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Will I Become Dependent On My Vibrator?

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Sex toys for women are among the most popular out there – especially when it comes to a vibrator. Many women use sex toys during masturbation and even during sex with their partners to enhance pleasurable sensations and give more orgasms. But will a woman get used to the vibrations and come to rely on them instead of being able to have an orgasm just with her hand or her partner’s touch?

Is it true that women who use vibrators for clitoral orgasm could become desensitized to getting it with their own hand or partners’ touch? I heard Dr.Drew say it on Love Line KROQ and it made me never want to buy a vibrator because I don’t want to risk my body being depended on it. Please, please help!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHLMcmLnJgA[/youtube]

What A Vibrator Does

A vibrator is a powerful way to achieve orgasm quickly and easily without having to do a lot of work to get there. Lots of women enjoy using vibrators during masturbation because the orgasms are great and it can be done quickly, without a lot of mess.

However, after using a vibrator for a long period of time (say several weeks or more), some women have reported being unable to reach orgasm without one and others reported that they could reach orgasm without a vibrator, but it was very difficult to do so. Does this mean that they are “addicted” to their vibrators and can’t reach climax without one?

Learning How To Orgasm

A vibrator is very intense – consider it a “power tool” that will help get the job done quickly and easily. This means that reaching orgasm without a vibrator should take longer than it does when you do use one. The problem here is not the sex toys – it’s that a lot of women haven’t learned how to have an orgasm without the aid of their “power tool” and automatically assume that they can’t, without taking the time or effort to really figure out how.

Instead of wondering why you’re not able to reach orgasm with your hands in the same amount of time it takes to do so with your vibrator, slow down and enjoy the masturbation process. The same goes if you’re with your lover and he’s performing oral sex on you or fingering you. It’s not going to go as fast as it does with your “power tools” and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

If It’s Causing A Problem

If you’re really struggling to reach climax with your lover or with your hands (without the aid of a vibrator) and you’ve given yourself plenty of extra time to actually get to the big “O”, you may want to consider trying to wean yourself off the power tools all together.

Try incorporating your solo sex toys into your sexual routine with your partner. Remember, sex toys aren’t just for masturbation alone – you can use them in addition to different sex positions, oral sex and manual stimulation to spice up your sex life. Doing this will help teach your brain that you can experience sexual pleasure with your partner as well, not just with a vibrator. This is because when you get used to doing something just one way (such as masturbating and reaching orgasm with a power tool only), the brain gets used to doing it only that way and will have a more difficult time adapting to doing it another way.

Other Things That Impact The Ability To Orgasm

If you’re having a difficult time reaching climax without the use of a vibrator, it may not be your sex toys‘ fault at all. In fact, there are many things that may cause a woman to become unable to climax for a short period of time. For example, you may be stressed, tired or sick. Also, some people don’t realize the fact that as men and women get older, they’re not as sensitive to sexual stimulation anymore.

If you used to be able to have an orgasm by just using your hand during masturbation when you were younger but you can’t orgasm without a vibrator now, it may be solely due to the changes your body has gone through as you’ve gotten older. Situations like that are actually a perfect time to introduce a vibrator into the mix because the body just isn’t as responsive as it once was. The most important thing with sex and masturbation is to find a balance and do what works for you!

Christian Sex Toys – WTF?

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Many people think sex toys are “dirty” or “wrong” and Christians shouldn’t use them. But there is actually nothing in the Bible says that married couples can’t enjoy sex with lubes, massage oils and even sex toys. The problem that most religious people have with shopping for sex toys in a traditional adult store is having to deal with all of the brazenly “adult” products, pictures and porn DVD’s. Is there a way that people of faith can enjoy sex more with their spouses without immersing themselves in the adult entertainment industry?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvgYkhBbnTc[/youtube]

Thou Shalt Not Use Sex Toys?

While many Christians and other religions believe that sex toys and lube are “dirty” or “wrong,” there is actually nothing in the Bible that suggests that married couples who are using sex toys together are doing anything wrong! There is nothing that says, “Thou shalt not use sex toys,” so the myth that Christians can’t enjoy these additions to their bedroom repertoire is just that – a myth.

More and more Christian sex toy stores are popping up all over the Internet (and some are even actual brick and concrete stores) that cater specifically to religious couples. Book 22 is a website that offers “intimacy products for married couples,” and The Pure Bed is an online “married couples intimacy store.” Those are just a few of these types of stores that are becoming available to this niche – a quick Internet search will reveal dozens of stores that offer similar products for Christians.

The Benefit Of Sex Toy Stores For Christians

Lots of religious married couples are interested in purchasing “marital aids” or “intimacy products” for the bedroom, but don’t want to be assaulted by the sights, sounds and smells of a traditional sex toy store. Most traditional stores like this feature nudity on posters and pictures, as well as on the DVD’s that usually line the walls. Some stores even play samples of their video products on a television in-store! While many people don’t mind seeing men and women in various compromising sex positions, this can be particularly uncomfortable for couples of faith who are simply looking for lube, massage oils, condoms or even just sensual lingerie.

Many Christians enjoy purchasing from these types of establishments because they can usually shop from the comfort of their own home, without putting their sexual desires on display for others to see. The products are shipped in discreet packaging and only the man and woman who are using the sex toys will know what was purchased and from where. Making Christians feel safe when shopping for intimacy products is the goal of most of these stores.

What You WILL Find In A Christian Sex Toy Store

If you’re thinking about purchasing sex toys from a Christian based outlet, you’ll find a lot of great items that are intimate and affordable without being crass or objectionable to religious consumers. You might find things like:

  • Lubes and flavored lubes
  • Vibrators (bullet and torpedo style vibrators are common, while dildos and penis shaped vibrators are usually not offered)
  • Massage oils
  • Intimate, sensual lingerie
  • Sex games
  • Condoms
  • Feather ticklers

What You WON’T Find In A Christian Sex Toy Store

While you will usually find the “tame” stuff at a store that caters to people of faith, don’t expect to find any of these items unless you’re looking in a traditional adult entertainment store:

  • Anal sex products of any kind
  • Pornography
  • BDSM products
  • Gay or lesbian products

Most Christians believe that sodomy is wrong based on biblical texts, so the sex toy stores that cater to this niche aren’t going to offer any type of anal beads, butt plugs or any type of anal sex product. The same goes for gay and lesbian products, since a large percentage of Christian couples believe that homosexuality is prohibited. Pornography usually isn’t available because most pornography features non-married sex, as well as activities such as anal sex that are objectionable.

Have Respect

In today’s society, everyone comes from a different walk of life. Each person has different beliefs and values, and it’s important to respect the beliefs and values of others while staying true to your own. Remember that trying to shove your personal beliefs down someone else’s throat is only going to end badly. Do what you’re comfortable doing and allow others do what they’re comfortable doing. Each person must decide for themselves what is okay for them and what isn’t, and this is part of what Christian sex toy stores are all about – allowing people to shop for what they want in an environment that feels comfortable and safe!

Pleasing Your Partner With A Strap On

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If you and your partner are looking for something to spice up your sex life, you may want to consider pleasing your partner with a strap on. In this alternative to traditional anal sex, a woman will wear a strap on dildo and please her partner anally, focusing on stimulating the prostate gland. Some men, however, are adverse to this idea – here’s how to find out if you can please your man with a strap on.

Introducing The Idea

Many women enjoy the idea of having sex with their partner with a strap on. It gives them the feeling of power and lets them experience a different side of sex altogether. Some men enjoy being on the receiving end, however, many men do not relish the idea at all. How can you find out if your man would like being pleased anally with a strap on? First, try traditional anal sex and let your partner please you anally. This is a good way to introduce him to the idea of anal play at all. Communicate with him how much it turns you on. Also, try a few roleplaying activities that allow your partner to take the role of the submissive. This is a great way to allow him to explore being submissive without diving right into anal play. If he enjoys anal sex with you and enjoys being submissive sometimes, browse a sex toy store online and let him suggest a few toys he would like to play with.

Getting Him Warmed Up

Don’t start by outright suggesting he try being on the receiving end of a strap on. Instead, give him plenty of time to warm up to anal play by purchasing a few small anal toys, such as anal beads or small butt plugs, and use lots and lots of silicone or water based lubricant. Never use desensitizing lube, because if it is painful or uncomfortable, he should stop. Once your partner really gets into anal play, try taking a look at a smaller sized dildo with a strap on. Let him know it could be a toy for both of you to enjoy!

Do’s And Don’ts Of Strap On Play

  • Don’t try any kind of anal play without lots of lube.
  • Don’t force your partner into a submissive role or strap on play if that isn’t where he wants to be.
  • Listen to him if he tells you something makes him uncomfortable or becomes painful.
  • Start small and work your way up. Always use toys and dildos that have a wide base on the end of them to prevent the anal toy from being lodged in the anus. You don’t want to risk it not being able to get back out.
  • Start slow and go slow. Anal play is not the time to be rough – stuff can tear back there!
  • Have a safety word and use it if one of you becomes uncomfortable.
  • Be open to ideas that your partner wants to try too – let him share something with you that really turns him on and make a vow to try it with him.

Q&A: My Girlfriend Wants To Do Me With A Strap On

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The act of penetrating your partner during sex is intense.  It’s a huge turn on for guys – but believe it or not, penetrating their partner (instead of being penetrated) can be a turn on for women too. Some women fantasize about having sex with their man with a strap on. Many men, however, don’t find this idea at all appealing. What do you do if your girl wants to do you with a strap on – and you’re not into it?

Question: I have been having sex with my girlfriend for 3 months now and just recently she keeps bring up the idea of her pleasuring me with a strap on. The idea scares me and I feel as if I were to go through with it I would be less of a man. How do I talk her out of it?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-vjCzzy_HE&feature=PlayList&p=400F0FDDC21B83A0&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32[/youtube]

Open And Honest Communication

When bringing up a fantasy, whether it’s your fantasy or hers, it’s important that both you and your partner be open and honest with each other. Each partner should be able to bring up a fantasy of theirs without the fear of criticism or being laughed at. That doesn’t mean you have to go along with it though. If her fantasy makes you uncomfortable (or vice versa) it’s important that you are honest with your partner and voice your concerns without being condescending or critical. Sex between you and your partner should be enjoyable for both of you, and neither partner should be forced to be uncomfortable just so the other partner can have a pleasurable experience. If your partner wants to try something that makes you uncomfortable, let her know. If she wants to have sex with you using a strap-on, let her know what about that idea causes you discomfort.

How To Say No

Whether you aren’t into the idea of playing in the mud or you’d rather keep your anus a “one way only” street, those are all perfectly sound reasons to bring up to your partner. When you’re talking to your partner about why you don’t want to have her use a strap-on on you, make sure that you use “I” terms instead of “you” terms. This is about you after all, and why the idea of her introducing this type of BDSM makes you uneasy. Be careful not to make her feel as though her fantasies are gross or wrong. She should feel safe enough in the relationship to bring her fantasies up in conversation, whether you actually go through with them or not.

She Should Respect You

If you respect your partner enough to make it safe for her to share her fantasies with you, she should respect you enough to realize that you may not want to participate in all of them. Ultimately, if you’re not comfortable with something, she shouldn’t force you to do it or become angry if you won’t. It’s your body after all. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If she doesn’t respect you enough to dismiss her fantasy and find a form of sex or BDSM that you both can enjoy in the bedroom, it’s time to move on to someone who does respect you and your body.

Best Sex Toys Of 2009

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Whether it’s a luxury vibrator, an economy dildo, a male masturbator or a clit massager, sex toys can enhance masturbation for both guys and gals, as well as enhance sex for couples. With as many sex toys that are out there, you’re bound to find one you really like. But where do you find the best sex toys? What are the most popular sex toys? Should you make your own sex toys? We just introduced a “sex toy” category this year, and here are our favorite articles from the bunch.

On a similar note, some of our favorite things in the virtual “sex toy” drawer aren’t “toys” at all, but things like great lubes and flavored condoms that help make sex safer and more fun! Here are our favorites on condoms and lubes.

And don’t miss this exclusive sex toy offer from our friends at Adam & Eve: