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You are here: Home / Archives for loveandsex

What Are Date Rape Drugs?

By loveandsex

Rape has been around for centuries – but date rape drugs haven’t. Recently, date rape drugs have become more popular among rapists and even seemingly regular guys, because it allows them to silently slip a drug into a girl’s drink to incapacitate them. Many girls who have been given date rape drugs are completely knocked out, with no memory of being raped at all. Date rape drugs are dangerous – here’s what you need to know about them.

Date Rape Drugs Explained

Various forms of date rape drugs are widely available on the street and aren’t often expensive. Drugs such as ketamine, rohypnol and gamma hydroxy butyrate (GHB) are all used to render a woman incapacitated, without the ability to say “no” to sex and often knock her out completely. These drugs are very popular among rapists because they don’t change the flavor, consistency or color of a drink and can easily be disguised. Other drugs can be used to create a similar effect, including over the counter cold medicines and sleeping pills, but these are more difficult to hide and can often be detected quickly. While women are more often the victims of date rape drugs, men can be targeted as well and these drugs have a similar effect on them.

How Do Date Rape Drugs Feel?

Date rape drugs can often make a woman feel very passive, and open or willing to do anything, like having sex. It may make her feel giddy, and she might make choices that she wouldn’t ordinarily make under different circumstances. Some women pass out, although not all of them do. Since date rape drugs often “erase” the memory of what happened while the drugs were in effect, it can be difficult to tell if a date rape drug was ever used on you. However, a severely “hung over” feeling will occur the morning after, but can often be confused with a normal alcohol related hangover. Unfortunately, there truly is no way of being sure whether you were given a date rape drug or not without a doctor’s test. Most of these drugs leave the body very quickly, often within just 48 or 72 hours, so it can be difficult to determine the use of a date rape drug unless the test is performed shortly after the suspected incident.

Protecting Yourself From Date Rape Drugs

Never take a drink from someone you don’t know very well, whether it is in a bottle or a glass. Watch your bartender make your drinks and take them yourself. Don’t allow a waiter or waitress or someone you don’t know well get your drinks for you. Always keep an eye – or a hand – on your drink. Never drink out of punchbowls and when you’re at a party, only accept drinks that are closed such as cans or bottles. If you suspect you or a friend have been given a date rape drug, or if you seem very intoxicated if you haven’t drank a lot of alcohol or any at all, leave immediately. There is technology that is available now called Drink Safe Technology, which uses test strips to test a drink for date rape drugs. Similar to pH testing strips that are available for pools, the test strip will turn a dark blue color if the drink is positive for a date rape drug.

Date rape doesn’t always happen in bars – check out What Is Date Rape to find out more about date rape and when it can happen.

Filed Under: Sex Tips & Advice Tagged With: rape

Q&A: How Do I Ask Him If He’s A Virgin Without Offending Him?

By loveandsex

When in a new relationship with someone, it’s tempting to ask about your partner’s sexual past, especially if you’re a virgin. Should you? Yes – it can help you know more about your partner and help assess your risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease. But it’s not exactly the easiest issue to bring up – here’s how to do it.

Question: I’m 19 years old and I’ve been dating my boyfriend, 22, for over a month and a half. I’m a virgin and I really trust him and want to have sex with him, but there are some signs that he may or may not have had sex. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before to ask him whether or not he’s had sex but now I’m not sure how to approach him about it. How to do I ask him whether or not he’s a virgin without emasculating him and making him defensive? I really care about him and want him to be comfortable.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qopfttqm_4[/youtube]

Ask About Sex When You’re Not Having Sex

Asking your partner about their sexual history before, during or after sex are all really bad times to talk about it. Your partner will feel pressured, uncomfortable and may not give you an honest answer. You may even translate his discomfort to mean he’s hiding something from you – and he may not be, even if he seems uncomfortable or stressed out. Make sure to ask your partner about their sexual past during a time when there’s no sex involved – for example, a good time to have this conversation would be during a casual lunch or when you’re just hanging out and relaxing. The idea here is to put as little pressure on your partner as possible. Your attitude about the situation will reflect on him – if you feel like this is a “serious” situation, he will too and he’ll probably freak.

Making Him Feel Comfortable

Making your partner feel comfortable about talking about his sexual history is the only way you’re going to get any real information. Let your partner know that it’s okay whether he’s a virgin or not, and simply let him know that you’re curious. Volunteer your own sexual status to help make him more at ease with sharing his sexual past. Don’t grill him about it and if he’s not comfortable talking about it now, don’t pressure him into giving you an answer right away. Give him time and ask him when he might be ready to talk about it. Let him know it’s not an interrogation – and don’t make him feel like it’s one either.

Why Ask At All?

Some people believe in “don’t ask, don’t tell” when it comes to sharing your sexual history with your partner and vice versa. If you and your partner are more comfortable not talking about it all together, this may work for you. But usually, getting a sexual background on your partner – not necessarily all the dirty details but just the gist – will help you get to know your partner better. Knowing whether your partner has had unprotected sex with a number of people can help you make smarter decisions about safe sex.

Filed Under: Sex Tips & Advice Tagged With: first time sex, how to have sex, sex advice, sex tips, virgin

Q&A: I’m Still Friends With My Ex But It’s Awkward

By loveandsex

Breaking up is hard – but dealing with your ex afterwards can be even more difficult. During the awkward time after a breakup, it’s hard to tell if you should try to stay friends with your ex or cut off all communication completely. Here’s how to handle the situation if you want to try to stay friends with your ex.

Question: I have been out of a relationship now for 3-4 months and am over my ex – but I somehow I feel I owe something to her and should build a friendship again. I still feel awkward talking to her even though it’s small talk – any tips?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coL7aFoDoMk[/youtube]

It’s Always Awkward

If you’ve just broken up with someone or have just been broken up with, the period directly following the breakup is always awkward. If you’re feeling as though things are strained between you and your ex and it just doesn’t feel right, join the club! Most people feel strange after a breakup, especially if they’re often around their ex. For example, if you and your ex work together or share many of the same friends, coming into constant contact with each other after the breakup can be just plain weird. It’s totally normal to feel awkward after a breakup and it can take some time for you and your partner to reach a totally platonic state.

You Don’t Owe Your Ex Anything

Many people leave a relationship feeling like they owe their ex something, especially if they’re the ones that did the breaking up. Even people who leave a relationship in the best possible way can feel bad about hurting the other person. Here’s the thing – you don’t owe your ex anything. Each person reserves the right to end a relationship if they feel it’s not working out in their best interests. It’s kind of like at will employment. Either party can terminate the relationship at any time for any reason of their choosing. Your ex may be hurt after the breakup, and things may be awkward, but don’t hold it against yourself. Staying with a person that you’re not happy with just because you don’t want to hurt them never works out. You deserve to be happy, so learn to let it go.

Time Heals Most Wounds

Even though the relationship with your ex is awkward now, time heals just about anything. You may feel pressured to have small talk with your ex now, or to try to force a friendship but it may be that you and your ex just aren’t ready for that yet. After a break up, most people need some time to think and process what happened in the relationship. If a friendship just isn’t there for you and your ex yet, time may be what you need to get there. Give yourself – and your ex – some time and space to sort out what happened. If you or your ex are very emotional after the break up – for example, if you two were in a long term relationship – you will each need some time to sort through how you feel about the break up. Just relax and let time do its thing.

Filed Under: Break Up & Divorce Tagged With: ask a girl out, breaking up, dating, dating advice, divorce, Relationship Advice, sex advice

Q&A: My Girlfriend Doesn’t Like When I Touch Her G-Spot

By loveandsex

Finding a woman’s g-spot and learning how to give her pleasure can make your sex life hotter, but what if your partner doesn’t like g-spot stimulation? Does it mean that you are doing something wrong, or that your partner just doesn’t like having her g-spot stimulated? Here’s what you can do if your partner doesn’t dig g-spot pleasure.

Question: My girlfriend says it’s uncomfortable when I touch her g-spot and she feels like she needs to pee. Any tips on making it more pleasurable for her?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ElwphVlfl4[/youtube]

Feeling The Need To Pee

It is actually very common for women to feel like they have to pee during sex. Does this translate into the true need to urinate? Not usually – although it is possible. Many of the nerve endings near a woman’s vagina and clitoris are tied together, including the nerve endings to the bladder. It is not at all out of the ordinary for a woman to feel like she has to pee when she is being stimulated one way or another. Although it is common, it doesn’t mean that it is comfortable for your partner. It can distract her from feeling pleasure because she’s afraid she’ll urinate during sex. Sex will be more pleasurable for your partner if she’s not worried about being embarrassed in front of you.

What You Can Do

There are a few things you can do to help your partner alleviate the feeling of needing to urinate during sex. Have your partner go to the bathroom right before sex. This way, she knows she doesn’t have to actually urinate and can simply attribute these feelings to other nerve endings being stimulated. Your partner can actually stop taking liquids an hour or two before sex also, if this makes her feel better. Remember that iced tea and coffee are both diuretics, meaning that these may make her feel like she has to urinate more often than usual. If your partner is also on a medication that causes her to feel the need to pee often, talk to your doctor about a change in medication if possible.

Changing Your Techinques

You may be stimulating her g-spot too hard or too quickly if she’s still finding it uncomfortable to be stimulated there. Make sure you allow your partner plenty of warm up time before trying to stimulate her g-spot, and you can go one step further by ensuring she has an orgasm before you even head for the g-spot. Often, a woman will find vaginal stimulation uncomfortable or even painful if she hasn’t been allowed enough time for foreplay. Foreplay allows the vagina to moisten and relax and sends signals to the brain to get ready for sex. Make sure she is wet or use plenty of lube to avoid any discomfort caused by friction. Communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t and ask for her suggestions. Ladies, take this opportunity to purchase a great sex toy and try stimulating your g-spot on your own. When you find out what feels good, let your partner know and show him how to do what you like.

Filed Under: Orgasm Tagged With: female orgasm, g spot, orgasm, sex advice, sex tips

What Is Date Rape?

By loveandsex

When we think of rape, our minds automatically drift to a stranger crouching low in a dark alleyway as he waits for a girl – a runner, a student walking home from class, a woman unloading groceries from her car. It doesn’t matter to him who it is. But there is more than one kind of rape. About half of all rapes are considered “date rape.” The victim usually knows the perpetrator and may even have had sexual contact with him before. No still means no – even when you’re on a date.

What Is Date Rape?

Date rape usually occurs one a date, but doesn’t have to. With date rape, the victim often knows the rapist. Generally, women and girls are the more common victims of date rape, but it happens to boys and men too. Date rape is considered unwilling, forced sex with someone you’re friends with, have a relationship with or are on a date with. While getting to know someone or going on a date with them usually doesn’t end in rape, it can. It’s time to shed light on the fact that a rapist isn’t just a creepy unshaven guy who hangs out in parking lots waiting to rape. It can be the cute guy at the coffeehouse who asked for your phone number or the seemingly harmless guy you met on Facebook. It can even be your boyfriend.

No Means No

Sometimes the lines aren’t clear when it comes to date rape. Some people believe that if a girl wears provocative clothes to a club or on a date that she’s looking for sex or sexual attention. Others believe that if a girl has previously had sex or any type of sexual contact with a man that it doesn’t matter if she says “no” this time. These are myths – no always means no, no matter what you’re wearing, who you’re with and whether you’ve kissed them before or had intercourse with them before. If you’ve made yourself clear that you do not want to have sex, if you are forced to do so, it is considered rape or date rape and you are not at fault.

Preventing Date Rape

Following your instincts is one of the best ways to stay safe – if you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, don’t try to talk yourself out of it. Listen to your gut – if you feel like you should leave somewhere or get away from someone, do it even if it seems silly. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help if you feel as though you’re in a dangerous situation. It’s better to be safe than sorry! Be sober and get familiar with your surroundings when you’re out and about, and if you’re with a partner, avoid being alone with them until you really get to know them. Be up front and honest about sex and make sure you’re clear on what you want. Don’t seem unsure, because date rapists can take advantage of that. Let your partner know exactly what is okay and what isn’t okay, and don’t appear undecided about it. Be calm and confident!

Filed Under: Sex Tips & Advice Tagged With: rape, sexual assault

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