One of the main reasons men suffer from premature ejaculation, which simply means reaching orgasm before they ideally want to when they have sex, is because they have a negative mindset. And it’s not surprising when you think about it.

Mind Over Matter

Our minds rule our bodies. If we are sad, we cry. If we are happy, we smile and walk confidently. And, yes, if we have the wrong mindset, we guys can climax too early during sex. Here’s how it works.

Let’s take an imaginary guy called James, who reaches orgasm too soon. He knows this and is very, very conscious of the fact that he wishes he could last longer and satisfy himself and his partners more.

He’s been sexually active for a few years, it doesn’t really matter how long. The point is, he’s not happy with his performance. Fast forward to a sexual encounter.

How Negativity Influences The Outcome

Even before foreplay has begun, as soon as the opportunity or chance to have sex has arisen, in the back of his mind is the nagging thought, “This time I’d like to last longer than I have in the past, but will I ejaculate too soon?”

Already, either consciously or subconsciously, his performance is tainted with negative emotion. It’s providing extra pressure he really doesn’t need.

Before sex he was thinking about foreplay, during foreplay he’s thinking about how he’s going to satisfy the female, and all the while at the back of his mind overshadowing his thoughts is that question, “Am I going to ejaculate too soon?”

This technique focuses on bringing you into the present and avoiding the negative emotion that’s brought on by thinking about what has happened in the past, or what might happen the next time you have sex.

Totally aside from sex, you can witness how we operate on auto-pilot. Everyday, we’re taking ourselves out of the present and into the future when we really don’t need to. Walking down the street you’re thinking of work, at work you’re thinking about sex, during sex…well, we know what you’re thinking about during sex.

The point is, to fully relax and focus and enjoy sex for long periods, you need to be in the present. Inadvertently thinking about what might happen, ejaculating too soon, takes your focus off what is actually happening: you’re moving up the stimulation scale.

How Close Are You to an Orgasm?

This in turn hampers your ability to identify how close you are to an orgasm, making its prevention impossible.

This technique has one simple goal: to increase your self-awareness and bring you back into the present during sex. It’s used during the plateau stage of sex, the hard part, where keeping control of yourself is the most important and difficult.

What you need to do is, every now and then, ask yourself a couple of simple questions in your head. “Do I feel tense or relaxed?” and “How close am I to reaching orgasm?”

It’s really important you say the questions in your head and not just “think” them. Actually say each word.

The first question uses a simple psychological principle to relax you and bring you into the situation at hand. If, after asking yourself if you feel tense, you notice your shoulders are tight, or that you’re tensing your stomach when it’s not necessary, you don’t need to think of what to do next. Your shoulders automatically drop and your tense mid-section relaxes.

Asking yourself the second question, “How close am I to reaching orgasm?” is something you should be doing throughout sex identifying where you are on the stimulation scale. This brings you into the present and focuses you, but actually saying the question in your head once in a while is doubly effective!

When tackling the problem of premature ejaculation, it’s easy for a guy to only think about sex from a male point of view because, after all, coming too soon is a male problem.

But this is a mistake. When you think about it, there are certain key similarities (and differences) between the sexes that, when understood, can help you extend your sexual performance.

The Similarities

Both sexes have that feeling that sexual stimulation and sensation are building in their ‘private regions’. They both get that sudden feeling about five seconds before they come when they know it’s going to happen. Those a few of the similarities.

The Differences

But there’s also a key difference between the male and female orgasms which is worth taking note of. It concerns breathing or not breathing during the minute or so before the orgasm could technically take place.

If a woman unconsciously holds her breath for the minute or so before she could potentially come, it will tend to delay her orgasm. In other words, make it harder for her to come.

However, if a man holds his breath for the minute or so before he could come, it will tend to make him come faster. God knows why this is the case, but it is.

So when you are having sex and want to delay when you come, you should always focus on doing the following:

• Breathe slowly and in a regular fashion. Don’t take random breaths only when you need them.

• Breathe deeply, focusing on your lower chest and belly. Expanding your belly as you breathe helps you take in more air, which relaxes you and keeps you calm.

• NEVER hold your breathe. Just don’t do it. It tenses you up and puts you on edge, making you much more likely to come too soon.

By breathing deeply and regularly in the way described above, you’ll be able to reduce anxiety and increase your ability to always be totally aware of the sensations you’re feeling in and around your penis.

The natural result? A longer, more pleasurable sexual experience for you and your partner.

If you suffer from premature ejaculation and want to remove it from your sex life, the first thing you must do is ascertain how much of a problem it is for you. Which of the following sums up most closely how long you can last in the sack?

• Less than one minute
• Between one minute and two minutes
• Between three minutes and five minutes
• Between five minutes and ten minutes
• Always under 15 minutes

The Worse Your Problem Is, The Better

The higher your choice is on that list, the worse your problem with premature ejaculation is. But that’s okay, in fact, it’s a good thing. You now know what you’re dealing with. Now you need a technique to tackle the problem. The triple ‘S’ technique is a perfect method to start with. Here’s how it works.

When you have sex with your partner, it starts out fine. You’re enjoying it and able to control your stimulation levels. However, as you continue, your stimulation levels grow rapidly and start to get out of hand. Finally, they get too high and make you ejaculate too quickly.

Taking Action Ahead of Time

The key to solving the problem is taking action before the process just described can complete itself. Here’s how. Start having sex as normal. Carry on until you feel your stimulation levels growing to a point at which you know they’re becoming unmanageable.

Slow Down

You now need to use the first ‘S’ of this technique: slow down. It’s simple and easy. Just slow down the speed of your thrust action. Also alter the depth of your strokes, to make the penetration less intense. Once your stimulation levels have dropped to a more manageable level, you can increase the speed and depth of your strokes again.

Stop

Continue for as long as it takes for your stimulation levels to get out of hand once more. It doesn’t matter if this is 30 seconds or 3 minutes after you applied the first ‘S’. Now you’re going to apply the second ‘S’, which is ‘stop’. Stop the motion completely and deflect your attention onto another part of your partner’s body.

Rub her clit, kiss her lips, massage her back…do whatever you want until your stimulation levels have dropped once more.

When they’re back to normal, initiate penetration again. Keep going until you’re getting close to the edge. By this point, you’ll probably notice that even slowing down or stopping aren’t going to allow you to continue for much longer.

Squeeze

You need to apply the final ‘S’, which is ‘squeeze’. When your stimulation levels soar and push you close to the point of no return, withdraw your penis from your partner and squeeze it hard at the end, right on the head. This sounds a little brutal, but it really isn’t. Squeeze and pinch it until you feel the sensations subside, then carry on having sex.

By using all three of the S’s of this technique, you can effectively extend your sexual performance by up to 7 minutes…the first time you try it. Just imagine what the application of other sexual stamina building techniques could do for you.

Do you want to last longer in bed but have no idea how? Think of sex like a running a race.

I’d like you to imagine you’re an athlete whose specialty is running the 1000 meter race. Your goal is to run or jog around the 1000 meter track in the shortest amount of time possible. Simple enough, you’d think. Just run as fast as you can.

But that’s not how it works. If you were to sprint at your maximum speed as soon as the starting gun sounded, you’d soon be so drained that finishing off the rest of the 1000 m would be impossible. The real way to do the run is to pace yourself and be acutely aware of how tired you are and how strained your body is getting at each point in the race.

By having this heightened awareness of what’s going on in your body, you are able to configure your speed to an extremely fine degree, optimizing it as you go. Now, the subject of this article is not how to run well. It is, as the title suggests, how to last longer in bed.

Running the Race is Like Having Sex

The reason I just described the running of a race is because the same principle applies to when you have sex. If you aren’t absolutely aware of the sensations in your body, you will find it impossible to configure your performance and make it last longer. Here’s how to develop this awareness.

• Set aside half an hour when you know you can relax, undisturbed.
• Arouse yourself until you are erect using whatever method works for you.
• Now start to masturbate at a medium speed. As soon as you start, pay attention to where on your penis you are feeling the sensations of pleasure.
• Begin to pick up speed and increase grip strength. Focus on how the sensations of pleasure change, both in their location and their intensity.
• Spend about five minutes varying the speed and technique you use. During this time, pay close attention to the feelings you’re experiencing. You should notice that, as you continue to masturbate, there will be a growing sense of pleasure in the head of your penis and down at the base, on the topside. Feel how this begins to increase and become more noticeable as you continue.
• Now get the point of almost climaxing and try to detect exactly how it feels. Notice every wave of pleasure, where it starts, how long it lasts…every little detail.
• Keep on the edge of coming for as long as it takes to experience all of the changes in sensation and stimulation you can. Then come and see how the feelings subside.

Building Understanding and Awareness

This kind of experiment builds your understanding and awareness of what the sensations in your penis are as you get aroused and how they change as you get closer to your climax.

This is crucial knowledge when attempting to improve your sexual stamina, because when you have sex, you will know what every little feeling in your penis means at any given time in regards to how close to coming you are.

You’re then free to slow down, speed up, change positions, or do whatever is right to avoid climaxing too early and continue having sex with your partner.