chickinheels – Page 3

Cheating And Infidelity – Can It Really Be Prevented?

I always find it fascinating to hear people discuss infidelity and what could have prevented it or what the cheater ‘should have’ done before stepping outside of their relationship.

Are couples really supposed to think about how to KEEP their partner from cheating or how NOT to cheat?

Do We Really Need to Anticipate Cheating?

The thing about cheating in most cases is, it’s not an anticipated occurrence. I mean, no one gets married or enters into a relationship thinking that they will cheat or that their partner will. So all of the ‘couldda-wouldda-shouldda’ talk seems meaningless to me.

Some experts suggest that the partner who was cheated on did not adorn enough attention or appreciation on the cheater. Other experts solely blame the cheater on breaking their vows or stepping outside of their relationship in greed.

Talking About it Before it Happens

Many tend to agree that couples should sit down and have a discussion at the first sign of trouble or to be open with the other partner about their unhappiness in the relationship prior to having an affair occur. I find that thought wildly unrealistic.

I think if you are at a stage where you have to sit down and have ‘that conversation’ things are already too far gone. Plus, I would bet that there are a very minimal percentage of people who would actually HAVE a conversation like this prior to any affair happening. It just doesn’t happen like that.

As much as we’d like to believe that our partner would ‘at least’ show us the respect of exiting the relationship before a third party interferes, most times, it just doesn’t work that way. The list of what ‘to do’ or what ‘not to do’ when it comes to a faithful relationship is endless.

A true realization of the risk factors to cheating are never fully appreciated until the scope of the reality sets in. In other words, until the cheater is caught or confesses out of guilt. Many men (sorry guys!) have stated that they would indeed cheat if they KNEW for sure they could get away with it.

Unless you can erase your memory, I don’t believe you can ever truly get away with cheating. In most cases, something’s gotta give. Sometimes that will include losing custody of your children, losing your home, losing the person you may have actually loved more.. never truly anticipating that you might be found out.

Does Cheating Really Add Something to the Relationship?

There are those who believe that the odd affair can ‘add’ something to their marriage.

Maybe they have the affair then realize what they ‘really’ have at home and come to appreciate it more. Perhaps the affairs are what keep the cheater feeling fulfilled, and if they are serviced in the area of desire while their partner services all of the ‘other’ needs they figure they might be able to have their cake and eat it too.

So much of cheating is about rationalization, however irrational it truly is.

End It or Stay In It?

For couples who have discovered adultery has occurred, your choices are to end the relationship and move on or attempt to mend the fences. I believe the latter is much easier said than done. Forgiving an affair is one thing, forgetting it is entirely another.

Once basic trust is lost, I don’t know if it can ever be regained. Does the discovered cheater want to live the balance of their life proving themselves and being mistrusted? Does the partner who was cheated upon not realize there are always more options then the person in front of you? There is.

There are always, and will always be other options and temptations for everyone in any relationship. The best you can do is to worry about yourself.

Prevention Just Doesn’t Work

It is my fundamental belief that you cannot do anything to prevent someone from cheating. No matter how badly we’d all like to think we can. There are always couples where one person is shocked that their ‘perfectly happy’ relationship has been rocked by cheating.

However, most cheaters do not feel the same ‘perfect happiness’ that their partners suggest. Not everyone feels the same way even though they are in the same relationship. The best we can do is to try to be happy and fulfilled with the relationship we are in.

If your partner strays then they are not the best person for you anyway and we all deserve better. If you are the cheater, you are obviously missing something in your current relationship as well. The desire I seek in a successful relationship is to make my partner feel as though they are the happiest person in the room at all times.

I also expect my partner to do the same in return. Enjoying one another is vital. Attempting to change a person is not a viable option. Connection is key. Appreciation is also key, however, you don’t have to kiss your partner’s ass in order to save your relationship from the threat of infidelity.

You’ve got to WANT to appreciate that person, and they do the same for you. Be your best person and fully expect to get what you give. If you worry your relationship will be hit by a bus one day, you’ll waste precious time when the outcome of tomorrow is almost always uncertain at best.

Hairy Chests – Advice From A Woman Who Tells It Like It Is…

By chickinheels

A hairy chest. There are several things to consider here.

Some men simply cannot grow hair on their chests. Some men are `somewhat carpeted `when it comes to their layer of fur. And other men are somewhere in between.

This topic recently crossed my mind and I figured, why not write about it.. Especially since I happen to have a range of experience on the subject matter. So, here`s my take..

It is very rare that you will see a hairy chested man on the cover of a magazine these days. I would tend to lean towards thinking most women are good with a bare chested man. I highly doubt a woman would shun a man for having a hairless chest.

Options For Hairy Men

Thing is, if a man is incredibly hairy, that can definitely be a turn off for some. Here`s the good news, a hairy chest can be MAINTAINED or in some cases `tamed `might be a better choice of words.

The option of waxing may seem excruciating to some (completely warranted in my opinion) but it IS one option. I would suggest, if you are growing an out of control layer of hair, that you first attempt to trim it or depending on how thick it is, possibly shave it down with an electric shaver.

Don`t get caught up in the ‘ìt will grow back thicker’ train of thought. This is about maintaining the abundance of hair, so yeah, hopefully you`ll continue the up-keep and reap the benefits too!

Now, you don`t have to go all out with this and shed your body of all visible hair. Sometimes it just takes a bit of upkeep to avoid looking like you came from the 70`s era. Sometimes the odd minor trim job is all that`s required.

Now, if you are a single guy, and a hairy one, I highly recommend venturing into the `not so hairy`zone. I can`t say I would like to get to the point of stripping a man down and find an overwhelmingly hairy chest under his shirt.

However, I am but just one woman. Although, my girlfriends all feel the same way on this topic, so consider this to be a good base of opinion.

Find Out What Your Partner Prefers

If you are coupled up then simply ask your woman what she prefers. I view it in the same light as a woman who has never shaved between her legs or her bikini line. Why not try it. You just might like it, as may your partner, which is a bonus all around!

My personal preference is a man with a `sprinkling’ of chest hair. Just enough to say that he IS a man, and that I AM under, or on top of one (wink!). For me, back hair and thick arm hair is a turn off. Been there, done that and NOT going that route again.

It`s the same advice I`d give regarding a woman`s bikini line, trim it up, shave it down. Give it a try. Your partner may LOVE it and hey, you can always grow it back if grooming isn`t for you!

Did Your Marriage Fail Because Marriage is a Flawed Concept or Because You Married the Wrong Person?

By chickinheels

So… what did you LIKE about being married???

There are so many people out there who can speak on this topic. There are many of us who have had a marriage end in divorce or separation. It’s true, life DOES go on.. but how do those with ‘marriage experience’ under their belts now look upon the topic? I find the question of ‘so, what did you LIKE about being married’ to hold two-part answers..

1. What did you think about your past marriage and

2. What do you believe (now that you are armed with the expertise) about marriage moving forward?

Did You Marry The Wrong Person?

First off, if you are in the position to have freed yourself from the clutches of a marriage gone wrong you likely view the problem as being the person you chose in the first place. For whatever reason, the common theme in most dissolutions of marriage is that the two parts simply did not mix long term.

Which, in turn leads to a million other little issues or problems that eventually drive people to the breaking point. Now, this is not the same thing as putting 100% of the blame onto your ex-spouse. It is ultimately saying that perhaps it wasn’t the concept of marriage as much as the wrong person to take that path with, which is the constant most of us with ‘past’ marriages, can attest to.

Or Is Marriage Just A Bad Concept All Together?

There are those who are simply jaded toward the concept of marriage all together. That one time was enough for them. Since they did not marry the ‘right’ person to go the distance with the first time, they believe marriage is simply not for them.

They look upon marriage with disdain and feel that it is merely a trap and that most marriages either dissolve or that those who stick it out are not usually there because they ‘want’ to be. I believe, people with this point of view are not thinking outside of the box on this one. After all, if you had one bad job would you never take on another one again?

Holding onto angst and blame from a previous relationship only halts you from fulfilling any potential of a new situation. Unless, the person who holds such grief toward the concept of marriage, does not believe in the concept of commitment or monogamy in the first place. Then it’s more the idea of marriage that turns them off and not necessarily the partner.

Serial Brides & Grooms

There are also the rebounders who feel lost without having the routine of marriage as a part of their life & may even tend to become serial marry’ers! That is likely the kind of person who holds the fear of being alone above the fear of marrying the wrong person again.

I would hope, that with any bad experience you would learn from it and move forward feeling more knowledgeable then you were before having that experience. I was one of those people who always believed marriage could be a wonderful experience. Having one failed marriage under my belt now, I feel that I am wiser for it.

It has not changed my hopes for what a marriage can and should be,but it has made my future choices for a partner more well informed choices. For example, I would no longer convince myself that settling is acceptable. For me to commit once again to a marriage, I would have to be sure that every detail of the fine mix that makes for a happy and successful marriage was fulfilled and not just ‘hope’ that it would be.

And never again would I allow myself to ‘settle down’ because settling should not be what marriage is about.. I’d only ever do it again if it meant a relationship that broadened my life’s spectrum. That added to who I am, not defined who I am.

The Up Side Of Marriage

So what do I LIKE about marriage? I love having someone special in my life that I ‘want’ to do special things for. I love the thought of having a sexual compadre at my fingertips. Having someone there beside me at night. Having someone in my life that I and others recognize as being a part of what makes up my core family.

I love the idea of commitment and the desire to make a marriage something that is enjoyable, fulfilling and supportive. I love the thought of expressing my deepest form of giving through marriage. Showing the world that I have chosen this person and that they have chosen me.

One might argue that it would be easy to attain all of these things under the boyfriend or girlfriend umbrella without the process of an official marriage stamp. And this is true. Marriage is certainly not for everyone. For those who have experienced it and do not see anything that they LIKED about being married, they have the first right of refusal.

I would wonder what the hesitation would be if the person who you loved and who loved you wanted another whirl at the marriage thing. Isn’t marriage the ultimate expression of giving one’s self wholly and without doubt? No one can predict what will come of ANY relationship, married or not – just the same as no one can predict if they will get hit by a bus.

I am the type who tends to never give up on something I believe in. My first marriage ended yes, but part of the reason for that was my continued belief that a HAPPY marriage was possible and settling was never an option. Perhaps marriage to me is the ultimate expression of giving everything that I have to one person and hoping that the one I’ve chosen would do the same for me. And that’s… what I LIKE about marriage.