Believe it or not, a lot of men have problems with sexual stamina – most of them just don’t last long enough in bed before a girl can get warmed up enough to start to have an orgasm. This can lead to very unsatisfied women! What can you do to improve your sexual stamina so you can spend the kind of time in bed you want – pleasuring your partner and enjoying yourself at the same time?

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Rushing Into Penetration

Penetration feels so great to guys that that’s what they’re angling for every time – and often, they rush into it! They’re so ready to get their groove on that they often forget that for a woman to have an orgasm, she needs to be warmed up properly. Most of the time, rushing into vaginal penetration is a huge turn off to women. They often don’t have enough lubrication down there if they’re not turned on, and this can even make for uncomfortable or painful sex. If a guy wants to try to last longer in bed, one popular method to try is using your brain to think of something else – for example, dead puppies or your grandmother naked. This is not the way to go guys! You know that joke about how a man only has enough blood to run either his brain or his penis, but not both at the same time? There’s some truth to that – if you’re thinking about your grandmother naked to try to get yourself to last longer in bed, you’re going to become turned off enough that your penis grows soft. Even if it doesn’t, your partner WILL notice that you’re not paying attention to her and she’ll get even more turned off. So what do you do?

Control Your Breathing

A man’s natural instinct is to start breathing hard and panting when he becomes turned on and engages in sexual activity. To help yourself to last longer, try breathing in and out normally, focusing on taking deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Kind of like when you exercise – there’s a reason they have you breathe that way, you know. To help you last through your workout! You can apply the same concept to sex and help yourself to last longer before you have an orgasm.

Focus On Relaxation

Some men don’t give credit to mental relaxation or meditation, but it can help delay your climax during sex. When you’re penetrating your partner, focus on how it feels instead of focusing on the end result. Center yourself, and be aware of everything around you. Focus on control of the situation and the acceptance of what you’re feeling, but don’t get too deeply involved in any thought you’re having or you’ll end up in situation #1.

Relaxing Your Muscles

Our natural instincts are to tense up our muscles when we’re close to having an orgasm – it’s one of the things that actually helps us to have an orgasm. However, if you’re trying to last longer in bed, tensing up your muscles can actually be counterproductive. If you want to really relax while having sex, try using a different position, such as your woman on top, so you can lay back and enjoy the sex, rather than thrust and be in control of it.

The three most common sex positions that involve the woman being in control of the action are, of  course, her on top facing you (cowgirl), her on top facing away from you (reverse cowgirl) and doggy style.

Doggy style might at first seem like a position in which the man is in control, but in reality, quite often the girl will start to move backwards and forwards, and well, you get the idea. She takes control and the guy stands or kneels as the action goes on.

So, with two of these positions in mind, how do you control your stimulation levels without stopping the action? Well, you don’t.

Controlling Stimulation Levels Without Stopping the Action

You use the Distract and Direct technique. Here’s how. Let’s say your partner is on top of you, in cowgirl. She’d riding you and it’s all good. Then you start to feel yourself moving rapidly up the stimulation scale, past a 5 and towards a 7.

To clarify, the stimulation scale is something you can use in your head to identify how stimulated you are and therefore how close you are to reaching your climax. 0 is not stimulated at all. 3 is somewhat stimulated but still in total control. 6 is where you really start to feel stimulated.

If you carried on with this level of stimulation, you’d rise to the next number on the scale: 7. 7 is where you’re very sexually stimulated. When you go above a 7 on the stimulation scale, you get close to the point of no return which is a 9. Passing the point of no return means you’re definitely going to ejaculate, no matter what you do.

By the time you reach 7 on this scale, you want to know that you’re going to be able to adjust the action in a such a way that will allow you to slowly bring your stimulation level back down.

Bringing the Stimulation Level Back Down When She’s On Top

Here’s how. She’s riding you and has been doing so for a minute or two. You reach 7 on the scale. You say to her,  “That feels so good. Come here, I want to kiss you.” She’ll then bend down to kiss you, so instead of sitting up straight, she’s now on top of you, with her head near yours and her chest pretty much parallel to your torso.

Distract Her With Kisses

Start kissing her and slowly take over the action. Because she’s leaning forward so much, she’ll naturally stop or vastly slow down the amount of bouncing and grinding she’s doing. You can now place your hands on her rear and take over the thrusting AT YOUR OWN SPEED.

This gives you the chance to get back to where you want to be on the stimulation scale. So, kissing her is the distraction and taking over the thrusting and movement is the direction. When you’re ready for her to start again, stop kissing her and bring your hands back to your sides.  She’ll naturally sit up again and take over once more.

Bringing the Stimulation Level Back Down in Doggy

There’s no agreement or discussion here, It just works by itself because of the change in body positions. Now let’s imagine you’re in doggy and she’s controlling the back and forth movement. You realize you’re around the 7 mark on the scale.

You need to distract and direct. Distract by leaning forward a little, reaching around her waist and rubbing her clit. This will make her slow down her movement. Now slowly begin to take over the thrusting, until you’re going at a fair speed. At which point, lean back so you’re vertical again and carry on. When you’re ready for her to take over once more, stop thrusting and she’ll feel a natural urge take control again.

The Distract and Direct technique works so well because the girl always feels like she’s the one controlling the action, even when, for a minute or two, you take over. She doesn’t realize this happens because she gets distracted by kissing or rubbing or something. Before she knows it, she’s back controlling the action. This makes sex feel two-way, shared and therefore damn good, for you and for her.

You can’t have penetrative sex without using at least one sex position. And some people say you can’t have really good sex without using at least two or three sex positions.

So what does this mean for a guy who suffers from premature ejaculation? On the face of it, it doesn’t seem to mean much.

After all, what difference does a second or third sex position make when you come two minutes into the first one? However, the truth is that sex positions can be a premature ejaculator’s greatest tool when they’re used correctly.

What Difference Does the Position Make?

Here’s how.

Let’s name 4 sex positions.

• Missionary position (you on top, as she lies under you).
• Spoons (you both lying on your sides, with you behind her).
• Cowgirl (her on top, facing you).
• Reverse missionary (she lies totally flat on her belly, you kneel—with one knee on either side of her body—above her)

You need to perform these in the order shown above next time you have sex, or, if you can’t complete them all in one session, over the course of several sexual encounters.

Setting the Sexual Stimulation Scale

Now we need to set up a stimulation scale in your mind. Make 0 mean absolutely no sexual stimulation. Make 5 mean fairly sexually stimulated. Make 7 very sexually stimulated. 8 should be close to coming. 9 should be right on the edge, just before the point of no return and 10 should be climaxing.

You’re going to perform each position for as long as it takes you to reach a 7 or 8 on the stimulation scale. While performing each position you should ask yourself the following questions (either silently, or as a discussion with your partner).

1. How tight does this feel on my penis?
2. How intense is the stimulation on my penis?
3. How quickly is it building up the stimulation?
4. How long does it take for me to go from 0 to 8 on the stimulation scale while in this position?
5. How easy is it for me to bring myself back down the stimulation while in this position by altering my thrust speed, depth and angle?

Determining Which Sex Positions Give You Control

By asking yourself the questions above, you’ll be able to determine exactly which sex positions afford you the most control of your stimulation levels and which afford you the least.

Based on this information, you can then rank them from the most intense to the least intense and then, you guessed it, use them in this order during your subsequent sexual encounters. Don’t worry about it getting samey. You can still mix it up a bit.

The important thing is that you now know which positions are a big no-no when you’re already on the edge of coming. That’s a very, very useful piece of knowledge to have when you have premature ejaculation. It will allow you to add up to 10 minutes onto your sexual performance.