alexstrandberg

Have you ever been excited about a date only to end up spending the night alone and frustrated? Staying up half the night asking yourself ‘What went wrong?’

I know I have many times. After each date ended badly I walked away feeling powerless over my dating life. It felt like there was something that I wasn’t getting that most men did.

I believe if guys avoid these 13 deadly mistakes like it was the plague, their chances of getting a second date would dramatically improve. I choose the unlucky number thirteen because when it comes to dating making these mistakes will cause you to be very unlucky.

1. Not Breathing

First dates can be nerve wrecking. The pressure can be so high that you feel like you have swallowed a whole jar of butterflies. Sweaty palms and nervous ticks can be greatly reduced by sitting back and breathing.

If you ever find anxiety building up inside of yourself focus on taking long deep breaths. This will allow you to calm yourself down and get back to enjoying the date.

2. Being Too Far Away From Your Date

How can you go in for a kiss if she is five feet away? You can’t, so get a little closer to her. Guys tend to end up in the friend zone far too often because they aren’t getting close enough to the girl. Friends keep their distance while lovers come in a little too close for comfort.

Don’t start out the night two inches away from her face because it will creep her out. Work your way from a distance and get closer and closer as the night goes on.

3. Wanting Her to Like You

Nothing spells neediness like wanting her approval. It is the number one attraction killer. If you are desperate for her to like you don’t be surprised when she gets a call from a friend telling her that a family member has been in an emergence and she needs to go to the hospital right away.

Instead of trying to get her to like you ask yourself if you like her. When you qualify a woman, your insecurities and fears are greatly reduced. You are now in a position of choice instead getting her to approve of you.

4. Saying Sorry Too Many Times

Saying sorry too often is a very unhealthy habit. You say sorry and she thinks, “Oh God not another nice guy.” Accidents happen and are automatically forgiven, that’s why they are accidents. There is no need to say sorry every time you accidentally bump into her or make a minor mistake.

If you do something horrible like telling her that her ass is fat or spilling a drink in her new purse, then it requires a sincere apology. Anything beyond psychological or physical damage doesn’t warrant an apology.

5. Taking Her Out to Dinner….

Taking her out to dinner puts her three to four feet away from you and prevents you from getting close to her. Think of a dinner table as a barrier to you having an amazing first date. It’s a wooden cock block.

On top of that it puts you into a very awkward situation. You just met this woman and barely know her but you are forced to stare at her all night long. This will add to the pressure and stress of a first date.

Instead of following the cliché of taking her to a restaurant, take her to someplace more exciting. Bowling and shooting pool are some great ideas for a fun first date.

6. Speaking Too Fast

People who talk too fast make others around them feel anxious. Your date is nervous enough as it is and doesn’t want to feel any more anxious. If you continue to talk like an auctioneer she will get too uncomfortable and call it an early night.

Slow down and take your time when you speak. Practice this in your day to day life to avoid getting the axe from your date.

7. Going For the Kiss at the End of the Night

Classic mistake that guys never seem to get is trying to kiss a girl at the end of the night. When you pull this move you will be lumped into the same category as almost every other guy she has dated. Separate yourself from the pack and kiss her early on in the night.

The biggest problem with the goodnight kiss is the anxiety that comes from it. All throughout your date you will be focusing on that monumental moment instead of enjoying yourself. Every second that ticks by you will be plotting your strategy on how you will kiss her at the end of the night. This will cause the date to not go as smoothly as you planned making the good night kiss even harder to land.

8. Telling Her That You Like Her

She knows that you like her and you are only shooting yourself in the foot by announcing it. Your interest in her is made obvious by you being out on a date together. When you tell her how you feel it reminds her of all the nice guys that she rejected who did the same exact thing. If you tell her that you like her history will repeat itself and you will sleep alone tonight.

9. Complaining Too Much

Nothing spells attraction like a guy who brings a woman down. Life is tough and going on dates are supposed to be a relief from it. If you go on and on about how you hate your job she will begin to lose interest in you. The attraction she might have felt for you will disappear in a flash. Keep her having a good time or there will be no second date.

10. Going Too Deep with the Conversation on a First Date

Dates should be fun and enjoyable, not dark and depressing. If you poke too much into her past it might open up a whole flood gate of issues. The excitement and joy she once felt will be replaced by anger and depression from her childhood or ex-boyfriend. The date will turn sour very quickly and the only time she gets wet is when she cries on your shoulder.

11. Jumping to Conclusions

Most guys get so excited about actually going on a date with a real girl that they let their imaginations run wild. They start to imagine a house, a dog and a white picket fence even before securing a second date. Get a hold of your imagination and take it one date at a time. Nothing will make a girl run faster than a needy guy planning their honeymoon during the appetizers.

12. Getting Stuck in Your Head

Believe it or not your mind isn’t very useful in getting and keeping women attracted to you. Throughout the date it will fill you with anxiety and insecure thoughts regardless of how things are actually going. She might be into you but your mind will tell you otherwise.

Do yourself a favor and get out of your head and go with the flow of the date. The best way to do this is to ignore your thoughts and take a nice deep breath.

13. Asking Instead of Leading

Ask women what the most annoying thing a man could say to her and nine times out of ten it will be “Well, what do you want to do?” When a woman hears those magical seven words her first thought is, “I want to give you a fake number with seven digits and go home.”

Don’t ask or make a suggestion for what you want to do, just do it. Don’t check in with her to see if it is ok or not. If she has a problem with the direction you are taking the date, she will let you know.

So you tell me there is a girl that you have been fantasizing over for years and are madly in love with. I’m sure she is unlike any other woman that you have ever met. She’s smart, beautiful, funny and there is such a great connection between you and her.

The only problem is, you’re just a friend, and that’s it. You wonder “Can I actually turn it into something more?”

What If There’s No Attraction?

The answer to that will always be the same…you can’t. If there isn’t any real attraction between you and the girl from the get go, there is NOTHING you can do about it. No amount of lines or telling her how you feel will get her to change her mind about you.

The movie industry screws with a lot of guys minds by making them believe that you can turn a friendship into something sexual or romantic. What works in the movies doesn’t work in real life.

Playing Peter Gabriel outside of her window won’t make her fall head over heels for you. No, she won’t read your romantic love letter that you have worked on for years and want to jump into bed with you. Sadly many men have to learn this lesson the hard way.

Even worse than the movie industries portrayal of this unfortunate situation is the Internet. I did a quick Google search on ‘how to turn a friend into a lover’ and got over 15 million responses.

I clicked on a couple of the results to see what kind of false hope they were giving people. Not one of these sites were able to tell the truth about this predicament. They all stated that is was very possible to turn a friendship around. One site even offered a spell that you can use to enchant the woman.

When you first approach or meet a woman she puts you into one of two categories…”yes” or “no”. Yes, she is attracted to you or no she has no attraction for you. If you get lumped into the “no” category there is nothing you can do to change her mind. You are forever branded as a “no”.

Why Friendships Turn Into Relationships

With that said there are a bunch of claims of friendships turning into relationships out there. These claims are a little misleading. What happens here is one of two things:

The woman decided to settle for a guy she wasn’t attracted to or…
There was attraction from the beginning but for whatever reason it never escalated any further

Why Women Settle

Many times women will settle for a guy that they really aren’t that attracted to physically or sexually. This happens for a variety of reasons:

Tired of looking for the right guy so she takes what’s available to her
Desires to get married more than getting married to the right guy
Feels like she can’t do any better. Low self esteem goes hand and hand with loneliness. Everyone at some point just wants someone to be there for them. Unfortunately for her there are few options available except for the guy who has loved her for so long.
Knows that the guy is in love with her and will do anything she says. It’s a sad story but many people like to control others. Their self esteem and lack of real power drives them to find people that will worship them and do anything they want. They aren’t too concerned with love as they are with admiration and control.

When Attraction IS There

When there is attraction from the start but nothing happens the option of taking it further is always available. For whatever reason the both of them never got together. They may have been dating other people at the time or their schedules might have been too busy for a relationship.

In these situations they are “friends” but there was always an undertone of attraction. There is always something beneath their communication that stated that they liked one another.

Later down the road, if the conditions are right, they might get together and start a relationship. They were technically friends before that time but there was always some attraction in the mix.

This is how my girlfriend and I got together. We met during school but for whatever reason never took it past innocent flirting. Years later we got back in contact with each other and started dating. That was over two and a half years ago.

Will Confidence Help?

What if I get my insecurities handled and become confident? Will that help?

Some men believe that after they get their act together with women that they will have a chance with that one girl. To me, to truly be great with women is to have a ‘take em or leave em’ type of attitude. You would enjoy being surrounded with lots of women but you don’t need it to be happy.

When you get better with women in hopes of getting that one special girl you are showing extreme neediness. You are changing everything about yourself completely just for one woman. You are doing it for HER and not for YOURSELF.

If you change everything just to get her to like you it will never work because of you are still needy. If you hadn’t guessed neediness is not an attractive quality to have

What do I do now?

There is a ray of hope that can come from your situation. You can learn from the mistakes you made with this girl and not repeat them over and over. You can learn what is actually attractive to women.

13 Deadly Mistakes to Avoid on a Date