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Tips On Talking To Women – Using The “Hooks & Ladders” Technique To Create Amazing Conversations

How come most guys are so nervous and uptight about approaching, flirting and talking to women — especially when she happens to be extremely hot?

Why Most Guys Have A Hard Time Talking To Women

For some guys, approaching women is difficult because of “inner game” issues. They lack confidence and paralyze themselves with limiting beliefs. When they see an extremely attractive woman, their brain comes up with reasons NOT to approach her.

Usually these “reasons” are along the lines of, “I’m just not handsome/tall/rich enough to get a girl like HER interested in me…she’s out of my league.”

But for other guys (and I myself used to fall under this category), the anxiety stems from not knowing WHAT TO TALK ABOUT with her.

If you have no conversational “game plan” — no idea what to say after you walk up and say hello — well, approaching and talking to women becomes a nerve-wracking proposition indeed.

The Mistake I Used To Make When Talking To Women

I used to be guilty of this myself when talking to women. I remember many situations where I’d approach a girl and introduce myself (usually this was at a bar, after I’d had a few drinks to loosen up), and things would go okay for a few minutes…we’d be chatting about something we had in common, or someone we both knew, and it seemed like she might be sort of into me, but then the conversation would start to run out of steam. I found myself struggling to figure out what to say next, or trying to think of some clever question to ask her. ANYTHING to fill the awkward silence.

And while I stood there racking my brain for something to say, I could feel her energy level fading. She’d look at her wristwatch, start glancing around the bar, looking for a way out. Then I’d get a polite blow-off (“It was great to meet you, but I have to find my friends…”), and that girl would walk out of my life forever.

After years of hanging out with the world’s best pickup artists and studying their tactics, I was able to come up with a technique that virtually guarantees you will never run out of conversational material.

Use This Powerful Tactic When Talking To Women

This technique is called “hooks and ladders.” Let me explain how this works, and how you can start using it in your conversations from now on.

A “hook” is anything a girl mentions that you can turn into a topic of conversation—right now, or later on.

A “ladder” is an opportunity in the conversation for you to plant a positive seed in her mind, and boost her opinion of you.

So the idea is, whenever you’re talking to women you want to look out for hooks that you can turn into ladders.

Before I give you an example, I want you to think of three topics that you’d WANT to talk to a beautiful woman about — topics that demonstrate your positive qualities, such as your talents, interests, ambitions, passions, or positive life experiences. You know that if the conversation gets onto one of these subjects, you’ll be well-equipped to talk about some cool stuff.

Three of mine are: travel, music, and writing. I know a lot about these areas, and by talking about them, I can plant seeds about my own positive qualities.

(I’m also into things like video games, horror movies, and watching Ultimate Fighting, but these aren’t topics that women are going to find particularly interesting!)

I’ll use travel as my example. I’ve been to a lot of cool places, and there are a lot of cities and countries I plan on visiting in the future.

So, I won’t ask her a standard question like “Do you like to travel?”

Instead, I’ll put a spin on it and say something like, “Lisa, you seem like someone who leads an interesting lifestyle, and I bet you’ve done some traveling. So let me ask you — if we could teleport right now to any city or country, anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?”

She answers, “Jamaica. I went there for spring break during my senior year of college and we had so much fun. The beaches were amazing and we went out to the clubs every night.”

To this, the average guy (with no game) would nod his head and say, “Wow, that’s awesome. Sounds like you had a great time.” And the conversation hits a dead end.

But because I’m listening for “hooks” when I’m talking to women, that answer just gave me a bunch of different topics that I can now talk about. Lisa has provided me with multiple “hooks” (conversational topics) that I can turn into “ladders” (ways to make me look good).

Hook #1: She went to Jamaica. When I think about Jamaica, I think of the singer Bob Marley. Everyone loves Bob Marley. I say, “I can totally picture you and me chilling on the beach in Jamaica, drinking some Red Stripe beers, listening to some Bob Marley. You must be into reggae music…” (And now we’re talking about our favorite types of music, which is a topic I like to move towards because it’s something I’m passionate and knowledgeable about).

Hook #2: She went with her friends to another country to party and have a new experience. This means she’s got a fun, adventurous side. Very cool. I can tell her about the summer I spent traveling around Asia, having all kinds of amazing experiences. I use this as a “ladder”: I tell her how important I think it is to see the world and be open to new experiences. I frame myself as the type of spontaneous, adventurous, worldly guy who can give HER exciting new experiences.

Hook #3: She went to college. I can find out where she went to school and what she studied, and then tell her a little bit about my own college experience. Was she a bookworm, or a party girl? Did her sorority have some type of crazy initiation ritual? Did her college major lead her to a career she is passionate about, or is she aiming to do something else in the future?

Other Hooks she offered within her answer: she likes nightclubs, and she loves the beach. I can talk about these topics, too, and use them to plant positive seeds.

“So you mentioned earlier how the clubs in Jamaica were awesome. Well I’m always checking out new places, and I found this bar — not too far from here — that I know you would absolutely love. But it’s a little wild – if you promise to behave yourself I might bring you there sometime.”

If I want to use the “beaches” hook, I’ve got a story ready to go: “So you love the beach? Me too. I was in Mexico recently visiting a buddy of mine – it’s a funny story, he was making tons of money working in the financial industry and one day he decided to quit his job and move down to Mexico for a year and surf every day. My friends thought he was crazy, but I think it’s awesome that he followed his passion.”

(So now we talk about the importance of following your passions, doing what you love, etc. A definite ladder.)

You get the idea. Whenever you’re talking to a girl, she’s sharing a ton of information with you “beneath the surface” that you can USE to move the conversation in new, interesting directions — and at the same time, plant seeds in her mind about your own positive qualities.

Pay attention and watch for the hooks. She’ll supply them every time she tells you something about herself. By using them and controlling the flow of the conversation, she won’t pause to think “well this guy is kinda fun to talk to, but he’s not really my type so I should go find my friends…”

Instead, she’ll be swept up in your enthusiasm and energy and go with your flow. But you don’t want to keep talking endlessly. When the time is right, you’ll need to “close” her. This could mean getting her phone number, or taking her home with you tonight.

The BEST way to successfully close a girl is to lay the right groundwork. This requires you to stay in control of the conversation and keep it fun, while planting the right seeds. At the same time, when talking to women you want to follow a four-step process that hits certain “emotional buttons” (in the right order) and moves her feelings from curiosity and interest, towards sexual attraction.

Can These Pick Up Lines Get You Laid?

By deancortez

When you think of a guy using “pick up lines,” you probably envision some slimy wanna-be Casanova, his shirt unbuttoned to reveal a gold chain and a furry chest. As a Barry White song plays on the soundtrack, he prowls the bar for a woman desperate (or drunk) enough to accompany him back to his lair.

He approaches a woman, eyes her up and down, like a hungry jackal eyeballing a slab of meat and delivers a cheesy pick up line that causes her to roll her eyes (or throw her martini in his face).

I’m talking about pick up lines like these:

Cheesy Pick Up Lines

“Somebody better call God, because he’s missing an angel. So what time do you have to be back in heaven?”

“Sorry lady, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.”

“I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.”

“Can I borrow a quarter? [What for?] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the woman of my dreams.”

“Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?”

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.”

“Your legs must be tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all night.”

“If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.”

“I was so mesmerized by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.”

Cute Pick Up Lines

Not all pick up lines are THAT cheesy. There are a few that women may actually find your flirting charming or flattering — IF you follow them up correctly (which I’ll explain how to do in a moment).

“If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.”

“Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?”

“Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my back? A little kid with wings just shot me.”

“What does it feel like to be the cutest girl in the room?” (Note: Don’t use this pick up line on women who are extremely hot and KNOW it. This one is effective on a girl who is attractive, but is clearly NOT the best-looking girl in the place.)

And then, there’s another category of pick up lines. I call these…

Pick Up Lines That Might Get You Kicked In The Groin

Use this last category of pick up lines with extreme caution. While they might get a good reaction (particularly if she’s a drunken nymphomaniac), you’re equally likely to get hit. (Especially if her boyfriend the UFC fighter happens to be standing nearby.) Like I said, be careful…

“Do you know what has 142 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? [What?] My zipper.”

“That outfit would look great…in a crumpled heap next to my bed.”

“That’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?”

The Truth About Pick Up Lines

So are pick up lines something to be mocked? Would any REAL pick up artist deign to use them? Well, I’ve written several guides to picking up women, which teach many different creative approaches to starting conversations with girls. And personally, I think pick up lines are usually way too obvious.

Normally, my rule of thumb is to use “under the radar” openers. This means you use a clever, unexpected comment or question to capture her interest and engage her in a conversation WITHOUT signalling that you’re hoping to get her into bed. Essentially, you’re “breaking the ice” in a way that feels natural and casual.

For example, you might ask for her opinion on an unexpected topic — one that women are naturally going to have strong feelings about.

The Anti-Pick Up Line: Going “Under The Radar”

Example #1: “Hey, help me settle a debate I’m having with my friends. How long do you need to be dating someone before you change your status on Facebook from “single” to “in a relationship?” Because my friend Jennifer has been going out with a guy for a month and SHE thinks it’s an exclusive thing, but he hasn’t changed his “single” status and she’s wondering if she should say something.”

Example #2: “Quick question — would you allow your boyfriend to go to a bachelor party if you knew there were going to be strippers there? Because my friend Jennifer is sort of freaking out about this right now.”

These openers are great because they’re based on what I call relationship “grey areas.” Men and women tend to have their own ideas about what’s allowed in a relationship, and what is unacceptable. Another example: is it “cheating” if a guy hangs out with his ex-girlfriend socially, without telling his current girlfriend?

The bottom line is, a good opener is going to make her WANT to respond. And if you’re a confident, playful guy, this one always gets a fun reaction:

“Do I look gay? Because this dude was TOTALLY hitting on me in the men’s room a minute ago. Be honest — is it my shirt?” (Or, “is it the way my butt looks in these jeans?”)

My book Mack Tactics contains dozens of other funny, effective approaches that you can use with women. I wouldn’t classify any of them as pick up lines. But does this mean pick up lines are, by definition, a bad thing?

The answer is no. I’ve actually used some of the pick up lines I mentioned above, and they led to a conversation and a successful result (either I got her phone number and saw her again, or had sex with her that night).

It was because I poked fun at the fact that I had USED a pick up line! After delivering it, I followed up with “I know that TOTALLY sounded like a pick up line, but I want to talk to you for a minute and I couldn’t think of what else to say. My name’s Dean.”

Then from that point, I used my usual tactics – I asked a few “strategic” questions to get her in a fun mindset, and sharing information about herself. I used techniques like “Cold Reads” and “Hypotheticals” and at all times, I stayed in control of the interaction and guided it down the correct path.

Sometimes the world’s cheesiest pick up line can be a FUN way to start things off. It’s all about knowing how to transition into the conversation, and never taking yourself too seriously.

And in a pinch, you can always use this one:

“You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pick up line.”

How To Attract Women By Using The Power Of Sexual Tension

By deancortez

Learning how to attract women begins with mastering sexual tension. Instead of behaving like an average guy who simply agrees with everything she says, I’m going to show you how to TEASE and TEST women so that you seem like a guy who is “hard to get.” This is the key to building sexual tension and amping up a woman’s attraction towards you — because when she senses that she can’t have you, she’s going to want you even more!

Learn This Powerful Method To Attract Women

I want to share with you my “secret tactic” to attract women and get them into bed fast…but first, I want you to imagine the following scenario.

Let’s say you’re talking to a girl and the conversation is flowing. You’ve got some things in common with her, she’s easy to talk to, and everything seems to be going pretty well.

After ten or twenty minutes (or even an hour) of friendly conversation, she tells you she needs to get going…so you take out your phone and get her phone number.

You figure this girl LIKES you. Seeing her again shouldn’t be a problem. But when you text her or call her the next day, you don’t get a response. Or if you do get a response, she can’t remember who you are at first…and when you try to ask her out on a date, she tells you she’s extremely busy this week (and next week, and the week after that…as far as going on a date with you, she’s apparently booked up for the next 40 years).

What’s up with this? How come a girl can seem “into” you during that first conversation, but she treats like you like a telemarketer when call to see her again?

It comes down to one word. You might have made her laugh…she may have found you interesting to talk to….but you failed to make her feel any ATTRACTION.

And in order for a girl to feel that deep, undeniable, gut-level attraction, she needs to feel one thing: SEXUAL TENSION.

The “Secret Weapon” To Attract Women

The words “sexual tension” might sound to you like a bad thing. But it’s not. What it really means is, she’s starting to feel attracted to you…but she’s not sure whether you feel the same way about her.

Sexual tension develops when she starts to WANT you…but she doesn’t know if she can HAVE you.

And women want what they can’t have! They love a guy who is a challenge. This is one of the big reasons why “bad boys,” who are cocky, playful, and obviously have a lot of sexual options, are able to attract women effortlessly. They’re sexually attractive to women on a gut level — even if they are the WORST kinds of guys for them to be in a relationship with!

This is why in order to attract women, you need to “shift gears” at some point during the conversation and start teasing her and framing yourself as a CHALLENGE. You can’t let the conversation stay stuck in “neutral.”

Here’s the basic formula: talk to her for a little while and get to know her, so that she feels comfortable with you, and THEN you start teasing her and acting like you’re “not sure” about her.

You make her feel that she has to EARN a spot on “your team.” And this is where the level of sexual tension goes through the roof!

Here Are Some Cocky, Playful Tactics To Help You Attract Women

Mention how you two could never date.

“You and I definitely have a lot of chemistry, but we could never be boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re way too much alike. We’d be breaking up all the time, and then having wild make-up sex and destroying all of my expensive furniture…it’s probably not a good idea.”

“It’s too bad I swore off dating girls like you…”

“You’re a nice girl—you really shouldn’t be hanging out with a guy like me. I could get you in all kinds of trouble.”

“You’re such a sweet girl…you should probably be talking to a nice boy like the one over there (point to some dorky-looking dude). I’m more like the guy your mom warned you about.”

Accuse her of hitting on you.

If it’s time to get her a drink—or she offers to buy you one—say, “Okay, one drink, but promise you won’t try to take advantage of me.”

Or, “It’s going to take more than a drink to get me into bed. I expect dinner and a movie at least.”

If she touches you, you can say “Hey, hands off the merchandise. That’ll be twenty dollars.”

When she asks you a question, say “You are totally hitting on me right now. That’s one of the questions I ask girls when I’m hitting on them. It’s okay, I just want you to know I expect you to buy me dinner and a movie before anything happens.”

Employ her/fire her.

When she mentions something that she’s good at, or an area where she is experienced, tell her you’re “hiring” her to help you with it. This frames you as the more powerful one in the conversation, and gives you a reason to “fire” her at any time (in a playful way).

“You seem like a smart girl who’s on the ball. I’m hiring you as my personal assistant.”

“So you know about all the nightclubs. I’m hiring you. From now on you’re my personal party planner whenever I have friends come to town.”

You get the idea. You can “hire” her to do anything. You can make her your personal party DJ, fashion stylist, gym trainer, or website designer. The fun part is that when she says something corny or lame, you can “fire” her:

“Oh my God, I can’t believe you just said that. That’s it—you’re fired. Tell the girl over there in the red dress she can submit her resume.”

It’s all in good fun, but you’re sending the message that you’re the one in control and calling the shots. As long as BEFORE the teasing you spent some time getting her to feel comfortable with you, and interested, these types of lines will create sexual tension and make her want to PROVE herself.

Use the point system.

“Okay, I’m going to ask you something but be careful how you answer, because this answer is worth ten points….”

(This is when you can use one of the “Hypotheticals” in my book, Mack Tactics. These are clever, provocative “hypothetical questions” you can pose to her, that will really make her think and cause her to expose deeper aspects of her personality.)

Whatever your question is, if she answers it “correctly” tell her she has earned ten points — and if she gets up to fifty points she wins a bonus (which can be a drink). This now becomes a theme that runs through the conversation. Deduct points for lame answers. Award points for good ones.

You’re building compliance and sending a message: it’s her job to impress you, not the other way around. You’re making her want to earn your approval. When you start “framing” your conversations this way, you’ll find it much easier to attract women on a sexual level instead of being the “nice guy” or the “friend” she has no interest in having sex with.