Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for loveandsex

Dating In The Same Industry: Is It A Relationship Dealbreaker?

By

Though it sounds similar, dating someone at your work can be very different from dating someone who works in the same industry. For example, politicians Bill and Hilary Clinton, writers Stephen and Tabitha King, artists Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo, or actors Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner may have never worked in the same office, co-wrote a book, shared a canvas, or acted in the same movie (respectively). However, they have traveled in the same circles, experienced the similar troubles, and strived to accomplish somewhat identical goals as the other.

Finding love within your field of work is very common since you are more likely to bump into one another and because you have a built-in shared interests (not only the career itself, but the traits that go along with it, like creativity, debate, expression, etc.). Also, knowing the complications and processes which accompany a particular position, that person is bound to be more sympathetic and able to better understand your project or plight.

Downsides To Dating In Your Industry

However, there are downsides to dating a fellow writer, lawyer, actor, or anyone else who shares your title. To start, could a conflict of interest cause a break up? If you find yourselves representing opposing clients or contesting for the same project, that competition can extend to your personal relationship. You may even be tempted use your intimate knowledge or position as a way to sabotage their chances from within (such as casually extracting private details about the project and, in turn, sharing them with your boss).

Another downside is that you are bound to know the same people, maybe even share the same friends. “Wait, this doesn’t sound like a bad thing,” you may be saying. Let me tell you, though, when it turns out your coworker is actually your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend or your best guy-friend was once punched by him in a drunken brawl, well, you can see where interacting with the same people can be a bad thing. Industry gossip can fly faster than a Boeing, and you may find yourselves caught up in it. Yet even if there were never any drama between the various parties, it can still be frustrating to share friends.

Finally, how would your relationship endure the success of one or the failure of another partner? One person is bound to earn more, gain more recognition, or achieve a higher position than the other. Would you be able to set aside your own feelings of hurt or rejection in order to praise your partner for his good work? Moreover, would you be willing to take a professional hit, if it meant that your partner would come out on top? Unfortunately, this kind of decision does occasionally surface and, when it does, it will be up to you to decide how your relationship will fare.

The Weighty Issues of A Relationship: When Your Partner Becomes Less Attractive To You

By

While your partner’s appearance is likely not the top (or even tenth) reason you love him or her, it is still of some importance. Physical attraction can ensure your sex life stays exciting and it can keep you feeling appreciative of one another. In an ideal world, we would look as fresh-faced and fit as we did at the beginning of a relationship, regardless of the passing years. Yet as time goes by, weight will be gained, hair will be lost, wrinkles will appear, breasts will sag. (Especially with the possible introduction of those little gremlins we call children.) While you don’t consider yourself to be superficial, these things may still bother you.

What Can Be Reasonably Changed?

To be fair, are these changes in your partner something that can reasonably be fixed? If plastic surgery or expensive treatments are the only way to correct a problem, you are very likely being unreasonable. However, if the problem is that your partner’s weight has begun to rise drastically or she is actively doing something which affects her appearance (such as excessively tanning, not showering, or dressing differently), you might possibly have some sway in making a positive change. Simple suggestions like, “Remember how you used to wear your hair curly? I really liked that,” or “I think you would look just as good with pale skin as you do with orange, streaky skin” can be subtle, yet complimentary hints.

Weight issues can be trickier, especially with women. Many women will go from fine to hysterically and inconsolably crying at the mere suggestion of diet and exercise. Rather, take up hiking, bicycling or another physical hobby and ask if she would join you. Don’t pressure her, though, or she will see through your ploy. That being said, do not take up this hobby for the sole purpose of tricking her into slimming down. Do it for yourself, for your own health, and as a way to share something fun together.

How To Talk About It

As a last resort (and oh, how I emphasize that), gently point out that you have noticed a change in grooming or eating habits. Point out that you will love your partner no matter what, but you are starting to worry about what may be affecting these changes.

Nevertheless, the change that needs to take place may be your attitude. He may have decided that he wants to grow his hair long. She may feel the extra pounds accentuate her curves. People will change as they age. Love the person because of these changes, not in spite of them. Finally, cut your partner some slack; you are no Dorian Gray yourself.

Q&A: Having A Baby – Will Her Vagina And Breasts Be Bigger?

By

Many changes happen to a woman’s body during pregnancy. It’s definitely an eye opening process for a woman, however, it can be downright scary for their partners. Many guys want to know what happens to his lady’s special parts when she gets pregnant and has a baby, and if the sex will feel different for him after it’s all said and done. Here’s the downlow on how a woman’s body might change during the next 9 months.

Question: I heard from a friend that if a girl has a baby that her vagina will be wider than before and her breasts will be bigger is this true?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9DblUgPEgk[/youtube]

What Happens To Her Body During Pregnancy

A woman’s breasts usually do get bigger during pregnancy and especially after she has the baby. During pregnancy, a woman’s blood volume actually increases by up to 40%, and much of this blood is used to simply nourish the body’s growing reproductive organs. It also goes to the breasts and vagina and can make both look much bigger and even swollen. After the baby is born, her breasts will become even bigger as her milk comes in. They will stay large if she chooses to breastfeed, or they will reduce in size several days after discontinuing breastfeeding. If she decides to breastfeed, you will even notice that her breasts change sizes several times throughout the day as the milk comes in and the baby nurses. Your partner may also have hair and skin changes, where her hair becomes fuller and her skin becomes darker or blotchier. After the baby is born, her vagina may look and feel different. It may feel more loose or stretched out, or it may look larger and darker in color.

When Everything Goes Back To Normal

Usually, after a baby is born, a woman’s body goes back to it’s normal, pre-pregnancy state. After breastfeeding is stopped, the breasts should return to their original size. The body absorbs the extra fluid and blood that was created during pregnancy and skin discolorations generally start to subside a few days or weeks after the birth. The vagina is made to be elastic and resilient and even the vaginal canal and surrounding vulva will begin returning to normal at this point as well.

When Everything Doesn’t Go Back To Normal

While a woman’s body is designed to “bounce back” after pregnancy (even though this process can take some time), there are changes that take place that may be permanent. After breastfeeding, a woman may notice that her breasts are larger or smaller than they were before, and they may be droopier or less perky than they were before the pregnancy as well. She may lose the extra pounds she gained during pregnancy and return to her pre-pregnancy weight, however, the weight may be distributed in different places. She may now carry more weight on her hips and lower stomach, even if her “trouble spots” were always her thighs or buttocks before. The vagina may retain some of the changes that took place during pregnancy and birth, especially if her vagina tore at all and required stitches. Sometimes, doctors will perform a procedure called an episiotomy, where the skin is cut to make room for the baby and then stitched back up. This can make sex feel very different for both her and her partner.

Even though the body goes through monumental changes during pregnancy and birth, sex can still be very pleasurable – and sometimes even better than before!

Q&A: BDSM – How To Introduce Your Partner To Domination

By

Introducing your partner to BDSM and domination can be incredibly intimidating. Your partner may be shy about trying new things in the bedroom, or they may flat out think that BDSM is too freaky. Either way, it’s possible to warm your boyfriend or girlfriend up to domination and bondage if you play your cards right.

Question: Dear Dan and Jenn, I want my boyfriend to try a bit of domination. But he seems a bit shy about doing it. How can I help him get over that shyness?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JePDjFW6Yy4[/youtube]

Taking Small Steps

You definitely can’t throw the idea of hardcore BDSM straight into your partner’s lap and expect them to be interested. That’s actually one of the fastest ways you can turn your partner off of the idea altogether. You really have to start slow when you’re introducing domination to your partner, so think about baby steps you can take and how you can start small. Try introducing your partner to bondage with a first time, introductory bondage kit complete with fuzzy handcuffs? Your partner will be less likely to be freaked out by the fuzzy cuffs and they’ll help your partner get warmed up to the real deal. Try doing a little light spanking or nibbling on your partner and see how he reacts to it. Introducing it a little bit at a time will allow your partner to process and accept domination as being pleasurable.

Introduce The Fantasy

Make sure to incorporate some of the fantasy in with your BDSM play. Don’t just tie your partner to the bed with the lights on (that is, unless, you’re doing an interrogation fantasy). That will most likely make your partner feel awkward and uncomfortable. Get your partner in the mood by roleplaying a little bit and working whatever you want to try that day into the fantasy you’re creating. Encourage your partner to try playing out their own fantasies with you as well. Try using a fantasy box, where each partner can contribute fantasies that get randomly selected on any given night. Getting your partner absorbed in a sexy fantasy will help him to want to try things he’s never tried before.

Don’t Be Pushy

If your partner isn’t comfortable with a certain fetish, don’t press him on it. Being pushy and making him feel like he’s being pressured into something he’s not comfortable with will likely have the exact opposite effect. You can’t force him to like exactly what you like or find what you like erotic. If he’s given domination a good try and he still isn’t into it, it may be time to let it go. However, introducing small things to your partner and working your way up to the big stuff slowly will help nudge your partner in the right direction without making it seem like you’re being pushy at all. Just remember not to be critical or try to make your partner feel guilty for something that they don’t want to do. If you find that you and your partner’s sexual needs aren’t fitting well, move on and find someone else who has sexual preferences that are more similar to your own.

Q&A: Long Distance Relationship – Alternatives To Phone Sex

By

One of the hardest things to do in a long distance relationship is achieve any real level of physical intimacy. Even arranging meeting face to face as often as possible isn’t going to cut it if you’re going long distance for any significant period of time. Phone sex can definitely get boring, so here’s how you can keep the fire alive in other fun ways.

Question: HELP! I’m in a long distance relationship, any tips on keeping the loving feeling going? My boyfriend isn’t really into phone sex. PLEASE HELP with any other suggestions!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2v3flDbxBM[/youtube]

Sexting

Send your partner racy texts or picture sexts throughout the day to remind him how hot he is for you. Encourage your partner to send you a few titillating texts of his own! Tell your partner what you want to do to him next time you see him, or what you’d like him to do to you. You and your partner will love getting unexpected, sexy texts at random times and you’ll always be on each other’s mind. If you and your partner see each other often, such as every weekend or every couple of weeks, sexting can definitely be a primary way of building up the tension leading up to the next face to face meeting.

Emails & Pictures

Emails are a great way to quickly send your partner a sexy little saying, and it’s also a good way to send him pictures of you (and vice versa) without having to get them developed. Read: as racy as you want. A word of caution when it comes to sending naked pictures of yourself over the internet: don’t send anything out that you wouldn’t mind being out there. The Internet is definitely not safe and a number of people may end up with their hands on your naked picture, even if all you did was email it to your boyfriend. However, this may not be a big issue for you.

Webcam Sex

Webcams really upped the game for couples in long distance relationships. Live webcam conversations are as close as you’re going to get to a real face to face conversation with your partner, and the same goes for sex too. Many couples have webcam “sex dates” and meet each other regularly for webcam sex. This is an excellent way for you and your partner both get relief from your sexual frustrations, as well as allowing you to feel sexually close to your partner and not allowing those loving feelings to subside too much.

Teledildonics

Teledildonics is the next big thing in long distance sex. Take remote control dildos and computerize them. Now you have a dildo that hooks up to your computer that your partner can control from their own computer. This is an excellent way to help your partner participate in your pleasure from far away. The downside to teledildonics is that they can be very expensive. Combine teledildonics with webcam sex for a long distance sex experience that is almost like the real thing! A cheaper way for your partner to become involved in your pleasure is to have a dildo made from a mold of your partner’s actual penis!