sex tips that are out there. Here’s our top picks for the best kink tips of the year!

  • How To Deal With Your Partner’s Secret Diaper Fetish
  • Q&A: BDSM – How To Introduce Your Partner To Domination
  • How To Introduce Your Girl To Bondage
  • Q&A: How To Fantasize Without Sounding Like A Pervert
  • When Orgasms Are Dangerous – What Is Erotic Asphyxiation?
  • Q&A: My Girlfriend Wants To Do Me With A Strap On
  • BDSM Around The House – Things You Can Use For BDSM That You Already Have!

Filed Under: Sex Tips & Advice Tagged With: bdsm, kink, role play, sex games, sexual fantasies

Sex Tips: I Like Kinky Sex But He Doesn’t – How Can I Get Him To Try It?

By loveandsex

Lots of people like kinky sex, but lots of people don’t. If you really enjoy kinky sex but your partner isn’t into it, you’re probably wondering how you can convince them to just give it a try. There are ways you can soften your partner up to what you like in bed, but you also have to keep some things in mind, like respecting your partner’s boundaries. Here’s what you want to know about getting your partner out of his vanilla sex “funk” and into the world of kink.

Question: I like kinky sex but he doesn’t. How can I get him to maybe try it?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9_VV_VgDIk[/youtube]

Kinky Sex Is All About Perspective

What is kinky to some is completely benign to others, so keep that in mind when trying to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to kinky sex. For example, some people may think that simply having sex with the lights on is super kinky, while others delve deep into kink with lots of bondage and BDSM. Think about what you are wanting your partner to try and what they’ve tried before – is there a big difference between the two? Are you wanting him to try sex with a strap on when all he’s ever done is light bondage? If this is the case, think about toning down your idea of kink to better match what he’s tried already so you’re not too outside of his comfort zone.

Respect His Boundaries

Everyone has their boundaries when it comes to kinky sex, and it’s important for two people in a relationship to respect those boundaries. You may be very into kink, but there is someone somewhere out there that is probably into doing some things that you definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with. Imagine if you were in a relationship with someone who wanted to push your boundaries and try to convince you to do something that made you really uncomfortable – you definitely wouldn’t appreciate it and it would probably do harm to the relationship. So think about the situation in reverse. You may think your idea of “kink” is ok, but your partner may not. It all goes back to each person’s perspective – there is no “standard guideline” for what is ok and what isn’t. It all depends on the person and where their boundaries are. So it’s definitely important to respect your partner’s boundaries and avoid pushing him too far past them. If you push them too hard to try kinky sex, they may run the other way.

Finding The Right Approach

How you approach the topic with your partner is critical to whether or not they will actually be open to trying what you want them to try. Talk to him about how to spice up your sex life is important, but doing it at the right time and in the right way will make the most difference. Don’t try to talk to him about it while you’re having sex, right before you have sex or even right after. Get it? Have the conversation completely outside of the bedroom, at a time when you’re both relaxed and enjoying spending time together. Avoid being critical of your partner at all costs – this is not a “Why won’t you do this, there’s nothing wrong with it” conversation. If he even smells a hint of criticism in your words, he will lock up and probably won’t hear a word that you say. Instead, approach the topic by letting him know how much a particular activity turns you on and how much it turns you on to imagine doing it with them.

Modify Your Kink

So you want to try tying him to a chair and having your way with him – but he’s never so much as tried light bondage before. Consider modifying whatever you want to try a little bit and tone it down. This may make him more comfortable with trying it and you can eventually work your way up to heavy bondage and BDSM by taking baby steps to get there. Remember that kinky sex is again, all about perspective, and you’ll have a better chance of getting your partner to try something different if you make it a little more benign. Instead of going all out with handcuffs and rope (if bondage is your thing), try simply tying his wrists with a scarf or silk necktie. He will be more open to it if it seems really harmless – and then trying something else even more kinky won’t seem so bad!

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, domination, role play

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