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How To Introduce Your Girl To Bondage

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Introducing your partner to bondage – if that’s not something she’s already into – is tricky business. If you bring it up in the wrong way, or try the hardcore stuff first, you might just turn her off of bondage and BDSM for good. Here’s how to slowly introduce your partner to bondage so you have the best chance of allowing her to get into it!

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When To Bring It Up

Bringing up new things to try in the bedroom is not the best thing to do when you’re already in the bedroom. Never bring up new sex topics during sex, right before sex or right after sex. Also don’t bring it up during a fight or when you and your partner are tired and stressed out. So if you want your girl to get into bondage, when do you bring it up? Try talking to your girlfriend about light bondage during dinner, or after you both have had a couple glasses of wine. Bring the topic of BDSM or bondage up when you and your partner are both relaxed, stress free and are open to new ideas.

How To Bring It Up

If you have a fairly open and honest relationship with your partner, putting it out there as something you’d like to try may work well for you. However, if you’re not sure how your partner will react to your interest in bondage, you may want to be a little more creative on how you introduce the topic to her. Try telling her you read an article about bondage, or you have a friend that tried it with his girl and gauge her reaction to the information. If she seems interested, it’s probably okay to move forward with the conversation. If your girlfriend seems nervous, upset or even disgusted with the idea of BDSM or bondage, you can take that as your cue to zip it. Don’t get too hung up on your partner not wanting to try bondage, because there are lots of other fun ways you and your partner can connect in the bedroom!

What You Need

Assuming you and your partner have both agreed to try bondage, it’s best to start with light bondage rather than going straight for the hardcore handcuffs. There are a variety of products available online and at your nearest adult toy store that make bondage much more fun for both you and your partner. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on adult toys to start out with, but definitely get a few things such as a beginner’s fetish kit or japanese bondage rope. Don’t try to use regular rope you bought from the store – talk about ouch! You’ll have more success with getting your girlfriend to actually enjoy being tied up and tying you up if you have a few things that were actually made for what you want to do. If you and your partner really like the lighter stuff, you can consider graduating to some more hardcore bondage and BDSM. Remember to always have a safe word, and always stop whatever you’re doing immediately if your partner uses the safeword.

When Orgasms Are Dangerous… What Is Erotic Asphyxiation?

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You may have heard of erotic asphyxiation, or autoerotic asphyxiation, in the news, on television or in movies. Some crime shows and even crime fiction novels have used erotic asphyxiation themes in their storylines. But what exactly is erotic asphyxiation and why is it dangerous? Can you practice erotic asphyxiation safely?

What Is Erotic Asphyxiation?

Erotic asphyxiation is the practice of using various suffocation or choking methods to cut off blood supply to the brain, to attempt to induce feelings of dizziness, giddiness and lightheadedness. This can be done with a scarf or a rope around the neck and less commonly, with suffocation applied over the mouth and nose. These sensations are said to intensify an orgasm greatly for both men and women. Some people simply enjoy the feeling of being completely helpless during an orgasm and for others, self-endangerment is actually a turn on. Erotic asphyxiation is sometimes practiced with two people, where one partner applies suffocation to the other just before orgasm, however, autoerotic asphyxiation is more common. During autoerotic asphyxition, suffocation is applied during masturbation when a person is alone. Usually some form of slack noose is used, where a person can lean into it to create suffocation but is slack when a person is standing or sitting upright.

Why Is Erotic Asphyxiation Dangerous?

Erotic asphyxiation and autoerotic asphyxiation is extremely dangerous. Cutting off blood supply to the brain in any way, shape or form can cause brain damage at best or even death. When erotic asphyxiation is practiced with two people, you run the risk that your partner may choke you too hard or wait too long after orgasm to release you from suffocation. Your partner doesn’t know how hard to press or how long to suffocate you for, and can easily overdo it. With autoerotic asphyxiation, the risk is even greater. When you begin having an orgasm during masturbation, your body and mind lose control. You could pass out and not be able to lift yourself away from the noose or scarf you’re using, causing you to continue to suffocate and die. It is estimated that up to 1000 deaths a year occur from erotic asphyxiation in the United States alone.

Is There A Safe Way To Practice Erotic Asphyxiation?

There is absolutely no safe way to practice erotic asphyxiation or autoerotic asphyxiation. When the brain goes without oxygen for any period of time – even if it’s simply a few seconds or a minute – your brain begins the process of shutting down. If starved from oxygen long enough, the brain will shut down completely and cause brain damage and death. Regardless of whether you and your partner have a “safe” word or you think you’ll be able to stop suffocating yourself during masturbation in time, an intensified orgasm simply isn’t worth the risk of living the rest of your life as a vegetable or dying right then and there. There is no guarantee that you will come out of an erotic asphyxiation session alive or all there, no matter what you feel you’re doing to the contrary. There are a number of ways to create incredible, mind blowing orgasms without risking your life.

Best BDSM And Kink Articles Of 2009

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Kink, bondage, cuckold fantasies, cross dressing – you name it, it’s out there. Everyone likes something different in the bedroom, whether it’s traditional, vanilla sex, light bondage or something totally extreme. Our motto is as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and no one is getting hurt, it’s all good! This year, questions about bondage, BDSM and kink came in from all over the globe and we answered the questions you were asking about everything from watching your woman have sex with another man to a husband who wants to videotape his wife having sex with a donkey. No, we weren’t afraid to “go there!” Check out some of our best, no-holds barred BDSM and kink articles from 2009.

Is My Kinkiness Beyond All Others?

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Everyone has specific things they enjoy during sex, from the tame to the seemingly strange. While most people seem to fall into the so-called “normal” sex category, that is quite the opposite of the truth. Most people are actually at least a little kinky, in a number of different ways. How do you know that your kinkiness isn’t beyond all others?

I enjoy wearing a leash, collar, bit and saddle sometimes, and I sometimes enjoy being groomed. Does this qualify as a BDSM fetish? What makes people enjoy the different things they do?

 

–Tom, IN

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYTCjJTzkpE[/youtube]

A Basis Of Comparison

First of all, trying to find out if your kinkiness is considered “abnormal,” or if it’s beyond all others, you’re really fighting a losing battle. What is considered “normal” in this society? It’s all about perception, which can easily be distorted by religion, culture and even television or movies. In reality, various fetishes are common, even though people don’t always share them with others. Most people actually think that their fetish or kink is “normal” and everyone else is “abnormal,” regardless of how strange their own kink would seem to someone else. That is the true crux of the matter – why let what other people do or don’t do or what other people think or don’t think dictate what you like to do in your own bedroom?

A Colorful Variety Of Fetishes

There are probably more fetishes out there than you could even imagine. Shoe fetishes and BDSM are commonly talked about, but what about crossdressing? Asian women and men? Smoking after sex? Roleplaying? The Princess Leia slave costume fetish? Believe it or not, everyone has a little kink in them somewhere. Fetishes can arise from anything in our lives, even something stemming from childhood. Did you really like the princesses in the cartoon fairy tales? Perhaps you enjoy dressing up as them now during sex and imagining what that would have been like in the movies. Perhaps your mother enjoyed getting her nails done at a salon and now you enjoy having sex with women who have extraordinarily long, false fingernails that they use during sex. There’s no limit to what someone can like during sex!

When Does It Cross The Line?

Fetishes and kinks may seem like an intensely gray area with no real boundaries, but it’s actually quite easy to find out if your fetish crosses the line. Does it severely hurt other people? Does it involve people or animals who don’t give their consent? Does it involve anyone who is not a legal adult? If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, it’s definitely time to seek professional help. If you answered “no” to all of those questions, you still might consider talking to an unbiased counselor if you find that your fetish is taking over your life, preventing you from having healthy relationships and living a normal life. If having your fetish involves only legal, consenting adults and no one is getting seriously hurt, and it is allowing you to live a full and healthy lifestyle both in and out of the bedroom, embrace your uniqueness and enjoy your fetish!

How Do I Introduce BDSM To My Boyfriend?

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Everyone has their fantasy or fetish, and everyone likes different things. It’s part of what makes us such a sexually diverse culture! Many people are into BDSM, or bondage, whether it’s soft BDSM or really getting into dominant and submissive roles. If you like BDSM, how can you introduce it to your partner without getting rejected and possibly even involving them in your fetishes and fantasies?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m very comfortable with my sexuality and a little on the BDSM side… I’ve been this way for years. My fiance and I have done a few things, but I want to try even more – costumes, props, etc. I don’t think he knows how dark my sexual side can be. How can I bring it up to him without scaring him?

–Desiree, MO

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8kE5d01bRc[/youtube]

Let Your Partner Go First

Ask your partner what turns them on. This is not the time for a “sit down” talk, rather, you want to ask him in a very nonchalant sort of way. Bring it up if you’re watching a romantic movie with a hot sex scene, or even if you’re watching pornography together. If you’re visiting the mall, pop into the lingerie store or even the novelty stores that carry some sex toys. Asking your partner what turns them on opens them up to their own fantasies and gets their minds going.

Introduce Yourself Slowly

Don’t break into your fetish by surprising your partner with a leash and collar while wearing a full black leather outfit. You might scare them off! Try incorporating light BDSM into your foreplay and sexual routine, such as using a feather duster or even a light whip. Try purchasing some racier lingerie, or sexy shoes that reflect what turns you on. You can even suggest roleplaying light BDSM roles, such as light submission or light dominance. You might find that your partner really likes this type of sex play and begins to get more into it! If this happens, just ease into your fetish or fantasy slowly, until you’re really sharing with your partner what you like and what turns you on.

Try A Fantasy Box

A “Fantasy Box” is something you and your partner can try if you’re really shy about sharing your fantasies with your partner or your partner is really shy about sharing their fantasies with you. Write down your fantasies on a scrap piece of paper and put it in the box. Have your partner do the same. Make a “rule” that once a week, a fantasy is pulled out of the box and is enacted. If some fantasies require planning, give you and your partner enough time to purchase costumes, etc. This can even be something fun that you do together that can bring you and your partner closer! Decorate the fantasy box with things you both find sexy to make it even more fun.

No matter what, your sex life should be enjoyable and fulfilled, no matter what fetish or fantasy you like. You might be surprised – your fetish or fantasy probably isn’t as uncommon as you think it is! If your partner is freaked out by your fetish, whether it’s BDSM or something else, and you can’t work past it, consider that they might not be the partner for you. Remember – there’s someone out there for everyone!