Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for sex advice

Q&A: BDSM and Fetishes – When Your Fantasies Don’t Line Up

By

Everyone’s sexual fetishes are unique, and it’s not uncommon for two people who like very different things to be in a relationship together. Can you and your partner find sexual satisfaction together and bond sexually when you both like completely different things in the bedroom? Here’s how.

Question: I am currently going out with someone that likes BDSM and cross-dressing, some humiliation as well. The problem is as much as I love him and would like to please his every desire, I just dont seem to be able to understand the deal with BDSM or humiliation. I’m not into it. He doesn’t want me to do these things if I’m not into them. He says he loves me and doesn’t mind being with me, even if I cant seem to get into his fetishes.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PS0ATAuipZo[/youtube]

Have You Tried It? You Might Like It!

If you partner has a fantasy or fetish that you don’t seem to be interested in, such as BDSM, bondage or humiliation, steering clear of these in the bedroom is going to make you more comfortable sexually. However, if you haven’t tried it with your partner, you might consider some light bondage next time you and your partner have sex. Your partner will really enjoy anything that relates to their fantasy and you might find that you like it! Don’t try anything you’re super uncomfortable with, but trying new things in the bedroom isn’t a bad idea.

Be True To Who You Are

If you’ve tried to share your partner’s fantasies and fetishes and just can’t seem to get into them, don’t force yourself to do things that you don’t like. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it and it’s important that you be true to who you are. It’s also important that your partner is true to who they are and if they like something, it’s essential not to criticize them about it. While you don’t have to be a part of it if you’re not comfortable with it, it’s important to allow your partner to be themselves. Being unable to find sexual satisfaction together because you both like different things in the bedroom may cause issues later on in your relationship but if they’re not bothering you or your partner now, relax and let it go. You can cross that bridge when (or if) you get there.

Find Fantasies That You Do Share

Try to find some fantasies that you and your partner both like. If you and your partner think you’re totally sexually incompatible together, you might be surprised that there are a few things that you both actually have in common. But you won’t know unless you try! Talk to your partner and be open and honest with them about what turns you on and what doesn’t. Listen to them openly about what they like or don’t like. Browse adult toys online, or even adult videos that might interest you both. Just because you aren’t into his fantasies doesn’t mean you can’t find something that you both really enjoy!

Q&A: How to Fix A Cheating Partner

By

If you’ve ever been cheated on, you know the pain and anguish that accompanies it. The feelings of rejection and helplessness are almost unbearable, but rest assured there is something you can do to help the situation. Here’s how you can help change a cheating partner – if they’re willing to change too.

Question: How can one change a lady (or man) who cheats a lot?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHAhSSvRN3g[/youtube]

Cheating Is A Result Of A Need Not Being Met

When a partner cheats on another, it is usually because some physical or emotional need isn’t being met. Many partners have affairs because they don’t feel appreciated or feel confident and seek the approval of someone else to satisfy that need. They may not be getting enough sex or having satisfying sex, or they may want to feel in control or have repressed anger towards their partner that they’re not letting out. Either way, the one thing that is common between almost all cheaters is that they have some kind of need that they aren’t getting from their current partners. Once you begin to understand the reasons behind cheating, you can begin to move foward.

Help Make Your Relationship Better

If you want your partner to stop cheating, talk to them about it. Ask them what they need to have in your current relationship to feel satisfied and let them know you’re going to do your best to meet those needs. If it’s purely sex, ask them what you can do to make sex hotter and more satisfying for your partner. If your partner is seeking the approval of someone else, stop and think about how you’re treating your partner in the relationship. Are you putting them down? Do you criticise them often? If so, your partner may be seeking time with someone who simply dotes on them and enjoys spending time with them without the criticism. Take the time to analyze exactly what is behind your partner’s cheating, because it may not be what you think. Make the initiative to change the relationship and try to meet those needs at home, so your partner doesn’t have to look elsewhere.

Is Your Partner Willing To Change?

That said, you can only do so much to change the relationship to try to meet your partner’s needs. Your partner must have the desire to stop cheating and work on being more involved in the relationship too. They must be willing to not only change themselves, but they have to be open and honest enough to let you know what is truly causing them to cheat. If your partner simply shuts down when you try to talk to them about how to change the situation, flat out denies cheating (with substantial proof otherwise) or doesn’t desire to change their ways at all, it might be time to think about moving on. You deserve to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship with someone who is faithful to you and that takes two people to accomplish. When a partner cheats, it takes two people to fix it. Both partners have to be willing to make changes.

Q&A: Losing Erection When Masturbating: Is That Normal?

By

Many men have experienced the loss of their erection at one time or another, whether it was just once or twice or is a regular occurence. If you lose your erection during masturbation, does it mean you have erectile dysfunction? Here’s what to do if you find yourself going soft just when you want it to be hard.

Question: Is it normal for an erection to go down quickly if you stop masturbating?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLE1rsn456M[/youtube]

Losing Your Arousal

Whether you’re having sex or masturbating, if you get distracted in some way or lose your arousal at all, it’s perfectly normal for your penis to lose its erection and become flaccid and soft. You might have just had a random picture of your mother in law pop into your head or the phone rang or someone came to the door and interrupted you. If you’ve stopped masturbating all of a sudden for some reason, you will most likely lose your erection if you don’t get back to it quick enough. The same goes for having sex. If you stop out of nowhere and stop giving your penis adequate stimulation, you will definitely go soft. You may go soft right away or it may take just a few minutes. Annoying, yes. Something you should be worried about? Absolutely not.

After Ejaculation

After you ejaculate, whether you’re having sex or masturbating, it’s normal for the penis to go soft pretty quickly. After ejaculation, your penis senses that its work is done and it doesn’t need to be at the ready anymore. Some men go soft pretty much right after having an orgasm, while others stay hard for just a little longer. Longer erections can occur with certain medications, including Viagra, even after you’ve ejaculated. If you experience a persistent erection for longer than 4 hours, call your doctor or go to the emergency room immediately.

Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction is something that is more common among older men, but it can happen at any age. If you find your penis losing its erection during sex or masturbation, regardless of how much you stimulate it, you might have erectile dysfunction. Having ED doesn’t mean that your sex life is over – in fact, many men who have erectile dysfunction lead normal, healthy and satisfying sex lives. If you routinely have problems with your erection, it’s time for you to see your doctor. They can lead you in the right direction. Don’t worry about being embarassed – you won’t be their first case of erectile issues and you certainly won’t be their last. No question is silly or stupid and if you’re uncomfortable with your current doctor, see another one that you’re more comfortable talking about your erectile issues with. It’s important to find the root of the problem here, because erectile dysfunction can be caused by either physical or emotional problems or a mixture of both. Your doctor may refer you to a sex therapist or a more specialized doctor, or they may decide to treat you themselves. Either way, you don’t have to live with erectile problems. There are people out there who can help!

Q&A: What’s The Best Way To Break Up?

By

Breaking up is tough, regardless of whether you’re on the breaking up end or the being broken up with end. Deciding to end a relationship isn’t an easy decision but figuring out how to break the news to your partner is even more difficult. What is the best way to break up with someone without breaking their heart?

Question: I’m currently with a guy a year younger than me, and I just don’t click with him. He says he’s in love with me, but I think we’re too young to know what love is. I feel like he’s expressed too much too soon. And since I don’t want to lie to him, I’m breaking up with him. I’m just not sure how. What’s the easiest, least mean way to break up with a man who says he loves you? Please help me.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJl3D4M27To[/youtube]

Sooner Rather Than Later

When breaking up with someone, the worst thing you can do is drag it out. When you make the final decision to break up with your partner or divorce them, make immediate plans to break up with them soon. Don’t continue leading them on and making them believe you’re still an active participant in the relationship because you’re scared to break up with them or aren’t sure how you’re going to do it.

Make The Breakup About You

If you’re positive that you want to break up with your partner, you need to make the break up discussion all about you. Make it about your feelings. If you make the break up about things your partner isn’t doing or circumstances that you’re not happy with, your partner will immediately suggest that things can change. They will do everything they can to convince you to stay in the relationship by promising that things will be different. Your partner can’t argue with your feelings though, so keeping the discussion about how you feel keeps the break up a break up. Be honest with your partner, and while you want to be courteous and polite instead of critical, it’s never good to sugar coat something or lie to make them feel better. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to breaking up with someone.

A Learning Experience

While you may be tempted to feel like you’ve wasted your time being with someone you’re not going to stay with, it’s important to remember that each relationship is a learning experience. Relationships – and break ups – allow us to grow as a person. Be grateful for the time that you and your partner had together because not all of it was bad. If it was, you wouldn’t have made the decision to be with them in the first place. Take this opportunity to learn from the relationship and better yourself. It’s important that you realized your right to be happy and that you don’t have to stay with someone and be unhappy just because you don’t want to hurt them. It’s time to move forward with your life and everything that happened in this relationship will make the next relationship even better.

Q&A: Is It Good To Have Big ‘Lips’ or Labia?

By

Everyone’s bodies are different, whether we’re skinny, fat, short, tall, black, white or anything in between. But society supposedly shows us what is “beautiful” and what isn’t, leaving us wondering if we’re normal and beautiful. We’re constantly comparing our bodies to those of celebrities and good looking people, and it’s no different when it comes to our sexual body parts too. You may wonder if your unique genitalia are considered “normal” or pretty, and if they look like everyone else’s. What’s normal when it comes to a woman’s genitalia?

Question: Is it good to have big ‘lips’? (And she means labia)

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjZENzYZh9Y[/youtube]

All Shapes And Sizes

Labia come in all shapes, sizes, colors, textures and thicknesses. The wonderful thing about a woman’s genitalia is that each one is unique and no labia or clitoris looks exactly the same. A woman’s vulva is as unique as she is, and her labia might be smaller than her best friend’s but much bigger than her co-worker’s. Some women have very, very small labia or “lips” and other women might have very large labia. Regardless of what size, shape or color your labia are, they are unique to you and beautiful in their own way.

Learn To Love Yourself

Part of growing up is learning to love yourself for who you are and what you look like. Each person is beautiful and unique, and no one looks exactly like someone else. Even identical twins have something different and unique about themselves, even if it’s something small. While society will continue to bombard us with images of what they think we should look like and act like to be considered beautiful or popular, it’s time we stop looking to celebrities, movie stars and television stars to tell us what is beautiful and what isn’t. You are beautiful in your own way and it’s time we learn to love ourselves from the inside out.

Labiaplasty

Some people just aren’t happy with the way the look, or have some body parts that cause them pain or discomfort. Very large labia may make a woman feel unattractive, or it may be uncomfortable in very tight jeans or underwear. If you truly dislike the shape and size of your labia, a plastic surgery option would be labiaplasty. This procedure is usually performed with an IV sedative and is quick with moderate healing time. During a labiaplasty a qualified surgeon will remove the excess labia tissue to give you more even, smaller labia that are proportionate to the rest of your genitalia. If you are considering labiaplasty as an option, think about why you’re getting the surgery. Don’t get cosmetic or plastic surgery because you’re trying to please someone else or look like someone else. Make sure you’re choosing surgery for the right reasons. Ask yourself some questions. Are you wanting to have surgery because your long labia make sex or wearing some clothes uncomfortable? Does the current appearance of your genitalia make you unhappy and keep you from leading a happy, satisfied lifestyle? Make sure this is something you truly want to do for yourself and that it’s worth the money you’ll be spending.