online dating – Page 16

5 Tips For Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right

Be realistic. We are all searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right but everyone has flaws. Set your expectations high but not so high that nobody can meet them.

To search for an accomplished, educated, attractive partner is realistic. Insisting your potential partner must have a Phd., be wealthy, with model looks, is not.

Stay positive and have fun

Plan your dates around activities that you both enjoy so even if things don’t work out, you have fun in the process. You may meet a lot of people you aren’t interested, but don’t give up. Think of your search similar to that of searching for a great job. It takes a lot of work but the payoff is well worth it.

Try different things

Experiment with various ways to meet new people. Don’t just try online dating, rather also allow your friends and family to set you up, take up a new hobby to meet someone with similar interests and actively put yourself out there so you can meet new people.

Stay true to your morals

If a date tries to pressure you into sex early on, simply move on to the next because there is a high probability they are pressuring others also. In this dangerous world we live in, practicing abstinence not only protects your health by protecting you from sexually transmitted diseases, it also prevents someone from using you like a piece of meat.

Write a great online profile

In order to find the person of your dreams, you need to have an eye-catching, well-written profile that tells a lot about you, including your likes AND dislikes. Overly sexy profile user names or photographs attract the wrong type of person. Treat your profile like a resume and spend some time on it by making sure you use proper grammar, punctuation and spelling. If you are searching for someone who has never been married with no children, say so.

Screen, Screen and Screen Some More

Ask a lot of questions and listen to your instinct. If something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t. For example, if your date says they are a doctor, ask them a series of medical questions.

If your date says they are single, phone them between the hours of 8p-11p and if they always have their phone turned off or an excuse for not answering, you may be getting involved with someone who is already committed because these are the times usually spent with a significant other and family.

It is imperative that you screen your dates as early on as possible because getting involved with the wrong person can destroy your life.

There are many different services on the internet where you can do a background check to see if you may be getting involved with a con-artist, an abuser, a convicted felon or a pedophile. It’s especially important for single mothers to screen their dates because pedophiles target them for access to their children.

It’s crucial not only to do a criminal background check on the person but also a character check on their relationship history. Women can research a man’s past relationship history on WomanSavers.com for free and men can do so at RateB4UDate.com.

We inspect our home before buying it, we have a mechanic check out a car before purchasing it, it’s simply naive not to check out a person who you may potentially be spending the rest of your life with.

In order to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, you need to be able to filter out all the wrongs. By taking some precautions, using your gut instinct and doing your homework, you can increase your chances of meeting the person of your dreams.

To learn more about Stephany Alexander, visit www.WomanSavers.com.

9 Tips for Better Online Dating Profile Pictures

By nml

One of the best ways to capture someone’s interest when dating online, is a great picture.

One that is blurry, outdated, is of you and your kids, or a group of people might not be the best choice.

Here are nine tips for choosing the best picture to get their attention.

Start by having a picture in your personals profile

When your photo is absent from your personals profile it says that you’re scared of something.

Now it doesn’t matter that you may be scared of someone who knows you discovering that you meet people online; the lack of photo may be interpreted as:

too scared for people to see what you look like
you’re hiding something

Pictures will give you a far higher rate of success. Rather than go through the rigmerole of not putting up a photo, them asking you for one, and then giving them one, and then maybe hearing from them, maybe not hearing from them….jeez, I’m exhausted just typing that. Just put up your picture.

I beg you to choose a decent photo

Let’s cut the BS. Online dating sites are like a marketplace full of…products…some would say ‘cattle’. Now, much like in the supermarket, eye-catching and attractive products that market themselves well, rise up the shelf for people to see them.

If you fail to choose a photo that represents you in the best light, you are adding extra work to a prospective pursuer because they end up having to ‘visualize’ what you may look like when you’re not clowning around/obscuring your face/making dumb faces/fading into the dark. They may read the finer detail (your profile) but coupled with a decent photo, you have a higher chance of success.

Choose a photo that is representative of you

I’m not even going to let you read between the lines of this – Do not under any circumstances use a photo that you borrowed out of a magazine, royalty-free image service, or the photo frame you just brought. This is the dating equivalent of a violation of the trade description act.

Opt for a photo that has you looking relaxed/happy/friendly

You may think that pouting or setting your jaw makes you look hot but other people may think you’re a bit scary. People don’t want to decipher whether you are mean and moody like your picture – let your photo reflect the positives about you that you should have been mentioning in the written part of the profile.

Don’t be obscure or abstract

My brief foray into dating online had me being confronted with pictures of the sun, churches, trees, and pets. I don’t want to date the sun, church, or a tree, and I don’t want to mess with any pets!

All these photos show is that you like pictures of the sun, you’ve been to a church, you’ve hung by a tree, and you like putting up a picture of an animal more than you do of yourself. As an aside, showing a pet doesn’t prove that you’re caring and sharing. Ladies in particular are no longer fooled by that little trick.

Accentuate your best features

Look at yourself in the mirror and pose as you would for the photo. Now let’s say that all you see is a mirror full of gum and the back of your throat – is this what you want prospective dates to see? Practice smiling until you either find a photo that makes you look attractive or, you discover that big wide open smiles aren’t for you and go with a ‘candid’ photo. It would be a wise idea to ensure you look well groomed in the photo as opposed to ‘just got dragged backwards through a bush.’

Make it a close up

Of your face that is. If the person needs to squint or try to get you on zoom, you’re not close enough. It goes back to – what are you trying to hide?

Be careful of other people

If there are several people in the photo, choose one where you are the dominant person in the photo – you need to be the focal point. If the photo is too busy or you’re fading into the distance, they won’t even know who you are.

Remember that if there are only two of you in the photo, people may draw conclusions. Obviously, don’t post a pic of yourself with your ex!!!!

I love kids…but not in profile pics

If you are successful in meeting someone, they have plenty of time to meet your kids. Until then they really don’t need to be in the photo with you on a dating site, whether they are yours or someone else’s.

5 Dating Don’ts for Divorced Dads

By jason

Dating as a divorced dad has the potential to feel like writing with the opposite hand; it’s the same dating you’re used to doing, but you’re going to be doing it differently.

As a married man you’re used to going out on dates with your spouse. Dates could be simple things like a trip to a local outdoor market, maybe dinner, and then home.

Perhaps they were a quiet dinner and then a movie before bed. They had the potential to be quality time spent with your spouse doing things you both enjoyed together.

Now that you’re back “in the wild” dating could be a huge eye-opener for you. The things that worked while you were married may not work now that you’re single and looking.

1. Don’t Talk About Your Past Marriage

This is the cardinal rule for dating after divorce. Don’t talk about your marriage unless specifically asked and keep it to a minimum. Use your best judgment about what you can share but any discussion of your ex can lead to more questions that you may not want to answer. Early in the relationship anything you say can, and will, be held against you for future reference.

2. Don’t Get Into a Rut

It’s easy to get comfortable doing the same thing over and over again like going to the same places for dinner over and over again. Don’t bring your date to the same place for dinner often; it’s monotonous and has the potential to tell your date that you aren’t original. Not only that you’re telling her that you’re possibly mundane and boring.

This leads me to the next point.

3. Don’t Skip The Romance

Women love romance. They thrive on it in many shapes and fashions. Remember to keep this in mind when planning a date. Do something romantic like taking her to a romantic show or a fancier restaurant. If you are going to cook her a meal, decorate your place with roses, a nice wine, relaxing and romantic music she enjoys and make her feel special.

Romance is about showing your lady how much you enjoy making her happy and showing her how you feel. Many guys that I know are romantic with their ladies even if they aren’t good at telling them how they feel.

4. Don’t Expect Magic… At First

Culture through television, books, magazines and advertisements have slowly driven us to the point that we expect “magic” to happen in our relationships from the start. Movies and television shows continually drive into us a concept of love at first sight. These things are definitely possible but tend to be extremely rare.

Dating is about getting to know the other person, learning about who they are and what they are about. It is your opportunity to present yourself as a possible mate and companion who can compliment their personality, and they yours. If you are serious about a person you should try to put forth the effort to know that person as well.

The goal of a first date, if you’re interested in the other, is to make it to a second date. The goal of a second date is to make it a third date, etc.

5. Don’t Force It

If you aren’t into her, then be upfront and tell her that you enjoyed your time together but you don’t feel you’re compatible. Maybe there’s not much of a connection there and you aren’t really that attracted. It’s important to make sure she understands this even if she’s more into you then you are into her.

This goes both ways. She may not be that into you. It isn’t the end of the world. The ocean is large and there are many, many fish. She may be honest and tell you that she isn’t or she may make it apparent by not wanting to go out again or continually brushing you off.

Don’t take it personally, most people hate confrontation and they don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings. Go into a date with an open mind and remember that you’re both here to get to know one another, not to meet before running to the courthouse to get married.

Dating is about fun and enjoyment. Meeting people new is exciting and fun and just because you don’t make good “mates” doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Just keep in mind that dating, like most other things, requires work and what you put into it you will get out of it.

Dating the Wrong People? Change Your Dating Ideal

By lavalife7

Rachel had a problem. A serial dater of musicians, she’d finally had enough of their broke-ass, wannabe rock star ways.

The Rock Star

Substance abuse issues, financial woes, and ceaseless yammering about plans for their bands had given her a bad case of the “what-am-I-doing-with-my-life?” panic. At 35, the fashion-and-lifestyles writer for a big-city daily newspaper realized that, if she was ever going to have a family, the way to go about it wasn’t risking her hearing and sanity at noisy dives ’til 2 in the morning.

The object of desire that had seemed so exciting in her 20s and early-30s — the non-committal man who was always the center of attention and could hold his own in a conversation about Exile on Main Street — suddenly seemed like a dead-end. It was time for a change.

But deciding to make such an alteration is one thing. Actually following up is quite another. After all, Rachel was a rock ‘n’ roller at heart who had worshiped at the altar of Mick Jagger for most of her life.

What was she going to do with a stable and financially secure 9-to-5er who golfs on weekends? But then she met Ben — a secure, older guy whose idea of a wild time was speaking Klingon at a Star Trek convention. More on him later.

Most of us have an ideal in mind, a list of desirable qualities we carry around with us. These may be traceable to all manner of formative experiences — childhood attachments, pop culture milestones, sub-conscious archetypes (if you follow Jung).

Is it purely physical?

On the surface, this could mean a preference for hair color, body type and/or foreign accents. For instance, Madeline, like Rachel, has had a predilection for the bad boy/rock star type, but says, “I’m not sure it’s so much what they do as how they look.”

The 34-year-old philosophy professor traces her preferred physical type back to reruns of the old Little Rascals TV show. “My first crush was on Alfalfa,” she says. “I still like that type, I guess — dark hair, pale skin, kind of gaunt-looking.” Which, it just so happens, matches the look of a couple of musicians she’s dated.

Or maybe it goes a little deeper?

On another level, one might demand someone with similar interests, whether it be kayaking, off-track betting, or sharing ideas.

Jeremy, a 37-year-old software developer with a fine arts background, always had the intellectual type in mind — someone with whom he could discuss the novels of Vladimir Nabakov. And if she looked like Kate Winslet, so much the better. “I let a lot of great women go, just because they didn’t conform to this idea I had in my mind,” he says.

Changing the ideal

As we live and learn, however, our criteria changes, whether consciously or unconsciously. “I don’t have an ideal, but I have some guidelines,” says Jennifer, a 27-year-old yoga instructor and dancer.

For instance, she doesn’t want to date someone with a kid again or who’s been married before. And she’d prefer someone older, “but not too much. And I used to not like blondes, but I’ve opened up on that idea.” Loosening up on that strict list of criteria can open a whole world of dating possibilities you might never even have considered.

Jeremy’s ideal also changed over time. “I hate to sound all New Age-y and crap, but it suddenly hit me that I was chasing something I’d never find,” he says. “Or that I might find it but that it wasn’t what I necessarily wanted. Or needed.

“Now, he says, he’s keeping an open mind. “As long as she doesn’t smoke. Well, a couple of cigarettes at a party are okay. And it would be cool if she could hold her own at Grand Theft Auto.”

Change your priorities

In Rachel’s case, she decided she had to alter her priorities if she was ever going to get the life she wanted. Unfortunately, the experiment with Ben didn’t lead to a baby shower.

“We were just too different,” she says. “I still like him, and he’s a super-nice guy, but it just didn’t work.” Still, she feels she’s learned something. “That I can’t make such a radical shift — it’s a bad idea. I went from rock ‘n’ roller to what I thought was geek chic. It was too different.”

Her next date turned out to be no more suitable. “He was so effeminate and nerdy and totally opposite of what I like. And he turned out to be gay,” which is very difficult for a woman to work with.

She’s optimistic, though. “I’m online now, and I saw a guy in a Motorhead T-shirt with the opening line: ‘Can cook, need critic.’ That’s my dream guy — someone who cooks and knows a little about music. Someone who doesn’t ask me, ‘Whose version of “Crazy” is this?’ when it’s by Willie Nelson, who only has one of the most distinctive voices ever!”

Madeline’s predilection for the rock star type has led her through a short relationship with a now popular indie rocker and a more recent long-term association with a producer/musician. But now she’s skewing older, wealthier, and preferably with a summer place in Cape Cod.

“I want someone who’s going to look at me and say, ‘Wow, what a hottie,'” she says. “And who’s not going to be out chasing strippers.”

That said, Madeline had a date all lined up after our interview. She was excited, because he has an accent. Not that that’s part of her ideal. But he does sound “like a cross between Robyn Hitchcock and Syd Barrett,” she says, naming two rock stars. But at least this guy owns his own place.

Click here to meet sexy singles near you at our recommended online dating & personals website.

Online Dating? 5 Signs You Should Run Like Hell!

By lisaquirke

Sometimes the big bad world of online dating can be very confusing. It seems it gets harder and harder to know when to trust a potential date. Use these 5 tips to know when you should pursue a connection or run like hell.

1. He takes no time to get to know you

So you get an email from someone telling you they’re interested in getting to know you. You check out the profile and see potential. Then you reply saying you are interested as well. The next email says, “Great! Let’s meet!”

Whoa Nelly! Slow down there just a bit. Two emails, especially short one or two liner emails, are not enough here. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not telling you to drag it out for months or even weeks, but do give it a few days at least.

But maybe more importantly, make sure you are having conversations with substance. You should be talking, asking questions, and really getting to know each other before a rushed meet. Otherwise, how do you even know he’s someone you want to know. And vice versa.

I learned this lesson the hard way recently with a date. He had emailed saying hello. I emailed back asking how he was. The very next email asked if I wanted to meet.

I agreed and was in for not only horrible date, but one that ended in text message harassment and physical threats.

Was that a bad call or what? I had no idea what I was getting into and, obviously, I made a bad judgment call. Don’t make the same mistake.

2. He makes you a goddess in 2.5 emails

This guy will woo you with romantic notions and flowery words. He will become “hooked” in record time and will proceed to fill your head with more cornball notions than you’ve ever seen or heard before.

One of the problems here is that, at first blush, it’s easy to get caught up in it all. That part of you that has been single and feeling less than desirable is thinking, “Well, it’s about time!” Back away for awhile and try to look at the conversation objectively.

If he immediately started in with nothing but excessive compliments and talk of finally finding the “one,” you have a problem. Not only that but if, in those first few emails, you suddenly have much more in common than it seemed from his profile, he may be telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

One guy I was chatting with didn’t have an occupation listed on his profile. When I suggested we perhaps after getting to know each awhile we might want to exchange phone numbers to continue the conversation, he responded that he didn’t have a phone. After all, he is a teacher too and being one myself, I could empathize with the amount of money teachers don’t make.

Really? Kind of a coincidence isn’t it? And, if we were really both in the same profession, I would have thought he would have mentioned it sooner.

3. He doesn’t respond to what you say

He emails. You respond by commenting on what he said. You throw in some observations and ask some questions. He replies completing ignoring the questions and responding only to a few ideas–ideas that he introduced into the conversation to begin with.

Maybe he’s flattered you by asking for more pictures which you obligingly send. Tit for tat right? But when you ask for more pictures of him, he completes ignores the request. The same applies if you ask questions regarding his profession or occupation, his kids, or previous relationships.

4. He’s so hot, but…

You get an email, open the profile, and then start drooling all over your keyboard. Wow! Could someone that hot really be interested in me?

Stop. Reign in your hormones and check out the rest of the profile. Is that one unbelievable photo the only one? Does it look like it came with the $7.95 picture frame he just bought?

If so, this dude very well not be who he claims to be. Can you say 350 pounds in a wife beater? Not only that but, if he’s posting a fake picture, it’s a relatively safe bet that the rest of the profile is fiction as well.

5. He just seems fishy

If things just don’t add up, he is probably not who he says he is. If he changes what he says or things he says don’t match what his profile says, these are first signs he may be lying. Other signs would be if after chatting for awhile, he won’t exchange contact information or shows no signs of meeting.

I met a guy a few years ago who completely fit this bill. He purportedly had a civil government job which required he split his time between two states. After exchanging phone numbers and missing his call any number of times, I realized that he was only calling during the day. Voicemails always said he would try me again and never suggested I call him, and there was always excuse as to why he couldn’t call in the evening.

Also, I never heard from him on the weekends. He only emailed and called Monday through Friday. Pretty good sign he was either married or had a girlfriend at the least.

Stay safe and trust your gut

The biggest thing is to trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, then something is probably wrong. If you find yourself going against your instincts, it just means that he’s very good at making women trust him. He’s got the whole game down to a science. Walk away.

It really almost goes without saying that you should never provide personal information too quickly, and yet many women make this mistake. While I am usually very guarded about such things, I have found myself lately revealing too much, too soon in some cases.

When the guy in #1 started harassing me with texts and I talked to my boss about it, his first question was “Does he know where you work?” Thank goodness I could honestly answer “No.” And yet there have been many cases when I have given that information out without a second thought. It becomes easy to become complacent, so until you are really sure you know someone, caution should be the rule rather than the exception.