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Sex Tips: I Like Kinky Sex But He Doesn’t – How Can I Get Him To Try It?

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Lots of people like kinky sex, but lots of people don’t. If you really enjoy kinky sex but your partner isn’t into it, you’re probably wondering how you can convince them to just give it a try. There are ways you can soften your partner up to what you like in bed, but you also have to keep some things in mind, like respecting your partner’s boundaries. Here’s what you want to know about getting your partner out of his vanilla sex “funk” and into the world of kink.

Question: I like kinky sex but he doesn’t. How can I get him to maybe try it?

–YouTube Viewer

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Kinky Sex Is All About Perspective

What is kinky to some is completely benign to others, so keep that in mind when trying to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to kinky sex. For example, some people may think that simply having sex with the lights on is super kinky, while others delve deep into kink with lots of bondage and BDSM. Think about what you are wanting your partner to try and what they’ve tried before – is there a big difference between the two? Are you wanting him to try sex with a strap on when all he’s ever done is light bondage? If this is the case, think about toning down your idea of kink to better match what he’s tried already so you’re not too outside of his comfort zone.

Respect His Boundaries

Everyone has their boundaries when it comes to kinky sex, and it’s important for two people in a relationship to respect those boundaries. You may be very into kink, but there is someone somewhere out there that is probably into doing some things that you definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with. Imagine if you were in a relationship with someone who wanted to push your boundaries and try to convince you to do something that made you really uncomfortable – you definitely wouldn’t appreciate it and it would probably do harm to the relationship. So think about the situation in reverse. You may think your idea of “kink” is ok, but your partner may not. It all goes back to each person’s perspective – there is no “standard guideline” for what is ok and what isn’t. It all depends on the person and where their boundaries are. So it’s definitely important to respect your partner’s boundaries and avoid pushing him too far past them. If you push them too hard to try kinky sex, they may run the other way.

Finding The Right Approach

How you approach the topic with your partner is critical to whether or not they will actually be open to trying what you want them to try. Talk to him about how to spice up your sex life is important, but doing it at the right time and in the right way will make the most difference. Don’t try to talk to him about it while you’re having sex, right before you have sex or even right after. Get it? Have the conversation completely outside of the bedroom, at a time when you’re both relaxed and enjoying spending time together. Avoid being critical of your partner at all costs – this is not a “Why won’t you do this, there’s nothing wrong with it” conversation. If he even smells a hint of criticism in your words, he will lock up and probably won’t hear a word that you say. Instead, approach the topic by letting him know how much a particular activity turns you on and how much it turns you on to imagine doing it with them.

Modify Your Kink

So you want to try tying him to a chair and having your way with him – but he’s never so much as tried light bondage before. Consider modifying whatever you want to try a little bit and tone it down. This may make him more comfortable with trying it and you can eventually work your way up to heavy bondage and BDSM by taking baby steps to get there. Remember that kinky sex is again, all about perspective, and you’ll have a better chance of getting your partner to try something different if you make it a little more benign. Instead of going all out with handcuffs and rope (if bondage is your thing), try simply tying his wrists with a scarf or silk necktie. He will be more open to it if it seems really harmless – and then trying something else even more kinky won’t seem so bad!

8 Tips For Sinful Sex

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Plain, vanilla sex is good. It really is. Like a bowl of warm chicken soup on a cold winter day, vanilla sex can be comforting and sometimes it’s just what you need. But sinful, decadent, sizzling sex is like the dark chocolate raspberry cheesecake you know is going to blow your diet – but you want it and you want it bad. Instead of following your same sex routine tonight, try these simple tips to turn up the heat in the bedroom and make things really naughty.

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Wear A Garter Belt

It’s true – a garter belt is the stuff that most men’s fantasies are made of. Garter belts simply say, “I’m naughty! Let’s do naughty things together.” Slip a garter belt on under your favorite outfit when you’re going to dinner and afterwards, slip it off and let your man marvel at what’s underneath. Just make sure you don’t take it off when you do the deed – and leave your heels on too for good measure. Almost naked sex can sometimes be even better than fully naked sex if you do it right.

Have Confidence

Confidence is super sexy. No matter what you’re doing in the bedroom, whether you’re giving him a handjob, a blowjob or just having sex, act confident about what you’re doing and your skills in the bedroom. Don’t be so quick to turn out the lights or bury your face in his shoulder during your orgasm. Instead, let the confident, sexy woman in you out to play.

Look Him In The Eyes

Looking your man in the eyes is a great way to show him confidence and make him see you as a super sex vixen. Instead of closing your eyes when giving him a blowjob or having sex, look him in the eyes and let him know how much you’re enjoying it.

Lick Up And Down His Body

Instead of just keeping your tongue on his lips – or in his pants – lick up and down his body as though you just can’t get enough. Start with his toes and work your way up, going as slow or as fast as feels good. He’ll love the feel of your tongue in places he hasn’t felt before, such as on his legs and his chest.

Play Innocent

Introduce a little role play in the bedroom by suggesting to your partner that you’re “innocent” and need him to teach you how to do naughty things. Bat your eyelashes and look up at him coyly, all while doing very naugty and sexy things to him down there. He’ll really enjoy showing you all the things you’ve “never done before.”

Masturbate In Front Of Him

Most women cringe at the idea of getting caught masturbating by their guy, let alone masturbate in front of him. But guys love masturbation (heck, they do it all the time) and watching you do it is the ultimate turn on. Show him how you like to be touched by touching yourself, and don’t hold back when it comes to having an orgasm. Bonus points if you are able to ejaculate! You just might open your eyes after the big “O” and notice that he’s been touching himself too!

Try Anal Sex

If you’ve never tried anal sex before (and aren’t against it for some reason) try introducing a little anal play in the bedroom. You can start small with small anal sex toys such as tiny butt plugs or super skinny vibrators, or you can use your fingers. Just don’t forget to use a very generous amount of lube before you try anything having to do with the anus. It’s definitely not self lubricating like the vagina is. The appeal of anal sex is that it’s so “taboo” and it’s something that you’re “not supposed to be doing.”

The Reverse Cowgirl Sex Position

Men are visual creatures and having something to look at while they’re having sex can make sex absolutely explosive for him. Turning the lights on while having sex is a daring but very rewarding move, but if you really want to be sinful in the bedroom, try the reverse cowgirl sex position. This sex position involves the woman being on top, but reversing herself so that she is facing his feet. Many women are apprehensive about letting their guy see all their lady bits up close and personal, but this is where a good dose of confidence comes in. He’s going to absolutely love watching you slide up and down his penis, no matter what!

Sexy Halloween Costume Ideas

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Halloween isn’t too far around the corner, so it’s time to start thinking about sexy costumes and what you want to wear to halloween parties or in the bedroom with your partner – or both! Here are some great ideas for sexy halloween costumes that will make you the talk of any party and make your partner want to rip your costume off when you get home.

Cliche Costumes Make The Best Ones

Sure, you may think a sexy nurse or police officer is cliche, but these are actually some of the sexiest and hottest costumes available! Everyone loves a nurse in garters or a police officer in tall leather boots. If you think that by picking a common sexy costume that you’ll show up at a party wearing the same costume as someone else, think again. Many websites offer different versions of the same costume, so you can choose the one that’s just a little bit different than all the rest! You’ll love being the center of attention at any halloween party, and of course, you’ll want to incorporate your costume into the bedroom at home and give your partner amazing sex!

Spice Up Your Costume With A Wig

If you really want to be different on Halloween, try looking for a wig to go with your sexy costume. Have you picked out a sexy genie costume? Try going with a blond ponytail instead of your long brown hair. If you’ve picked something darker, such as a police officer, a mafia girl or even a hot assassin, why not go for a short, razor cut dark bob? Pairing wigs with your costume can take your look from “sure, that looks good” to “Damn! Who is that girl?!?” Taking your sexy costume to the next level with a wig is a bit like taking your normal sex routine up a notch with oral sex. It just adds that little something extra!

Plus-Size Sexy Costumes

Don’t think that you can’t wear a sexy costume just because you’re a little bigger around the middle. Most websites have plus size versions of their best costumes, so you can choose the costume that best flatters your body shape – it’s kind of like selecting the right size condom for your partner’s penis. Don’t want your spare tire to hang out? Choose a one-piece sexy nurse costume instead of the two-piece, or add a black leather bodice to your police costume to help cover up your flaws and make you look thinner! A one piece sexy school girl outfit can flatter a lot of body shapes, but perhaps the best costume for large tummies and busts is a barmaid-type costume. A full skirt will hide your thighs and a criss-cross bodice will cover up your midsection. A ruffled top enhances a large bust, so you can flaunt your assets while hiding what you don’t like about yourself. Finding a costume that you feel comfortable in (and that you can have sex in any sex position in without worrying about what’s hanging out) is the key to looking great on Halloween. Confidence and knowing you look good in whatever you choose to wear is what will turn heads and make you feel like a Halloween sex vixen!

How To Deal With Your Partner’s Secret Diaper Fetish

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So your partner has a diaper fetish or diaper sex fantasy. Weird? Perhaps to you. However, the “diaper lover” and “adult baby” community is a surprisingly large and growing community filled with people who enjoy wearing diapers during sex, having their partners wear diapers during sex, and those who simply enjoy wearing diapers or using pacifiers. While your partner certainly isn’t alone in his diaper fetish, it can definitely seem strange or even disgusting to other people. So how do you deal with your partner’s secret diaper fetish?

What Is A Diaper Fetish?

A diaper fetish is a strong like or even obsession with diapers. These people are often called “diaper lovers” or “DL’s” for short, and while it may seem at first that the diaper lover is into pedophilia or infantophilia, they’re absolutely not. In fact, pedophiles and infantophiles are very much shunned by the diaper loving community. Some diaper lovers enjoy using diapers during sex and enjoy their partners wearing diapers during sex, however, others may not feel that diapers are sexual at all. These types of diaper lovers are often called “adult babies” and simply enjoy wearing diapers because they feel or look good to them. Adult babies may also enjoy wearing child-like pajamas, playing with children’s toys or even sucking on pacifiers. A diaper fetish is actually no different from a foot fetish, a smoking fetish, a cross dressing fetish or any other type of fetish.

So Do I Try It?

If your partner has confessed to you that he would like to wear a diaper during sex or would like to see you wearing a diaper during sex, you may be taken aback or even a little freaked out. This is very normal for people who don’t have much experience with fetishes at all or have never heard of a diaper fetish. It may take you some time to get used to the idea and get comfortable with the fact that your partner is a “diaper lover,” let alone considering trying it yourself. Stop and think about it though. Your partner’s sex fantasy could be something that really brings you and your partner together emotionally and sexually. Or it could be something that drives a wedge between the two of you. Your partner may not break up with you or leave you because you’re uncomfortable with trying his fantasy, however, it’s always going to be hanging out in the back of his mind. You have the opportunity to make his wildest fantasies come true and be a sex goddess in his eyes. If it’s not hurting anybody, why not?  However, after giving the subject some deep thought, if you’re really and truly uncomfortable with it, don’t let your partner pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.

Going Through With It

If you’ve decided to try wearing a diaper for your partner, it’s going to seem very weird and strange at first. In fact, taking a trip down the “adult diaper” aisle may send shivers down your spine. But if you’ve thought about it and decided to try it, try to put your freaked out thoughts aside. Start slow though and don’t rush into it. Try purchasing a pack of diapers for yourself and checking them out when your partner’s not around so you don’t feel any pressure to like them. Put one on and see how it feels. If you try a diaper for the first time in front of your partner and aren’t at all comfortable with it, your partner may feel hurt or betrayed when you rip the diaper off, throw it in the trash and get as far away from it as possible. Trying diapers out by yourself allows you to form your own judgements without the pressure of having your partner waiting with bated breath for your reaction. If you’ve gotten that far and aren’t thoroughly wierded out, try wearing a diaper on your next date. Surprise him by leaning over and whispering to him, “Guess what I’m wearing underneath my pants?” Let him feel the crinkle of the diaper for himself. You would be amazed at how turned on he’ll get if diapers are truly his deepest, darkest fantasy!  

It Goes Both Ways

Sex fantasies and fetishes are often harmless if they happen between two consenting adults and no one is getting hurt. However, if you try his diaper loving fantasy, it’s only fair that he try one of your fantasies. You may not have any deep, dark, secret sex fantasies but for example, if bondage is really your thing and it’s not his, it’s only fair that he play along. Try setting up a fantasy box where each of you can put in your own fantasies, wants and desires for sex. Pull out a fantasy whenever you and your partner want to do something fun. It could be your fantasy that ends up getting pulled out or it could be his!

BDSM Around The House – Things You Can Use For BDSM That You Already Have!

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It’s common to want to try a little BDSM and bondage without a trip to the whips-and-chains store. You don’t want to spend the money on expensive toys but it just doesn’t seem like real BDSM without some props. Here’s what you can use for some fun bondage play that you probably already have at your house – or that you can get easily without spending a lot of money.

In Your Kitchen

Using a spatula for light spanking (or hard spanking if that’s what you prefer) might have already crossed your mind, but you might have dismissed it because it seems so cliche. But what about that naughty fantasy of a nearly naked cook punishing you for trying dinner before it was ready? A simple spatula can be a lot of fun with a little imagination. Smooth fruits and vegetables can be used for homemade sex toys, such as using a very large cucumber as a dildo. Make sure it’s clean and smooth, without rotted places or rough places on the surface. NEVER insert anything into the anus that isn’t a sex toy built with a wide base specifically for anal play – it might get lost in there and warrant you and your partner a trip to the emergency room.

In Your Bathroom

A feather duster can feel divine when your partner tickles you up and down your body, especially if alternated with light or firm spanking. You may not, of course, keep a feather duster in your bathroom (or in your house for that matter) but they’re available at virtually every store and are extremely cost effective. They are definitely less expensive than their red and black sexy feather tickler counterparts. While the sexy feathers might seem more enticing, who doesn’t like a nice “French Maid” sex fantasy? You can even bring “bathroom cleaning supplies” such as soap or lotion and offer to clean up your partner’s genitals.

In Your Bedroom

Your bedroom has lots of fun BDSM toys inside, including scarves and ties that can be used for sexy blindfolds and restraints. Bondage may sound played out, but never underestimate the power of being blindfolded and tied up and not knowing what your partner is going to do to you next. Looking for something a little less blase than bondage? Try experimenting with shoes. Even if you don’t have a strong shoe fetish, experimenting with stilettos can be super fun. You can create both pleasure and pain with a sexy high heel and you’ve probably got a really hot pair of heels or even boots lying around somewhere. Don’t forget that your closet is also a great place for sexy costumes, even if you don’t seem to think so. Pair knee high boots with your normal black bra-and panty set for a hot surprise, or put on one of your partner’s white button up shirts and ties for a sexy just-from-the-office strip tease. There are lots of great roleplaying ideas that will utilize clothes you already have, such as a sexy librarian, a school teacher or a sexy pool boy or handyman. When it comes to BDSM, you just have to use your imagination!