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Are Your Words Making You More Relationship Attractive?

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Have there been times when you’ve had a heated argument with someone and you wished you could have been a little calmer? Your Emotional Channels get so flared up, you lose yourself and you say things you wish you hadn’t? Or do you hold on to your resentments and when you do finally explode you spew off random complaints in what I like to call, “the list.” The list is a series of complaints that you’ve built up over a period of time and when your HOT button gets pushed, you start rattling off a list of things you had a problem with, instead of communicating them when they happen.

Through my own experiences, especially when it comes to becoming more Relationship Attractive, I’ve discovered that healthy communication is essential for becoming a Date Smart and Relationship Ready single gay man. Now, think about this: Are YOU the type of person who is highly reactive when your emotions are at a high?

Myth vs. Reality

There’s also a deeply ingrained myth regarding conflicts and relationships; that it’s healthy when you’re in constant conflict in a relationship. Well, I would like to bust that myth by saying it’s simply NOT true and it doesn’t have to be that way. Sure, conflicts are part of human nature, and what’s also part of human nature is the ability to either come to a point where conflict is dealt with ease or you work on conflict skills so they are not so HEATED when you do find Mr. Wonderful…..but it doesn’t have to be a normal occurrence in relationships.

You can rest your heart, because just when you thought there was no way to turn it around, I’m here to tell you there is. As a blissful and successful single gay man myself I have spent an enormous amount of time working on how to mellow out the emotions when in conflict. This was a HUGE learning curve for me, but I set an intention, applied what the experts taught me and I can proudly say I’ve mastered it.

To cut your learning time by at least half, I am going to share with you a simple formula that will take you from reactionary to the calm and peaceful communicator that you know you can be. You will learn how to resolve conflict with ease that will eventually lead you to a more peaceful existence, especially when it comes to that special relationship you are working towards attracting.

Learning How To Communicate

1. Active Listening. Remember, when in conflict, it’s not really about them, it’s about you. Stay grounded, keep the blame factor to yourself and keep your emotions in check. Try this experiment: The next time someone comes to you with a “complaint or who is emotionally dumping on you,” try reflecting back what they’re say to you, using their words. That means, no interrupting to give your advice or input in the matter. Our egos want to WIN, but there are no winners here. It’s not a competition. Simply reflect back what they are saying by beginning each phrase with “So, what I’m hearing you say is…” and when they are done, ask if you might have a turn to respond. This will help ground you, force you to listen and help you put into perspective what they might be needing and after some practice you’ll react less and become a highly skilled listener.

2. Use your words. I spent a few years teaching preschool and one principle always sticks out in my mind. We taught our kids to “Use Their Words” when in conflict. I believe as adults the same principle holds a lot of power and value; especially if you’re stuck in reactionary mode. This was one of the biggest lessons for me as an adult. Sometimes as adults we don’t use our words when expressing frustration, anger or even joy. That doesn’t mean using inappropriate words, but words that serve you and the skills of healthy communication. Children ARE amazing teachers!

3. Choose your battles. Pardon me while I use that word, “battle.” By no means do I promote conflict. What I mean is, if conflict does arise, cool down and take some time to work through it yourself first. Ask yourself important questions like, “What do I need right now?” “How can I take care of myself without involving others?” “How important is it really and am I blowing the situation out of proportion?” You will be surprised by the answers, and just by taking some time to reflect and actually thinking about the situation you might actually discover that what you were angry about wasn’t all that important to begin with.

Your Relationship Attractive Homework

The only way change is going to happen is if you implement these steps right away CONSISTENTLY. I can remember a time when I would attend seminars and read self-help books and wondered why I didn’t see changes happening in my life. I soon realized that until I apply the tips and strategies in my own life CONSISTENTLY, nothing was going to change. Ask a friend to practice strategies 1 and 2 with you. Role playing can be fun and you both will gain so much value.

4 Financial Steps Towards Being More Relationship Attractive!

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Are you one of those guys who think that everything will fall into place once you meet Mr. Wonderful? You know what I’m talking about. Your life will be absolutely perfect when you meet the “ONE”? The financial debt you’ve acquired will disappear. Your savings account will magically sprout a money tree and your life’s vision will become so crystal clear, you’ll wonder why you didn’t meet Mr. Wonderful sooner.

What Does Money Have To Do With Great Relationships?

Believe me, I am not one to burst bubbles, but I am the kind of person who loves supporting people in their dreams, creative processes and imaginations. However, when it comes to being Date Smart and Relationship Ready, there’s one MAJOR piece that needs to be in place in order for Relationship Success to happen. And I’m talking about blissful, easy-going love relationships.

There is nothing like an empty wallet and creditors hounding you while you’re trying meet Mr. Wonderful. Also, wouldn’t it be great if you could finally be where you’ve always dreamed of being when it comes to finances and relationships? I’m not saying LOVE can’t happen during financial crisis; what I am saying is, if you want to end the cycle of bad dating and relationships, foreclose on never having money troubles in a relationship, then you will do what it takes to get debt free and financially sound. Here are 4 Financial Steps that will make you more Relationship Attractive.

4 Easy Steps To Becoming Financially Secure And Relationship Attractive

1. Fatten the PIG! Start an FDIC insured ING Direct on-line savings account. This is a FABULOUS way to have a small portion of your paycheck automatically delivered to your ING account earning a 1.50% APY. I have to say the greatest mind trick with ING is, while your money is being safely stored away and earning interest, you kind of forget it’s there and withdrawing the money takes a few days. So, you will less likely be enticed to spend it!

2. Stop the stinking thinking! There is a belief out there that says you are suppose to have money troubles in relationships and it’s all part of the process of relationship building. Yeah, it’s semi- true, but haven’t you suffered enough and wouldn’t you just love, for once in your life, to have things work out the way you envision them? I always say, build a solid foundation and if things go off course, like sudden money problems, you’ll have the tools and support to get you through it quicker. So, get your money mind-set in order, because that is one smart start to becoming relationship attractive.

3. Where’s that shredder? How many credit cards do you have? Can you transfer balances to one with a lower interest rate? Go for it and then SHRED the rest! You only need one and besides I learned that it’s smarter to have one card for travel or emergencies and pay cash for everything else. If you’re not ready to do this, take a little time to ponder over whether or not it’s worth paying interest or even high interest for goods and services.

4. Get advice! Put your money where it matters. Hire a professional coach to take you through what you need to do to get back on track with your finances. This is a VERY sexy relationship attractive step. It shows you want to start building a solid relationship with money, and that in itself, is a beautiful thing.

Now that you have 4 directions to go, choose one and see it to completion before going to the next. Little by little you will see the changes and before you know it, you are back on track with your finances and opening more space to let Mr. Wonderful in.

4 Simple Insights That Will Make You Sexier!

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OK, I’m going to let it all hang out. When I look back to my own love life, it was a nightmare and boy, it seems like anther life time ago. I remember when I dreaded dating; especially first dates; I always worried that I made my dates head for the hills after 30 minutes of my desperate energy. If I happen to get a second or third date with the same guy, I took on this “He picked me” mentality!

Why?

1. Dating scared me.
2. I scared me.
3. I didn’t know how to date smart.
4. I didn’t know where or how to find the guys I envisioned being with.
5. I settled for any dates.
6. Even though I knew it wasn’t a good fit, I would continue to date him, and yes, even jump into a relationship.

Dating And Sitting In The Driver’s Seat

When it comes to showing your softer side or talking about yourself, you just want to keep on hiding. Dating can actually be a wonderful experience. Imagine how liberating it could be to actually go on dates where you’re in the driver’s seat; where you’re at a place of feeling so comfortable with sharing yourself, your world in such an authentic way, that being vulnerable, is second nature.

Well, I can attest that this is absolutely possible. I guarantee you can evolve from being the bad insecure dater to being the smart, confident dater MAN. I know because I have done it. With these 4 simple insights, you will start to see where you’ve been hitting the wall and missing the door. Let these insights be that door to more amazing dating opportunities.

Insights That Will Ultimately Make You Sexier

1. Is your life hanging by a thread? Is the rest of your life in order? Does it feel like you have enough emotional space in your life to invite a dating relationship? More times than you can recall, do you consistently get stressed out because of debt or is the J-O-B a PIA? The fact is, there is amazing opportunities that come with being single. The opportunity to get your life, your finances, your emotions and friendships in amazing order.

2. People always telling you NO. Take this example: There is someone in my life where every time I share something I want to achieve or a special dream I want to pursue, they always respond with “Well what about this! Or what about that or can I make a suggestion?” They mean well, but the truth is they’re actually telling me, in so many words, that I can’t do it. If we want to achieve love success or any success for that matter, we really need to start monitoring when, why and how these people are showing in our lives. Remember, dream and dream BIG!

3. The love of your life is right there in front of you! Have you met the man who is going to love you no matter what, support you no matter what and always have the right answers? Well, believe this, you’ve met him already. He’s YOU. Until you love yourself truly, authentically and fully you cannot hope to find that love in another.

4. Planning is SEXY! *Meeting, dating and creating a relationship with the man of your dreams does not just happen, it requires these things: VISION, CLARITY, DESIRE and ACTION.
• VISION – specifically defining exactly who you want to be within a relationship. It just doesn’t stop at physical characteristics. It goes beyond that reaching towards core values, relationship requirements, how you see the world.
• CLARITY – understanding who you are, your truth, needs and requirements. What is your truth? What are your deal-breakers?
• DESIRE – a willingness to do the work to clear the path for a healthy loving relationship.
• ACTION – doing what is necessary, being aware and listening to your inner voice so you will recognize him when you finally do meet.

*A client of mine came up with number 4 after coaching together for 5 months. He is truly on the path to having the relationship of his dreams.

When Your Dating Life Takes A Turn For The Better

Dating can be a beautiful time in the relationship process. With these insights not only will you attract men who play in your league, spend time with amazing guys who listen to your words, you will attract them frequently and consistently. If you are dead serious about being in a loving long-term relationship, you will start working from the inside out by following these simple insights.

Do You See Yourself Completely?

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There comes a time in one’s life when deep introspection needs to happen; especially when it comes to evolving from being a risky dater to being a smart dater. I know, there are many reasons why you’re not dating smart or not dating at all. You’re either working hard to raise a kid and need to pay the mortgage, you’re too shy to get out there and meet new people- because you think you are not good enough or you just don’t think it’ll ever happen – meeting the man of your dreams!

One Clients’ Journey

I have to say, my clients are pretty darn special and the most amazing people I have had the honor of coaching. I’ve been working with a particular client for a little over 5 months now and we’re at the point where our interactions just flow back and forth, like the ebb and flow of the tide. The co-creative relationship is so precious.

Why this particular client?

In the middle of our last session, he arrived at the awareness that his ideal partner is essentially himself and our work together has been about him building a meaningful relationship with the love of his life; again himself. This was a profound awakening for him and not to mention, something really cool for me to witness. Now, I know many gay men stomp their foot down, egos is hand, claiming they do not want a carbon copy of themselves. What I mean is, how you see yourself in the world and how you are being in the world, is how you will know when Mr. Wonderful is right in front of you. The important qualities you see in yourself are the one you’ll recognize in him.

His current homework assignment was to report to me each night via email how he sees himself completely during his day. This is his first email: “I see myself completely and realize that I don’t always ask for what I need, I say I’m ok when really deep down I’m not. I see myself completely when I realize that being vulnerable, telling someone exactly what I need, is hard for me to do.”

You see, he is beginning to recognize when he isn’t being true to himself. Sometimes our needs slip away, but to recognize and acknowledge it, is a very powerful thing. Just like when it comes to your own love life. Are you tending to your own dating needs? Are you seeking out guys who meet your requirements and values? If you’re not, chances are you’re needs need tending to. Are you pretty lost when it comes to knowing what your requirements are for a relationships? Is it hard to lead from your core values?

Your Relationship Success Assignment

For the next five days, take time at the end of your day to sit down and reflect where you see yourself completely. Where were you being true to yourself? Where were you inviting presence into a certain situation? As soon as you can get clear on how you see yourself, you will get clearer on who you are at the core, what the ideal partner and relationship looks like and you’ll soon start uncovering the road that will get you there.

YOU are a truly unique person with unique needs AND the power to make it happen, because only YOU can make it happen!

Can Dating Make You Sick?

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I’ve been talking to a lot of single gay men around the world about dating and what dating means to them; I noticed one common element when it comes to their derailed love lives. Here’s what they’re saying: I hate dating or I just want to bypass all that dating stuff and get to the gold. For me personally, I hate to date. I hate having to tell someone it’s not a match. I always make the wrong choices.

Can You Get Smart About Dating?

It’s quite obvious that dating turns their stomach, but yet again they take the fast track approach and find themselves in another uncomfortable dating/relationship situation. Well, my gut reaction is telling me all of this drama can be avoided if one simply gets smart about dating. The bottom line? If you take your time, do the groundwork and check in with that part of you that wants to have everything right away, I guarantee you will avoid the heartache and the truth of the situation with reveal itself.

Now, Greg, I urge you to really pay attention here, as well as anyone else who needs a bit of dating advice. You need to understand, without FIRST establishing a foundation of healthy dating; you’ll be doomed to repeat the same patterns over and over.

Ok, I know you’re a sweet, caring, non-reactive man with so much to offer a relationship. You’re doing exceptionally well in your career or business, but you made the choice to give your personal life the back seat. You probably even feel like all the pieces in your life are finally in place, except for the “relationship” part.

What are you willing to do to ensure that your love life takes the front seat? Are you finally ready to acknowledge that part of you who deep down inside desires a loving, meaningful relationship? After all, you do have so much to offer, right? To get you started, I’ve compiled a list of 7 reasons why I think dating is hard for you and how you can turn it around.

Why Dating Sucks And How To Make It Shine

1. You don’t do the ground work. After three, four, and even five dates, you’ve already made the decision that he’s the right guy for you. This is your life we’re talking about. Dating is about being smart, gathering information, exploring each others’ world and defining what the relationship means to you.

2. You spend way too much time on the first, second and even third date. As the old saying goes, “Less is best.” Keep the meeting short and sweet. Make that choice to spend at least 45 minutes on the first date. Get a feel for him, be observant and present. Remember, this is the first impression he’ll get of you.

3. You approach dating with a lot of desperation. Gosh, we all want to love and be loved, but you haven’t grasped the true value in being a successful single yet. You haven’t taken care of the important areas of your life; emotional, financial, spiritual and supportive, so you can date with confidence and freedom. Including these three VITAL areas; core values, relationship requirements and skills, that need exploring and optimizing.

4. You don’t know how to be authentic. I know in business and career you are at the TOP of your game, but for some strange reason when it comes to matters of the heart, you become paralyzed. Being social is something that might be a challenge for you. You might even believe that if you were to be the real you, you might scare him off. Is that really true and how do you know that to be true? Remember, there is something about being vulnerable with another person that makes makes you so beautiful.

5. You can’t wait to have sex. The connection is right and the sexual attraction is on high. You think if you connect sexually, that means you are right for each other in terms of a committed relationship. Well, the fact is, sex and sexual attraction is only a small part of the relationship equation. Having sex too soon can cloud your judgment.

6. Your standards are too high. Relax on this one. Someone recently told me that he’s been single for 10 years and refuses to date due to not being able to meet someone who can meet up to his high standards. Those are his words exactly. Sounds fishy to me. It’s perfectly fine to have standards, in fact, I recommend them – BUT are they realistic and are they based on your core values?

7. You forget to have fun. This one really sums it up. Have fun, keep it simple and smile.

Create Your Love Life By Design – NOT Default!

Greg, it’s time to start creating your love life by design and NOT by default, and everyone who thinks dating might be making them sick can do it to! Just like the saying goes, If you build it they will come. If you do the ground work, build a solid foundation and sound structure by knowing who you are, what you want in an ideal partner and relationship and how to get there, not only will you sense amazing spaciousness around everything that happens in your life, relationship opportunities will start to surface.