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Questions To Ask Before Sex

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Before doing the deed with a total stranger, it is recommended to have an open discussion about sexuality, safe sex and STD’s. Ideally, coupledom should start this way, with both parties opening up and talking about the people they had sex with, the last time they had an HIV test, and whether or not they’ve always used protection during sex in the past.

But we all know that a conversation like that will kill romance and will make the date feel more like an interrogation than a prelude to sex.

So, should you just let the burning questions in your mind go unanswered? Of course not! There are ways to ask without being a “mood killer.” Tactful perseverance and the ability to read between the lines are the skills you need to make your new partner open up without feeling affronted.

For instance, you want to ask about condom use. You can start with a discussion on which condom brands are the best, which ones you have tried, and whether the condoms he brought with him are thin enough. From there, you can progress to questions on safe sex and number of sex partners.

Here is a list of questions to ask before sex…

Sexual Preference 

Is he bisexual? If you ask about gender preference, you should also be ready to talk about your own preference.

You must also be prepared to hear something you do not want to hear. For instance, your partner might have been a woman in the past, or he was gay before he met you.

Safety

Was there a time when he did not use condoms? If your partner was in a long-term relationship (or he is in a long-term relationship with someone else), ask about his reasons for not using protection.

Maybe he wanted to have kids? Maybe he felt safe in a monogamous relationship? You can also mention something about latex allergy and how you are wondering if he is allergic to latex. Again, you must also be prepared to share your safe sex stories with your new lover if you open this topic.

Kinky Preference

Any S&M tendencies? What is kinky to you might be commonplace to your new partner. If your fetishes jive, you may have found your soul mate.

Ask about favorite sex positions, fetishes and the like. In addition, ask whether he engages in anal sex. You wouldn’t want your partner to surprise you with anal sex when you’re not ready for it, would you?

When you ask questions before you have sex, you have no choice but to take the answers as they are. You do not really know whether or not your new partner is lying. After all, he might assume that telling the naked truth may just turn you off completely.

Nevertheless, it’s still best to lay your cards on the table when you are about to get naked with a guy you just met. Be alert and watch out for inconsistencies. He may be saying one thing and doing another, so watch out.

Q&A: Can I Get STD’s If We’re Both Virgins?

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If you’re a virgin having sex for the first time with another virgin, you may think you’re free and clear when it comes to STD’s. Unfortunately, being a virgin and having sex with a virgin is not a guarantee that you won’t contract an STD. Are sexually transmitted diseases transferred only through sex or can they be transferred other ways as well? How can you avoid contracting an STD?

Question: I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years now, what we usually do when it comes to sex is oral. He is my first and so am I to him. My question is if we are both “virgins” is there still a possibility either of us can get an STD or something similar?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8gfvs9wkOs[/youtube]

STD’s And Sex

Many sexually transmitted diseases don’t require sex to be spread. HIV, AIDS and hepatitis A, B and C can all be spread through blood to blood contact as well as through contact with sexual fluids such as semen or vaginal fluids. Other less serious sexually transmitted diseases, such as crabs (pubic lice) or scabies, can be contracted from simple skin to skin contact (even a hug or handshake) although this is very, very rare. Many of these less serious STD’s are also transmitted from simple genital to genital contact, such as herpes, which doesn’t require any penetration or sexual fluid sharing at all to be contracted.

How To Make Yourself Safer

Sex is part of a healthy, happy and fulfilled lifestyle. Everyone craves sexual intimacy and contact with their partner and that’s completely natural. While the only way to be 100% sure that you won’t contract a sexually transmitted disease from your partner is to abstain from having sex with them, that is a difficult choice to make. If you want to have sex with your partner, take steps to make yourself as safe as possible before heading to the bedroom.

  • Get to know your partner, and know how many people they’ve slept with. Are they promiscuous, or a virgin? Is the probability that they have contracted a sexually transmitted disease fairly high or almost non-existent?
  • You can also request that your partner have a thorough STD test done by their doctor or local health department before having sex with them and offer to provide your test results with them as well.
  • Make sure that a condom is worn at all times to decrease the risk of contracting more serious STD’s such as hepatitis and HIV or AIDS. Oral sex can also spread sexually transmitted diseases, so make sure to use a dental dam for cunnilingus and a condom for fellatio.
  • Consider limiting the number of people you choose to have sex with, and give yourself some time to choose wisely. Choosing to have sex – even protected – with a variety of sexual partners automatically increases your chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease

You can still enjoy sexual intimacy and closeness with your partner – even more so – if you choose to take steps to make sex safer for both you and your partner.

Q&A: How Old Do You Have To Be To Buy Condoms

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Many teens are realizing the importance of using contraception and condoms during sex – but is there an age restriction on buying condoms? How old do you have to be to buy condoms? Will stores deny you the ability to purchase a condom if you look under a certain age?

Question: How old do you have to be to buy condoms?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-ILaDAXzCk&feature=channel[/youtube]

Age Restrictions On Buying Condoms

So far, there are no known age restrictions on purchasing condoms. Unlike cigarettes, lottery tickets, pornography and alcohol, condoms are not kept behind the counter or carded for during a purchase. You may not be able to go into a specialty sex store and purchase a condom, because other age restricted items are sold there as well, but there is nothing stopping you from going into your local gas station or supermarket and purchasing a Trojan or two. Both young men and young women are allowed to buy condoms without restriction.

If You Get Denied

If you happen to go to a supermarket or a gas station – as long as it’s not a store that sells other sexually age restricted items such as pornography – and are not allowed to buy a condom, chances are it has nothing to do with the establishment you’re purchasing the condoms from or a so-called legal age restriction on condom purchase. It is more likely that the cashier has a problem with a teen buying condoms, and feels that he or she should prevent you from doing so. If this happens, don’t be afraid to go to the management or find another store. There are many places that sell condoms, and you don’t have to be discriminated against just because you’re young. Young teens have sex all the time without using protection, you should be proud of yourself for making the choice to be safe!

Safer Sex

Congratulations for making the choice to be safer with your partner and protect both you and your partner from sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Many young people still aren’t making that choice and are having sex without protection, resulting in STD’s and unwanted pregnancies. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friends about having safer sex, or even give them a condom or two. Spread the word that safe is the way to be! Hopefully as we grow as a society, adults and parents will realize that teens are going to have sex, whether they have access to condoms and dental dams or not. Hopefully, we will make it easier for teens to have access to condoms and better sex education, instead of not talking about it and hoping it will go away. For now though, teens have to take safe sex and sex education into their own hands. Take the time to educate yourself and your partner about how to have safer sex, and how to avoid unwanted pregancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Nowadays, there are plenty of ways to prevent pregnancy and keep from spreading STD’s, even though society doesn’t talk about it. Sex can still be enjoyed without putting you or your partner at risk!

A Delicate STD Matter

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We’ve all been there: we get lulled into a false sense of comfort for one reason or another, and as a result we end up trusting the wrong person. It can be a harsh lesson, especially in the case of one of my students, who emailed me with her ethical dilemma. All names in the following story have been changed.

Dear Maryanne,

I feel so stupid that I’m even in this situation, but I need some advice for an ethical question that has come up. A friend of mine set me up with a man named Alan, whom I already knew to be a great philanthropist in our community. She recommended him as a potentially great match for me, and so we started going out. Things progressed quickly, which I felt comfortable with because my friend liked him so much, and he did in fact seem to be good and upstanding. Within a short time, we decided to spend a night together.

When the subject of condoms came into the conversation, Alan insisted that he had been tested for STD’s and was clean. Who in their right mind would accept that as an excuse not to be safe? Me, apparently, even after warning my goddaughter about safe sex and sending her to college with your book and a supply of condoms. I wasn’t even smart enough to follow my own advice.

Unfortunately, within a few days of sleeping with Alan, I became infected with herpes. Alan refuses to talk about it with me, becoming evasive when I asked him to send his test results to my doctor. So now I don’t know whether I should warn my friend not to set Alan up with anyone else, or just put this whole episode behind me and forget about it. I don’t want to cross any ethical lines, but at the same time I don’t want other women to go through what I’m going through now. Help!

Thank you in advance,

Laura

Dear Laura,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It is always difficult to deal with when we discover that the guy we thought was decent and honest is actually the opposite of all those things. It can shatter your trust and cause untold amounts of emotional distress. It’s especially difficult to have such a harsh lesson dealt to you when you have obviously been doing your best to use your CORR® relationship techniques. You have learned the hard way that it’s not enough for someone else to endorse someone – you have to do all the detective work yourself.

But that doesn’t mean snooping or digging around – it’s as simple as communication and observation. Ask the 14 questions outlined in Hindsight, add any of your own, and then wait and see. If you become sexually involved too early, the “wait and see” part can become distorted, as your affection and attachment to this person can cloud your judgement and make you blind to any warning signs that come along. Of course, you probably realize all this now.

There is a silver lining to your cloud, though. You have the opportunity to love yourself and turn this seemingly negative experience into a way to grow and learn. So how will you figure out what to do now, as a child of the Divine? Here are some tips to get the ball rolling:

  • Spend a few days re-centering your ego. Get away from asking for outside validation by covering all your mirrors with construction paper. Look inward instead for answers, remind yourself about all the ways in which you are unique and strong and gifted, and watch how quickly you move back to a center of internal reference.
  • Cleanse yourself with a clearing ceremony. Make a ritual of writing down everything you need to heal, and all the things you want to let go. You can let a few friends in on it, make a beautiful and sacred place to hold your ceremony, and surround yourself with beauty and wisdom.
  • Take a break from sex. Six or nine months of dating without sex may seem like forever, but you’re worth the wait, and a period of abstinence can help you keep your thinking clear. Use the opportunity to look at why you trusted Alan so soon, and next time when you date, let the trust build naturally over time. You will see how you behave on dates, as well as what sort of men you are attracting.

I think you’ll find, that if you’re patient and gentle with yourself, that as you go through this process your answers will surface. You will soon see what is the most appropriate way forward for you. Please do contact me if you have any more questions.

Q&A: Should We Wait To Have Sex?

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It’s one of the most commonly asked questions about sex – when is the right time to have sex? Unfortunately, there’s no concrete answer to this question because the answer is different for everyone. Here are some things to explore on your own to decide if you should wait to have sex.

Question: I am 14. I like this girl and I want to ”do” her. Should I wait or what?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D1gsqvsvEA[/youtube]

Teenage Hormones

Teenagers and even pre-teens are just beginning to discover their sexuality. As you go through puberty, your body is responding to different hormones in different ways. Both boys and girls experience an increase in sexual desire, which can be overwhelming when you’ve never felt anything like it before. If you’re a teenager thinking about having sex for the first time, try to remember that almost every other teenager is or has been in your shoes before. Incredible sexual desire is just something that teenagers go through as they grow into a mature adult and learning how to handle it is part of being mature enough to start having sex.

What To Consider Before You Have Sex

There are many things to consider before having sex. First of all, make sure your partner wants to have sex too. Make sure you are both comfortable with each other and this is something you both want to experience together. Do some research before you have sex. Find out how to use a condom and how to prevent pregnancy. Learn what STD’s are and how you can get them and how to prevent contracting them and spreading them. Encourage your partner to do the same, or better yet, learn about these things together. Sure, it doesn’t sound very fun to read about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases before having sex, but it’s part of being responsible enough to have sex. A few other things you might want to think about before having sex is your morals and religion. Is there any reason that you or your partner might feel guilty for having sex now instead of waiting? Is talking to your parents about having sex something you and your parents have an open enough relationship to do? Talk to your parents if you can, and definitely talk to your partner. Perhaps you and your partner are only comfortable with some things and not others. Those are things that are important to discuss before you take the plunge.

There’s No Rush

When you’re a teenager, it may seem like the sexual frustration will eat you alive if you don’t have sex right this minute. Don’t worry – it won’t! Masturbation is a great way to relieve sexual tension and there’s nothing wrong with waiting to have sex. There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until marriage, waiting for the right person or just waiting until you’re a little older. Sex isn’t any better if you do it now and it’s not any worse if you wait until later. In fact, you may just want to wait until tomorrow, or next week. That’s fine too. Just make sure that when you’re ready, you’re ready and your partner is too.