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Playing Mind Games in Love and Sex – Should You Really Do it?

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I found this great post today from Seduction 101.  It really got me thinking, because Dan and I love to play games!

"She’s playing games with him." "He’s playing games with her." "They’re playing games with each other."

These comments are always accompanied by stern looks of disapproval. But if I enjoy a game of tennis with my lover, nobody’s going to accuse us of "playing games with each other".

What’s going on?

Most people pay lip service to the idea that "mind games" is bad, bad, bad. But who among us never plays them? I submit that these games are not always bad; in fact sometimes they are good and even downright necessary to social interaction. I like to call them "social games". 

Playing mind games in love and sex can be everything from exhilarating to heart crushing.

Games can be anything from psychological bantering to role playing. The perception that playing mind games is bad comes from the fact that far too many people use little known seduction tactics to take advantage of other people. 

However, when everyone involved knows that they’re playing, it can be an incredibly fun ride. A chance to let your hair down and try something new or be someone new for a little while.

Dan and I both love the chase… And we both know it. So while some couple might get jealous if their partner flirts with someone else. For us, it’s exciting because we know we’re having really hot sex tonight! The key here is that we have a completely open and honest relationship. We tell each other absolutely everything.

I know you’ve got fantasies that involve some sort of game playing even thought you may not call it that. You see, having a fantasy IS a mind game.

One word of caution for couples who like to play games, make sure that you’re both always on the same page and are completely open and honest with one another. If a game goes too far, say so. If you want it to go farther, say so.

I would love to hear any thoughts or ideas that you may have on this topic.

Long Distance Relationships – Can They Really Work?

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The Question: I met a wonderful man in April 2006. On our first date he told me that he would be moving across the country for graduate school in August and would not be interested in a long distance relationship.  I continued to date him anyway, and we had a great relationship for 5 months.  We saw each other every day and basically lived together.

When it was time for him to move, I told him that if he was willing to change his mind, I’d love to stay together and do the long distance relationship, but he was sure it would cause too many problems.  He wanted to keep a friendship and to stay on good terms so a future together might be possible.  Since he moved, we have spoken almost every day.  He flew me to New York for Thanksgiving, and Florida for Christmas so I could meet his family.

It’s been bothering me that he won’t commit to be exclusive with me, so I told him to either stop calling me every day telling me he misses me and giving kisses over the phone, or show me he wants to be with me and be my boyfriend.  I felt like I was giving him the benefits of having a girlfriend, without him having the responsibility of having a girlfriend. He thinks I’m worried too much about the title.  I don’t know what to do because we’re a really great match.

Should I continue to talk to him and stop worrying about the title?

Or should I break up with him and move on to find someone who wants to call himself my boyfriend?

The Answer: I think your boyfriend is very wise and is showing great responsibility by not making promises that he’s not necessarily ready to keep. He told you up front what his expectations were for the relationship – something that a lot of men would not have been strong enough to do.

I agree with him, boyfriend is just a title.  The terms boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, and wife are often used to imply ownership. Titles are for cars, not people. We cannot own or control another person, especially their feelings and emotions – as hard as we may try…

It sounds like he really likes you and that you have a great relationship.

Why does the relationship have to be exclusive for you to enjoy each others company?  If your relationship is strong enough, why not just agree to be completely open and honest with each other. Agree to tell each other if you’re seeing someone else.

Seeing someone else doesn’t mean your relationship has to end. That’s just jealousy rearing its ugly head. Jealousy is an emotion of fear and control. We’re afraid of losing something that doesn’t even belong to us in the first place.

Since you’re so far apart

Why insist you each be lonely and miserable during the times that you can’t be together. Go out and enjoy life, rather than sitting around waiting by the phone. That way when you are together, you can really have fun and enjoy each other without the worry and dread of when it’s going to end and you have to be apart again.

If you’re afraid of losing him to someone else, then you are letting fear and jealousy get in the way of a perfectly good relationship.

Are you ready for a really controversial statement?

“Complete honesty and trust in a relationship is more important than complete monogamy.”

Trust has nothing to do with what someone is doing or who they’re with.

My definition of trust is “knowing that the person you’re with feels comfortable enough with you to tell you absolutely anything without fear of retribution.”

Dan and I have an agreement that if we are ever interested in someone else, we’ll talk about it and if it seems like the right thing to do, then so be it. Isn’t it a little selfish to keep our partner from being happy, just to satisfy our own selfish desires?

“Unconditional, or true love means that you love someone regardless of what they say, do, or feel. Love is something we give, not something we take…”

This is probably not what you’re going to hear from other people, but I recommend not trying to hold on so tight and letting things develop naturally. Enjoy the time you do have together. Life flows much more easily when we stop trying to control other people and make them fit into out tight little boxes. And trust me; we all have our boxes of how we think reality ‘should’ be.

In summary…

  • Accept him for who he is, not who you want him to be.
  • If you’re going to have a long distance relationship with him, then enjoy it for what it is, see each other when you can, and stop worrying about commitments and what he’s doing when you’re not around.
  • When the time is right and you’re BOTH ready, you can make a more serious commitment.
  • Worry less about what everyone else says that you should do and follow your heart.

Top 10 Online Dating Services Compared at ReviewPlace.com

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Review place is an excellent resource when you’re comparing everything from dating sites, to credit card offers, to diet programs. It is one of the best Review Sites on the web and covers many diverse categories.

For each review category, ReviewPlace offers a listing of the top-rated products according to the experts. They begin by looking for the best reviews, both on and off the Internet, and then rank them according to how well they identify the category’s best products.

There’s a lot of junk out there on the Internet. But if you know where to look, if you know how to filter out the good information from the bad, you will also find there are nuggets of priceless information you can learn from and use to be truly successful in life or with your own business.

The goal of ReviewPlace is to help you find this valuable information. Don’t waste hours doing your own Google searches. They’ve done all of the work for you.

Make sure to check out the following categories:

Dating & Personals Reviews

Marriage & Relationship Site Reviews

Online Detective Reviews

People Search Service Reviews

Psychic & Horoscope Reviews

We were lucky enough to have them review our Online Dating eBook – and they even gave us a good review :-).

Read the Review for "Online Dating – Finding Love Online"

Adult Friend Finder – Adult Dating and Sex Personals Website Review

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Do you know that Adult Friend Finder gets more visitors than Match.com, Yahoo Personals and eHarmony combined?

This website that many people have never even heard of gets more traffic than the top five most publicized and most talked about online dating sites combined.

AdultFriendFinder is one of the big boys in the adult personals world. With well over 30 million members, it is regarded as one of the largest dating sites on the internet and is one of the longest running and most established adult dating sites around.  So unless you live in the middle of nowhere, you’re sure to find lots of hot girls and sexy men in your area.

Adult Friend Finder serves people looking for sexual encounters encompassing everything from plain vanilla to extreme fetishes, with searches that take varied interests into account. It is the place for married people to meet each other for intimate encounters, the place where recently divorced mid-lifers try to sow the wild oats they didn’t when they were younger, and where young people wanting to experiment find willing instructors.

Overall, AdultFriendFinder is one of the best and most active adult dating sites on the internet.

Features of Adult Friend Finder

  • Hundred’s of thousands of explicit photos uploaded each week. You can only view the full sized member photos as a member – join free now!
  • Rank other AdultFriendFinder member photos
  • Huge public and private chat rooms organized by region, so you can chat to sexy singles where you live, have cybersex and set up local parties.
  • Anonymously email, chat & instant message with other sexually-liberated members.
  • Thousands of members’ sexy webcam videos online. Watch thousands of exhibitionists playing on their webcams – and you can too.
  • Keep track of your potential partners and your friends at Adult Friend Finder with your hot-list. You can have 200 people in your list during your free trial, and this number get larger depending on your membership level.
  • Free online magazine section full of erotic stories and member experiences. Available to members and guests.
  • Easily turn your profile on and off, so you can choose whether its visible to other members.
  • Complete privacy protection – no one will know your identity unless you tell them!
  • Excellent technical support

Join Adult Friend Finder

Choose from a standard (free), silver or gold membership.

The Free Trial at Adult Friend Finder allows you to browse members in your area, wink at them, and even use the adult sex chat rooms. It will allow you to get a feel for the site and see what it’s  really like. All you need to do to become a free member is fill out a short form with your basic profile information.

Silver membership allows you to contact other members by e-mail and view all the members’ photos (the more explicit photos are not normally visible to standard members). With a silver membership you will also rank above the standard members and have a greater set of search parameters, including the ability to restrict your search results to members that are within a particular geographic region.

Gold membership will get your profile listed at the top of search results, so whenever someone does a search, your profile will appear first. It will also give you the complete set of search parameters plus many other beneficial features.

Joining is very easy and free – there is a one-page registration form, which will only take about a minute to complete.

Don’t Wait. Start your Free Trial at Adult Friend Finder now.

Top 10 New Year’s Sex Resolutions

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There are 100’s of New Year’s Resolution lists out there, but they’ve all forgotten one of the most important areas of our lives – SEX. The most I’ve seen this topic covered is something like “have more sex” or “have better sex”.

We’ll I’ve decided to give you some ways that will actually help those resolutions come true…

Here are my Top 10 New Year’s Sex Resolutions. Add these to your list and you’re guaranteed to have more and better sex this year!

1. Lose the Idealism
To truly enjoy sex, there is one thing that you absolutely must do – Stop worrying about what other people think. Get rid of all of those self-imposed limiting beliefs that are keeping your sex life utterly boring. You know the nice girls don’t do this, good boys don’t do that, and this is how sex should be stuff…

Find someone who likes to play the way you do and have fun!

Sexploration’s, Brian Alexander said it best this year: “Can we resolve to get over the idea that his holding your wrists down to the bed means he’s a Neanderthal brute, or that she’s a bitchy feminist if she wants to ride you like Sea Biscuit? Sex is supposed to be joyful, exhilarating, intimate and revealing.”

2. Try New Things
Vow to try new sex positions, new sex toys, and new sex acts this year. Variety is the spice of life and adventure broadens your horizons. Don’t be timid in the New Year, keep an open mind and try something new in bed, whether it’s anal sex, a threesome, or living out your wildest fantasies. It could even be as simple as just admitting that it’s OK to like sex.

3. Embrace Erotica
Read more erotic books and watch more erotic movies (ideally with your partner, but if you’re flying solo – enjoy!). Don’t like porn (we don’t either)? So watch some of those very erotic but not quite porn movies like “Wild Orchid”, “9 1/2 Weeks”, “Body Heat”, and “Sliver”. They get me excited every time!

Commit to reading at least one erotic novel each month. My favorite author in this genre is Don Winslow, but there are many more to choose from. Find an author and a theme that you like and start reading. I challenge you to get through one whole book without getting excited.

4. Have More Sex. Lose Weight. Feel Great.
Sex is great exercise and it’s WAY more fun than going to the gym. Sex improves circulation and aerobic fitness by increasing heart rate and respiration, and exercises many major muscle groups. Did you know that you can burn between 100 to 300 calories per hour during sex? …

5. Talk About Sex
Have a conversation with your partner or friends about sex. Again, lose the idealism. If your friends don’t like to talk about sex – find some friends that do. If you have a partner, how else are you going to know what turns them on? How will they know what turns you on? Not talking about sex is a certain recipe for disaster, or at least a really boring sex life.

A word of warning… Please use compassion when talking and listening about sensual topics. For some reason, it’s really hard for most people to talk about sex. Our egos get offended and our feelings get hurt. So be patient and listen without judgment or bias. In the end everyone will learn something about sex and you may even be happier for it.

6. Masturbate
This is something that just about everyone does and almost no one talks about. Get over it! With all your efforts toward self-improvement, don’t forget to reward yourself with some good old-fashioned masturbation. It’s one of the best ways to relax, ease your tension, and get in touch with your body. Take a time-out from your hectic schedule and spend some quality time with yourself.

If you can’t enjoy and love your own body, how can you expect anyone else to ever please you?

7. Live Your Fantasies
Make a commitment to live your fantasies this year. What do you think about when no one else is around or when you’re masturbating? Write it down and share it with your partner. Who knows, they may just want to help you play out your favorite fantasy and you’ll both be in for some exciting surprises. Just talking about your fantasies with your partner can often lead to hot sex on the spot.

8. Organize Your Sex Toys
Quit tossing that vibrator under the bed with the dust bunnies. Keep your ropes, leather straps, dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys clean, organized, and carefully stored in a drawer or box. They’ll last longer and you’ll always know where to find them when you need them.

Having said that – sex toys may not be your thing… But don’t make that decision until you’ve at least tried several variations.

9. Dress to Impress
Do you really expect your partner to see you wearing your baggy shorts with the hole in the backside, your hair sticking out, and those glasses at the end of your nose as you read the paper, and still find you sexy? Do you feel sexy when you dress that way – NO.

Save those “extra comfy” clothes for those times when you’re alone – wear something nice when you’re together, or at least get dressed…

10. Put Your Partner First
Guys, be more considerate – let your partner orgasm first. She puts up with a lot, so try putting her first once in a while and give her a screaming orgasm (or two or three) before you even think about it. Ladies, surprise your man with impromptu quickie sex – they love it!

I hope you’ve enjoyed these ideas for a very sexy 2008.

If you have any other ideas to make 2008 absolutely orgasmic, please share. We’d love to hear your ideas and so would our other readers.