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Can’t Have An Orgasm Through Any Means But Intercourse

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Many women have difficulty achieving orgasm, however, some men have difficulty achieving orgasms as well.

Some men can only achieve orgasms with intercourse, which can be frustrating to their partners who are trying to please them with oral sex or genital massage.

If you can only achieve orgasm through intercourse, you’re not alone, but what can you do about it?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have trouble reaching orgasm except through intercourse. I want to find other ways to share my orgasms with my partner. How can I do that?

–Nikki, West Virginia

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2-NihWiNvo[/youtube]

Inner Emotions

Older generations of men had much more societal pressure not to masturbate or touch themselves in any sexual way than more current generations of men. Especially in very religious cultures, masturbation and even oral sex is considered “wrong” or “dirty.”

Men that would get caught masturbating or even receiving oral sex or genital massage became socially outcast, even by their mothers, fathers and other family members. The school of thought at the time was that sexual pleasure was reserved for intercourse between a man and a woman after marriage.

Anything outside those boundaries were considered “bad,” even though scientifically, masturbation and other forms of sexual pleasure are perfectly normal.

Men from older generations and even some younger men who come from strong religious backgrounds may feel inwardly that these types of sexual acts are, in fact, “wrong,” even if they don’t realize it.

This can actually prohibit him from feeling sexual pleasure during these types of activities, making it impossible for him to have an orgasm that way.

If you find yourself in this situation, it’s not a permanent problem. You can get the help of an unbiased counselor or sex therapist to help you obtain the tools you need to let go of any inner emotions that could be making it difficult or impossible for you to orgasm through any means but intercourse.

Trying New Techniques….

You can also have your partner try new and different techniques and you can be open with your partner and let them know what feels good and what doesn’t. While this is an approach that works well in conjunction with therapy or counseling, trying this alone likely won’t help you achieve an orgasm through oral sex or genital massage if you’ve previously been unable to do so.

If you and your therapist are beginning to work through some of your inner issues, you can work with your partner to find the type of stimulation that really gets you turned on and keeps you turned on. If you like stimulation a certain way, don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you like and don’t like!

It can be frustrating not to be able to reach orgasm in any way other than intercourse, but it’s usually not something that lasts forever, especially if you get help in understanding what is causing the problem and how to get through it.

Shed the thoughts that oral sex and genital massage is “bad” or “wrong” and learn to accept sexual pleasure as a whole as normal. Mammals of all kinds seek sexual pleasure in a variety of ways, and it’s normal that you would too!

Your therapist can help you to work through your issues and your partner can help you find out what you like best sexually, so when you’re ready, you can have a great orgasm a number of different ways – not just intercourse!

How Can You Handle Your Fights Better

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Every couple fights and argues. It’s something that is normal for two people to disagree, no matter who they are!

However, fights with your partner tend to become more heated and passionate and often escalate to a point where one or both partners end up feeling hurt, frustrated and angry.

How can you learn to handle your fights better so your relationship doesn’t suffer?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

“My girlfriend and I fight a lot. We both get really mad at each other and we say things we don’t mean. Is this normal? How can we learn to fight fair?”

–Jeff, North Carolina

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHxo4vvbRLw[/youtube]

Being An Adult

Even adults have the tendencies to revert back to their childish ways when getting into a heated argument. They may become critical, passive aggressive or even begin to act out and throw things.

Disagreements between two people aren’t what destroy a relationship. It’s the caliber of the fight.

Holding grudges and resentment, being passive aggressive or even hitting below the belt verbally and trying to hurt your partner are all things that have incredible consequences on the relationship and at that point, it’s not even really about the original disagreement in the first place.

The best way to curb a fight like this is to keep your actions in check. Be an adult about expressing your feelings. Don’t become withdrawn, don’t become critical and don’t lash out.

Talk to your partner about how you feel and even agree to disagree. Talking about your feelings in an adult way without being childish at all means you’re doing what you can do to keep the fight from escalating.

It’s Already Escalated. Now What?

It can be difficult to diffuse a fight or argument that has already escalated, but it’s not impossible! While you can’t control how your partner acts or reacts in an argument, you can control your actions and reactions and keep them in check.

If you find that the argument or fight has already reached a point where both of you are starting to act irrational or are really raising your voices, it’s time to take a time out. Take a few minutes to simmer down and get your emotions in check, as well as bring yourself back to the disagreement at hand.

Why You Need to Cool Down

Often what happens in a heated argument is that the original disagreement is lost when one or both partners start to become resentful, angry and frustrated. After you and your partner have both had some time to cool down, you can once again talk to each other about the real issue at hand.

Remember, it’s okay to agree to disagree! You and your partner don’t have to have the same viewpoints on every issue. If it’s something that really has an effect on your lives, work out a compromise that pleases both of you.

You can’t do this if your fight is escalating and both of you are being critical, raising your voices or even throwing things. Nothing gets solved that way! Be an adult, take a time out, and come back to the situation with a clear head.

While it’s natural and even healthy for people to disagree about things, it’s important not to become childish when you and your partner disagree, because you’ll affect the relationship in many more ways than that. Be open and honest with your partner in a non-judgmental way and keep a level head. If you both do that, you’ll solve arguments and disagreements in no time.

Why Are Men So Afraid of ‘I Love You’?

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Many women have been in relationships where the man is hesitant to say those three little words that she’s anxious to hear, “I love you.”

Why do men have such an issue with saying that they love a woman, especially if they’ve been dating for quite some time and have become exclusive?

“Why are men so afraid to say ‘I love you’?”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQB2VQReBgI[/youtube]

Commitment Phobia

Many men are afraid of commitment. That’s just the way it is. Many men don’t want to settle down and even when they are ready to settle down, they’re afraid of admitting it to themselves and to other people.

Society makes huge demands on men, including putting out the idea that men are supposed to be frivolous when it comes to women and date around. It can be difficult for a man, especially for a man that is afraid of commitment, to think of himself as someone who has settled down.

Many men feel that once you’ve settled down, you’ve lost your “spunk” or your sexuality and some men feel that once they settle down, a woman begins to control their lives. We’ve all heard those horror stories of grown men having curfews, and these are things that can cause a man to be afraid of telling their partner that they love them.

Societal Pressure

Many men feel pressure from society to be “manly” and feel they will be made fun of or ridiculed when they choose to share their feelings.

From childhood, men are taught that they shouldn’t share their feelings and the way society views men that do share their feelings is a hefty contributor to the fact that many men are afraid to tell their partners they love them.

A combination of societal pressure and commitment phobia are huge factors that contribute to the reasons that men don’t say, “I love you.”

What Do You Do?

If you’re a woman who’s been dating a man who hasn’t said, “I love you,” especially you have been dating him for a significant period of time, you most likely feel frustrated and at a loss. If you’re in this position, give your partner more time.

You can’t force him to love you or even to say it, whether he means it or not. Look for other ways that he might show you he loves you. Does he fill your car with gas? Does he pick up your favorite food when he runs to the grocery store?

Men show their feelings and let their partner know they love them in a number of ways, besides just saying, “I love you.” It’s possible for your partner to tell you he loves you without really saying the words at all!

Relax a little bit and let your partner show you that they love you in their own time, on their own terms. If you love your partner, don’t be afraid to say it. Just make sure that your partner doesn’t feel pressured to say it back just because you said it.

Eventually, if you and your partner become very close and end up in a long term relationship or even a marriage, your partner will tell you that they love you – even if it’s just between you and him.

Is My Foot Fetish Weird?

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Many people have fetishes. In fact, most people do. Many men have breast or butt fetishes, although those aren’t considered weird because most guys like breasts and butts.

Other fetishes, such as foot fetishes or back fetishes may be considered strange because the majority of people don’t have these types of fetishes.

Does that mean you’re not normal? How do you tell your partner about the fetish you enjoy?

Is my foot fetish really weird?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cov0SiqbGEM[/youtube]

You’re not hurting anyone, are you?

You’d be surprised at how many men do actually have foot fetishes. While it’s not the majority by any means, if you have a foot fetish, you’re certainly not alone! Foot fetishes aren’t wrong, bad or weird at all, although some people are going to think they are because your fetish is different from theirs.

That’s okay. People are entitled to their own feelings but they’re also entitled to their own fetishes. It’s a live and let live sort of situation. If your fetish isn’t hurting anyone, namely yourself or your partner, it’s perfectly fine.

There are really only a few simple guidelines to tell if your fetish is something that you should be concerned about. You don’t want to hurt anyone, you don’t want it to be illegal and it should always be between two consenting adults. If you’ve covered all your bases, your fetish is probably fine. If you’re really that worried, see a sex therapist.  Otherwise, enjoy your fetish!

Getting your partner to participate.

This is where it can be tricky. If you come right out and tell your partner that you have a foot fetish or other type of fetish, it can turn them off immediately.

That’s not necessarily because they won’t enjoy it, it’s just that society has programmed our brains to register immediately what society accepts as normal and what it doesn’t. These things have been drilled in since childhood, and it can be very difficult for some people to get past them.

Don’t give up.

Don’t give up though! If you have a foot fetish or other fetish, try introducing it to your partner without an introduction. Try massaging your partner’s feet slowly, kissing them and eventually licking them. At each stage, judge their response.

If they seem into it, have at it! If they seem to shy away, ask them how it feels. Are they too ticklish? You can also spread this out over a period of time, doing a little more each time you have an encounter with your partner.

This works well for other types of fetishes as well, including bondage or sadism and masochism. Just remember to make sure no one gets really hurt!

After you’ve kind of warmed your partner up to your fetish in an inadvertent way, you can talk to them about it. Don’t be afraid to be open and honest at this point, especially if they’ve been responsive to it.

Start by saying that you really enjoyed what happened and go from there. If your partner wasn’t responsive to it, now is the time to be honest and let them know that you really enjoy your fetish.

You and your partner might be able to make a compromise.  You’d be surprised though. Your partner may end up having a fetish that you didn’t know about either!

Should I Tell My Parents I’m Gay?

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Discovering that you’re gay and learning to accept who you are is difficult. It’s not an easy road to take.

However, once you’ve accepted yourself, there comes a time that you want your friends and family to accept you as well. Should you tell your parents that you’re gay?

Unfortunately, it’s not necessarily and easy “yes” or “no” answer.

I’m gay! Should I tell my parents? If so, how? When?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgHxA7EezUY[/youtube]

Take A Look At Your Family’s Background

Were you raised in a very strict, religious family? Were your parents raised in a very strict, religious family? What kind of values does your family hold? Take a look at other things that society has accepted and really look at how your family has reacted to that.

Do you have parents or grandparents that are still prejudiced against races other than their own? Do any of your family members still hold outdated beliefs about women and their place in society?

Do you have any friends that are gay or do your parents come into contact with gay people in their daily lives? How do they react to these people?

Really examine your family and feel out how they’ve judged similar situations that have caused society to change its beliefs as a whole. Have your parents changed with the times or do they still hold old fashioned beliefs? Do they hold strict religious beliefs?

Taking a hard look at how they’ve judged similar situations will help you determine whether or not its best to tell you’re parents that you’re gay at this time in your life.

When To Tell

Telling your parents that you’re gay might not be best when you’re young.

Your parents may react very strongly to the news, whether they’ve suspected it or not, and you need to make sure you have a solid support system of friends, a home, a job and anything else you might need to get you through a tough time should your parents decide this is not news they’re willing to accept.

It can be incredibly painful when parents decide they’re not ready to accept a child being gay, and its important that you take steps to make sure you’ll be okay should that happen. Waiting until you’re older may be a wise decision.

Other Things To Consider

It’s also important to take into account how you feel about the situation. Is it very important that you tell your parents how you feel about your sexual orientation? If telling your parents is a very big deal to you, it may be worth it to go ahead and tell them regardless of how they might react to the news.

Remember that if your family members should decide that they’re not able to accept the fact that you’re gay right now, they most likely will warm up to it in the future. They may never be in favor of you being gay, but they will most likely come to a point where they accept you for who you are because they love you.

Keep in mind that your parents raised you. They may already suspect that you’re gay whether you’ve said anything or not.

If they’ve been asking whether you’re gay or not, it may mean that they are already suspicious of it or that they’re ready to know. Take some time to decide if telling them is the right thing for you, and if you decide not to tell them now, you can certainly do it later when the timing feels right to you.