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How Can He Love Me And Still See Her On The Side?

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What would you do if you started dating a man and the relationship seemed perfect. Except for one little thing… You find out that he hasn’t really ended his last relationship. He’s still seeing his ex while dating you.  He sees her, he takes care of her emotionally and financially, and he won’t tell her about you.

How would you handle this situation? Before you jump to any conclusions, stop and think for just a minute… Is it possible to love two people? How many of you have found yourself in a situation where you love two different people for two different reasons and you’ve been forced to choose? In my opinion, whichever choice you make, you’ll never be happy because you’ll wonder what you left behind…

Here’s a desperate plea from a woman whose heart is breaking.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I began an intimate relationship with a man when he broke up with his ex-girlfriend.  We love each other, and share our common goals and values in life.  This seems to be such a perfect partnership.  The misery came when I realized his relationship with his ex-girlfriend is not over. He still has an intimate relationship with her.  Because of this, we have arguments all the time. He said he loves me, and he can’t live without me.

Whenever I ask him about his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, he tells me he needs to take care of her.  They can be friends, and I have no objection.  The problem is his care is excessive and unnatural.  He won’t let me to meet his ex-girlfriend and he has no courage to end their intimate relationship.

Now he is not happy when I’m around, because he has less opportunity to contact her.  He claims that he is losing his freedom. I’m confused.  Where is his love?  Where is his promise?  How can our relationship survive with so much doubt?  I have sacrificed everything for this love, and I wonder what else can I give to save our relationship? I appreciate your kind advice.

— A broken heart

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQZjSuMmvKk[/youtube]

Why is he no longer with his ex?

Understanding this is crucial…

It’s obvious he hasn’t let go of his past which is now jeopardizing your future together.

The big question to ask is this, “If he loves her so much and wants to take care of her, why did they break up and why are they still semi-together?”

That doesn’t make sense if he still loves her so much – why are they not together?

Why is there a need to find another partner?

Understanding this is crucial to your relationship survival. If he can’t be honest with you then you really have to ask yourself what he’s hiding…

The way we see it, there are two options here.

Option #1: Accept and share – he may actually love two people.

He needs to be completely honest about both relationships with both people or it won’t work. If he can’t be honest, then you’ll never trust what he’s feeling.

There’s a very interesting question here ‘Is it possible to love two people?’ A lot of people will say ‘NO’ but I disagree. I thoroughly believe that it’s absolutely possible to love two people. Although this is not socially accepted, you can certainly and absolutely love multiple people. You love your mom, you love your kids, you love your dog, you love your best friend!

So yes it is indeed possible to love multiple people.

The problem occurs is when people start confusing sex with love, and they think they can own their partner. Then jealousy rears it’s ugly head. That’s why it’s an issue.

Having said that, complete honesty is a must if you’re even going to attempt this kind of relationship.

Every relationship needs a solid foundation if it’s to survive everything life can throw at it. Once you accept and understand that it’s possible to love two people, the next thing you need to accept is to share. You need to ask yourself if you’re willing to share his love for you and the other girl. This is called unconditional love, and it’s a rare trait these days…

Option #2: Run as fast as you can!

If Option #1 doesn’t sound like a fit to you, then it’s time to end this relationship as soon as possible.

Honesty is vital to the health of all relationships. Mutual trust, openness, and understanding are the key contributors to feelings of friendship and intimacy. Conversely, it is very hard to be in a relationship with a person who distorts or withholds information critical to that relationship.

Now the interesting part here is that he is NOT being honest. He is not being honest with his ex girlfriend, and he is also not being honest with you, his current girlfriend.

And that’s bad. That really stinks! You can’t have dishonesty in a healthy relationship. It negates the trust that’s absolutely needed for a healthy relationship.

What he needs here is to be completely honest with himself and with both on what he actually wants, or it will never work.

If he can’t do that, it’s time to run as fast as you can! Find someone that will be honest with you and show you the respect and love you deserve.

Manifesting A Soul Mate – Is It Really Possible?

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Getting back into the dating game after a divorce is not always easy, especially when you have kids.

Dating as a single parent is not the same game you played before you were ever married.

Many of the things you used to do to meet members of the opposite sex no longer have the same appeal!

And all of the parents at the PTA meetings are already married!

What is a lonely single parent to do?

Are you wondering if you will ever meet someone? Especially if you are not “out there” trying.

Well, here is some inspiration for the hopelessly romantic single parent, Karen Lynch from LiveThePower.com.

Read how one woman attracted the Love that she wanted without even trying!

Manifesting a Soul Mate, by Karen Lynch 

Commitment Issues… And Another Woman!

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I think we’ve probably all been in, or have known someone in this situation…

You meet someone really great, you have a lot in common, you have so much fun together, you really click. There’s just one little problem. He already has a girlfriend! The particular type of man that I’m referring to says that leaving the other woman. He just won’t say when. He tells you to hold on, it’ll be worth the wait and you’ll be together soon.

Here’s a question from Marie who is in this exact situation.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I met this man online a year ago. I flew out to spent a few weekends with him knowing that he had a girlfriend. He keeps telling me he’s going to end it, to hang on that it’ll be worth it… But the last time I was there, he couldn’t tell me how he feels about me. So I said “OK,it’s time to walk away”, but now he keeps calling and texting me. I don’t get it. He’s all I think about. He’s 51 and never been married and I’m not 20 any more! Please, it’s driving me crazy. I really like this man. We have fun, laugh a lot, and really have a lot in common. So what’s the problem? Oh, I might add that he’s still on the same dating site where we met. I know because I go on to chat with others while I wait for him. Thanks for any truthful advice you can give.

— Marie

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO8klHdq2Dw[/youtube]

Dump him – he’s stringing you along!

I’m usually flexible on these things but on this one I say… “Dump him” – he’s stringing you along. That’s all it is, he is playing you like a fiddle. Leave now before it’s too late. Obviously he wants you around to boost his ego and to get a little on the side.

One of the most difficult things we can face in a relationship is deciding when to cut our losses and simply walk away. And at this point you’re on the losing side… So it’s time to move on and make room for the right person to come into your life.

Make room for the right person to come into your life.

While you’re holding on to this man, you’re preventing the right man from coming into your life. Let this one go and create room in your life for the right person. Find the one you will make the greatest romantic connection with and who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

Trying to start a new relationship over a long distance is hard enough without the added complexity of another woman and his obvious commitment issues.

He’s never been married and his current girlfriend is there all the time. He’s not likely to leave her – she’s a sure thing – and what’s more she got there first. That’s a rough one… He may be be coming up to see you all the time and truly enjoying your time together, but you have to see that he’s not putting any effort into this. If you just want to play around and have some fun that’s one thing, but it sounds like you want a relationship. And if that’s true, then he’s not the guy for you.

You may not be 20 anymore, but you’re not dead either.

Don’t make decisions out of fear that the clock is ticking or the fear of being alone.

Just take one day at a time and live your life in a joyful and fun way. The right person will come along for you.  Whenever we feel that we NEED something, we actually create more ‘need’ and push away the things that we think we need. Choose to be happy either way!

It is easy to say that I’m getting older so why not settle for this guy. He’s not that horrible anyway…

That sucks! That’s not the way to do this. “Oh My God I need to land somebody before I get any older so we can grow old(er) together. Don’t think thatway… Your only 47 – that’s still young! If you settle for this guy and he turns up to be a real loser, guess what? Now you’re 57 and you’ve spent 10 years of your life waiting for this guy to change. Don’t do that. You’ll only regret it later.

As long as you cling to the wrong guy, there’s no room in your life for the right one who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.

Move on and live your life, one day at a time… You are worthy of love and you will find the right man for you!

It’s Just You and Your Hand Tonight!

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The hot new song from Pink which is all the rage these days – and one of the top songs on iTunes – has an unusual title that many people haven’t noticed. It’s called “U + Ur Hand”, as in “You and Your Hand”.

There’s this expectation that any woman in a bar is looking for a man. What she’s saying is that she’s there for herself, NOT looking for a guy. So leave her alone, it’s just “you and your hand tonight”

This just just in! Women are people too, in many aspects not all that different from men. And there are plenty of times when a beautiful woman wants to be with nobody but herself, or maybe her girlfriends. And that’s it. She may ACTUALLY have a headache. Or she may ACTUALLY not want a guy chasing her around the bar.

While the words are a bit in your face for some people, the message is quite sound. I happen to really like this song. Not every woman out there is always looking for a man.

Of course Pink is not exactly shy about expressing herself. And per this article on Nerve, Pink recently posed nude for the Bryan Adams Visions of Rock photo exhibit. Yes, Pink is actually nude in this picture, so brace yourself.

So maybe Pink is speaking up for hundreds of thousands of frustrated women tired of fighting off every guy in the bar when she says “I’m not here for your entertainment! Keep your drink, just give me the money. It’s just you and your hand tonight”.

Here’s Pink, in her own words…
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YAHodp2H2Y[/youtube]

Did You Get Your Fun, Sexy Halloween Costume Yet?

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Think back to your childhood for a moment, and remember all the fun you had with playing dress up and trying on all those cool costumes for Halloween…

And then ask yourself… why should kids have all the fun, while all the adults grow up and become boring and stodgy? Well, there are a lot of perks to being a grown up, and Halloween can be just as fun as it was back then… and a LOT more naughty.

Forget that! Let’s turn up the heat this Halloween with some dress up gear that’s ONLY for grown ups. 🙂

Instead of cartoon characters and action figures, how about some fun, sexy fantasy costumes to get you AND your lover in the mood for a steamy evening after your trick or treating.

French Maid? Nurse? Maybe a Sexy Bunny? 

"Is there a doctor in the house? Somebody’s been naughty and needs a physical."

Role playing is one of the most common forms of sexual diversion for a couple. Nothing like pretending to be someone else, living dangerously, meeting an exciting stranger and letting your passion run wild! 

There is of course the French maid, or better yet, the upstairs maid (no upstairs is complete without one). And of course the nurse, in case of emergency.

What about a sexy witch, or an adult pirate costume.

And for the serious playa who’s just dying to don that purple suede suit with leopard lining and matching hat, check out these pimp costumes.

It’s truly amazing how many creative sexy and fantasy costumes can be found, if you just know where to look.

What About Just Straight Fun Costumes? 

Then again, it’s not always about sex (just most of the time).

The lock and key costume is a great gag costume for those couples where the lady wears the pants. Just look at the picture and imagine it reversed, with her wearing the key. You know who you are. 🙂

Sexy Halloween Costumes

If you’re going to find a great, sexy outfit for Halloween, start looking now and order in plenty of time. Check out some of the great sexy costumes at Costumes, Inc and see what sparks your imagination.

They also have a special offer for our readers. When you order, be sure to use the coupon code "askdanjen" to get 15% off any order over $75 (except closeouts and shipping).

At the very least, check out the upstairs maid. Remember, no upstairs is complete without one. 

Note: This is a Sponsored Review brought to you by Costumes, Inc, but all opinions are our own.