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What Women REALLY Want In Bed

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Sex is different for girls than it is for guys. Girls experience it differently and feel differently about it than men do. If you think you know what your partner wants when she’s having sex with you, think again! You’d be surprised at the things a woman wants and needs during nookie to get off and feel satisfied. Here’s what a girl ACTUALLY wants in the sack!

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Psychological Excitement – Not Just Physical Excitement

A woman is multi-sensory during sex – she doesn’t just want to feel what you’re doing, she wants to think about it, hear it, see it, and imagine what you’re going to do next. A woman uses her brain during sex more than anything else, so if you neglect to stimulate her mind and her imagination when you’re getting it on, you’re not going to get very far.

While girls do appreciate good technique, you can’t skate by on technique alone. If you’re totally “blah” in bed and don’t get her mind, soul, body, emotions and imagination going when you’re getting busy, it’s not going to matter if you can touch her clitoris exactly the right way. She’s not going to be able to reach orgasm if her mind isn’t adequately stimulated.

What Energies A Woman Wants To Feel

Because a woman’s emotions are so deeply involved in sex, it’s important to have the right energy when you slip between the sheets. If you have a weak energy about you – as though you’re going to ask permission to do what you want to her – she’s not going to get turned on at all. These are some things that girls really want to feel when bumping uglies:

Dominance

A woman wants to feel as though she’s with a man who is dominant. She wants to feel like he will take control of the situation if need be, and that he has the confidence to give her pleasure. Having dominance doesn’t necessarily refer to domination like in BDSM, but rather, just a man having a dominant energy and attitude about him. Make her feel like you’re the alpha male!

Variety

Girls also don’t want to do the same thing over and over when they have sex. They want variety, just like anyone else does. You may know just the right techniques but if you do them again and again, they’re going to get old after awhile. Take the time to research new techniques and try them out.

Don’t assume that because you’re good at sex and can give a girl an orgasm that you’re beyond having to hit the books to learn something new – that’s every man’s downfall. Read up on new ways to pleasure your partner and see what works and what doesn’t! She’ll love that you’re adventurous enough to bring something new to the table!

Emotion

Girls are emotional creatures – emotions govern their lives, from what they do to what they wear, what they eat and where they go. It makes sense that emotions govern a woman’s pleasure during sex as well. A woman doesn’t want to get it on with a robot – if you’re incapable of showing emotion when getting busy, your partner will get bored pretty quickly.

Instead, allow the emotions you’re feeling come through. If something feels great, don’t be afraid to say something or even just moan. Don’t be too quiet! Also, dirty talk is a great way to engage her brain during sex. It lets her know that you’re really enjoying what’s happening while also turning her on even more.

After Sex Play

You’ve heard the joke about how all men do after sex is roll over and go to sleep – unfortunately, many men actually do this! They may get up and get a drink or have a smoke afterwards, but when it’s over for a guy, it’s over. However, it’s completely different for a woman. A woman is emotionally geared up after sex – she feels intimate with you and emotionally connected to you. She may want to cuddle or talk, but she probably won’t roll over and go to sleep.

If you emotionally unplug from your partner after orgasm and go do something else, she’s going to feel disconnected from you. Even if she had an orgasm (or two or three), if she doesn’t get that emotional follow up after sex, it’s not going to end well for her. It may even discount the whole experience!

Take some time when you’re done knocking boots to stay connected with her emotionally. Lay by her side and listen to her breathe. Touch her softly and cuddle with her. Even if you can only stay awake for just a few minutes, if you’re cuddling and bonding with your partner, it will make all the difference in the world. It will also increase your chances of getting busy – and not masturbating alone – next time!

They Want Orgasms!

Girls want orgasms during sex. While it is possible for a woman to enjoy it without reaching climax, it’s just a lot better for both you and your partner if you can help her reach her peak. If a girl never has an orgasm, she’s going to feel like having sex with you is a “job” and there’s really no point in doing it at all. That’s when a guy will notice his sex life start to wane – she’s not going to get busy with you if she can’t reach orgasm.

Practice your technique and communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. Let her know that you genuinely want to please her and need some feedback on what she likes and what she doesn’t. If your partner is having problems with reaching orgasm and it’s not happening very often or at all regardless of what you do, visit a doctor and rule out any medical issues. Explore ways to make sure your partner is enjoying sex as much as you are.

Extreme Bondage – 7 Tools That Advanced Players Should Have On Hand

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Extreme bondage can be fun if you’re really into hardcore sex and kink. For serious fans of kink, chintzy blindfolds and Velcro cuffs just aren’t going to give you the same thrill as something with leather and metal. If you dig the BDSM scene, here are seven must haves for your sultry lair.

A Whip Or Wooden Paddle

Submissive personalities enjoy receiving pain, while dominant personalities enjoy giving it. While couples who dabble in light bondage play rarely go farther than a feather tickler or a light smack on the rear with their hands. However, men and women who enjoy extreme bondage need something with a little more “kick.”

A whip or wooden paddle is a excellent item to have on hand if for more intense pain. A padded paddle will be softer against the skin and is less likely to leave a deep red mark or bruising, while a wooden paddle can easily break the blood vessels in the skin when used for spanking.

Japanese Silk Rope

Restraint is the core of extreme bondage, and serious BDSM fans will have no shortage of cuffs or ties around. However, Japanese silk rope is one of the best forms of restraint around. It is smoother against the skin than traditional rope, and allows people to get into some incredibly artistic positions. While beginners can use Japanese silk rope and have a lot of fun with it, those who enjoy extreme bondage will get a lot more out of it.

A Leash & Collar Set

Domination is a common activity in extreme bondage situations, and nothing makes you feel as dominant – or your partner as submissive – as a leash and collar set. You can have tons of sexy fun leading your partner around on the leash or letting them lead you around. The leash can also come in handy in more kinky domination scenarios.

When purchasing a leash and collar set, choose a collar that both looks good and feels good on, because you may want to wear it awhile. Keep safety factors in mind and never wear a collar that hurts or is made from cheap materials. Your leash should be similar.

A Spreader Bar

Nothing provides the dom a view as good as a spreader bar does, while still keeping the sub restrained. Spreader bars come in many shapes and sizes, and can restrain anything from just the feet to the whole body. Typically, the bar is used to spread the legs wide to expose the penis or vagina, and can definitely add extra excitement to an extreme bondage scenario.

A Hood

Forget blindfolds! Serious BDSM fans will appreciate a hood instead. A hood typically covers the entire face, but may leave the eyes and mouth exposed. In some hoods, only the eyes are exposed and in others, only the mouth is exposed. Your partner will truly feel submissive when you slip the hood over their heads and have them obey your commands.

A hood that covers the mouth should be made from a material that is breathable, or be constructed in a way that allows for easy and comfortable breathing. An extreme bondage scenario can go from fun to bad in a hurry if your partner can’t breathe through their hood.

Nipple Clamps Or Vibrators

Nipple play is a lot of fun during kinky sex, although many beginners don’t use clamps or vibrators much due to the intense pain factor. However, if you’re really into feeling pain mixed with pleasure, nipple clamps or vibrators will definitely do the trick. Some BDSM fans are tempted to use good old fashioned clothespins as clamps, and while the look can definitely be appealing, they’re more dangerous.

Clothespins will easily bruise the nipples and may cause such intense pain that the sub wants to stop. You can have a lot more fun with adjustable clamps, because they allow you to dial up the intensity gradually!

A Suspension Kit

For a dom, there are few things sexier than seeing his or her sub suspended in the air while being restrained. If you’re really into the BDSM scene, a suspension kit is an absolute must have. If you’re short on funds or don’t have the space for a heavy duty suspension kit, you can have just as much fun with a love swing or an over the door model.

Make sure that your suspension kit is built to hold you and your partner’s weight combined, and that it’s made from quality materials that will hold up over time.

Should You Try Water Bondage?

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Water bondage is form of restraint that includes playing with water in addition to ropes, ties and gags. Having sex in the pool or shower is definitely fun, and restraining your partner can be too. Should you combine the two and try water bondage? Or is it really something better left to the hardcore sex lovers?

What Is Water Bondage?

Water bondage is a type of BDSM sex act where water is used in addition to ropes, restraints, gags and other equipment. The sub in this situation is usually tied up or gagged, and either sprayed or dunked. Often, the sprays are strong and painful, as this is a part of the “torture” involved in this type of activity.

Sometimes a Houdini tank is used in professional scenarios, and in intense situations, a breathing apparatus may be used as well. Breath play involves dunking the sub underwater and forcing them to hold their breath for as long as possible, giving them the sensation of  pressure on their lungs and invoking the fear of drowning.

Is Water Bondage Dangerous?

Water bondage can be very dangerous if not done properly, especially when working with a large body of water. It’s not something that should be taken lightly – it’s a very, very hardcore form of domination and most people aren’t going to be into it. You really have to be enjoy the pain or fear factor to enjoy it. Here’s why it can be more dangerous than it is fun and why you might want to leave it to the professionals:

Dunking

Dunking can be especially dangerous, because the sub is not able to speak or make gestures to let someone know if they are running out of air. This can easily cause the sub to drown, because no one really knows how long they can really hold their breath. If the dom is particularly aroused by the dunking, he or she may be more apt to leave the sub underwater for longer than they can handle.

Spraying

Spraying is another popular form of water bondage, which includes spraying high pressure streams on the sub while they are tied up or restrained. The higher the pressure, the more it hurts, so in some scenarios, the sprays will be from high pressure, industrial type hoses. In soft core scenarios, the sprays may be from a shower head or a regular hose.

Staying Safe

While this is an extreme form of BDSM and is therefore dangerous in and of itself, there are some ways that you can try to stay as safe as possible if you decide to engage in an activity like this. Going for light bondage or sex in the water can be a great way to get your “feet wet” so to speak, without engaging in the type of activity that hardcore BDSM fans like to do.

Don’t Use Gags

While a gag can be fun during other types of BDSM play, it can take the danger level of water bondage up quite a bit. Being submerged or sprayed heavily can make it difficult or impossible to breathe. A gag also makes it difficult to breathe, and when you combine the two, it can be almost impossible for a sub to catch his or her breath properly. Choose one or the other, but avoid using both.

Avoid Submersion

Submersion or dunking is probably the most intense part of this form of BDSM and is probably the most dangerous. Some hardcore fetish websites feature women or men being chained or tied up in a tub or tank, where they are barely able to get their heads out enough to breathe. This may seem erotic, but it’s actually incredibly dangerous. Spray your sub with a hose, but avoid submerging them.

Come Up With A Safe Word/Gesture

With any BDSM play, it’s important to have a safe word picked out before you start. With hardcore play, a gesture might be in order if a gag is being used or the sub cannot speak for other reasons. If you’re using a gag, do not bind the hands so much that the safe gesture cannot be used and if the hands are bound, do not gag the mouth so the safe word cannot be used. Make sure that both the dom and the sub agree that all play stops immediately if the safe word or gesture is used!

Amateur Bondage – 8 Tools That Beginners Should Have On Hand

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Amateur bondage can be incredibly hot when you’ve never done it before. It can bring some much needed spice to the bedroom when you’ve hit a sex rut with your partner, or it can simply be exciting to masturbate in a way that you never have before. Amateur bondage will let you experience all the excitement of being tied up, spanked, tickled and manipulated, without the freakishness that hardcore bondage can have. Check out these ten must have items for beginners.

A Soft Rope Or Silk Restraints

First order of business when it comes to amateur bondage is to get yourself some form of restraints. Restraints are the cornerstone of bondage! You may think you can tie your partner up with just anything you have lying around the house, but think again! If you really want to get a feel for amateur bondage and have the most pleasurable experience possible, you’re going to want to invest in something made for this kind of play.

Japanese bondage rope is great to play with because it is soft and silky, but it will keep someone restrained quite nicely. Other great options for beginners are the Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System or fuzzy handcuffs. Just don’t opt for anything like a stockade or metal chastity devices. These are for advanced users only!

A Feather Tickler

Part of the excitement of being tied up is having your partner do things to you that you don’t know are coming or that you can’t do anything to stop. Amateur bondage players don’t necessarily want to whip their partner into submission, so creating different, unexpected sensations is what amateur bondage is all about.

A feather tickler is a perfect item for beginners, because it doesn’t hurt but it will still create incredible sensations on your partner’s skin or genitals – wherever you choose to use it. While your partner is restrained and blindfolded, alternate between lightly spanking them and tickling them with the feather tickler. Your lover won’t know what to expect next and they certainly won’t be in any position to stop you!

A Breathable Gag

Gags are popular in the BDSM community, but many of them can be quite intimidating for beginners. There are, however, a variety of breathable gags that can be used for amateur bondage so you can have the fun of using a gag without the scariness of a gag that doesn’t allow for easy breathing.

While open mouth gags and pony bit gags are more breathable than some of their counterparts, they tend to look pretty frightening, especially if you’re a beginner. A small, soft, breathable ball gag is your best bet. There are even training kits that have a variety of gag sizes so you can start small and work your way up.

A Blindfold

A blindfold is essential during amateur bondage and BDSM play, because sometimes you don’t want your lover to know what you’re doing – or what you’re going to do next. Sometimes, you want to be the one wearing the blindfold! You can use things around the house, such as a silk tie or scarf, but a blindfold purchased from a sex toy store is going to be a lot more comfortable and it’s going to fit a lot better.

When choosing a blindfold, stick to something soft, silky or fur lined. There are lots of blindfolds available on the market, ranging from pink and flirty to entire face masks that look like something out of Hellraiser. Stick to the basic blindfolds at first! They will do their job just as well, without freaking you or your partner out.

A Padded Or Fur Lined Paddle

Experiencing both pain and pleasure is another essential part of amateur bondage and BDSM play. Whether you want to give or receive, mixing pleasure and pain is an incredible experience and it’s part of why BDSM play is so popular! There are lots of devices on the market that will help you introduce pain to your lover, but many of them are just too “out there” for beginners.

Instead, consider getting a padded or fur lined paddle for spanking. Spanking can actually be very pleasurable, and the rear is a great place to direct pain since it doesn’t bruise easily and is well hidden if it does. A padded or fur lined paddle will help the giving partner experience domination, while the receiver gets to experience pain mixed with pleasure without worrying about being seriously hurt in the process.

Various Sex Toys Of Your Choice

Once your partner is all tied up and blindfolded, then what are you going to do? Have some of your favorite sex toys on hand to please your partner with. Having more than one at your disposal is a good idea, because you want to keep them expecting new and different sensations.

A vibrator is a must have for women, because you can experiment with light to firm pleasure – almost to the point where it’s too much – while they’re restrained and unable to see what you’re doing. For men, a masturbation sleeve is a good option. Alternate between the masturbation sleeve and your hand. If they’re into anal penetration, have a butt plug or anal beads with you. As always, don’t forget the lube!

Surgical Scissors

Even though you’re only experimenting with amateur bondage, it’s important that you have items available to remove your partner from their restraints as quickly as possible if something goes wrong. Surgical scissors fit the bill, because they’ll easily cut through just about any type of rope or leather restraints. If you’re using handcuffs, make sure you have the key very close by and an extra hidden elsewhere.

A Safe Word Or Gesture

Never, ever engage in any type of BDSM play or amateur bondage without deciding on a safe word or gesture first. A safe word is something that you say – that is completely unrelated to anything you might or could possibly say during play that when said or heard, all play stops immediately. For example, “purple pony,” “pink tomato” or “umbrella penguin” are all great safe words. You or your partner can use the safe word if things get to be too much, and always, always honor the safe word if your partner says it – even if you aren’t ready to stop playing.

A safe gesture is also a good idea to have, because there are times when a partner is unable to speak – for example, if they are wearing a gag. A gesture can be anything you want, as long as it can be clearly distinguished from any other hand movements a person might make when experiencing pleasure and pain. For example, the middle finger is a pretty good gesture – it’s hard to pull that one off on accident.

BDSM – What Is Erotic Humiliation?

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“BDSM” stands for “bondage, domination, sadism and masochism.” However, this is just a blanket term for many different styles of kinky sex, including fetishes and roleplay, as well as less common activities such as erotic asphyxiation or erotic humilation.

While erotic humiliation isn’t generally as dangerous as activities like erotic asphyxiation, it can be just as fascinating to see exactly what gets different people off. What is erotic humiliation, what does it involve and how would you introduce it or an alternative in the bedroom?

What Is Erotic Humilation?

Erotic humilation is a form of BDSM defined by Wikipedia as the “consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another; often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity.”

Depending on whether someone has a dominant or submissive personality, the act of being humiliated or humiliating another during sex can be very arousing for both partners. Rarely does a person enjoy both humiliating and being humiliated and many sexual partnerships are formed because one partner prefers domination while the other prefers submission.

The Difference Between Humiliation And Domination

Many people may confuse erotic humiliation with domination and other forms of BDSM, because the roles are very similar. There is, however, a simple distinction between the two. Those who enjoy dominating others enjoy “commanding” or “ordering” their submissive partner do do something, and the submissive partner enjoys being “commanded” to do something. With humiliation, the dominant partner enjoys verbally or physically belittling their partner, and the submissive partner enjoys being belittled and humiliated just as much.

Verbal Means Of Erotic Humiliation

Depending on the agreement between the dominant and submissive partners, verbal belittlement may or may not be an accepted part of humiliation. However, it is much more common to see verbal belittlement in a humiliation situation than a great deal of physical humiliation. Verbal belittlement during sex might include:

  • Being a human “pet,” complete with collar and leash. This may include eating or drinking out of a pet bowl or off the floor.
  • Name calling such as “slave” or “whore”
  • Belittling the body, suggesting that it is “dirty” or “ugly”
  • Men who enjoy being humiliated may enjoy their partners belittling their penis size
  • Asking for permission to eat or use the restroom
  • Being verbally mocked or ridiculed

Physical Means Of Erotic Humiliation

When couples desire more than verbal belittlement offers, they may decide to move into more physical means of humiliation. This can be something as mild as spanking or can be very extreme. When combined with sexual activities and verbal belittlement, the humiliation factor can be very powerful. Many dom/sub couples may choose to forgo the physical aspect, or they may participate with a lighter attitude. Physical humiliation might include activities like:

  • Being slapped on the rear or in the face
  • Having the hair pulled
  • Ejaculating in the face or on the body
  • Being required to perform oral sex on the dominant partner without getting anything in return
  • Being forced to worship the body of the dominant partner
  • Physical punishment such as spanking or whipping when the submissive partner is “disobedient”
  • Torture of the nipples or the genitals

How To Approach Erotic Humilation In Your Relationship

If you’re interested in erotic humilation, you may be unsure of how to approach the subject with your partner. Remember that while being open and honest about your sex fantasies is extremely important, going slow and giving your partner time to warm up to the idea is even more so.

The first step is to determine which of you has a dominant personality and which of you has a submissive one. If you and your lover are both dominant or both submissive, erotic humiliation is generally something that won’t work well in your sexual relationship. Ease into it slowly, by introducing one new concept at a time and only when your partner seems ready for it.

If You’re A Sub

  • Offer to be you lover’s sex slave for the day and see what happens
  • Tell your partner you’d love to be spanked during sex
  • Come to bed wearing a collar
  • Experiment with handcuffs and bondage
  • Ask him to call you his “slut” or his “whore”

If You’re A Dom

  • Pinch your partner’s nipples during sex (not too hard without the green light first)
  • Ask your partner if they’ll be your sex slave for the day
  • Go shopping with your partner for sexy accessories, like collars or tiaras
  • Ask your partner to give you a blowjob or go down on you without reciprocation
  • Ask your partner to let you ejaculate on their face

Special Note: Never be derogatory or dominant towards your partner without their knowing and consent first. Not letting your lover in on what’s going on before verbally belittling them or physically humiliating them will only end very, very badly.

Pubic Humiliation

Another aspect of erotic humiliation which may be arousing to both partners is public humiliation. Sometimes, consenting partners will use verbal belittlement in public and very rarely will they humiliate physically in public. However, some couples may be part of groups that also enjoy this activity and may have “sex parties” in where one or more subs are humiliated in front of the crowd.

Alternatives To Extreme Humiliation

If the idea of humiliating your partner or being humiliated turns you on, but you’re not ready to go to the extreme with it, start small and work your way up. Alternatives to more aggressive forms of humiliating might be:

  • Nibbling or biting your partner
  • Spanking or asking to be spanked
  • Light bondage
  • Dirty talk with a dash of humiliation thrown in
  • Online or long distance humiliating