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Q&A: Safe Sex – Using The Withdrawal Method

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There are a number of different birth control methods that work well to drastically reduce the risk of pregnancy or contracting sexually transmitted diseases, but many guys insist on trying birth control methods that don’t really work at all! A lot of guys want to pull out, simply because it feels better than wearing a condom. Here’s why you shouldn’t pull out and how you can have safe sex that still feels great.

Question: Hey Dan and Jennifer, I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 23. He wants to use the withdrawal method, but it’s not always effective! How do I tell him?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X9_aAjAZZM[/youtube]

Why Pulling Out Doesn’t Work

Simply put, if a penis touches a vagina without protection, there is a risk of pregnancy involved. Even if there is no penetration, if there is genital to genital touching, the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or becoming pregnant goes up. This risk, of course, goes up the more contact there is. Consider the penis a loaded gun. There are most likely sperm present before ejaculation, whether it is because ejaculation took place not long before, or because pre-semen or pre-ejaculate can contain sperm as well. It takes only one sperm to get a woman pregnant, although millions are present in very small amounts of semen. Not only are you taking a risk of becoming pregnant or getting an STD simply by allowing a penis to touch your vagina without some sort of protection, you are also taking a greater risk by trusting your partner to pull out at just the right time when he’s on the brink of orgasm. This usually ends in disaster! Statistically speaking, the withdrawal method has a pregnancy rate similar to having completely unprotected sex.

Other Methods Of Birth Control

Condoms, of course, are the number one form of birth control. They are easy to purchase, easy to use and protect against both pregnancy and STD’s. No other form of birth control does all those things. However, if you’d like to forgo using condoms, there are many different kinds of birth control you can use so you can still have great sex safely. First, you and your partner need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Make a committment to each other that you will be monogamous, so once you and your partner are given the green light, you can continue to stay disease free without a condom. Do not have sex without a condom until both of your test results come back! To protect against pregnancy, talk to your doctor about different forms of birth control. Hormonal birth control, such as the pill, the patch or the shot are popular, while barrier methods such as spermicide and diaphragms are also still being used. You can also consider doubling up with a hormonal and barrier birth control method. Talk to your doctor and talk to your partner about which options are right for you.

No Glove, No Love

If you want your partner to wear a condom, he needs to wear a condom. If he doesn’t, simply put your foot down and state that there isn’t going to be any sex without a condom. If you’re not comfortable with the withdrawal method or other forms of birth control, your partner needs to respect that. There are tons of great condom styles out there, including large and small condoms, non-latex condoms for men who are allergic to latex, flavored and scented condoms, colored condoms, glow in the dark condoms and much, much more! There’s no reason that using a condom during sex can’t make it safe and fun!

Questions To Ask Before Sex

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Before doing the deed with a total stranger, it is recommended to have an open discussion about sexuality, safe sex and STD’s. Ideally, coupledom should start this way, with both parties opening up and talking about the people they had sex with, the last time they had an HIV test, and whether or not they’ve always used protection during sex in the past.

But we all know that a conversation like that will kill romance and will make the date feel more like an interrogation than a prelude to sex.

So, should you just let the burning questions in your mind go unanswered? Of course not! There are ways to ask without being a “mood killer.” Tactful perseverance and the ability to read between the lines are the skills you need to make your new partner open up without feeling affronted.

For instance, you want to ask about condom use. You can start with a discussion on which condom brands are the best, which ones you have tried, and whether the condoms he brought with him are thin enough. From there, you can progress to questions on safe sex and number of sex partners.

Here is a list of questions to ask before sex…

Sexual Preference 

Is he bisexual? If you ask about gender preference, you should also be ready to talk about your own preference.

You must also be prepared to hear something you do not want to hear. For instance, your partner might have been a woman in the past, or he was gay before he met you.

Safety

Was there a time when he did not use condoms? If your partner was in a long-term relationship (or he is in a long-term relationship with someone else), ask about his reasons for not using protection.

Maybe he wanted to have kids? Maybe he felt safe in a monogamous relationship? You can also mention something about latex allergy and how you are wondering if he is allergic to latex. Again, you must also be prepared to share your safe sex stories with your new lover if you open this topic.

Kinky Preference

Any S&M tendencies? What is kinky to you might be commonplace to your new partner. If your fetishes jive, you may have found your soul mate.

Ask about favorite sex positions, fetishes and the like. In addition, ask whether he engages in anal sex. You wouldn’t want your partner to surprise you with anal sex when you’re not ready for it, would you?

When you ask questions before you have sex, you have no choice but to take the answers as they are. You do not really know whether or not your new partner is lying. After all, he might assume that telling the naked truth may just turn you off completely.

Nevertheless, it’s still best to lay your cards on the table when you are about to get naked with a guy you just met. Be alert and watch out for inconsistencies. He may be saying one thing and doing another, so watch out.

First Time Sex Tips – 3 Important Health Concerns

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We women have been taught that first time sex is a painful experience. This notion of a painful first time affects us more than we know. We end up dreading the event and we feel tense during what we call a “trying ordeal.” I disagree with that.

Sex for the first time should not be thought of as painful. It should be a celebration of love and a grand entrance to the world of adulthood. For the first time ever, you are sharing your body with someone who is also into you.

It is a special experience, but you do have to know some important health issues linked with first time sex. Remember, you are going to have to take care of yourself more now that you have started to become sexually active. If it’s your first time, here are some important health tips you should know about…

Always Demand That He Use A Condom

If you are a virgin and he is not, there is a chance that he will be a bit lax when it comes to protection because he is entering “unchartered territory.” This means he knows he’s fairly “safe” with you because you never had lovers in the past.

However, you should always ask him to use a condom, even if it’s your first time. It’s not that you do not trust him to be able to pull out at the critical point, or that you don’t trust his judgment when it comes to his choices of the women he slept with. You just know that accidents could happen and safe sex is still the best practice.

Always bring a condom with you whenever you feel that your man is looking forward to sex after your date. This will eliminate his excuse of forgetting to bring one.

Rinse With Warm Water

I can tell you this – the first entry is uncomfortable, but the painful feeling will come after the first sex. However, you can feel “comfortable” before and after sex by being constantly lubricated. This can be achieved by intense foreplay before sex and rinsing with warm flowing water after sex.

Rinsing properly after your first time will also make sure your wound begins healing minutes after you had sex. And, the best part is, you can go at it again after you rinse if you continue with after play. Lubrication whether with your own fluids or with warm tap water, will increase your comfort.

Clitoral Orgasm

After the break in, you may feel sore in there, and he should know this. But what if you are still willing to go for another round? It’s not surprising that you didn’t reach climax during the first time. You were tense and you were anticipating sex to be painful. Clitoral orgasm for the second time sex is the answer to this dilemma.

Instead of deeper penetration, ask him to concentrate his caresses on the outer part of your vagina. He can use his fingers to probe deeper, but not so deep that you feel tense with discomfort. With your vagina sensitive and tingly after you’ve rinsed with warm water, you should feel the pleasure of clitoral orgasm more intensely.

Q&A: Help! My Girlfriend Does NOT Want Me To Use A Condom

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While using a condom is a great way to protect yourself and your partner from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, not everyone likes the way a condom feels. Both men and women can find condoms uncomfortable, and many find it harder to orgasm when using one. Are there other ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s?

Question: I have a problem. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to use a condom while having sex. I’m telling her that we must use it to prevent pregnancy. She is telling me that there is other ways of contraception, but she doesn’t want to have a condom in her. What other simple ways you can suggest to prevent pregnancy? And what should I do? Should I talk to her more about using a condom?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD5nPgGfv0U[/youtube]

Why Doesn’t She Want To Use A Condom?

If your partner doesn’t want you to use a condom, try to find out what it is about condoms that make her so uncomfortable. Does she have a latex allergy and she doesn’t know it? Is she sensitive to spermicide in condoms, or does she simply not like the way that it feels? There are a number of different kinds of condoms available, including polyurethane condoms for those with latex allergies, scented and flavored condoms, textured condoms and condoms without spermicide if she’s sensitive. Try getting a “goodie bag” of condoms together (you can buy a mixed lot of condoms easily online) and suggest trying them out.

Other Forms Of Birth Control

There are other forms of birth control available, such as the pill, the patch or the shot. But none of these contraception methods help to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Unless you are absolutely positive that you are both monogamous to each other and have had recent, completely negative STD testing results (and no unprotected partners in between), you just can’t be sure that you won’t transmit or contract a sexually transmitted disease. One of the best ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s together is for the woman to use a form of hormonal birth control such as the pill or the patch in addition to using a condom. This double layer protection is the best way to ease your mind and let you have fun with your partner without worrying about STD’s and pregnancy.

No Glove, No Love

Ultimately, you decide whether you’re comfortable using a condom or not. Don’t let your partner pressure you into not using a condom if you don’t feel comfortable with it. You and your partner may find an alternative birth control method that works well for the both of you, but make sure it’s something you are comfortable with too. Remember though that the end decision lies with you. If you don’t want to have sex without a condom, don’t do it and don’t let anyone else tell you that you have to. There’s nothing wrong with insisting that you be safe and if your partner ends the relationship because of it, you’ll regret that a lot less than an unwanted pregnancy or ending up with a sexually transmitted disease.

Q&A: Birth Control Advice

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Having sex for the very first time inevitably brings lots of questions with it. Not only are you thinking about how first time sex is going to feel or if it’s going to hurt, you’re also thinking about how to protect yourself against pregnancy and STD’s. Should you go on birth control or just use a condom only?

Question: This summer me and my boyfriend are planning on having sex for the first time ever. We know how to put on a condom but I don’t have birth control. Do you have any advice for us? We are really not ready for a kid and we need your help!!!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h–2okgOh7o[/youtube]

Double Layer Defense

Condoms are absolutely essential to use if you want to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. But there are other ways to protect yourself against unexpected pregnancy too. If you really don’t want to get pregnant, think about having a double layer defense when you start having sex. Hormonal birth control is something you can add to condom use to give yourself extra protection. The condom will help keep the sperm from entering the vagina, but even if a few escape, your birth control – if taken correctly – will have prevented an egg from being released and fertilized by those rogue sperm. A double layer defense is the best way to go if you just aren’t ready for a kid right now in any way, shape or form.

What Kind Of Birth Control Is Right For You?

Once you’ve decided to take birth control, it’s time to visit your doctor. You can also visit the your local health department for free or low cost services. Your doctor will perform a cervical exam to check for cancer and sexually transmitted diseases, as well as doing a breast exam. Part of becoming sexually active is being responsible enough to make sure your body is healthy. Your doctor can talk to you about the best type of birth control for you, because there are a number of different types to choose from. Oral contraception is the most popular choice but there are other forms of hormonal birth control as well. If you are one to forget a daily pill, you might want to talk to your doctor about using a birth control ring, patch or injection.

Think Ahead

Another part of becoming sexually active is being responsible enough to think ahead. You know that having sex means you could possibly get pregnant. You’re doing everything you can to prevent that from happening, but there is a very small chance that you could get pregnant anyways, regardless of everything you’re doing to the contrary. The only absolutely 100% effective form of birth control is abstinence. Take some time before you have sex to talk to your partner and think about what you’ll do if you do accidentally get pregnant. There are a several options in front of you should that happen, including adoption, abortion and becoming a parent. Decide what you’ll do if you get pregnant now, so if it does happen, you’ve got a plan.