sexual fantasies

MILF Fantasy – Should I Have Sex With My Ex’s Mom?

When it comes to dating, finding the opportunity to make your move can be intimidating and frustrating. Fortunately, sometimes the universe smiles in your favor and gives you a golden opportunity.

What if you don’t take it, only to realize later on that you wished you would have taken it? Have you lost the opportunity forever?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6-MrWG1M_c[/youtube]

Realizing It Too Late

Whether you were at a dinner party where your prospective partner had a little too much wine and let you give them a massage, or whether you’re in a dark theater and their hand gently caresses yours, a golden opportunity is what it is. It’s the perfect time to make your move and see what happens and where it goes.

If you find that you’ve only noticed this opportunity after the opportunity has already passed, you may be feeling angry at yourself for missing it or realizing it too late. You’re not alone!

Plenty of people miss great opportunities in the dating world, although that might not make it any easier for you to cope with an opportunity missed. The question then becomes, have you totally blown it?

Recreating The Chance

Sometimes when you miss a chance to get with someone, you have a chance to recreate the opportunity and try again. While this doesn’t always happen, you can try. Think about how to recreate what happened when you missed your “golden opportunity.”

Did it happen at the movie theater? Invite your prospective date to another movie. Do what you can to recreate the mood and ambiance of your opportunity.

You Might Have Missed Out

Recreating your missed opportunity might be a good idea, but it doesn’t always work and you should realize that before giving it a go. Many times, people make decisions that they wish they hadn’t later. For example, that great massage after the dinner party might have been something that person regretted or wished hadn’t happened.

They might be grateful it didn’t go any farther than that. Be prepared to find out that your missed opportunity happened only because of a lapse in judgment.

Picking Up The Spare

Being successful in recreating your golden opportunity can feel a bit like picking up the spare in bowling. Consider that your potential partner may have opened up the opportunity the first time because they like you. It is certainly possible.

If this is the case, they might be disappointed that you didn’t take them up on it, but they could still be open to taking it further if you pursue making a move of your own. If this is the case, you’ll likely be more successful in recreating your opportunity and nabbing a date or a kiss.

If this should happen, you can easily explain to your date that you didn’t realize the opportunity was knocking the first time around but you’re definitely into them and want to take it further.

No matter which way you go about it, you’re going to have to accept the fact that you might have blown it. Then again, you might not have. The only way to find out is to try again. Recreate your opportunity and see what happens. You might be surprised!

Are My Sexual Fetishes And Kinky Fantasies Bad?

By paulcarlson

Almost everyone has a sexual fetish or fantasy of some kind, but many people don’t like to admit it.

Society has put sort of a damper on being open and honest about what turns us on sexually, however, most of it is healthy and even natural.

Most fetishes and fantasies aside though, some of them can be dangerous or harmful. How do you know if what turns you on goes too far?

Are sexual fetishes bad?

Are fantasies healthy?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eb10rkyrAY[/youtube]

Healthy Fetishes and Fantasies

First, let’s distinguish between a fetish and a fantasy. A fetish is in part an obsession on one particular thing whereas a fantasy can incorporate several different sexual and non sexual elements.

You’ve probably heard of a fetish before, such as a foot fetish, and who hasn’t had a sexual or non sexual fantasy? You may, in fact, have both fetishes and fantasies. That’s perfectly normal. It only means that you’re human.

So what is a healthy fetish or fantasy? Well, there’s no “list” of what’s healthy and what’s not, so it’s something you need to determine yourself. Does your fetish or fantasy make you uncomfortable in any way?

Don’t use others’ reactions as a guide. Someone might find that a fetish for crotchless panties disgusting when there’s really no harm at all in enjoying crotchless panties. It’s really a classic example of “to each his own.”

What if your fetish or fantasy is a little more extreme than that? Do you like S&M pornography or do you enjoy biting or being bitten during sex? These are still relatively healthy and normal fetishes, although that is where it starts to get a little hairy.

When Does It Cross The Line?

Basically, it crosses the line when someone gets hurt and they don’t want to. Now, in S&M and some other fetishes and fantasies, people do get hurt a little.

It all boils down to consent. If all parties involved are consenting, there really is no harm in . . . well, a little harm. It does go too far though. If you’re really hurting someone and they don’t like it. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be “harmful.”

If any other person involved isn’t comfortable with what you’re doing, you’ve crossed the line. Back up a little and find another way to enjoy your fetishes and fantasies without harming someone or making them uncomfortable in any way.

That said, there are some fetishes or fantasies that might signal you need some help. If you have any questions about whether your fetishes and fantasies are normal, run it by a therapist or more specifically a sex therapist. Most fantasies are normal but in rare cases where someone might fantasize about really hurting someone else, it’s time to seek help.

If you’re worried that your fantasy or fetish isn’t normal, keep in mind that there’s a very wide range for what “normal” is. Some people fantasize about phone sex while others think feet are the most erotic thing in the world. Some women fantasize about a sexy pirate with rock hard abs sweeping them off their feet while others just want to spank their partners.

As long as everyone involved is comfortable and consenting, there is nothing wrong with indulging your fetishes and fantasies! Remember that everyone is different and unless someone is getting hurt or is uncomfortable, or you are fantasizing about really hurting someone, just enjoy the ride!

Peeping Tom – How Do I Turn My Fantasy Into Reality?

By loveandsex

Voyeurism. Watching. Peeping.

It’s not all bad…

Many people find themselves in the situation where they’re watching someone having sex, and they’re a little surprised to find out they enjoy it.

Everyone has a little bit of voyeurism in them, but what happens if you want to take it to the next level? What is okay and what isn’t?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Living next door is a beautiful girl my age. We are both 18. We have been friends and have flirted and done other fun things. My bedroom looks over at hers. I have sometimes seen her undressing and doing other sexy things. The other night I saw another guy in her room. They were making out. The shades were left open. To be honest I would like to see her doing it. I would like to watch them have sex. What suggestions would you give for me watching them without being caught? Could she want me to see her having sex? I want to do it with her, if I see them doing it. Should I tell her? What would I say? How do I say that I would like to be with her?

-Roger, PA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PskSciaycLg[/youtube]

Do they know I’m watching?

Most of the time, someone who wants to be watched or doesn’t care will leave their window curtains or blinds up. Chances are, this is what happened if you’re able to get a good view of your neighbor or someone else while they’re undressing or having sex. It’s actually very unlikely that they don’t know you’re watching.

Does that make it right? It depends. If you’re having to do a lot of maneuvering, such as using binoculars or there just happens to be this one spot in the blinds that allows you to get a view, it’s probable that your object of affection doesn’t want to be watched. You might want to back off, because this could get you in a fair amount of trouble.

If they’re leaving their blinds wide open and you can see them while eating your dinner, you can be pretty sure they’re doing it intentionally.

Is it okay to watch them?

If you’ve been watching someone, such as an attractive neighbor or friend, undress and possibly even have sex with another person, you’ll likely find yourself quite turned on. This is normal. We all like to watch someone have sex in some form or another. Why do you think pornography is such a successful industry? If you find that you’re interested in taking your peeping to the next level, you’re not the only one.

How can I approach them?

This can be tricky. You don’t want to start out the conversation by saying, “So . . . I’ve been watching you.” That can lead to some pretty uncomfortable situations. Just approach them the same way you would approach anyone with whom you are interested in starting a relationship. Ask them out on a date, or have coffee with them. If you really want to take it to the next level, get yourself on neutral ground with them so you can get to know them outside of their bedroom.

Can’t I just keep peeping?

If you’re intimidated by asking them out, you might be inclined to just continue to watch them from afar. This can develop into unhealthy obsessions, so this is not something you want to do.

Take a break from the peeping and find a real partner to hang out with, even if it’s not the person you’ve been watching. You’ll find that spending time with a real, live, breathing person is far better than watching someone through a window. If you find yourself unable to let go and you continue to peep, you may want to seek help.

All in all, watching your neighbor or someone else undress or have sex can be enticing and fun if they’re leaving their blinds wide open enough for you to see it. It’s perfectly fine to show normal interest in them and even ask them out on a date and spend time with them in the real world. Don’t make peeping a habit though. It can turn into an ugly habit that you can’t break away from.

Sexual Fetishes – Is My Smoking Fetish Weird?

By loveandsex

Everyone has different turn-ons, ranging from turn-ons that seem relatively mild to turn-ons that seem to be completely out there and fetishistic.

How do you know if what turns you on is normal or not? Should you continue to do what turns you on, even if other people think it’s weird?

Many people have these same questions and are wondering what to do about their turn ons. What should you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m a 59 year old male and I have always found the sight of a woman smoking a cigarette to be very arousing. I am fortunate that my wife (an inveterate smoker) understands this and uses it to excite me but (the question is from both of us) is this weird? Have you heard of it before?

-Marty, Pennsylvania

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9eP8QBSj_U[/youtube]

Are your turn-ons normal?

Let’s take a look at normal for a moment… Human beings can’t really be considered normal. There is such a wide range of likes, dislikes, habits and more from person to person that you can’t really pin anything down and consider it “the norm.”

That said, what turns you on is probably just fine! Do you like it when women wear high heels? Do you like to wear the high heels yourself? Do you get turned on when women are smoking a cigarette? Go with it! As long as your turn-ons don’t involve harming other people or doing anything illegal in any way, your turn-ons are perfectly fine.

Enjoy and indulge in what gets you excited!

Don’t scrutinize yourself, or let others do so.

Although people are different in so many ways, that doesn’t stop them from judging others. Human beings have a bad habit of passing judgment on their neighbors when they themselves are doing something that would be considered “strange” by someone else’s standards.

Guess what? Everybody is different! Don’t let others try to tell you that you are weird or strange, unless your turn-ons include something that would cause harm to another or that is illegal. If not, then take comfort in the fact that the person judging you is most likely insecure themselves.

On the same token, don’t scrutinize yourself. If you think your own turn-ons are weird and they make you uncomfortable, don’t do anything about them. Chances are, however, that your turn-ons are perfectly fine to you and you should accept yourself for who you are.

Find someone to play with.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to find someone who likes to play the same way you do. Find someone who shares your interests and shares your turn-ons. If there are two of you who are turned on by the same thing, it will be more fun for you to both engage in what turns the other on! It’s a perfect give and take. It may take time and patience to find that special someone, but if you keep trying, you’ll end up winning out. You can then share all of your turn-ons with your partner, and enjoy them together.

Unless your turn-ons are dangerous, they’re fine for you. If they work for you, let them! Don’t worry so much. Everyone has their own quirks and way that they do things. Just be a good sport. If you don’t want others judging you for what turns you on, don’t judge them! You might meet someone who has a turn on that you think is weird, but remember someone else out there might think your turn on is weird too!

We’re all in the same boat. Accept your turn on and everyone else will too. What works for you might not work for someone else and vice versa, and that’s okay! Just enjoy yourself and your turn ons!

BDSM 101 – Moving Beyond Plain Vanilla Sex

By thebeautifulkind

A male friend of mine told me about something embarrassing that happened to him. He was in the throes of passionate sex with his girlfriend when, in a gesture of instinct, he put his hand over her face.

Immediately she froze in horror and blurted, “What are you doing?”

Well, how do you answer that? They resumed their lovemaking and talked about it afterwards. He told her he was going with the heat of the moment, and that to him it was an incredibly intimate gesture, a dominant move on his part.

She felt the opposite – she said it creeped her out and made her feel like an object. And there you have it – that one simple hand over the face gesture crossed the vanilla sex line.

What Do You Call Non-vanilla Sex?

I still haven’t found a good term for non-vanilla sex – chocolate? Strawberry with sprinkles? Chili sauce? This is a little problematic, since I overwhelmingly prefer it over vanilla.

Don’t get me wrong – vanilla sex has its place. But there are plenty of times when you just want to take it to “11,” like Nigel in Spinal Tap.

Taking it to “11”

First off, make sure you’ve covered the vanilla basics. Have you tried sexual positions like doggy style, reverse cowgirl? Have you played all the oral sex games, even 69 (highly overrated in my opinion)?

How about places – have you branched out from bedroom? I’m partial to the bathroom vanity myself, and the basement works well for my dungeon fantasies. How about anal sex? OK, now we’re crossing the line.

Consult the Checklist

Hopefully you have filled out the handy dandy BDSM fetish checklist I provided last month. Going through the checklist will be an eye opening experience for most couples. You’ll find out pretty quickly if one or both of you is dominant/submissive. Take turns picking a fantasy and trying it out.

Start small with blindfolds, silk scarves. A friend of mine had NO idea she liked blindfolds, until her boyfriend spontaneously wrapped her winter scarf around her head and gave her a massage on the couch. That smooth move prompted her to change her blindfold preference from a 3 to a 5 on the checklist. Instant addition to their bag of tricks!

Test Your Comfort Zone

As for me, I knew I liked rough sex, but I sure didn’t know I got turned on by a gentle face slap. My guy tried that one on me one time and I had a similar reaction to the woman with the hand on her face – I was shocked, but paused to process it. Did I like it? At first I didn’t, then found myself fantasizing about it later. As you can see, you can surprise yourself.

Be “Try-Sexual”

It pays to try new things, even if you think you might not like them. If you find you’re not crazy about it, don’t do it again. As long as you keep open communication going, pushing your boundaries shouldn’t “ruin” things. It’s all a learning process.

You can also experiment with swatting the bottom during sex, or pinning your partner’s hands above his or her head while you’re making love. Take a candle and drip hot wax on your partner – it’s easy to monitor this one – the higher up you hold it above someone when it drips, the less it hurts.

Someone once told me that they loved sex because it reminded them of what it was like to be a kid. “EXCUSE ME?” I said, eyebrows raised. “And just what kind of childhood did you have?” He laughed and explained, “With sex you get to be really messy and play make believe and just have fun!”

What a great attitude. Give your hang-ups a rest and explore with an open mind. Work the kinks OUT. Oh and by the way – my friend I mentioned at the beginning of this article? He ended up breaking it off with his girlfriend. It turns out they weren’t sexually compatible, and now they are both with better matched partners. In my next article, I’ll talk more about sexual compatibility when it comes to kink.