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Bondage 101: How To Get Started With Bondage

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Bondage can be fun, but how do you begin if you’ve never tried it before? It’s easy to get intimidated when you start checking it out, because there is some seriously hardcore stuff out there. But don’t think you have to go overboard right away – in fact, bondage is better when you start slowly and work your way up. Check out these great tips for BDSM beginners!

Hi Dan and Jennifer – loving the great advice! My girlfriend and I want to try some bondage, but we’ve never done it before and don’t really know where to start, any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8GU4mAGJKA[/youtube]

Beginner’s Bondage Kits

No, you don’t have to go out and buy yards and yards of heavy duty rope to begin with a little BDSM. Lots of companies make excellent beginner’s bondage kits that have everything you need to get it on. While there’s probably some stuff you could use at home such as a spatula for spanking or a silk tie as a rope or a blindfold, a kit is going to be a lot more fun – and a lot sexier. What is great about the beginner’s kits is that they’re pretty softcore, so they’re really not going to scare anyone off.

Our Recommendations:

Fetish Fantasy Series Beginner’s Bondage Set

Comes with 4 velvety soft cuffs with silky ties, a feather tickler, 2 romantic candles and a satiny smooth blindfold so your partner doesn’t know what you’re going to do next!

Fetish Fantasy Series Pleasure Bondage Set

This one also includes soft ankle and wrist cuffs, but the cuffs can be connected using a sturdy O-ring. An inflatable pillow and a silky blindfold come with, but those who want to get a little freakier will enjoy the soft, breathable gag.

Play Sex Games

Playing sex games with your partner can be a lot of fun, and it can not only lead you and your lover to a night of intense passion, it can also teach you more about what you and your partner like in bed. Sex doesn’t always have to be serious, and that’s why playing a game can be so much fun – it lets you remember that sex is all about having fun, laughing and enjoying your partner. Go on a sexy scavenger hunt or play a game of titillating truth or dare. You’ll be amazed at how much you can discover about yourself and your lover when you play sex games together.

Our Recommendations:

Cosmo’s Steamy Sex Games

Straight from the sexperts from Cosmopolitan comes 118 super fun cards that will spark your imagination with tons of sexy new ideas for things you can do together.

3 Deck Sex Pack

Get three decks of sexy card games and never run out of ideas for new and exciting things you can do with your lover. Included are card games Sex, Porn and Naked! Compete to see who owns the most porn or the classic-but-always-fun strip poker.

Bondage At Home

There are definitely some things at home that you can use for BDSM, but many of them aren’t recommended. It’s much better to use things that are made for what you’re doing (such as lube instead of spit), and even though it’s a little more expensive, getting great, high quality sex toys that you can use over and over again is well worth the investment. Nevertheless, here are some things you can use at home:

  • A silk tie can function as a blindfold or hand/feet restraints
  • A spatula can make a great paddle
  • A feather duster (wash it first!) makes a neat tickler

How To Know When To Stop

When you really start getting into BDSM, role play and domination and submission, the word “stop” doesn’t always mean stop. When you’re getting into kinky sex, it’s so important to have something called a “safe word.” A safe word functions as the word “stop,” meaning that if the safe word is used, all activity stops immediately.

Before you and your partner get it on, agree on a safe word to use. Make sure that it’s not something that you would normally call out during sex play, and words like “no” or “stop” aren’t going to work. Try something like “purple pony” or “turkey sandwich” so there’s no mistaking that the play needs to cease immediately if the word is used. Always honor the safe word, even if you think that everything is fine and nobody is getting hurt. Part of having a great time with BDSM and kink is to be able to completely trust and let go with your partner – so make sure that if the safe word is used, you cool it right away.

10 Best Places To Have Kinky Sex

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Kinky sex can get a lot freakier if you mix up where you’re getting busy at. Whether you’re doing it in a haunted hotel where the fear factor is at the max or enjoying Japanese rope bondage at a Shibaricon, checking out these kinky new ides can make your sex life hoter than ever before. Here are ten incredible ideas that will help you up the “kink” or “freak” factor in your sex life!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uESQPJg-HrU[/youtube]

With A Prostitute In A Seedy Hotel

If you’re into the “kinky and freaky”, this is a great way to have a threesome without the emotional baggage that comes with having a threesome with a friend. However, sometimes sex workers can be just as seedy as the hotel, so you can also try doing this with a non-seedy prostitute in a nice hotel. Make sure the laws in your state don’t prohibit prostitution, and make sure you use condoms to avoid transmitting any STD’s!

A Shibaricon

A Shibaricon is a convention that brings together lovers of rope bondage from all around the world. From those who just love the artistic aspect of Japanese rope bondage to those who truly enjoy it sexually, a Shibaricon is where people who enjoy this activity can get together and share ideas and fantasies.

In A Tub Full Of Shaving Cream

Spray your partner and yourself with shaving cream all over your bodies and go at it – in the tub of course! The tub provides a place you and your partner can have kinky sex without the mess (you can just rinse it off in the shower afterwards). You can also put down painting tarps in your bedroom and have fun with it there. Smearing your partner all over their body with shaving cream and feeling them rub up against you with the slick substance in between your bodies can be an uber-turn on.

In A Cemetery On A Dark, Foggy Night

If you like to be scared, or you enjoy really creepy things, this place is for you. Bring a sleeping bag or blanket with you if you plan on doing it on the ground, or you can just bend over a headstone and do it doggy style! Avoid doing this in big cities though with high crime rates – you never know who else is going to be in the cemetery with you.

In A Jail Cell Of An Old Prison

When taking a tour of an old prison, sneak off into an old jail cell and get a little kinky with your lover. Unfortunately, if you’re really into doing it in a really freaky cell or execution room, most of them are closed off to the public and are protected by glass windows.

In A Haunted Suite In A Famous Haunted Hotel

This is also a great place to have kinky sex if you and your partner are into getting scared. Remember, fear and danger are great aphrodisiacs but you don’t always want to put yourself in real danger. Staying in a haunted hotel is a great way to get scared without actually taking a risk. The downside to some haunted hotels is that they’re old and may not have all the creature comforts you’ve gotten used to.

On Stage At A Deserted Underground Theater

If you’ve had a fantasy about doing it in front of a crowd but haven’t had the opportunity to do it for real, this can be a great alternative. It’s public sex in a private way. Find an old, deserted underground theater and get it on with your lover on stage. Dress up in sexy costumes if you’d like and pretend that the seats are filled with people watching you and your partner’s every move.  This can also be incredibly erotic if you’re into the idea of people watching you but aren’t ready to do it for real yet.

At The Tattoo Parlor

Lots of people feel like pain is erotic and what better place to sneak a quickie with your lover than at the tattoo parlor? Unless you want to get it on in the bathroom though, you’ll have to find an artist that is down with you and your partner getting kinky in their shop. Also, don’t try to do it while you’re getting the actual tattoo – you’ll probably cause the artist to mess it up.

In A Mental Hospital

For a really freaky time, consider having sex in a mental hospital. Take a tour of an old mental hospital and sneak away with your lover to an old patient room for a quick romp. Bonus points if you can find a padded room to do it in, or a straightjacket that you can use for bondage.

In The Morgue

You have to have a really dark side to enjoy this one, so it’s not for everyone. But if you have access to a morgue or funeral home, getting it on next to the dead can be a turn on (if you’re into that sort of thing). Hop up on a stainless steel gurney or tuck yourselves into an empty casket for some interesting but freaky fun.

A Valentine’s Day Bondage Guide

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Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to bring something new – like bondage – to the bedroom. Your partner will be more receptive to trying bondage for the first time on Valentine’s Day, and if you and your lover have already experimented with tying each other up before, now is a great time to step it up a night. Here is your bondage guide for Valentine’s Day – what you need, how to keep it safe and how to reach the next level!

The Right Kind Of Bondage Rope

The type of rope you use for bondage is extremely important. Grabbing just any old rope from your shed, garage or the hardware store just isn’t going to work in the bedroom. Well, it will work on a technical level, but it will definitely be uncomfortable and may cause pain and discomfort from mild to severe rope burns. Honestly, when trying anything new when it comes to sex, it’s important that you have the right tools for the job. This Valentine’s Day, invest a little money (not a lot, because most bondage rope is generally inexpensive) in the right kind of rope for bondage play. You can choose from a variety of different rope materials, ranging all the way from nylon to natural fiber and hemp. There are also different braids available, but those are a matter of personal preference. Any rope that is made specifically for bedroom play will work just fine.

Blindfolds? Yes, Please!

A big part of BDSM is blindfolding. This adds a certain element of surprise and mystery to sex, because your partner can’t see what you’re about to do or where you’re going next. This heightens the pleasurable sensations during sex and oral sex ten fold because anticipation is a huge part of experiencing sexual pleasure. Don’t leave out blindfolds in your bedroom play this Valentine’s Day! You can purchase a special love mask by itself, or you can get a “beginner’s bondage kit” that usually includes a blindfold along with other BDSM items such as paddles, feather ticklers, light whips and fuzzy handcuffs. If you’re really short on cash, try using a silk scarf or tie for a blindfold instead. It’s easy to use and doesn’t cost a thing!

Keeping Bondage Safe And Fun

One of the most important parts of bondage and BDSM play is to make sure you’re doing it safely and everyone involved is having a good time. You definitely want to follow the safety rules on Valentine’s Day to make sure your sexy “gift” doesn’t backfire on you! Here are some simple guidelines to use when bringing bondage and BDSM into the bedroom so you and your partner both have fun!

  • Have a “safe word” that is totally unrelated to sex (i.e. banana, waffle, Christmas tree, etc.)
  • Don’t be afraid to use the safe word if you are uncomfortable or are in pain and want the play to stop immediately.
  • If your partner uses the safe word, it is your job to stop whatever you’re doing right away!
  • Discuss with your partner beforehand what is acceptable and what isn’t. For example, oral sex while being tied up is fine, but you want to be untied before having sex so you can participate.
  • Don’t ever insert sex toys without your partner’s consent (and without lube!)

Taking BDSM To The Next Level

Lots of people enjoy light bondage, but others enjoy heavy BDSM play. If you’ve tried rope, handcuffs and the like, you may be ready to take your bedroom play to the next level this Valentine’s Day. Try incorporating a little pain into the mix, with some gentle nipping and biting or spanking. Use a paddle for spanking, as this is so much more comfortable for the spanker than using your hand! It can also feel better for the spankee, because some paddles are padded and shaped just right. Here’s a quick list of other things you can try this Valentines Day if you feel like you’ve already tried just about everything else!

  • Roleplaying. Act out a hot fantasy with your partner like teacher/student or doctor/patient.
  • Diaper play. Do you have a diaper fetish but haven’t come out of the “closet” so to speak? Try getting your partner involved!
  • Mutual masturbation. Never had the guts to masturbate in front of your partner? Give them a show this Valentines Day!
  • Tantric sex. Want a more romantic way to connect with your partner sexually? Try tantric sex for mind blowing orgasms.
  • Try new sex positions. After all, new sex positions can make regular old vanilla sex something new and exciting on any night!

Sex Tips: I Like Kinky Sex But He Doesn’t – How Can I Get Him To Try It?

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Lots of people like kinky sex, but lots of people don’t. If you really enjoy kinky sex but your partner isn’t into it, you’re probably wondering how you can convince them to just give it a try. There are ways you can soften your partner up to what you like in bed, but you also have to keep some things in mind, like respecting your partner’s boundaries. Here’s what you want to know about getting your partner out of his vanilla sex “funk” and into the world of kink.

Question: I like kinky sex but he doesn’t. How can I get him to maybe try it?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9_VV_VgDIk[/youtube]

Kinky Sex Is All About Perspective

What is kinky to some is completely benign to others, so keep that in mind when trying to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to kinky sex. For example, some people may think that simply having sex with the lights on is super kinky, while others delve deep into kink with lots of bondage and BDSM. Think about what you are wanting your partner to try and what they’ve tried before – is there a big difference between the two? Are you wanting him to try sex with a strap on when all he’s ever done is light bondage? If this is the case, think about toning down your idea of kink to better match what he’s tried already so you’re not too outside of his comfort zone.

Respect His Boundaries

Everyone has their boundaries when it comes to kinky sex, and it’s important for two people in a relationship to respect those boundaries. You may be very into kink, but there is someone somewhere out there that is probably into doing some things that you definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with. Imagine if you were in a relationship with someone who wanted to push your boundaries and try to convince you to do something that made you really uncomfortable – you definitely wouldn’t appreciate it and it would probably do harm to the relationship. So think about the situation in reverse. You may think your idea of “kink” is ok, but your partner may not. It all goes back to each person’s perspective – there is no “standard guideline” for what is ok and what isn’t. It all depends on the person and where their boundaries are. So it’s definitely important to respect your partner’s boundaries and avoid pushing him too far past them. If you push them too hard to try kinky sex, they may run the other way.

Finding The Right Approach

How you approach the topic with your partner is critical to whether or not they will actually be open to trying what you want them to try. Talk to him about how to spice up your sex life is important, but doing it at the right time and in the right way will make the most difference. Don’t try to talk to him about it while you’re having sex, right before you have sex or even right after. Get it? Have the conversation completely outside of the bedroom, at a time when you’re both relaxed and enjoying spending time together. Avoid being critical of your partner at all costs – this is not a “Why won’t you do this, there’s nothing wrong with it” conversation. If he even smells a hint of criticism in your words, he will lock up and probably won’t hear a word that you say. Instead, approach the topic by letting him know how much a particular activity turns you on and how much it turns you on to imagine doing it with them.

Modify Your Kink

So you want to try tying him to a chair and having your way with him – but he’s never so much as tried light bondage before. Consider modifying whatever you want to try a little bit and tone it down. This may make him more comfortable with trying it and you can eventually work your way up to heavy bondage and BDSM by taking baby steps to get there. Remember that kinky sex is again, all about perspective, and you’ll have a better chance of getting your partner to try something different if you make it a little more benign. Instead of going all out with handcuffs and rope (if bondage is your thing), try simply tying his wrists with a scarf or silk necktie. He will be more open to it if it seems really harmless – and then trying something else even more kinky won’t seem so bad!

Q&A: BDSM – How To Introduce Your Partner To Domination

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Introducing your partner to BDSM and domination can be incredibly intimidating. Your partner may be shy about trying new things in the bedroom, or they may flat out think that BDSM is too freaky. Either way, it’s possible to warm your boyfriend or girlfriend up to domination and bondage if you play your cards right.

Question: Dear Dan and Jenn, I want my boyfriend to try a bit of domination. But he seems a bit shy about doing it. How can I help him get over that shyness?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JePDjFW6Yy4[/youtube]

Taking Small Steps

You definitely can’t throw the idea of hardcore BDSM straight into your partner’s lap and expect them to be interested. That’s actually one of the fastest ways you can turn your partner off of the idea altogether. You really have to start slow when you’re introducing domination to your partner, so think about baby steps you can take and how you can start small. Try introducing your partner to bondage with a first time, introductory bondage kit complete with fuzzy handcuffs? Your partner will be less likely to be freaked out by the fuzzy cuffs and they’ll help your partner get warmed up to the real deal. Try doing a little light spanking or nibbling on your partner and see how he reacts to it. Introducing it a little bit at a time will allow your partner to process and accept domination as being pleasurable.

Introduce The Fantasy

Make sure to incorporate some of the fantasy in with your BDSM play. Don’t just tie your partner to the bed with the lights on (that is, unless, you’re doing an interrogation fantasy). That will most likely make your partner feel awkward and uncomfortable. Get your partner in the mood by roleplaying a little bit and working whatever you want to try that day into the fantasy you’re creating. Encourage your partner to try playing out their own fantasies with you as well. Try using a fantasy box, where each partner can contribute fantasies that get randomly selected on any given night. Getting your partner absorbed in a sexy fantasy will help him to want to try things he’s never tried before.

Don’t Be Pushy

If your partner isn’t comfortable with a certain fetish, don’t press him on it. Being pushy and making him feel like he’s being pressured into something he’s not comfortable with will likely have the exact opposite effect. You can’t force him to like exactly what you like or find what you like erotic. If he’s given domination a good try and he still isn’t into it, it may be time to let it go. However, introducing small things to your partner and working your way up to the big stuff slowly will help nudge your partner in the right direction without making it seem like you’re being pushy at all. Just remember not to be critical or try to make your partner feel guilty for something that they don’t want to do. If you find that you and your partner’s sexual needs aren’t fitting well, move on and find someone else who has sexual preferences that are more similar to your own.