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My Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex Before Marriage But I’m Not Sure. Is It Really Okay?

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Sex before marriage. It’s a tough topic that many people feel very passionate about, but not everyone is passionate about it for the same reasons.

Many people believe that sex before marriage is wrong or immoral and others believe that it’s not an issue.

While there may never be a universal agreement on whether sex before marriage is acceptable or not, many men and women find themselves in this situation before they’ve even given much thought to the question.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hello, I’m Lizeth from Turkey. I want to ask a question about virginity. Here doing sex before marriage isn’t common. I have a foreign boyfriend, and he want to have sex with me and  I it want too.

I know in America you don’t care so much about it. I just want to learn your things. Is it bad?

– Lizeth, Turkey

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko7hsvSOeGE[/youtube]

Is having sex before marriage wrong?

That’s not a question that anyone can answer but you. You need to take into consideration everything about the situation before you make the decision to have sex before marriage.

What are your religious or spiritual beliefs?  What are your moral beliefs?  How comfortable are you with the person you want to have sex with?  Do you trust this person?  How comfortable would you be with the consequences of sex should they arise. For example, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases?

These questions should be answered, but not by your friends, family or anyone else.  You need to sit down and really think about what having sex before marriage means to you.

Does it make you feel wrong?  If it does, don’t do it!  If you really feel that it’s not a big deal, that’s okay too.  Ultimately, it’s all about what you want and how comfortable you are with the idea.

What if I do?

Well, first things first. Use protection.

Sex is enjoyable, but you can get pregnant and you can contract sexually transmitted diseases.  Guard against possible consequences by using sensible protection and by being smart and safe.

If you have any questions about safe sex, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, a great person to ask would be your doctor.  They’ll give you unbiased information and can educate you on how to safely have sex while still enjoying your partner.

Remember, sex is something to be enjoyed between two consenting adults.  You should never feel pressured into having sex or feel like you “have to.”

If you want to have sex before marriage, that’s fine.  If you don’t, that’s fine too.

Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should do or persuade you into doing something you don’t want to do.  It’s not up to your friends, family, relatives, church officials, neighbors or anyone else!  Trust your gut instinct and go with what you feel is right.

With that said, you basically want to just be sure you’re ready to take the step forward and have sex before marriage.  If you don’t feel that its right, by all means trust your gut instinct and stay abstinent, at least for now.  If you’re perfectly comfortable having sex before marriage and comfortable with the person you’d like to have sex with, go for it.  It’s your decision.

Don’t rush it though – take your time thinking about the situation and taking a look at how you might feel after the fact.  You don’t have to now, but you might want to later.  That’s fine too.  Remember, you call the shots.  What you say goes!

Why Having Sex Right Away Doesn’t Mean He’ll Call…

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Okay ladies, I know most of you THINK seducing your date is the quickest way to get him to call you back but in reality it’s the worst thing you can do—especially early on!

There are many “dating experts” that will tell you differently including fellow colleague David Wygant, who by the way gives great advice about other aspects of dating.

I just totally disagree with him on this point! Come on Dave!  You’re a guy and you are in no way guaranteeing that taking it off gets a call back. It just gives the guy a great time in the moment! The problem is, the minute you leave, ladies, you are out of sight out of mind.

Why taking it all off doesn’t work 

I’m not saying be a prude and cover up from the top of your neck to your ankles. I’m saying, ladies, dress to look nice and desirable as a human being not a piece of meat on display. Men don’t fall in love because of their libido.

They fall in love when they allow themselves to give up their heart. Commitment for a man is always a conscious choice. Until a man decides to commit, he will continue to play the field, often with more than one woman at a time.

Sure, most guys will gladly sleep with you, and they’ll be quite pleased with you for satisfying them. Here’s where you will get confused. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he loves you. In fact, it doesn’t even mean he LIKES you.

It just means you were willing, he was “in the mood” (which is every guy all the time) and so you did it. It in no way means anything else, in HIS mind as far as “commitment.” Rather it will be a pleasant instant gratification moment.

Another negative about jumping in the sack with your date is that the minute sex is involved, the communication level of a developing relationship seems to just freeze. However well you’ve gotten to know each other at that point seems to be as far as the relationship “depth” goes. This is a very bad consequence if you were trying to move him along the path of committing to you.

Thinking sex right away is a good idea? It’s not just you. 

I can give you story after story, example after example to prove my case. I’ve seen the evidence all over America and I’ve seen it all through the entertainment industry (where I spent 16 years and all my single years).

I so feel bad for all these female celebrities because they are making the same mistakes many of you are and jumping in the sack, even getting pregnant, to try and catch their man. For them, the results are worse because they’ve just given the guy bragging rights for nabbing a celeb who they didn’t have to commit to first. Kudos to the guy, sympathies for the celebrity who will soon be dumped—that is if she was ever even considered a girlfriend.

Okay, okay, enough ranting, let me close in just telling you there are many other ways to capture that man’s heart than taking it off and using your body, no matter HOW amazing your body is.

Victorya Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date. To learn more about Victorya Rogers, visit ManToKeep.com.

Top 10 Dating Questions for Singles

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Dating can be tricky business. However, by following the below 10 dating tips, you can increase your chances of having a positive experiences.

1.  How do you start dating again?

Return to the dating scene at your own pace.    Just get up and socialize in whichever ways you feel comfortable with.  The worst thing you can do is move too fast so take your time no matter which route you choose to find your dates.

2.  What should you do?

In this dangerous world of dating, you should be careful not to give out too much of your personal information in the beginning.  Take things slow, ask a lot of questions, research your dates past, and/or do a background check.

An ounce of prevention can prevent a lifetime of heartache.  Learn as much information about your date as possible which will, in turn, help the conversation flow to topics of interest.  Information about their families, pets, favorite food, birthdays, favorite movies, etc. make wonderful topics and usually you can learn enough to know if you will be compatible.

3.  What should you never do?

Don’t talk about your exes or intense commitment on the first date.  It’s important to have fun and not take things too seriously in the beginning.  Don’t have sex until you’ve done your homework on this person.  If they are interested and enjoy your company, they’ll call back.  Don’t brag about yourself and your accomplishments.  Instead, focus on your partner’s interests.

4.  Where can one find people of the same age?

Take a new class, join a club, have your friends set you up, try on-line dating, go to sporting events, church, school, socialize at parties, adopt a dog and go to the park, join a gym.  Most importantly, be active and get out there.

5.  How do you introduce yourself?

Simply be friendly and be yourself.  Smile, shake hands and most importantly, have manners.

6.  What should you do if you have a date?

Take time to groom yourself, be polite, be punctual and relax.  This isn’t a job interview.  If it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world.  Pick an activity that you both enjoy.  Nothing can ruin a date like an activity that one person isn’t interested in.

7.  When should you run away?

Red flags would be talking about an ex repeatedly or negatively, discussing serious topics like marriage and children on the first date, excessive bragging or coming on to strong sexually on the first date.

8.  How long should you wait to call them?

There is no set rule on how long you should wait to call the other person.  If they phone you first, return their call within a 24 hour period.  If you don’t hear from them after the date, wait a few days and then phone to see how they are doing.

9.  How long should you wait to have sex?

You should definitely not have sex on the first few days because this makes the other person assume you are easy and do this with everyone.  Take your time and get to know the person.

Don’t drink or use drugs on your date because this will lower your inhibitions and you, in turn, will make poor decisions.  A good rule to follow is the longer you wait to have sex, the more special it will be.

10.  What other tips are important?

Smile, have fun and don’t be too serious.  If your are too serious or pushy, you’ll come across as desperate.  Split the bill 50/50 so both parties don’t feel any pressure.  Be friendly and confident.  There’s nothing more attractive than charm.

5 Tips For Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right

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Be realistic.  We are all searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right but everyone has flaws. Set your expectations high but not so high that nobody can meet them.

To search for an accomplished, educated, attractive partner is realistic.  Insisting your potential partner must have a Phd., be wealthy, with model looks, is not.

Stay positive and have fun

Plan your dates around activities that you both enjoy so even if things don’t work out, you have fun in the process.  You may meet a lot of people you aren’t interested, but don’t give up.  Think of your search similar to that of searching for a great job.  It takes a lot of work but the payoff is well worth it.

Try different things

Experiment with various ways to meet new people.  Don’t just try online dating, rather also allow your friends and family to set you up, take up a new hobby to meet someone with similar interests and actively put yourself out there so you can meet new people.

Stay true to your morals

If a date tries to pressure you into sex early on, simply move on to the next because there is a high probability they are pressuring others also.  In this dangerous world we live in, practicing abstinence not only protects your health by protecting you from sexually transmitted diseases, it also prevents someone from using you like a piece of meat.

Write a great online profile

In order to find the person of your dreams, you need to have an eye-catching, well-written profile that tells a lot about you, including your likes AND dislikes.  Overly sexy profile user names or photographs attract the wrong type of person.  Treat your profile like a resume and spend some time on it by making sure you use proper grammar, punctuation and spelling.  If you are searching for someone who has never been married with no children, say so.

Screen, Screen and Screen Some More

Ask a lot of questions and listen to your instinct.  If something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t.  For example, if your date says they are a doctor, ask them a series of medical questions.

If your date says they are single, phone them between the hours of 8p-11p and if they always have their phone turned off or an excuse for not answering, you may be getting involved with someone who is already committed because these are the times usually spent with a significant other and family.

It is imperative that you screen your dates as early on as possible because getting involved with the wrong person can destroy your life.

There are many different services on the internet where you can do a background check to see if you may be getting involved with a con-artist, an abuser, a convicted felon or a pedophile.  It’s especially important for single mothers to screen their dates because pedophiles target them for access to their children.

It’s crucial not only to do a criminal background check on the person but also a character check on their relationship history. Women can research a man’s past relationship history on WomanSavers.com for free and men can do so at RateB4UDate.com.

We inspect our home before buying it, we have a mechanic check out a car before purchasing it, it’s simply naive not to check out a person who you may potentially be spending the rest of your life with.

In order to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, you need to be able to filter out all the wrongs.  By taking some precautions, using your gut instinct and doing your homework, you can increase your chances of meeting the person of your dreams.

To learn more about Stephany Alexander, visit www.WomanSavers.com.

Met Someone New? How Long Should You Date Before It’s OK To Have Sex?

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You’ve met someone new. You have a great connection and things look great. So when is it okay to have sex for the first time?

There are those who believe it’s okay to have sex on the first date. Others think the third date is the right time, but still others believe you should wait much longer. Perhaps as long until after the wedding.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How long should I date a man morally speaking before we have sex??

And so it will be a better relationship if that’s what is meant to be…

–Erica, California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCUON2MefyU[/youtube]

The morality of sex

Morally speaking, there is no right or wrong answer to this question – which is what makes it such a great question.  People who are uncertain about what boundaries they have when making the decision to have sex with the person they’re dating might be a little surprised to learn that the only boundaries they have are the ones they set for themselves…

Some people feel that it’s perfectly fine or natural to have sex with someone on the first date, or even shortly after meeting.  Others certainly might not agree, but it is ultimately up to the couple in question.  If both parties involved feel that it’s okay and feel confident about having sex soon after the relationship begins, by all means – go for it!

Other people feel that sex is only for those who are married.  Whether it is due to strict religious beliefs or purely philosophical ones, this approach works well for many couples.  They are committed to each other before getting physical and when they finally do the deed, they feel more comfortable with each other.

Then there are those who wait until they gain their footing in a relationship and start to feel comfortable before getting sexual with their partner.  Some people abide strongly by the “three date rule” and others wait a few months, but not forever.

When is the right time to have sex?

There is no magic “time” that would make it morally right to engage in sexual activity with your partner and unless you feel otherwise, there’s no magic “time” that would make it morally wrong either.  It’s all up to you and your partner.  If you are both consenting adults, you’re free to engage in sexual activity whenever you like.

Before doing anything, however, you should take a deep look at your own religious or moral beliefs.  Do you feel it would make you uncomfortable to have sex with your partner before the one month mark?  Does your partner?  Are you completely comfortable having sex with them after only a week?  How would it make you feel if you did?  Really think about it and don’t be afraid to come to terms with how you feel about the situation.  You have the right to decide when and if you’re ready to “do it” and with who you’re ready to “do it” with.

When it comes to figuring out your own personal rules, you are free to be as strict or as lenient with yourself as you like.  Do whatever works for you.  Don’t do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable or make your partner uncomfortable.  No one should ever be pressured into having sex.  Don’t be afraid to fly by the seat of your pants either – if you’re with someone and feel comfortable with the idea of having sex with them, you’re welcome to throw any ideals you previously had out the window.  Or you can stick to your guns – it’s up to you.  Remember, the only boundaries you have are the ones you set for yourself.