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Are You Dabbling With The Idea Of Swinging?

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So, maybe it’s always been a part of your fantasy world. The thought of being in a room, sharing your partner with someone else, having a new person explore your body at the same time – no strings attached – just some good kinky fun right?

And now information about swinging is readily available to the average individual. The internet has made things a lot easier and swinging is a topic that most people are, at least, aware of.

The Topic Of Swinging

If you have a similarly twisted sense of humour you’ll understand how the topic of swinging can get the giggles going in a group of friends. Eyebrows raise, inquisitive smiles perhaps, a lot of chuckles I’m sure – but underneath it all, I’d be willing to bet most, if not all involved let the thought of going through with swinging cross their minds. Is it a fleeting thought that causes a laugh or instinctual disregard? If so, then you know swinging isn’t in your scope of possibilities.

Do you find that thought lingers with you, maybe just while fantasizing…maybe more? Where do you go from there? Well – first off, if you feel this is something you want to cross over into your real world you need to be open, safe and extremely secure with your partner. Many couples wouldn’t even consider sharing their true fantasies with one another for fear of rejection.

If your fantasies are well known to one another this step won’t be as much of a shocker.

The Real Possibility Of Swinging

The next consideration would be who you would want to swing with? Would your comfort zone be to swing with people you already know on some level? Or would you prefer to swing with people who might not otherwise be a part of the other aspects of your life. People you want to see again or people who would only meet one time? People who have experience with swinging or newbies like you? So many things to think through if you are going down this road.

If you make the decision to move forward into the world of swinging some other considerations may be to what extent do you want to participate? Do you want to have sex only with your partner but in the same room as another couple? Would you switch partners up? Would there be limitations to what you would or would not do with another? Ground rules seem to be key in a situation as sticky as this.

It seems that this would be a part of the introduction into the consideration of the swinging phenomenon. I cannot speak beyond this stage but recently a few jokes with friends created cause for consideration.. a little excitement, even if only for a fleeting moment.. and even if it verified for me, that the world of swinging was most enticing in my fantasy world. I do see, however that what is easy and free in the world of fantasy requires a whole lot more thought if you cross over into reality. As open minded as I am I believe it takes a lot of pieces of the puzzle to fit together to have swinging be a positive experience for everyone involved.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

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Recently a good friend of mine asked my opinion on how he could break up with his current squeeze without looking like a total sleezeball. Or… how to break up amicably. It was a bit of a stumbling block for me. I have done a lot of thinking about this one lately – and here was my heartfelt advice.

Do Amicable Breakups Exist?

First off, I think ending a relationship in a completely amicable way means that BOTH parties would have to agree that they could see the end coming. That things just didn’t get along anymore, that it wasn`t a SURPRISE to anyone. And, of course, that they still had positive feelings and thoughts towards one another. To the best of my knowledge, most relationships do not end as ideally as that – if you are able to achieve this phenomenon, then pat yourself on the back. I think it`s a rarity.

So, my advice to my man friend was to attempt to “gently” create situations where his “soon to be ex” could potentially foresee the breakup as a possibility. I suggested he not spend as much time with her and DEFINITELY stop sleeping with her.

If you are still spending time together and still being intimate, how could anyone see a breakup in the making? In other words, if your heart is not in it anymore, don’t continue on as if it was. This is all a precursor to having THE talk — to laying it all out on the line. I for one, would rather see the hazard signs before the finality hit me in the face.

Being Honest Without Causing Pain

Obviously it`s best to be as honest as you can regarding your desire to move on but the key is to do it with by causing as little hurt as possible. For example, if you find you are interested in someone new, be gentle and avoid that topic. Some people are better off if you say less. Others look for reasoning or closure and want to know WHY. It is okay to be real here and say that you just don’t FEEL what you once did and that your heart just isn’t in it any longer.

Of course, no one wants to hear these things but if they are the truth and you are pressed to explain, hopefully this makes this clearer. I believe that everyone deserves to be with the BEST person for them. If your heart isn’t in a relationship any longer then you are not doing your partner any favours by hanging around for their sake.

In fact, being in a situation where you aren’t truly “present” with that person is not fair to anyone. It may help to explain that you know they deserve more then you are willing to give in a relationship. Enhance the positive but be clear enough to state that things are done in your heart of hearts. Once that conversation starts, be prepared to see it through – delaying the inevitable is painful for all involved.

What To Say And What Not To Say

Although you don’t necessarily need to give all of the nitty gritty details regarding your desire to end a relationship – it’s best to stay as truthful as possible without unnecessarily hurting feelings. Don’t say that you are not interested in being tied down if THAT’S not the problem. If the problem is that your feelings have changed or that you don’t feel this is the right relationship at the right time for you, that is legitimate.

Aim high and leave that conversation knowing you gave your best effort to be kind, fair and clear. Think about how you would want to be respected during a break up and what you would want before you break things off with your partner. Even if you are in the midst of an argument and things are heated, it is ALWAYS best to have a mature, breakup conversation with a clear head which will promote decency all around.

These suggestions can help you to think about how to go about handling a break up. No one can predict your partner’s reaction, but if you keep a cool head and know what you want and need to say, focusing on that will definitely help. I would hope, anyone going ahead with a break up is MORE than sure, because it’s not something you want to have to experience more than once per relationship.

Obviously if there is a marriage, living situation or children involved there are a lot more aspects to consider. Truth be told however, if your heart isn’t in it – then no one benefits. Break ups occur when there are no longer ways to resolve the issues. Moving on can be difficult, intimidating, scary and no one wants to hurt anyone else’s feelings, but it’s important to look at the picture in the long run instead of the here and now.

Be certain, be gentle, and be clear. Give the person time to absorb everything and maybe, just maybe they will come to see in time, it was the right decision for everyone.

How To Work It – From A Chick Who Knows What Works!

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Oh ladies, we’ve all been there! You are in the midst of sexual play and you think to yourself, “Now would be a good time to get that telepathic message through of what I like and don’t like.”  However, these thoughts tend to come to us when we are in the middle of the action which doesn’t tend to be the best of times to voice our “I’d like it better if’s…..”

You’ve gotta give a guy credit for trying and you certainly don’t want to bash his ego or deter him from making an effort to please you.  So, take a mental note of what you like, or changes to his moves you’d like to see and very gingerly bring them up at a more appropriate time (outside of the bedroom?).

Well, that or have him read my suggestions here!  Funny how you just ‘happened’ to come across this article and ‘wouldn’t this be fun to try?’  Okay so cat’s out of the bag if he’s actually reading THIS part, but fellas–some technique tips FROM a woman about how to WORK your woman can put your TALENTS in a whole new league!!!

She’ll Appreciate the Little Things.

First of all I’m going to assume you’ve made an attempt to set the mood. Women don’t necessarily always NEED a mood set but definitely appreciate it when an effort is made, and this article, is about what women WANT, not just what’s passable. It doesn’t have to be like this EVERY time, but this is what we like.

Show your desire for intimacy early on – flirt. Slide up behind her and give her a little squeeze early in the day. It’s the little things – always.  Yes, candles, music, wine and NOT rushing into penetration count BIG TIME.  In fact, spending TIME on foreplay is beneficial to both of you.

You’ll bring her to a place of unbelievable excitement and you should definitely expect the same in return.  Kissing is so important to women because it’s so intimate. Kiss her slowly and don’t just kiss her lips. Work that neck, kiss her hand, up the inside of her forearm. Enjoy it; spend some time.

The KEY is to NOT do this stuff because you HAVE  to but do it and genuinely take each other in.

Move onto holding her close. Feel her body while her clothes are still on. Get her worked up so she wants to be naked as badly as you do.  Undress her and make it known that you desire every part of her body as you display it.  I’m hoping she’d respond and undress you as well.

Continue the Savoring!

Once the clothing has fallen away don’t just jump to the TARGET areas. Continue the savoring!  Kiss her, caress her, touch her hair, trace the lines of her body. The Coles Notes on the first part of the article are:  Make it known you treasure her and desire her– it WILL pay off!

The Detailed Technique

Now, getting down to detailed technique. When it comes to more involved sexual contact, one tid bit that I find makes women want you at a heightened level is to learn to master TEASING while pleasing. Don’t just dive into oral sex. Start with your hands. Look at making great sex like a meal (dinner before dessert!).

When you begin to sexually touch your woman use a feather light touch to start. Stay on the perimeter – the crease where her legs join her body.  Once you do have your fingers working her most intimate parts ensure you are paying VERY close attention to what she’s responding to and, most importantly, to what she’s responding to MORE.

Widen Your Focus

All too many men focus on manipulating the clitoris. What they don’t realize is that getting a woman turned on prior to that point will cause her to have greater swelling of that spot which leads to increased pleasure.  Keep the area warmed.  Cupping with your hand or breathing warm air from your mouth also stimulates blood flow (a.k.a. excitement).

If you know your woman prefers to use a lubricant during sex, start with that early while you are playing with her and not only for penetration.  Everyone should know that lubrication makes everything feel better whether you are able to induce that from her naturally or not.

When it comes to working with your fingers, start slow. That doesn’t only mean with one finger at a time, but make the insertion slow. Move in and out with just the tip to begin, up to the first knuckle. Are you getting the point here? It’s all about stages and gauging her reaction.

Continue to use your fingers softly on her clitoris as well remembering that there are sensations on the sides and all around this spot not only from the top where guys tend to focus.  When you are ready to take it to the next level for oral sex, remember that you can alternate and still use your fingers .

Start Oral Slowly

For oral sex I also suggest a slow/teasing start. Work the outside before going in for the magic button.  Make your tongue soft and loose when you are in contact with her clitoris There is nothing worse than a guy who just has one licking motion and for some reason thinks speed is exciting. It’s NOT!

There is the licking technique with a nice soft tongue, you can also flatten your tongue against her clitoris and move your head in a circular motion while breathing warm breath onto her.

Just a few suggestions but again,ultimately you want her feedback and hopefully you’ll know from her reactions what she REALLY enjoys.  Watch for the moments when she seems like she wants you even more pulling you in, breathing, moaning.

When she can no longer take it and wants you to move into penetration remember that ENTRY is another whole stage you don’t want to rush over.

Don’t Rush Penetration

Tease her. Go slowly. Don’t just thrust like you’re in a rush. After all, imagine how the rest of things are going to go if you have your woman at a stage where she’s clawing to have you when you are only starting to enter.

From there on in I’m sure you can use your own techniques.  Remember, slow and attentive, not throughout, but at least for the build up makes for an ending where excitement will be taken to a whole new level.

Boost Your Self Confidence And Become Irresistible!

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Going through a case of the ‘blahs’?  Maybe feeling like you’ll never find ‘that special someone’ or that the special someone you are with just doesn’t seem interested??

I think deep down everyone is somehow searching.  Searching for the right mate, searching for ways to find happiness, searching for ways to be appreciated. We’ve all been there, once or twice.

It may sound cliché but the truth is, if you are willing to boost yourself up, then others will quickly take notice.  Think about the times that you have been in love or the times that you have felt most alive and happy. Those are the times when you were attracting people TO you – effortlessly.

The Spark

I’ll bet that these are also the instances in which you felt energized by life. THAT, right there, is the key to attaining and maintaining your irresistibility!!  Everyone is attracted to those who carry the “spark of life” and everyone has the potential to shine.

It doesn’t matter what shape or size you are, it doesn’t matter what job you have or what people you know.  What matters is how you treat yourself and how you view the world around you.

Optimists have this easier, as they are naturally pulled toward looking at life with a positive frame of mind.  Pessimists are a little more tricky, they have to consciously decide that they are convinced that the sun can shine on the gloomiest of days.

And common sense alone will dictate that the people you come in contact with will always be attracted to those who feel self assured and happy from the inside out.

Trust me, I am about the most positive person I know, and even “I” have my moments where I would just rather lie down and feel poopy then look on the bright side.  Okay, well that happens to the best of us but what is important is not allowing those times to take up the majority of your life.

After all, life is short. Problems will always be there, but LIFE itself won’t.  I know the bills are there. We all have them, but I choose to gain strength in that moment when I notice I’m having a good hair day or when my son looks cute smiling at me even with his runny nose.

Convince Yourself

The only trick here is to convince yourself that you can choose to be happier and FEEL better.

I find it interesting to hear about people who are out there on the hunt, searching for another person to fulfill them; to make them whole.

Do you want to know the fastest way to achieve this task?  Stop focusing on the search and look from within.  It doesn’t take a grandiose effort either.  Smile more and invest in moments that make you feel good.

Give yourself a night off and take a bath by candle light.  Put on your favorite song and dance until the last note plays.   You will find if you take this approach you will attract people who enjoy you when you are happiest and who want to partake in that.

YOU Have the Power

Plus, you will always be armed with the knowledge that you have the ultimate power to ensure your happiness.  You will not become a cling on who believes happiness is only created from the love of another person.  You will know that anyone else in your life can become an addition to your happiness, not the sole object of it.  And that, my friends, is healthy.

I’ve always said that there is something to be noted about sex appeal.  I consider myself to be a picky lady when it comes to men and I would say that sex appeal is more then 50% of what I base my attraction to someone on.  Looks do not carry as much weight.

Be Happy Being You

Someone who is comfortable in their own skin and gives off a positive outlook is so much more appealing and will attract many others then the gorgeous guy with the sucky attitude.  Think of it this way, if you met someone who was fulfilled with themselves, that gives them confidence. They are content and happy, and that makes them all the more alluring to be around.

It’s a benefit all around.  You think about what makes you happy, make a conscious effort to have a good day and think positively and that will be noticed by those around you.   If you don’t find people taking notice right away, keep it up. You soon will and until you do, you are STILL making yourself a happier person along the way.

I think there are many people in situations where they feel hopeless, like they will never find the right partner or that their partner will never love them the way they want them to.  The only thing they are not realizing is that it begins with them first.

Building strength and happiness as an individual is what will attract so many others into your world.  There is no reason why you can’t start now.  Wear your favorite outfit to the grocery store and smile… It seems like nothing, but I’ll bet you feel good and others will see that too!

How To Bring Out Your Inner MILF

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I remember when I first heard the term MILF. I spent time wondering what it was and ‘googling’ my way to becoming more informed on the code name. Coming across such websites as ‘milf hunter’ (kinky and somewhat funny because it’s so fake, in my opinion) and then realizing that MILF actually meant ‘Mother-I’d-Like-to-Fuck’.

I gotta admit, a devilish grin came across my face. Was this the category I was now in? No longer the fresh little kitty who could make men purrrr… Now I was identified as a ‘mother’ – it was different.

For me, the term MILF just inspires those of us who crave to hold fast to our desirable & sexual side of life. It means there is a SEXUAL creature under all of the “mommy-ness” that shields us.

Perhaps the ‘kitty’ had just evolved into a well experienced TIGRESS – and that was okay with me. After all, I happen to believe a true TIGRESS can make a man scream with passion v.s. a little kitty who can only entice a purr….

Losing Sight Of Our Sexual Prowess

On another note however, many women tend to lose sight of their sexual prowess once they become consumed by motherhood. It happens – a lot. It’s the tried & tested rule that most couples experience a lowering in sexual activity when children come into their lives.

I feel it’s so important for us “Mamas” to celebrate our sexuality and continue to harvest it. Too many women lose their individuality and the sexual connection with their partners with being so Mommy-focused.

It’s important to find the space where your sexual being still exists & to NEVER lose it. We all know who these Mommies are. They carry themselves well. They still have the swagger yet benefit from having more life experience and most often are in the throes of their prime sexual years.

Believe me, I take my kids to the park, I grocery shop with them, etc, etc. That doesn’t mean I can’t look good doing it! When you feel sexy, people know it.

I think in most cases a MILF is even more desirable then a fresh kitty. We are sexually mature women in our prime!  We know what we want & more importantly, how to get it!

Bringing Out Your Inner MILF….

Bringing out your MILF-iest self doesn’t have to be a grandiose undertaking.  Sometimes it’s the little things.  Wear heels when you grocery shop, walk like you KNOW you’ve got a great thong on under those jeans.

Even the kinkiest of MILF’s can carry off that prowess with the just rolled out of bed look. A hot pair of sunglasses and some flirty lipstick is sometimes all it takes. 

The important point here is that you BELIEVE IT! FEEL like you are the erotic sexual being you know exists beneath the surface of your Motherly responsibilities. 

Not everyone with GREAT sex appeal is the best looking, but FEELING the sexual vibe can do a lot for yourself and your confidence and for getting noticed.  Don’t dread your 30’s & 40’s ladies. WORK ‘em! 

Isn’t this the age where we feel the most comfortable in our own skin?  Take it a step further and exude your most sexually MILF-charged self! 

Here’s to my MILF sistas of the world; never lose your swagger ladies! Someone is always taking notice.