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How To Embrace Your Inner Geek And Still Get The Girl!

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Do nice guys always finish last?

Well, that depends on the nice guy.

What if you’re a total geek, have absolutely no social skills, no self confidence, and no idea where to start with girls?

Can you still get the girl?

We think so, if you’re willing to follow a few simple guidelines…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a total geek. Yes, the guy who sits in a computer store drooling, or beating a video game, or basically destroying people on the front in Dungeons and Dragons…

It’s very demoralizing to know that all your good at is blasting people online.

How can a guy like me have good confidence when I know I’m the ultimate geek? I really need your help on this.

— Carl, Colorado

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJiDk5eEUrk[/youtube]

How To Embrace Your Inner Geek And Still Get The Girl!

Perception Is Everything

If you don’t feel confident or portray confidence, no one else is going to pay attention to you. So what you have to do is supercharge your own inner confidence.

Perception is everything. You have to work on how people perceive you, how you look and how you carry yourself.

Before anyone else can accept you, you have to accept yourself for exactly who you are today. No one else has the right to judge you or to tell you that you’re anything less than perfect.

It’s time to embrace what you call your “geekiness”.

Strengthen Your Inner Confidence

The secret to being a good salesman is to believe in the product you are selling. And when you are dating, that product is you…

And when you are dating, that product is you.

You say that you’re a geek, but the way you say it makes it sound like a bad thing.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a geek!

When I think of a geek, I think of someone who’s highly intelligent but generally lacks confidence in their own social skills. You should consider yourself lucky, because you’re either born with intelligence or you’re not. Social skills, on the other hand, can be learned.

The moment you start to truly accept yourself for who you actually are on the inside, others will too. You need to focus on your strengths and accept yourself for who you are. If you try to be someone else you’ll just come across as fake.

Another important point here is that as soon as you stop caring about what other people think and recognize that you are perfect just the way you are, that’s exactly when other people will start to see the real you, rather than just your lack of confidence.

Looks Do Matter

I’m not talking about physical looks and bodily build.  I’m talking about paying attention to the way you dress and basic grooming skills. You can be the best looking guy in the world, you can be the smartest guy in the world, but if you look funny and smell funny, forget it! No girl will want to be around you.

So pay attention to how you look and smell.

Dress nice. When you dress nice you feel better, stronger, and more confident. If you’re running around in a t-shirt and sweats and haven’t taken a shower, you feel funky. Right?

Take a shower, shave your face, and put on clean clothes before you leave the house.  And actually leave the house for at least an hour a day. Don’t underestimate the power of fresh air.

The question then becomes, do you really know how to dress nice?

If not, consider hiring a professional for one or two sessions to help you look and feel like you think you should. This is a topic that guys often feel weird about and think that only gay guys get help with their wardrobes…

Get over it, and hire a professional!

Beware Of Your Friends

Here’s a big warning: beware of your friends!

If you’ve ever wanted to change anything about your lifestyle – how you walk, talk, dress, or do anything else – then you already know that the biggest obstacle you’ll ever face, and I mean the absolute biggest obstacle, are your friends.

Your closest friends are the ones that you can count on to keep you exactly where you are, to keep you in place. They will do anything to keep you from growing or changing. It’s not because they don’t like you. It’s because they’re afraid that you’ll grow up and leave them behind.

So you have to ask yourself this question…

Do you want listen to your friends and stay exactly where you are – without a girlfriend? Or do you want to “sell out” and get the girl?

We say “Sell Out”. It’s well worth it!

Do You Know The Hidden Dangers of Anal Sex?

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Anal sex… Some people love it. Some people are disgusted by the mere mention of it.

So is it really a special treat, or a very dangerous game that should be avoided at all costs?

The answer depends on who you ask and what  their sexual preferences are. It’s not your place to judge another person nor is it another person’s right to judge your sexual preferences.

Here’s a question from a couple who watched an episode of “Talk Sex” with Sue Johanson. They’re wondering if we agree with her take on anal sex.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I watched your videos on YouTube and I wanted to explore a bit more one subject. My girlfriend and I have had anal sex several times, but she recently saw a episode of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. In this episode she mentioned of all the bad things that can happen if one is to have anal sex.

Our question is the following: Will having anal sex about once, twice or even 3 times a month, with lube and no pain still lead to these problems? Is it eminent like cigarettes give you breathing problems? or possible like walking and twisting an ankle? Thanks, keep up the good work!

— Domenic, California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMDDOXDn_8E[/youtube]

Is Having Anal Sex Dangerous?

Like all things, there are risks associated with having anal sex that must be considered and weighed against the pleasure and intimacy that many couples experience while engaging in this type of sex play.

Sue Johanson has written a really great article on the things to watch out for if you are going to have anal sex.

Check out her full article here.

In her article, Sue mentions many problems that could possible occur during anal sex.

Possible Complications Caused By Having Anal Sex

First, understand your anatomy. At the lower end of the bowel, there are two distinct circular bands of muscles called sphincters, one is located about an 1 ½ inches above the other. These clamp down tight to prevent the passage of feces or gas.

The mucous membrane which lines the rectum is not as heavy as the lining of the vagina, so it can tear quite easily, and it does not heal as quickly as the inner walls of the vagina. Because feces, loaded with bacteria, pass through the rectum any tears in the mucous membrane are vulnerable to infection.

The vigorous thrusting that may occur during anal intercourse can tear the mucous membrane.

What Can Happen If The Membrane Tears?

Tears in the mucous membrane of the rectum can develop into anal abscesses that can become infected.

Also, if your partner has any sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), then you could get infected through these tears.

Examples of sexually transmitted infections are: gonorrhea (treatable); venereal warts (treatable if external, difficult if up in the rectum); syphilis (treatable); herpes (treatment, no cure); yeast infection (treatable); and HIV and AIDS (treatment but no cure).

You do not want any of these STI’s.

Other Potential Problems Associated with Anal Sex

Some doctors claim that hemorrhoids (piles) could result from vigorous anal sex, and although I have no medical research to support this, I have heard people say that the rectum “gets sloppy”, meaning it stretches more than it otherwise would.

However, I am dubious. If anal “sloppiness” was true, why wouldn’t this happen as a result of regular bowel movements? Since there is no definitive research on this, I’ll leave it up to you to decide how you feel about this.

Should You Have Anal Sex Anyway?

Well, according to Sue, the best prevention is to not go there at all!

But if you do decide to try anal sex, she suggests that both you and your partner talk about it and agree on the following points. And we absolutely agree with everything she says in this list.

  • Your partner must be very, very gentle, absolutely no forced penetration and no vigorous thrusting.
  • You must use lots and lots of good lubrication, (anal lube, not saliva).
  • Your partner must use a condom…all the time, every time.
  • Your partner must respect “stop”. If you say ouch, or it hurts, or No or quit… they must stop immediately.
  • It must be understood, if you do not want to have anal sex again, there will be no pressure, no threats and no pleading. NO means NO.
  • Use a well-lubricated condom without spermicide, either on the sex toy or his penis. Spermicide can irritate the rectum.
  • Never shift from anal sex back to vaginal sex without changing condoms. Feces can end up in the vagina and cause infections. And please wash your hands with soap and water after handling the dirty condom or you could still spread infectious material.

Just How Risky Is It?

The problems that Sue mentions in her article are definitely possible, but not necessarily probable…

Like smoking, the risks are lower if you do it less often.

Chances are you’re not going to get lung cancer from smoking one pack of cigarettes. And as long as you’re careful when having anal sex, the chances of running into the problems that Sue mentions in her article are greatly reduced if you do it very carefully and only occasionally.

Keep in mind that the rectum is designed as an “out hole” – not an “in hole”. Our advice is that if you are going to have anal sex, be very gentle and take it very slowly, use lots and lots of good quality lubrication, and save it as the occasional treat.

Don’t make it a regular activity that you do every day. Save it for special occasions.

Is It OK For Me To Talk My Partner Into Trying Anal Sex?

Like Sue, we get lots of questions from men wondering how they can “talk their girlfriend into having anal sex“. She adamantly says that you should never try to convince your partner to have anal sex.

We think it could go either way. We all use the art of gentle persuasion a hundred times a day to convince our kids to clean their rooms, to convince our husband to take out the trash, to talk ourselves into going to the gym when we don’t always feel like it.

Persuasion is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we need a little encouragement to move past our fears and overcome our shyness.

We do, however, want to stress that no one should ever be forced or pressured into doing any sexual act that they’re not 100% comfortable with and willing to do.

Do not confuse gentle persuasion with force and coercion!

Talk to your partner, and figure out works well for both of you. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties involved – anal or otherwise.

Is Anger Over Previous Sex Partners Justified?

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So you’ve started dating a new person and you’re curious about previous relationships… We all are.

We want to know if our partner has had sex with other people; and the masochistic side of us wants to know how many, and if they were better than us. But what happens when we find out…

Do we get angry? Do we accept our partner for who they are?

What would you do?

Are you really prepared to hear the truth? You better be before you ask the question.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JOUdqNmnA8[/youtube]

Is Anger Over Previous Sex Partners Justified?

It’s In The Past – Let It Go

The issue here is that we are all incredibly insecure about ourselves and our relationships…

The thing you have to realize is that previous sex partners and other life experiences are what made your partner who they are today. Just because he or she had sex with other people does not change how they feel about you now and should not change how you feel about them.

It’s A Control Thing

Why is it that men, in general, can be so judgmental about women? It seems to be a bit of a quagmire.  Men expect women to be virgins and women expect men to have eyes only for her after they meet.

In reality this is just a control thing…

Recognize that you cannot control another person; either their actions before they met you, how they feel and act when there with you, and what they do after they move on from you.

It’s time to recognize that we’re all human beings who come from different places and circumstances and we all have life experiences that are different from one another. It’s time to stop judging one another and accept our differences.

There’s an old 70’s song called “Walk a Mile in My Shoes”. I think we should all listen to the lyrics of this song before passing judgment on another.

Here just a few lines:

If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour

If we could find a way to get inside each other’s mind

If you could see me through your eyes instead of your ego

I believe you’d be surprised to see that you’d been blind.

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes

And before you abuse, criticize and accuse

Walk a mile in my shoes.

And for those a little younger, how about “What It’s Like” by Everlast…

God forbid you ever had to walk mile in his/her shoes

Then you really might know what its like to have to choose

Then you really might know what its like (what its like)

These two songs contain strong wisdom that crosses generations.

Avoid Anger, Judgment, And Resentment

The irony here, is that we all want honesty and our relationship, but, with one huge caveat… We want our partner to tell us what we want to hear, whether it’s true or not.

To make your relationship work, you simply have to learn to avoid anger, judgment, and resentment. These emotions can eat us up inside.  It’s time to forgive, love, and accept one another for who we really are, not to someone else thinks we should be…

If you’re not able to accept a partner for who they are today, recognizing that their past experiences are what made them who they are today, then it’s time to move on.

This is not the right relationship for you. Keep looking for that perfect person who has none of your faults and who has never made a mistake.

Not what she wanted to hear? Sorry. Just being honest…

Speed Dating Grows Up – Meet 5 People In 5 Minutes Without Leaving Home

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When most people think of traditional speed dating, they picture their local pub trying to get 20 sober people together in one room, in hopes they can go a few rounds with one another to find a match.

Well, fast forward to the present. The times have finally caught up with that old idea of speed dating.

WooMe is revolutionizing the way people meet. They’ve developed a way for people to meet online in real time (with just a browser and a webcam), in a fun, fast and free way. Yes, we said free…

No long profiles to fill out. You can meet 30 people on WooMe in less time than it takes to create a profile on traditional online dating sites like eHarmony and Match.com.

Imagine firing up your computer and webcam, and meeting 5 people in 5 minutes in real time, without leaving the comfort of home. So instead of spending your whole evening going cross town to some speed dating event at a bar or restaurant where you MIGHT meet one or two people you MAY like…

WooMe speed sessions are created by you around any topic of interest and you can review member profiles and pictures before the session begins. Think of it as speed dating where you get to pre-screen the people you’ll be meeting.

Is It Safe?

Women will particularly enjoy speed dating on a service like WooMe because it’s safe and anonymous, with none of the traditional concerns of meeting a bunch of strange guys at a bar.

With an online speed dating service, you have an easy and guaranteed out. You control who you see again and just as importantly, who you don’t see again. That creepy guy staring at you the whole evening and trying to follow you home!

WooMe has built specific tools to make people feel as safe as possible,  like "report user" for calling out inappropriate behavior while in sessions and "block user" preventing unwanted profiles from participating in any sessions you may join in the future.

When you hit it off with someone and you both want to pursue an off-line relationship, you can get each other’s contact info…  This is the only time that  information is ever exchanged. The ones you don’t click with will never see YOU in person at all or receive any of your personal information. Now that’s refreshing.

It’s still just about dating, right? NO!

Here’s what’s really cool. It’s not just about dating anymore. Think "Speed Introductions"…

Want to meet a few people who share the same passion as you? You can meet new people in your area, find a roommate, find a travel partner, and so on. And unlike social networking or online dating sites, the idea here is to connect to real people in real time…

At WooMe, you can meet 5 people in 5 minutes who are interested in just about any topic you can imagine, and you both get to decide if you want to talk again. WooMe sessions are created by other users around any topic of interest, so you can check out what sessions are about to start and see where you’d like to get involved.

Check out the upcoming live chat sessions and pick one you’d like to join. But be careful, it can be a little addictive.  

Don’t see a session you want to join?

No problem, you can create one for whatever you’re interested in… dating, work, sports, music, anything. Looking for a great hang out spot in your area? Create a session called something like "What are the best hang outs in Los Angeles?". But be creative, make it intriguing so people will notice it. You can even specify how many men or women can join your session. Than sit back and watch people sign up for that session.

It’s that easy. 

Help! I’m A Booty Call AND The Sex Is Lousy!

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Booty Call: “Calling someone or meeting with them purely for the sake of having sex“.

Have you ever been a booty call? Would you recognize if you were?

We all like to think that the person were seeing loves us, or at least likes us a lot. It’s really heartbreaking when we realize that we’re worth nothing more than sex to them.

Even if it’s great sex, it can still be heartbreaking to realize that you’re only a Booty Call…

When the sex is bad, it’s enough to make you go insane!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m 48, widow, dating a 58 years old guy who’s been married 32 years for 7 months now. Sex isn’t great but I really like – love him. Am I nuts?

We work for an airline and I see him every week.  He has shared his past affairs with me. His wife has a million dollar inheritance, he hates her but the money is important. He keeps saying that he wants me…but while in Paris, when I confided that I felt like I was falling in love with him…he said he wasn’t as “into” me, as his past affairs….? However, as soon as we arrived back in the States, he wanted me to stay with him in his hotel… I said no and went home…..   HELP!!!

— Chris, VA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsVS5gOuNts[/youtube]

Can You Say Booty Call?

So, here’s this guy who supposedly likes you, but ironically, the only time he calls you is for an out of town rendezvous to have sex. This is the definition of a “Booty Call”.

You may think you’ll love this guy, but it’s time for you to realize that you are only one thing to him… you are his Booty Call. PERIOD!!!

There’s only one piece of advice that we can give you. DUMP HIM! NOW!

Love is a two way street. Waiting for this guy to turn around and start loving you back is a complete waste of your time.

Make Room For A Two-Sided Relationship

It’s time to make room in your life for a two-sided relationship.

We all deserve someone who will love and respect us in return. There is absolutely no reason to waste your time with someone who is only using you. And this guy is obviously using you…

Now, having said that, if you don’t mind being a Booty Call and meeting this guy simply to have sex, then that’s fine, but recognize it for what it is…

In this situation however, the sex isn’t even that good.

This guy is obviously a total loser. He’s staying with his wife because she has a million dollar inheritance. You’re not his first affair. He’s just lame.

So run, run like the wind!!!