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You are here: Home / Archives for submission

How to Get Your Freak On – The Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

By thebeautifulkind

A few months ago, I was talking to my new sex partner about what I liked in bed. “I like it a little rough,” I said, “You know, some hair pulling and some smacks on my butt while we’re having sex.”

He sat and pondered this and said, “Have you ever been bent over someone’s knee and spanked?”

Shocked, I exclaimed, “No!”

“Do you wanna try?” he offered.

I stared at him in astonishment.

He smiled and gestured at his lap. He wanted me to assume the position – right now!

My first instinct was to say no thanks – it was silly and weird! But then I reminded myself that I’m a self-proclaimed “trysexual,” so I decided to give it a go.

I lowered my pants, eyeballed him, then draped myself across his lap. He went slow, but he spanked me until my cheeks were pink. And they weren’t the only thing glowing. Turns out I liked it.

National Fetish Day

So how do you go about exploring BDSM and fetishes?

Everyone Has a Fetish

First, you have to come to terms with the fact that everyone is a pervert. That’s right – just like how everyone poops, every adult you know is secretly harboring their own brand of kink. Some never utter what truly excites them out loud. Some never share it with their partner. The poor dears are afraid of freaking people out.

It would be nice if there was a national coming out day for fantasies, a day where every person would put it right out there on the table and acknowledge their turn ons, As in, “Hello, my name is Lucy, and I have a thing for werewolves.” (At this point, my list of kinks looks like a dinner party grocery list.)

Believe me, even the most conservative person has something that titillates them. They tend to feel more ashamed and repress the feelings even more, then take it out on other people. This makes them seem mean, but really they’re just scared and frustrated. A nice spanking would probably do them wonders.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, How Does Your Fetish Grow?

I’m a big fan of taking baby steps. If you have a partner, plant a little seed and then back off. Don’t tell them, “I want to host an orgy.” Instead, say something like, “Wouldn’t it be hot if there was someone over there in the corner watching us have sex?” or “I think watching two girls kiss is completely sexy – if you had to pick a female celebrity to make out with, who would you choose, honey?”

Until your partner is more comfortable, always include them in your fantasy scenario. If you don’t, they will feel threatened and alienated. You want them to feel like they’re a part of this intimate thing you are sharing, a partner in crime, if you will. Be patient with them – give them time to digest the idea, and slowly up the ante when the timing seems right.

It’s even better to own up to your kinky fantasy if you’re single, and here’s why – you have the opportunity to put it out on the table from the beginning, which is a lot easier than springing it on someone later.

Yep, I challenge you – on the second or third date, tell her that you like wearing women’s underwear. Tell him you used to play Burglar with your girlfriends during sleepovers. This has worked wonders for me. Oh sure, I’ve scared plenty of people off, but I didn’t fake my way into a relationship, which pretty much dooms its chances of being a happy, open and honest situation.

Are You Ready to Come Out?

Sure you are! You can start by going online and searching for the things that turn you on. The one thing I’ve heard over and over again from loads of people is: “Thank God for the internet. I’m not the only one.” Join an online community – it feels great to be able to let down your guard and talk openly about what you like, even if it is anonymous.

Next, try it out on a trusted friend, the kind of friend who would pick you up at 3am if your car broke down, or bring you a care package of cold syrup and cough drops if you were home sick fighting a monster cold.

Finally, share it with the person you are closest to – you know, the one you live or sleep with. I hear a lot of people claim that they married their best friend, but a best friend in my book is someone you can share EVERYTHING with. As in, no secrets. So just do it already.

A Invaluable Tool

Not able to pinpoint exactly what gets you excited? That’s understandable – you’ve had to keep a lid on it for as long as you can remember. A great way to find out what you like (LOVE!) is to fill out a BDSM checklist. You can find several versions on the internet, but the ones I’ve seen have been limiting or incomplete in my opinion. So I’ve created my own ultimate BDSM fetish checklist. You can easily copy and paste it into a word processing program, or print it out.

Take your time filling it out, chip away at it. Your first pass through it will not be the most accurate. A great next step is to have a friend or your partner fill it out, then compare them. I guarantee when you see someone else’s, you’ll want to go back and add to yours, or change some of the answers to be more honest. (You might also want to fill it out again in a few months and see how the answers have changed.)

How does yours compare to theirs? Are they similar? Are they opposite? If you’re comparing to your partner’s list, how can you incorporate some of these new ideas into your routine? For instance, who knew that you both had a thing for latex? This calls for a trip to the party supply store! Or medical supply store, depending on the kind of latex.

Yes, your journey towards bringing out your inner pervert has begun – congratulations! You’re replacing society’s blindfold and gag with a kind that is much more rewarding and fun.

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, domination, kink, submission

The Beautiful Kind’s Ultimate BDSM, Fetish, & Kink Checklist

By thebeautifulkind

It’s a Pervert Party, and you’re invited!

Copy this list into a word processing program so you can edit it, or print it out.

For each question assign a number based on this scale:

5 = This is something I REALLY like. Bring it on, baby!
4 = This is fun! Let’s go for it.
3= I’m not sure, kinda freaky, could be fun, let’s try it out.
2 = I’m not really into this, but if it excites my partner I’m GGG (good, giving, and game).
1 = Eh, I don’t think so.
0 = NO FREAKIN’ WAY.
? = I have NO idea what you are talking about. Seriously, I’m clueless.
* = fantasy only, stays in my head

Be as creative as you want – feel free to add, fill in blanks, specify, clarify. No, you don’t need to painstakingly fill out each and every number, you can whiz through if you like, use checks instead. Customize it to suit your needs; use a highlighter or different colors for your answers if it helps. Most of all, have fun!

Types of persona that turn you on

[ ] = I am this character, ( ) = Partner is this character

(  ) Male
(  ) Female
[  ] (  ) Transgender, drag, queer (_______________________)
(  ) Ethnicities (Asian etc: _______________________)
[  ] (  ) People with accents  ________________
[  ] (  ) People with disabilities (Type: _______________________)
[  ] (  ) Teachers, professors, librarians
[  ] (  ) Lawyers, judges _______________
[  ] (  ) Business professionals, managers
[  ] ( ) Interns/assistant/secretary
[  ] ( ) Nurses, doctors, medical professionals
[  ] ( ) Religious figures (rabbi, priest, nun) _____________
[  ] ( ) Nobility, royalty (Princesses or:  _______________)
[  ] ( ) Musicians (Rock stars, violinists, etc: ____________________)
[  ] ( ) Athletes (Football, basketball, baseball, etc: _____________________)
[  ] ( ) Wrestlers, martial arts, ninja etc: ___________________
[  ] ( ) Blue collar workers (Mechanics, maids, other:__________________)
[  ] ( ) Bikers, Hells Angels
[  ] ( ) Cowboys, cowgirls, farmers
[  ] ( ) Soldiers, marines
[  ] ( ) Sailors, coast guard, lifeguard
[  ] ( ) Police officers
[  ] ( ) Firefighters
[  ] ( ) Mail carrier, milkman, FedEx _______________________
[  ] ( ) Airplane pilots, flight attendants
[  ] ( ) Truck drivers
[  ] ( ) Bride, groom
[  ] ( ) Hunters
[  ] ( ) Surfers, extreme sports, skateboarders
[  ] ( ) Tattooed, pierced, body modified (Type: ____________________)
[  ] ( ) Pirates, rogues, guerillas
[  ] ( ) Historical figures (Civil War, Nazi, Abe Lincoln, ancient Egyptian or:__________________)
[  ] ( ) Inexperienced/virgin
[  ] ( ) High school boys/girls/cheerleaders (consenting adults!)
[  ] ( ) Prostitutes, pimps, sex workers, Johns, sluts
[  ] ( ) Fantasy creatures (mermaid, werewolf, vampire, etc.) ___________
[  ] ( ) Furries
[  ] ( ) Droids, robots, machines
[  ] ( ) Daddy, uncle, brother, cousin ___________
[  ] ( ) Mommy, aunt, sister, cousin ____________
[  ] ( ) Babysitter
[  ] ( ) Divorced
[  ] ( ) Widow(er)
[  ] ( ) Older sibling’s friend
[  ] ( ) Older people, elderly ____________________
[  ] ( ) Executioners
Others, please specify: (clowns, sci-fi, superheroes, etc.)  ________________________

Fetish Extra Credit

[  ] ( ) Smoking
[  ] ( ) Alcohol
[  ] ( ) Soft drugs (marijuana or: _______________)
[  ] ( ) Hard drugs (heroin  or: _________________)
[  ] ( ) Exhibitionism (being watched)
[  ] ( ) Voyeurism (watching)
[  ] ( ) Erotic dancing
[  ] ( ) Watching porn
[  ] ( ) Making porn (photographed or videotaped)
[  ] ( ) Oral sex
[  ] ( ) Forced oral
[  ] ( ) Male ejaculation, cum play _____________
[  ] ( ) Female ejaculation, squirting
[  ] ( ) Menstruation
[  ] ( ) Urination, golden showers
[  ] ( ) Defecation, scat
[  ] ( ) Vomit
[  ] ( ) Anal play/sex ___________
[  ] ( ) Double penetration
[  ] ( ) Fisting
[  ] ( ) Hot play (candle wax, etc)
[  ] ( ) Cold play (ice cubes, cold showers)
[  ] ( ) Foot worship
[  ] Group sex _____________
[  ] Bestiality __________________
[  ] ( ) Necro/unconscious/sleeping ____________________
[  ] ( ) Unshowered
[  ] ( ) Infectious (yeast infection, STD’s or:_____________________)

Favorite body parts: Ass back breasts legs hair feet hands eyes pussy cock __________

Turn offs: _________________________________________________________

Clothing or accessories that turn you on

[ ] = on me ( ) = on my partner

[  ] ( ) Leather
[  ] ( ) Rubber, latex
[ ] ( ) Patent leather, PVC
[  ] ( ) Sexy lingerie, panties, bras _________________
[  ] ( ) Corsets
[  ] ( ) Satin, silk
[  ] ( ) Uniforms (UPS, military, servant, schoolgirl  ______________)
[  ] ( ) Clothing style (Gothic, preppy ___________________)
[  ] ( ) Jeans (denim)
[  ] ( ) Legwear (Fishnets, pantyhose, tights  ______________)
[  ] ( ) High heels
[  ] ( ) Boots _____________
[  ] ( ) Wifebeater t-shirt
[  ] ( ) Patterns (Leopard print, polka dots, argyle ________________)
[  ] ( ) Glasses
[  ] ( ) Hair (hairy, hairless, braids, beards, shaved head __________________)
[  ] ( ) Wet suits
[  ] ( ) Diapers
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

More Props

[ ] = on me, ( ) = on my partner

[  ] ( )  Ropes
[  ] ( )  Leather cuffs and belts
[  ] ( )  Steel cuffs and chains
[  ] ( )  Silk to be tied with
[  ] ( )  Dildos
[  ] ( )  Vibrators
[  ] ( )  Butt plugs
[  ] ( )  Needles and pins
[  ] ( )  Bondage table
[  ] ( )  Nipple clamps and clothespins
[  ] ( )  Blindfold
[  ] ( )  Masks __________
[  ] ( )  Gags
[  ] ( )  Whips
[  ] ( )  Riding crops/flogs
[  ] ( )  Paddles
[  ] ( )  Canes
[  ] ( )  Cage
[  ] ( )  Body bag
Any other props (Balloons, cock rings, stuffed animals, vegetables ____________)

Which of the following places turn you on?

Check all that apply

[  ] Your bedroom
[  ] Other place in the house (basement, kitchen, etc. __________)
[  ] Bathroom, hot tub
[  ] Other people’s houses (parents, friends, party ______________)
[  ] Mansions, bed & breakfasts
[  ] Museums, libraries _____________
[  ] Theater, stage
[  ] A school or a classroom
[  ] Camping, cabins
[  ] Woods and forests
[  ] Beaches
[  ] Farms and stables
[  ] Abandoned buildings
[  ] Back alleys
[  ] Junkyards and car dumps
[  ] Cars/vehicles ___________
[  ] Parking garages
[  ] Truck stops
[  ] The red light district
[  ] Strip club
[  ] BDSM club
[  ] Seedy bar/pool hall
[  ] Swanky upscale bar
[  ] Hospital, dentist/doctor office
[  ] Military barracks
[  ] Interrogation room
[  ] The shrink’s couch
[  ] Jail, police station
[  ] Dungeon, castle
[  ] Churches and abbeys
[  ] Cemeteries, morgues
[  ] Geographical location (The South, Ireland, third world country ______________)
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Which of the following scenes would turn you on?

[ ] = Done to me ( ) = I do to partner

[  ] Vanilla romance (dinner by candlelight, movie dates, cuddling)
[  ] Rough housing, wrestling
[  ] ( ) Massage
[  ] ( ) Making love in a public place
[  ] ( ) In the woods and suddenly a stranger comes from behind and grabs me
[  ] ( ) Stranger walks into the bedroom and finds me playing with myself
[  ] ( )  Rough sex (hair pulling, biting, etc.)
[  ] ( )  Being “raped” __________________________
[  ] ( )  Being in a public place and dominated in a subtle way
[  ] ( )  Being taken out with collar and leash
[  ] ( )  Being used by more than one dominant
[  ] ( )  Playing in combination with other couples
[  ] ( ) Ordered to please others
[  ] ( ) Sitting/kneeling at my Master’s feet
[  ] ( )  Being tied up, caressed and loved
[  ] ( ) Tied up and tickled
[  ] ( ) Tied up and (sexually) teased
[  ] ( ) Tied up in a comfortable position
[  ] ( ) Tied up in discomfort
[  ] ( ) Tied up and (in a sexual way) exposed
[  ] ( ) Tied up and whipped, flogged or caned
[  ] ( ) Restrained and left alone
[  ] ( ) Not being tied up, but verbally commanded to pose in certain positions
[  ] ( ) Tortured without being tied or cuffed
[  ] ( ) Verbally humiliated
[  ] ( ) Breast worship
[  ] ( ) Breast/nipple torture
[  ] ( ) Grabbed by the hair and dragged into the bedroom
[  ] ( ) Spanked because I have been a naughty girl/boy
[  ] ( ) Face slapping
[  ] ( ) Caned, flogged or whipped without being tied or cuffed
[  ] ( ) Used as a slave in public
[  ] ( ) Used as a slave in private
[  ] ( ) Total slave every day of the week
[  ] ( ) Sold on a slave market
[  ] ( ) Used as a dog, pony or pet
[  ] ( ) Physical limits are tested and stretched
[  ] ( ) Mental limits are tested and stretched
[  ] ( ) Sign a contract (i.e. “I am your slave for one week and will do your bidding…”
Others, please specify: ___________________________________ 

I enjoy the following psychodramas

[ ] = for me, ( ) = for my partner

[  ] ( )  Being silent or speaking only when spoken to
[  ] ( )  Dialogue in normal language
[  ] ( )  Dialogue in adapted language (“Master” and “slave”)
[  ] ( )  Swearing and filthy talk
[  ] ( )  Reasonable rules
[  ] ( )  Unreasonable rules
[  ] ( )  Obey rules or else
[  ] ( )  Punishment/rewards
[  ] ( )  Begging
[  ] ( )  Feeding (someone feeding me, me feeding someone else)
[  ] ( )  Persuaded, rather than commanded
[  ] ( )  Military/jail type commands
[  ] ( )  Strict training
[  ] ( )  Subtle role play
[  ] ( )  Obvious and explicit role play
[  ] ( )  Make me feel guilty
[  ] ( )  Make me feel cheap
[  ] ( )  Make me feel used
[  ] ( )  Make me feel owned
[  ] ( )  Make me feel useless
[  ] ( )  Objectify me
[  ] ( )  The dominant must have compassion
[  ] ( )  The dom must have no compassion at all
[  ] ( )  The dom must only have compassion after the scene
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Check any of the following that applies

[  ] I need to be sexually aroused before I enter into a scene
[  ] I need to be sexually aroused when in a scene
[  ] I like as many orgasms as I can get
[  ] An orgasm must only be allowed as a reward
[  ] An orgasm is a must to end the scene
[  ] Orgasms are not important, but nice
[  ] Orgasms are not important at all
[  ] I want to beg for an orgasm first
[  ] I want no sex during a scene
[  ] I want/need sex during a scene
[  ] I want my sexual abilities to be stretched
[  ] Sex should be used to relieve tension
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Safe words and signals

Check any of the following that applies

[  ] The submissive discusses what he or she wants ahead of time
[  ] The dominant surprises the sub
[  ] One or more safe words should be established
[  ] All activity should stop immediately when the sub uses a safe word or signal
[  ] When sub uses a safe word or signal the dom should establish if scene can continue
[  ] A scene should go on up to the point where sub uses a safe word or signal
[  ] When the sub cries, the scene should stop
[  ] The dom should be able to read body language
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, domination, kink, submission

Ooh, It Hurts So Good: Sadism & Masochism – The Pleasure of Pain…

By thebeautifulkind

The first time I ever had sex was on the hardwood floor of a friend’s house.

He was older, on top, and yep, it hurt.

But I was amazed at how receptive I was to that discomfort, how I welcomed it and accepted it as part of the complete sex package. Years later, I still feel that mingling of pleasure and pain when intercourse is initiated, and wow, is it nice!

What is S&M?

The correct sexual term for sadism and masochism is to combine it – sadomasochism, or S&M.

The sadist part refers to a person who gets sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on another person. The pain can be mental or physical.

Masochists are people who get off on receiving pain. If your immediate thought when it comes to sadomasochism is of whips and chains, well, I like your way of thinking, but that’s just on the extreme end of the spectrum.

Sadism is to domination as masochism is to submission.

That means that S&M doesn’t necessarily have to be hardcore role playing – it can be what I like to call “gentle-rough sex”.

It can be having your hair pulled or your nipples pinched. It can be your partner teasing you to the point where you’re begging for sex. It can be light, playful, and just a little bit edgy.

It’s up to you how far you want to take it.

Who Does S&M?

Lots of people.

That woman in the carpool line ahead of you. The guy who made your sub sandwich at lunch today. That mousy shy co-worker of yours who avoids eye contact. Your sister. The lawyer who fixed your traffic ticket…

You get the idea.

We’re not talking serial killers or crazed nuns out for revenge – most of the folks who dabble in S&M are nice, normal, kinky people. And they are all around you, like a zombie monster movie, only way more fun.

Where Does S&M Take Place?

Mostly, in the bedrooms of ordinary houses in the suburbs.

But it can also happen in trendy downtown lofts, 23rd floor penthouse suites, out on the farm, and sure, in clubs with S&M dungeons. Most cities have clubs like that, or fetish nights.

There are also thousands of online communities and local groups who meet to discuss safety, equipment, and exchange tips on what kitchen utensils work best in sex play.

Why S&M?

Pain and pleasure are two separate things, but they are closely related. They both stimulate nerve endings, they’re both associated with the mad release of endorphins, and they both make you feel alive.

Vanilla sex is more physical – S&M is more mental.

What do I mean by that? Vanilla sex is simple – it’s about giving and receiving pleasure. S&M is more complex – it is delving into your deep, dark fantasies, sharing them with another person, pushing your limits, and facing fears.

Most of us are conditioned to avoid pain at all costs.

That makes sense – we’re hardwired for survival. But to embrace it – to subject yourself to it deliberately and on your own terms – that is a way of finding control in a world where you often lack control. 

Both sub and Dom participants will often find themselves in a euphoric “zone” once they push past a certain point.

For instance, I knew a friend whose father was dying of cancer. She took care of him, but during her respite free time, she met up with a Dom who would punish and beat her. It was her way of coping with the guilt associated with her sick father, and was an effective way to take her mind off of the helplessness she felt.

As for me, I like being bit or having my hair pulled or my bottom spanked.

I’m curious to see how much I can take, and I’m lucky enough to have found a good Dom who is willing to be my guide. He doesn’t get off so much on inflicting pain as he does in seeing how much it arouses me.

I get turned on, he’s turned on, it’s a win-win situation.

I wonder if someday I can handle a belt or paddle…Stay tuned!

To learn more about The Beautiful Kind, visit TheBeautifulKind.com.

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, domination, kink, masochism, spanking, submission

What Everyone Ought to Know About BDSM

By thebeautifulkind

That’s right, acronyms aren’t just for the office anymore – it can be a regular alphabet soup in the bedroom, too.

I’m talking about BDSM – the ultimate antidote to vanilla sex.

Sure sex feels good on its own, but have you ever thought about taking it up a notch, pushing your boundaries? Do you have any freaky fantasies that might be ready to leave your head?

Prepare for a challenge – get off your butt and onto your hands and knees, grab a candle to light the way – but don’t forget to let some of the hot wax drip on your sensitive flesh…

What does BDSM stand for, anyway? The interchangeable initials stand for:

Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism

Let’s expand on the first four now, because S&M deserves an entire article of its own.

As you read through the list, pay attention to your feelings.

Which concepts intrigue you the most and inspire you to place an ad on a fetish site, or buy your partner a pair of shiny steel oiled handcuffs?

Bondage

I can’t remember if my first exposure to bondage was watching the Wonder Woman television show or receiving pink and green paper Chinese handcuffs in a party favor bag, but I know that both of those things had me daydreaming of lassoing that boy who always ran away from me on the playground, or tricking him into being my slave for a day because I had him trapped by his fingers.

Bondage is incorporating restraint into lovemaking.

It’s giving yourself over to the pleasure and entrusting yourself to your partner. Being tied up can feel scary, relaxing, embarrassing, arousing, intense…The sky’s the limit with the emotions that can come into play.

It’s also a great way to utilize neckties now that they aren’t worn in the workplace much anymore. I’m always pleased to visit a friend’s house and see colorful neckties affixed to their bedposts – it’s a sure sign of a healthy sex life.

These days I’ve graduated to nylon rope, which is easily obtained at hardware stores. More discriminating folks in the lifestyle opt for hemp rope, which is available online and in sex shops in a variety of colors.

Discipline

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Discipline is the use of rules and punishment to control the behavior of someone else. A rule can be as simple as not allowing someone to say “thank you” for the evening, and if they transgress, punishment ensues.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word “punishment”?

Spanking, perhaps? Oh sure, I love a good classic like spanking, but punishment needn’t be physical. BDSM can be extremely creative, not to mention mental.

I have my own personal list of punishments that I like being “forced” to do. Plus my partner is always good at keeping me on my toes. Or on my knees…

Domination/Dominant/Dominatrix/Dom

Also known as the Master, Mistress, Boss, or Top.

A Dom is in charge, gives orders, calls the shots and administers the punishments.

But he or she has to have the right balance of kindness and meanness, kind of like that tough love you hear about when it comes to parenting teenagers.

An example of a good Dom move would be giving the sub a good smack on the rear, then tenderly kissing the sting away.

Does it sound like the Dom can do whatever the hell he or she wants? Think again. Ultimately, the play session is limited to what the sub is willing to do. Communication is king, so discussing ahead of time what is on the sexual menu and what is off limits is critical.

Important note: Being a Dom is not an excuse to be a jerk.

Submission/Submissive/Subordinate/Sub

Also known as the slave or bottom.

Now this is my specialty. I’m a caseb sook submissive – I like being told what to do and get off on being “used”. I also like rules-and-punishment mental mind games and serving my Dom.

A sub might toy with being humiliated. Penetration is a big part of being sub. Some subs expect pleasure in return, while other submissive’s only goal is to pleasure their Dom. This is more slave-like behavior.

For me, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I like to see how much pain I can take – I get a sense of accomplishment after a particularly intense session, and I look forward to building up my tolerance. Sometimes I endure an unpleasant experience, such as getting my face smacked or being called dirty names, and find it doesn’t sit well with me at the time it’s happening.

Only later after having a chance to analyze it do I find it to be arousing. It’s like peeling the layers of an onion, right down to the tears you might shed. Intense!

Switch

Some people are only comfortable in one of the roles – Dom or sub. But some people can assume either role, depending on the mood or setting.

Versatile, these are the same folks who do well at large parties and small gatherings, who don’t mind driving or being in the passenger seat, or can watch super-dude action films and chick flicks.

I used to think I was pure sub, but the other night I accidentally stumbled into a “Dom for a day” situation where my partner told me he was at my disposal. I was surprised to find I liked shoving his hands above his head and having my way with him. Who knew?

That’s the beauty of BDSM – it’s a fascinating way to explore yourself and your partner through a perversely intimate power exchange, a way to turn reality upside down and own it on your own terms.

The key to making the dynamic work is trust. Yep, BDSM is like one big trust fall.

Are you ready to let yourself go?

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, domination, kink, submission

BDSM Dilemma – Should I Tell My Parents?

By loveandsex

No matter how close children are to their parents there are some things that probably shouldn’t be shared – and sexual preferences is one of them.

Most of the time parents don’t really want to know about their children’s sex lives. Just like most people do almost anything in their power to avoid thinking about their own parents as sexual beings, parents balk at the very idea that their children have sex at all, even when those children are well into adulthood.

Add to this already existing unease an element of danger, perversion, or “evil” (as are often associated with the term BDSM), and it’s easy to see why having this discussion could do more damage than good.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

A few of my very close friends know that I am into BDSM.

Because BDSM is so taboo, I could never tell my parents. My friends feel that I am lying to my parents because I tell them I am going to see someone else when I am actually going to see my Master. I am well over eighteen so I don’t feel that I am legally obligated to tell them.

— Amanda, Kentucky

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2hBT0H0x2c[/youtube]

Should I Tell My Parents I’m Into BDSM?

The Short Version Is – It’s None of Their Business

Really it’s not! As long as you’re an adult you’re entitled to make your own choices, including the choice to engage in and enjoy consensual BDSM sex play.

Unfortunately society hasn’t evolved enough yet to openly accept the fact that people derive pleasure from all sorts of sexual activities. Those that involve pain, bondage, and other “deviant” behaviors are especially persecuted.

Although this is slowly changing, and BDSM is moving into the mainstream, there’s still a good chance that those you do tell will look at you differently, and will disapprove of your lifestyle choices.

In general, people have a hard time accepting sexual preferences that differ from their own. Parents are no exception.

Unless your parents are also sexual explorers and have dabbled in BDSM themselves, the likelihood that they’ll understand why you would even consider engaging in those types of behaviors is very slim.

You are Still a Child to Your Parents

It’s important to remember that in your parents’ eyes, you are still a child in need of protection and guidance. Depending on the morals and values your parents tried to raise you with, telling them that you’re involved in BDSM could be a proverbial “slap in the face”.

They may interpret your choices as going directly against the very things they believe are good and right. As best, they may accept your differing morality, but at worst, they may denounce you completely as being an amoral or bad person.

They Will Probably Try to “Fix” You

If you decide to tell your parents about your BDSM adventures, don’t be surprised if their reaction is to try to “fix” you somehow. They will probably try talking you out of liking such activities or suggesting you see a psychologist to “get over” this issue.

Be prepared to spend a lot of time and effort explaining yourself and fielding their well-intended attempts to change you.

There is, of course, the possibility that your confession could make you closer to your parents if they are very open-minded people. But since these kinds of parents (and people) are rare, don’t count on a positive reaction!

Instead, weigh your decision carefully, keeping in mind that telling them could ruin the relationship you have with them now. Choose your words wisely, and know what you are going to say beforehand. This isn’t a conversation you’ll want to improvise on the spot.

Consider Getting Your Own Place

Although it’s understandable that you don’t want to continue lying to your parents, you shouldn’t feel like they have to know where you’re going every time you leave the house either.

You’re an adult, and as an adult you have the right to your privacy. Why not consider eliminating this problem completely by getting your own place?

One of the best things about being a “grown up” is you get to do your own thing without having to answer to anyone else. Getting your own place will give you that sense of freedom, and you won’t feel forced into lying to those you love anymore.

Keep Your BDSM Preference to Yourself

Whether or not you continue to live with your parents, our best advice is to keep your BDSM activities to yourself. Now that you’re an adult, you’ve earned the right to make your own sexual choices and to keep those choices private – use them!

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, domination, kink, submission

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