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Q&A: How To Fantasize Without Sounding Like A Pervert

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In a new sexual relationship, it can be nerve wracking to share your sexual fantasies, likes and dislikes with your new partner. Will they judge you? Will you sound like a pervert if you tell them what gets you turned on? Here’s how to share your fantasies with your partner – without making yourself look bad.

Question: My girlfriend keeps asking me what turns me on. How do I say something without sounding like a pervert?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYwdCpqafPE&feature=channel[/youtube]

Accept Your Fantasies

Everyone has something that turns them on sexually. Each person has a fantasy or fetish – and some people have more than one – and what turns someone on differs greatly from person to person. There are as many sexual fetishes, likes and dislikes in the world as there are people. What turns you on is part of what makes you sexually unique, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Unless your fetish is illegal – say, child pornography – having something special (or several somethings special) that gets you hot is perfectly normal. If you accept your fantasies and fetishes as part of yourself and aren’t embarrassed by them, you’re not going to sound like a pervert when you share them with your partner. You’re going to sound like a hot, confident guy who knows what he likes and what he wants. Her attitude about it greatly depends on your attitude about it.

When Your Partner Opens The Door

If your partner has asked you to share with them what turns you on, this is an open door that you want to take advantage of. Sure, coming right out and saying to your partner, “Hey, do you like to bite during sex?” might sound strange coming out of nowhere, but if your partner asks you what you like in the bedroom, don’t be too embarrassed to tell her. She’s let you know that she wants to share fantasies with you. This is a sign that she’s more open minded about sex than you think. Take advantage of the situation and talk about what you like and what she likes. You might find that what turns you on turns her on too and vice versa!

Make It Fun

Sharing your fantasies with your partner isn’t supposed to be nerve wracking, it’s supposed to be fun! Finding out about your partner’s fantasies and sharing yours with her is part of the fun of a new sexual relationship. If you’re still nervous about sharing what turns you on with her, try playing a fun sex game to loosen you up. Adam And Eve has a great game called Sex Is Fun, and involves fun questions about you and your partner’s fantasies. Popular sex advice magazine Cosmo has also come out with a Truth Or Dare game that lets you and your partner discover the truth about each other – and get turned on by the sexy dares. However you decide to share your fantasies and fetishes with your new partner, don’t be embarrassed or scared to do so. Make it fun and exciting instead, because it’s really not as big a deal as you think it is!

Q&A: My Sexual Fantasies Are Taking Over My Life

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Both men and women think about sex often during the day, but most people can push those thoughts aside so they can focus on the task at hand. Some people, however, struggle with thinking about sex almost all the time and have trouble focusing on their daily life and find that the sex thoughts are taking over. Here’s what you can do if your fantasies seem to be out of control.

Question: Hello Dan and Jenn, I have a problem and I hope you can help me. I’m 25 years old and I go to university. However, I feel sometimes I cannot stay focused because I have too many sex fantasies during class. I don’t know why, but I’m starting to engage in wishful thinking quite often. Not only in class but in social situations, riding the bus, doing homework, it just happens. What can I do to stop my sex drive from affecting my grades and my life?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCDlIyRHb-c[/youtube]

Your Body Is Trying To Tell You Something

If you find that you are thinking about sex all the time, or more often than usual, your body is definitely trying to tell you something. If the fantasies overrun your life, your body isn’t getting the sexual relief it needs so it tells your brain to think about sex – a lot. Just like when your body has cravings for a certain food, your body is telling you it needs sex. This is one time that you really want to listen to your body, especially if you find that the sexual fantasies are popping up everywhere, no matter what you’re doing and you find it hard to concentrate on anything else.

Finding Sexual Relief

When you find yourself fantasizing about sex often, take some time to find some time to satisfy yourself. If you’re in a relationship with someone and are sexually active, try having sex more often or incorporating some of your fantasies in your sex life. If you’re with someone and haven’t had sex yet, think about becoming sexually active with them if there are no moral or religious reasons that are keeping you from having sex. Last but not least, one of the easiest ways to relieve sexual frustration whether you’re in a relationship or not is masturbation. To try to keep the fantasies at bay while you’re at school or work, try having sex or masturbating in the morning before you leave. If you find that you’re really struggling throughout the day, you can pop in the bathroom for a quick masturbation session if you have to. Chances are though, if you incorporate more sex or masturbation into your life at home, you’ll find that you’re just fine at work or school.

Is It A Sex Addiction?

If you can’t shake your sexual fantasies regardless of how much sex you have or how much you masturbate, you may be a sex addict. A sex addiction can really interfere with your life and make living day to day very difficult. If you think you have a sex addiction, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A counselor or specialized therapist can help you find the root of the problem so you can work towards finding a solution.

Q&A: BDSM and Fetishes – When Your Fantasies Don’t Line Up

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Everyone’s sexual fetishes are unique, and it’s not uncommon for two people who like very different things to be in a relationship together. Can you and your partner find sexual satisfaction together and bond sexually when you both like completely different things in the bedroom? Here’s how.

Question: I am currently going out with someone that likes BDSM and cross-dressing, some humiliation as well. The problem is as much as I love him and would like to please his every desire, I just dont seem to be able to understand the deal with BDSM or humiliation. I’m not into it. He doesn’t want me to do these things if I’m not into them. He says he loves me and doesn’t mind being with me, even if I cant seem to get into his fetishes.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PS0ATAuipZo[/youtube]

Have You Tried It? You Might Like It!

If you partner has a fantasy or fetish that you don’t seem to be interested in, such as BDSM, bondage or humiliation, steering clear of these in the bedroom is going to make you more comfortable sexually. However, if you haven’t tried it with your partner, you might consider some light bondage next time you and your partner have sex. Your partner will really enjoy anything that relates to their fantasy and you might find that you like it! Don’t try anything you’re super uncomfortable with, but trying new things in the bedroom isn’t a bad idea.

Be True To Who You Are

If you’ve tried to share your partner’s fantasies and fetishes and just can’t seem to get into them, don’t force yourself to do things that you don’t like. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it and it’s important that you be true to who you are. It’s also important that your partner is true to who they are and if they like something, it’s essential not to criticize them about it. While you don’t have to be a part of it if you’re not comfortable with it, it’s important to allow your partner to be themselves. Being unable to find sexual satisfaction together because you both like different things in the bedroom may cause issues later on in your relationship but if they’re not bothering you or your partner now, relax and let it go. You can cross that bridge when (or if) you get there.

Find Fantasies That You Do Share

Try to find some fantasies that you and your partner both like. If you and your partner think you’re totally sexually incompatible together, you might be surprised that there are a few things that you both actually have in common. But you won’t know unless you try! Talk to your partner and be open and honest with them about what turns you on and what doesn’t. Listen to them openly about what they like or don’t like. Browse adult toys online, or even adult videos that might interest you both. Just because you aren’t into his fantasies doesn’t mean you can’t find something that you both really enjoy!

Pleasing Your Partner With A Strap On

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If you and your partner are looking for something to spice up your sex life, you may want to consider pleasing your partner with a strap on. In this alternative to traditional anal sex, a woman will wear a strap on dildo and please her partner anally, focusing on stimulating the prostate gland. Some men, however, are adverse to this idea – here’s how to find out if you can please your man with a strap on.

Introducing The Idea

Many women enjoy the idea of having sex with their partner with a strap on. It gives them the feeling of power and lets them experience a different side of sex altogether. Some men enjoy being on the receiving end, however, many men do not relish the idea at all. How can you find out if your man would like being pleased anally with a strap on? First, try traditional anal sex and let your partner please you anally. This is a good way to introduce him to the idea of anal play at all. Communicate with him how much it turns you on. Also, try a few roleplaying activities that allow your partner to take the role of the submissive. This is a great way to allow him to explore being submissive without diving right into anal play. If he enjoys anal sex with you and enjoys being submissive sometimes, browse a sex toy store online and let him suggest a few toys he would like to play with.

Getting Him Warmed Up

Don’t start by outright suggesting he try being on the receiving end of a strap on. Instead, give him plenty of time to warm up to anal play by purchasing a few small anal toys, such as anal beads or small butt plugs, and use lots and lots of silicone or water based lubricant. Never use desensitizing lube, because if it is painful or uncomfortable, he should stop. Once your partner really gets into anal play, try taking a look at a smaller sized dildo with a strap on. Let him know it could be a toy for both of you to enjoy!

Do’s And Don’ts Of Strap On Play

  • Don’t try any kind of anal play without lots of lube.
  • Don’t force your partner into a submissive role or strap on play if that isn’t where he wants to be.
  • Listen to him if he tells you something makes him uncomfortable or becomes painful.
  • Start small and work your way up. Always use toys and dildos that have a wide base on the end of them to prevent the anal toy from being lodged in the anus. You don’t want to risk it not being able to get back out.
  • Start slow and go slow. Anal play is not the time to be rough – stuff can tear back there!
  • Have a safety word and use it if one of you becomes uncomfortable.
  • Be open to ideas that your partner wants to try too – let him share something with you that really turns him on and make a vow to try it with him.

Q&A: My Girlfriend Wants To Do Me With A Strap On

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The act of penetrating your partner during sex is intense.  It’s a huge turn on for guys – but believe it or not, penetrating their partner (instead of being penetrated) can be a turn on for women too. Some women fantasize about having sex with their man with a strap on. Many men, however, don’t find this idea at all appealing. What do you do if your girl wants to do you with a strap on – and you’re not into it?

Question: I have been having sex with my girlfriend for 3 months now and just recently she keeps bring up the idea of her pleasuring me with a strap on. The idea scares me and I feel as if I were to go through with it I would be less of a man. How do I talk her out of it?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-vjCzzy_HE&feature=PlayList&p=400F0FDDC21B83A0&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32[/youtube]

Open And Honest Communication

When bringing up a fantasy, whether it’s your fantasy or hers, it’s important that both you and your partner be open and honest with each other. Each partner should be able to bring up a fantasy of theirs without the fear of criticism or being laughed at. That doesn’t mean you have to go along with it though. If her fantasy makes you uncomfortable (or vice versa) it’s important that you are honest with your partner and voice your concerns without being condescending or critical. Sex between you and your partner should be enjoyable for both of you, and neither partner should be forced to be uncomfortable just so the other partner can have a pleasurable experience. If your partner wants to try something that makes you uncomfortable, let her know. If she wants to have sex with you using a strap-on, let her know what about that idea causes you discomfort.

How To Say No

Whether you aren’t into the idea of playing in the mud or you’d rather keep your anus a “one way only” street, those are all perfectly sound reasons to bring up to your partner. When you’re talking to your partner about why you don’t want to have her use a strap-on on you, make sure that you use “I” terms instead of “you” terms. This is about you after all, and why the idea of her introducing this type of BDSM makes you uneasy. Be careful not to make her feel as though her fantasies are gross or wrong. She should feel safe enough in the relationship to bring her fantasies up in conversation, whether you actually go through with them or not.

She Should Respect You

If you respect your partner enough to make it safe for her to share her fantasies with you, she should respect you enough to realize that you may not want to participate in all of them. Ultimately, if you’re not comfortable with something, she shouldn’t force you to do it or become angry if you won’t. It’s your body after all. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If she doesn’t respect you enough to dismiss her fantasy and find a form of sex or BDSM that you both can enjoy in the bedroom, it’s time to move on to someone who does respect you and your body.