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Q&A: Will It Be Me Or Her Ex?

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Choosing between two good things is not the easiest thing to do, whether you’re deciding on what dessert to get or which guy you want to be with. However, if you’re one of the good things that a girl is choosing between, it can make for a pretty uncomfortable situation. Is she going to choose you or someone else? What should you do?

Question: I courted a girl 4 months ago and want her to be my girlfriend, but she still loves her ex-boyfriend. but she just told me that she has feelings for me. What should I do?

–Facebook Question

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The Decision Is Up To Her

Like it or not, she is the one who will have to make the decision in this situation. Does she want to work things out with her ex-boyfriend (and this depends on the reason he’s her ex and not her current beau) or does she want to try having a brand new relationship with you? Unfortunately, there’s really nothing you can do to influence her decision except being supportive of her. Encourage her to sit down and really think about what she wants. This may be uncomfortable for you to do, but if you don’t support her thinking through this decision and she chooses you, you’ll forever wonder if she’s wishing she would have chosen him. She has to be sure.

Don’t Let Her Play Both Sides

A choice between two men she has feelings for is difficult, and many women in this situation have simply neglected to make a final decision. They end up riding the fence and being wishy washy – a way of getting their cake and eating it too. While you need to support her making a decision, allowing her to play both sides is only going to cause everyone involved pain and emotional damage. She needs to make a concrete decision and stick with it once she’s decided. If she chooses you, she needs to discontinue having contact with her ex-boyfriend. If she chooses him, do the right thing. Don’t call, don’t text and let her go.

Don’t Put Her On A Pedestal

When a guy finds a girl he really likes, it’s tempting to put her on a pedestal. It’s tempting to believe that she’s special, she’s different and she’s THE ONE. Even if she chooses another man over him, he’ll still try to contact her and be in her life in some form or another hoping against hope that she’ll eventually see they were meant to be together. This is only going to prevent you from finding someone who does want to be with you and try having a great relationship! If she chooses her ex-boyfriend, realize that she’s not the only fish in the sea. Sure, it’s going to sting. Allow yourself to feel disappointed, sad and even angry. These feelings are all normal. But at the end of the day, she’s not perfect – she’s human. There are lots of other great catches out there, ones that you may very well develop fulfilling and satisfying relationships with and who do choose to be with you.

Q&A: Sex And The Long Distance Relationship

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Long distance relationships are difficult, but having a long distance relationship with someone you’ve been physically intimate with before makes it even harder. Not having that physical relationship and intimacy can make you feel terribly lonely, and can even be something that contributes to the dissolution of the relationship. How can you stay in touch with your partner sexually, even if they’re miles and miles away?

Question: I am far away from my family and girlfriend, how can I easily get the taste of sex?

–Facebook Question

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRi0BoJa8s4[/youtube]

Masturbation

Masturbation is probably the easiest way to satisfy your sexual desires while you’re in a long distance relationship. You and your partner can both masturbate while thinking of each other, and with today’s technology, it’s not hard to feel like you’re in the same room with them! Use a webcam and even audio chat for the most realistic experience. Trade sexy, naughty photos with your partner via email or even on your cell phone. Text dirty things to each other, and make tangible plans to see each other soon to help keep the spark alive. Many couples in long distance relationships also have old-fashioned phone sex!

Sex With Another Partner

Your girlfriend may or may not be into it, but another way to satisfy your need for sexual intimacy is to have sex with someone else while you’re away. For this to work, however, you and your partner must be in a totally confident and non-jealous relationship with each other. This almost never works out, but it certainly is possible if you and your partner are both okay with having an open relationship while you are far away. If this is something you and your partner agree on, always make sure to communicate with each other and be open and honest. Also, make sure that you and your partner end the “open relationship” as soon as you’re back together.

Abstinence

Your third choice when it comes to sex and a long distance relationship is to simply abstain from sex and wait until you’re back with your partner to experience physical intimacy. This may sound extremely difficult, but actually, people in long distance relationships do this all the time. The vast majority of partners do prefer to masturbate and use technology to keep the sexual intimacy alive, but some partners simply choose to wait. Sometimes waiting, however, can end in an affair, so make sure that this is something you and your partner are okay with doing and see it as something you and your partner can accomplish. If you’re not sure about your ability to stay abstinent for a long period of time, try masturbation and stay in touch with your partner.

Long distance relationships will never be easy, even with text, phones, webcams and audio chats. For a long distance relationship to work, you and your partner must be committed to each other – and committed to keeping the long distance part of the relationship as short as possible. There has to be an end in sight. Relationships that will be long distance indefinitely or until further notice generally don’t end well. If you are committed to your partner and vice versa, you will both do what is necessary to make finite plans to be together – physically – at some point.

Q&A: What You Should Know Before Getting Married

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Getting married is a big step. Even starting a new relationship with someone is kind of like jumping into the pool feet first. Is there anything you can do to keep a relationship or marriage from ending badly? Is there anything you should know before getting married or starting a new relationship, so you can have the best chance at success?

Question: People should START by being more responsible when they start relationships. Maybe you guys should stop giving advice on ending relationships and start giving advice on how people can be more responsible when starting a relationship. That why you can keep more marriages together and save their children from emotional and psychological distress.

–YouTube Viewer

 [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tD8hNfX0bpQ[/youtube]

Love Yourself First

The most important thing you need to do before embarking on a long term relationship or marriage is learning to love yourself first, flaws included. Many of us look for acceptance from others, when we haven’t accepted ourselves yet. Unfortunately, we won’t ever get the kind of acceptance we crave as human beings from another person unless we’ve done it ourselves first. Accept who you are, love yourself for who you are and other people will begin to do the same. Seeking outside approval is going to get you nowhere.

Don’t Try To Fix Them

The biggest problem in relationships and marriages is that a person doesn’t fall in love with someone for who they are right now, they fall in love with who they think this person will be after they are “fixed.” Many women try to change their boyfriends, partners and husbands after they’ve already gotten knee deep in the relationship. Men do it too, but it usually only ends in frustration and the dissolution of the relationship. Don’t think of how you can fix or change your partner, or that you’d love them if they just didn’t do this one little thing…learn to love your partner for who they are right now, not who you think they will be. Long term relationships are difficult, but they always help us grow. Allow your partner to help you grow and vice versa, but recognize the difficulty involved before you jump in. A good, loving, satisfying relationship or marriage is never going to be easy. But nothing that is easy is worth having. Try going to couples counseling before making a huge committment. Just because you’re in counseling doesn’t mean anything is wrong in the relationship – it’s also a great way to learn about your partner as well as learn about yourself, and learn about healthy ways to handle problems and disagreements that will inevitably come up in the future.

Don’t Stay In A Bad Relationship

If you’re in a bad relationship or marriage, don’t stay in it “for the kids” or because you believe in sticking it out. Even if there are children involved, chances are, they’re just as unhappy as you are in the relationship from having to hear all the fighting and bickering. There is absolutely nothing wrong with moving on from an unhealthy relationship, because often, that is the path that is better for everyone involved and frankly, moving on from an unhealthy or even abusive relationship is the grown up thing to do.

Q&A: How Do I Get Over My Ex?

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We’ve all been through it before – we’ve been dumped, and it’s been extremely difficult to get over our ex. In fact, it often happens to us more than once throughout our lives. Pining over an ex can wreak havoc on your social life and your love life, and prevent you from accepting new relationships with people who might be more compatible with you than your ex was. So the question is, how do you get over your ex?

Question: Why is it sometimes so hard to not love your ex girlfriend even though she was quite cold and left you because she didn’t love you? My brain says I should not think of her, but my heart says something different. Well, I hope one day I will find a more intelligent woman.

— From The Dan & Jennifer Love & Sex Forums

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g93-q7X6hEI[/youtube]

Living Up To The Expectations

Everyone has an idea of what they feel a good relationship is. Going into a relationship, the expectations are applied and when their partner doesn’t meet those expectations, those loving feelings start to go away. This leads to an inevitable breakup, whether it is a quick and dirty one or a long, drawn out process. When your ex broke up with you, it was because you didn’t meet their expectations of what a good relationship is. You can’t change their ideas of what a good relationship is, so what do you do? You look for someone who has relationship expectations that are similar to your own. Look for someone who has similar life goals, and someone who has expectations that you can easily meet.

Keep The Hope Alive

The hardest thing to get over after a break up is the feeling of rejection. It cuts deep, and we often feel like we’re unworthy of love and unworthy of a great relationship. Don’t let these feelings overtake your life! Recognize that it’s normal to feel rejected when you get dumped, but realize that you and your ex just weren’t compatible as far as relationship expectations go. And more often than not, a break up has nothing to do with you being a bad partner – it has everything to do with unrealistic expectations. So try your best to work through the emotions instead of trying to stop them – because your feelings absolutely deserve to be validated. Allow yourself to feel them, but also allow yourself room to let them go. There is always hope for another relationship – an even better one – down the road.

Learn From The Past

Each relationship that we are in gives us multiple learning opportunities. Failing to use the opportunities you’ve been given to learn from the past will only make you repeat it in the future. You don’t want to go through a situation like that ever again, right? So think about the things you can do in the future to prevent it, like finding a partner with whom you share similar relationship expectations with. Dwelling on the past and the hurt it has often caused will do nothing but get you running around in circles! Let it go and move on to a better and brighter future.

Q&A: How Old Do You Have To Be To Buy Condoms

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Many teens are realizing the importance of using contraception and condoms during sex – but is there an age restriction on buying condoms? How old do you have to be to buy condoms? Will stores deny you the ability to purchase a condom if you look under a certain age?

Question: How old do you have to be to buy condoms?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-ILaDAXzCk&feature=channel[/youtube]

Age Restrictions On Buying Condoms

So far, there are no known age restrictions on purchasing condoms. Unlike cigarettes, lottery tickets, pornography and alcohol, condoms are not kept behind the counter or carded for during a purchase. You may not be able to go into a specialty sex store and purchase a condom, because other age restricted items are sold there as well, but there is nothing stopping you from going into your local gas station or supermarket and purchasing a Trojan or two. Both young men and young women are allowed to buy condoms without restriction.

If You Get Denied

If you happen to go to a supermarket or a gas station – as long as it’s not a store that sells other sexually age restricted items such as pornography – and are not allowed to buy a condom, chances are it has nothing to do with the establishment you’re purchasing the condoms from or a so-called legal age restriction on condom purchase. It is more likely that the cashier has a problem with a teen buying condoms, and feels that he or she should prevent you from doing so. If this happens, don’t be afraid to go to the management or find another store. There are many places that sell condoms, and you don’t have to be discriminated against just because you’re young. Young teens have sex all the time without using protection, you should be proud of yourself for making the choice to be safe!

Safer Sex

Congratulations for making the choice to be safer with your partner and protect both you and your partner from sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Many young people still aren’t making that choice and are having sex without protection, resulting in STD’s and unwanted pregnancies. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friends about having safer sex, or even give them a condom or two. Spread the word that safe is the way to be! Hopefully as we grow as a society, adults and parents will realize that teens are going to have sex, whether they have access to condoms and dental dams or not. Hopefully, we will make it easier for teens to have access to condoms and better sex education, instead of not talking about it and hoping it will go away. For now though, teens have to take safe sex and sex education into their own hands. Take the time to educate yourself and your partner about how to have safer sex, and how to avoid unwanted pregancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Nowadays, there are plenty of ways to prevent pregnancy and keep from spreading STD’s, even though society doesn’t talk about it. Sex can still be enjoyed without putting you or your partner at risk!