The biggest mistake when it comes to “female orgasm” is focusing on the “how-to” techniques without paying proper attention to the best mind-set and strategies to make her climax.
In reality, the strategies are the key to unlocking the power of the sexual techniques.
You’ll understand that while sexual techniques by themselves can be effective, the noisy, wet, toe-curling orgasms lie largely in the strategy you use when applying the techniques.
Your state of mind (and your partners’) can really make or break the chances of her having an orgasm.
The Wrong Mindset
How do you approach your lover’s orgasms?
You probably enter into sex with the intent and goal of “giving an orgasm.”
It’s this approach that leads too many guys on a wild goose chase for the “perfect” strokes and techniques. It leaves you blindly seeking out every tip and trick out there, furiously testing them out on your lover.
I hate to break it to you, but this is the wrong mental approach if you truly want to “give” a female orgasm.
It sounds contradictory, I know. But it’s true, and here’s why…
When you head into the bedroom with the goal of “giving” her an orgasm, you’re setting up expectations in both of your minds. This approach will create pressure on both you and your partner that an orgasm MUST happen. Once you add pressure to have an orgasm, it is virtually guaranteed to add some negative stress and anxiety during your intimate times together.
And…as this stress grows, it will actually make it much harder for her to cum.
Have you ever seen a football or basketball player “choke up” during a game?
The fans, the crowds, the competition build up so much pressure for the athlete to perform well that their focus is diverted from the game and to their anxieties.
Ultimately, they wind up screwing up. Too much focus and drive on your part to “give” an orgasm can have the same effect on your partner.
Effects of Stress on Your Partner
If the stress and pressure get too high, she may be left unsatisfied. And because you have set this “goal” to have an orgasm in a first place, and now that the goal is un-met, both you and your partner will be left feeling disappointed.
If this approach is sustained, you may wind up anchoring these feelings of disappointment to your times of physical intimacy – carrying it over into your next sexual encounter, further increasing her “performance anxiety.”
The Right Mindset
Here’s the paradox…
If you want to give an orgasm, you have to NOT focus on the orgasm!
Instead of focusing on the goal of achieving the elusive female orgasm, start focusing your attention on the pleasure of the process.
The key is, if you focus on giving pleasure, and making sure she’s feeling good, that orgasm will come (no pun intended.)
Not every technique will work on every woman. One woman may prefer one particular stroke or rhythm more than the next woman does.
To find out what really makes your woman tick, you’ve got to open the lines of communication. You need to find out what she likes as you’re applying a technique. That way, you can optimize your rhythm, speed, stroke etc. to match what she likes best.
Aim for open verbal communication, but if your lover isn’t as brave with her words (especially when you’re face is buried between her thighs) you can opt for more non-verbal communicative methods, such as squeezing hands or body response.
Communicating well with your partner can make it much easier to bring her pleasure, and ultimately, more and better orgasms.
One of the biggest mistake men make is moving too fast, too soon. It works fine for us, but for a woman, she might not be ready yet.
For guys, we can come to an orgasm very quickly. Men basically need to get aroused, stimulated, and we’re done.
Women, on the other hand, need a gradual escalation to come to a point of orgasm.
With each of the stages of sexual response (you’ll find out about this in an upcoming chapter), the intensity of the stimulation is increased.
Anticipation and Tension
Anticipation (otherwise known as “teasing” and “excitement”) is a powerful and effective tool to use.
In order to multiply the effects of your sexual techniques, you’ll have to add anticipation into the mix.
Anticipation will get her more aroused, give her a greater chance to have an orgasm and focuses her on the physical pleasure she’s experiencing.
And…while you’re building up anticipation, at the same time you’re cranking up sexual tension as well.
The sexual tension will have to be released (in the form of an orgasm).
The Key to Building Anticipation
The key to building up anticipation is to focus on the areas surround the main “target” before you actually hit the target.
For example, you can do this by rubbing her inner thighs, buttocks and hips before actually touching her vagina. While you’re rubbing those body parts, she’s getting wetter and wetter by the second, anticipating you to finally move onto her vagina. At the same time, the tension is growing within her and at some point, it’ll have to be released.
A note: when you’re building up the anticipation in her, it’s going to build up in you as well! It’s going to be your job to maintain self control, and keep the escalation at the right pace.
A woman has to be completely relaxed to have an orgasm.
If she has her thoughts on her job, self-conscious about how her body looks, trying to have an orgasm, or whatever the case may be, she’s not going to be relaxed. She’ll be tensed, and her body won’t allow her to release an orgasm.
To help those troubles melt away and disappear (even if only temporarily) with your words, touch, attitude and preparations. Your lover must be totally and completely relaxed and free from tension.
The only tension she should be feeling is sexual tension!
Give Before You Receive
Before receiving any sexual pleasure from her, you have to make sure she receives sexual pleasure from you first.
It shows that:
1) You have control of your sexual desires
2) She’ll be in a more “ready” state to have an orgasm while having intercourse, and
3) After she has an orgasm, she’ll be ready and willing to reciprocate to the best of her abilities!
Seriously, if you can compare the quality of the blow job she gives you, the one performed without her experiencing an orgasm FIRST, will, ironically, SUCK compared to the blowjob she gives you after she RECEIVES an orgasm.
Sex goes the same too… Go ahead and test this out for yourself if you don’t believe me!