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We’ve all got a teeny bit of psycho in us. But the line between going ga-ga for someone and becoming completely delusional about the boundaries of the relationship is a fine one.

If your newest fling’s behavior is starting to give you a serious case of the heebie-jeebies and you wonder where the glowing personality went that you met on the first date, you may have hitched up with a psycho.

From bunny-boiling to phone-tapping, incessant emails to branding-style scratched initials in your back, there’s a lot to be afraid of. Herewith, six signs your honey is half-baked.

Communication Overload

There’s a difference between an eager beaver and a psychotic partner. An eager beaver calls you once and leaves all their phone numbers and email addresses so you can find them when you get the urge to reach out. A wacko calls all of your numbers and sends messages to all of your email addresses — all day and every day.

And the more time that passes between live interaction with a psycho, the more nutsy the notes and messages become. “Hey, it’s me” morphs into “I’ve called 12 times…where are you?” and finally “Pick up the phone or I swear I’m gonna boil the bunny.”

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

The fibs seem harmless at first; they may even be confused or couched as miscommunications.

But psycho partners lie incessantly in an attempt to control you. So what starts as lies about small things, like liver also being his favorite food (so that it looks like you two are so similar you must be soul mates) escalates into elaborate fabrications about him needing your emotional support because he’s just discovered that he has an identical twin brother whose cancerous liver will self-implode without a transfusion of your lover’s genetically matched blood.

Beware the contradictions, the overabundance of justifying details, the well-timed dramas.

Stalk Talk

Don’t be fooled by the cliché image of a trenchcoat-clad dude running from telephone pole to telephone pole as he follows his victim home from the bar. Stalking girlfriends and boyfriends come in all shapes and sizes (and outfits).

And their techniques are many: from blatantly setting up tent and bonfire on your front stoop to see what time you get home, to “coincidentally” planting themselves in public places they know you’ll frequent — your neighborhood porn shop, your synchronized swimming class, the recycling room in the basement of your building.

Don’t discount the idea of your phone being tapped if it seems your lover knows secrets you’ve shared only with friends over the phone. If you’re starting to get that creepy “being watched” feeling and have actually found yourself wondering how the witness protection program works, you’ve probably made allies with a lunatic.

Scared Out Of Your Wits?

Some guys like it when a girl draws blood from his back with her French manicured nails. And some girls, when doing the doggy, like to be spanked till their buttocks burn pink.

But if the recipient of said “passionate” punishment isn’t the one getting off, this kind of thing falls under the category of branding. As in, “This is my man and I’ve created a hickey self-portrait on his neck to show you that he’s taken.”

Mine, Mine, Mine!

We’ve all felt moments of jealousy in our lives. And that’s probably a good thing — a little bit of envy keeps us on our toes. But there’s jealousy, and then there’s jealousy of the paranoid variety. Imagine this: you can’t look at anyone of the opposite sex, let alone talk to them, without your partner freaking out.

And that’s just with strangers (read: I know you’re cheating on me with your doorman because you always say “hello”). Classic psycho jealousy behavior also pertains to, god forbid, ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends — even pals and family members. In other words, to a psycho, everyone is a threat.

Pay attention to ME

A psycho needs constant attention, and if that need isn’t met, all hell breaks loose. Does your girlfriend fall to the ground in a pretend faint so that you have to stay home and take care of her rather than hit the pub with your friends on a BNO?

Does your boyfriend hold your hand or perform other PDAs (public displays of affection) only when other males are around? You see, it’s all about control and having power over you and the relationship. Psychos want to know everything (snooping is classic behavior and these dating duds seem to have eyes on the backs of their heads), and many may assume that you’re in a committed relationship just because you made it through a first date.

Caveat

Of course we jest. In real life, stalking, obsessive phone calling and other possessive behavior is not cool. And not at all funny. If you suspect you are being stalked or are otherwise being harassed by a former or current partner, don’t hesitate to call or visit your local police. And if you are facing an emergency, dial 911.

It’s sad when people fall out of love. But dissolving an unhealthy, unhappy marriage is a good thing, and it takes a lot of courage to stand up and say, “We deserve better.”

Divorce parties not only let us close the door on that misery, these rites of passage provide the ritual we need to help us heal. They offer us a way to celebrate a new independence, to thank those who have stood by us through the muck, and to announce to the world that we are ready to move on in life. Finally, it’s official.

Save the Date

It’s tempting to set a date for your party as soon as divorce proceedings get under way. But muster up all your patience and wait until things are just short of being finalized. Like any social gathering, your party will require some preparation ahead of time, and you don’t want to be thinking about guest lists and napkin rings in the throes of legal negotiations. You’ll be in much better spirits if you show up at your divorce party with decree in hand.

The Guesting Game

Divorce party guest lists come in all shapes and sizes, and the only factor that determines who you invite is personal comfort level. Would you feel better surrounded by guests of the same sex, or does a co-ed event feel more like a celebration? Do you want to just hang with other divorcees? Does it feel right to bring together only the people who have stood by you through this many-monthed mammoth of a nightmare or are you hoping for something more inclusive that brings even your coworkers and neighbors into the fold? Are you on really (really, really) good terms with your ex and feel that they should be there? The only right answers to these questions can come from you, so put some thought into it and — if it helps — start with a long list and whittle it down.

Deck the Halls

The intensely organized go so far as to print up invitations, arrange a gift registry (ideal for those who lost it all in settlement) and announcements for their party. Some get a kick out of decorating the party space (rented-out restaurant, bar, friend’s house, etc.) with streamers, obscenely decorated cakes, voodoo dolls, piñatas, balloons and bowls of snack food.

Get some ideas from Christine Gallagher, a writer from L.A., who published a book in 2003 called The Divorce Party Planner: How to Throw a Divorce or Breakup Party and has sold thousands on her website, RevengeLady.com. One word to the wise: decorations, catered food and other props can ring up a hefty tally, so be realistic in what you can afford with your new single-income earning status and stay within that budget.

Pieces of the Action

Besides the usual telling of (hopefully by now) funny stories and making plans for the future, the activities at your divorce party can be as uneventful or as coordinated as you like. I’ve read of some recently divorced who have hired officiants or asked a close friend to perform a short, meaningful sermon about healing and the joy of change, and about a woman who asked her mother to lead a renaming ceremony in which she symbolically gave her daughter back her maiden name.

Others still have projected First Wives Club or War of Roses in one area of the gathering and had a ceremonial burning of the marriage license in another area. Don’t feel pressured to include any of these aspects if they don’t feel right to you. A low-key gathering of a few close friends can be just as momentous as one that takes months to organize. The details of your party should reflect your mood and own personal style.

And Just Don’t…

Even if your divorce party is lush with hot and horny singles, it’s probably best not to fool around with one of them at or just after the gathering. After all, this is an event intended to celebrate your newly reclaimed independence, and bringing a sexual interest into the picture now complicates your newfound simplicity of lifestyle.

Other experiences to avoid at your fete include getting totally trashed (you don’t want to want to get all weepy or confrontational), destroying any tangible memories of your marriage’s happy times (your wedding album and keepsakes from your courting days might mean the world to your kids), and making plans to do anything of importance the next day.

And remember that this event is not about hurting the person you’ve fallen out of love with through badmouthing or trash talking. This is an occasion to commemorate your personal path of healing and newfound independence.

6 Signs You May Be Dating a Psycho