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How To Embrace Your Inner Geek And Still Get The Girl!

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Do nice guys always finish last?

Well, that depends on the nice guy.

What if you’re a total geek, have absolutely no social skills, no self confidence, and no idea where to start with girls?

Can you still get the girl?

We think so, if you’re willing to follow a few simple guidelines…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a total geek. Yes, the guy who sits in a computer store drooling, or beating a video game, or basically destroying people on the front in Dungeons and Dragons…

It’s very demoralizing to know that all your good at is blasting people online.

How can a guy like me have good confidence when I know I’m the ultimate geek? I really need your help on this.

— Carl, Colorado

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJiDk5eEUrk[/youtube]

How To Embrace Your Inner Geek And Still Get The Girl!

Perception Is Everything

If you don’t feel confident or portray confidence, no one else is going to pay attention to you. So what you have to do is supercharge your own inner confidence.

Perception is everything. You have to work on how people perceive you, how you look and how you carry yourself.

Before anyone else can accept you, you have to accept yourself for exactly who you are today. No one else has the right to judge you or to tell you that you’re anything less than perfect.

It’s time to embrace what you call your “geekiness”.

Strengthen Your Inner Confidence

The secret to being a good salesman is to believe in the product you are selling. And when you are dating, that product is you…

And when you are dating, that product is you.

You say that you’re a geek, but the way you say it makes it sound like a bad thing.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a geek!

When I think of a geek, I think of someone who’s highly intelligent but generally lacks confidence in their own social skills. You should consider yourself lucky, because you’re either born with intelligence or you’re not. Social skills, on the other hand, can be learned.

The moment you start to truly accept yourself for who you actually are on the inside, others will too. You need to focus on your strengths and accept yourself for who you are. If you try to be someone else you’ll just come across as fake.

Another important point here is that as soon as you stop caring about what other people think and recognize that you are perfect just the way you are, that’s exactly when other people will start to see the real you, rather than just your lack of confidence.

Looks Do Matter

I’m not talking about physical looks and bodily build.  I’m talking about paying attention to the way you dress and basic grooming skills. You can be the best looking guy in the world, you can be the smartest guy in the world, but if you look funny and smell funny, forget it! No girl will want to be around you.

So pay attention to how you look and smell.

Dress nice. When you dress nice you feel better, stronger, and more confident. If you’re running around in a t-shirt and sweats and haven’t taken a shower, you feel funky. Right?

Take a shower, shave your face, and put on clean clothes before you leave the house.  And actually leave the house for at least an hour a day. Don’t underestimate the power of fresh air.

The question then becomes, do you really know how to dress nice?

If not, consider hiring a professional for one or two sessions to help you look and feel like you think you should. This is a topic that guys often feel weird about and think that only gay guys get help with their wardrobes…

Get over it, and hire a professional!

Beware Of Your Friends

Here’s a big warning: beware of your friends!

If you’ve ever wanted to change anything about your lifestyle – how you walk, talk, dress, or do anything else – then you already know that the biggest obstacle you’ll ever face, and I mean the absolute biggest obstacle, are your friends.

Your closest friends are the ones that you can count on to keep you exactly where you are, to keep you in place. They will do anything to keep you from growing or changing. It’s not because they don’t like you. It’s because they’re afraid that you’ll grow up and leave them behind.

So you have to ask yourself this question…

Do you want listen to your friends and stay exactly where you are – without a girlfriend? Or do you want to “sell out” and get the girl?

We say “Sell Out”. It’s well worth it!

Do Blondes Really Have More Fun?

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I have been a redhead, a brunette and a blonde.

The red and the brunette came naturally, but my six months spent as a blonde was due to a series of unfortunate accidents at a salon in Florida where the words “just a few auburn highlights, please” was inadvertently translated into “make me look like Anna Nicole” thanks to some glitch in the local dialect.

I never wanted to be a blonde.  Everyone is Florida is some variation of blonde, and I like to stand out. Plus, I quickly grew tired of people talking to me as though my IQ had dropped 30 points at the shampoo sink.

I know a lot of smart blondes. But I never would have imagined that in 2007, in an age of blonde, female CEOs, politicians and doctors, that the color of your hair could affect how people perceive you. Boy, was I in for a shock.

There’s a new survey out from hair products company Sunsilk and website Askmen.com claiming to “get to the root of the age-old debate.”

Have men’s views on blondes and brunettes changed since the days of Marilyn Monroe?  Or are we all still stuck in some sort of foil-wrapped time warp?  Here’s what more than 4,000 men ages 18-34 said about blondes and brunettes:

One Night Stand

“More men are having one night stands with brunettes (59 per cent) than blondes (41 per cent) and more men would make a move on a brunette in a bar if he were given a choice between the two,” according to the survey.  As one dater, Nick, says, “There are more brunettes in a bar. You have better odds.”

Shrimp-to-Sex ROI

According to the survey, “More than 65 per cent of men would rather spend their money on a romantic dinner for a brunette than a blonde.” Why? Well, 63 per cent claimed they have a better ROI or “return on their investment” with a brunette.

Brunette Brides

According to the survey, “More than 87 per cent of men said they have more intelligent conversations with brunettes than blondes, and nearly 75 per cent plan to marry a brunette, if they haven’t already. Almost 80 per cent of men would prefer to bring a brunette home to meet mom.”

Between the Sheets

Some good news for ladies of both hair colors, nearly 60 per cent of the respondents said that they have “an equally good time in bed with both blondes and brunettes.” One dater, Daniel, says, “I have to pick, huh.”

Blondes v Brunettes:  Celebrity Favorites

Most guys have fantasized about a celebrity or two on occasion (hey, he’s not reading People for the articles!)  According to the survey, below are the celebs who top the list:

  • Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Simpson tied for the blonde fantasy with 31 per cent each. Christina Aguilera came in third with 11 per cent.
  • Angelina Jolie was queen of the brunette fantasy at 30 per cent, followed by Carmen Electra at 27 per cent and Vanessa Minnillo at 18 per cent.

Stereotypes Live On

No bombshells here. Blondes have the lead in the following categories:

  • Life of the party (48 vs. 9 per cent)
  • Air-head (63 vs. 2 per cent)
  • Gold-digger (51 vs. 5 per cent)

While brunettes have the advantage in these categories:

  • Intelligent (58 vs. 3 per cent)
  • Serious (64 vs. 4 per cent)
  • Good sense of humor (32 vs. 15 per cent)

Being a brunette myself, I’m pretty happy to take credit for the parts of the survey that I think match my personality (smart, funny) and quick to discard the categories that don’t fit (pass on the one night stand, thankyouverymuch.)  But I wonder if changing your hair color can really change how people perceive you?  Are blondes with dark roots considered to be smarter?  Are brunettes with blonde roots considered to be more fun?

I didn’t like being blonde because it didn’t feel like me.  But I have shy brunette friends who blossomed into the life of the party once fortified with golden highlights.

The great thing about hair color is that you can change it in an afternoon. And the great thing about people is that we are all different and fabulous and interesting in our own ways — no matter what the color of our hair.

Help! I’m A Booty Call AND The Sex Is Lousy!

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Booty Call: “Calling someone or meeting with them purely for the sake of having sex“.

Have you ever been a booty call? Would you recognize if you were?

We all like to think that the person were seeing loves us, or at least likes us a lot. It’s really heartbreaking when we realize that we’re worth nothing more than sex to them.

Even if it’s great sex, it can still be heartbreaking to realize that you’re only a Booty Call…

When the sex is bad, it’s enough to make you go insane!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m 48, widow, dating a 58 years old guy who’s been married 32 years for 7 months now. Sex isn’t great but I really like – love him. Am I nuts?

We work for an airline and I see him every week.  He has shared his past affairs with me. His wife has a million dollar inheritance, he hates her but the money is important. He keeps saying that he wants me…but while in Paris, when I confided that I felt like I was falling in love with him…he said he wasn’t as “into” me, as his past affairs….? However, as soon as we arrived back in the States, he wanted me to stay with him in his hotel… I said no and went home…..   HELP!!!

— Chris, VA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsVS5gOuNts[/youtube]

Can You Say Booty Call?

So, here’s this guy who supposedly likes you, but ironically, the only time he calls you is for an out of town rendezvous to have sex. This is the definition of a “Booty Call”.

You may think you’ll love this guy, but it’s time for you to realize that you are only one thing to him… you are his Booty Call. PERIOD!!!

There’s only one piece of advice that we can give you. DUMP HIM! NOW!

Love is a two way street. Waiting for this guy to turn around and start loving you back is a complete waste of your time.

Make Room For A Two-Sided Relationship

It’s time to make room in your life for a two-sided relationship.

We all deserve someone who will love and respect us in return. There is absolutely no reason to waste your time with someone who is only using you. And this guy is obviously using you…

Now, having said that, if you don’t mind being a Booty Call and meeting this guy simply to have sex, then that’s fine, but recognize it for what it is…

In this situation however, the sex isn’t even that good.

This guy is obviously a total loser. He’s staying with his wife because she has a million dollar inheritance. You’re not his first affair. He’s just lame.

So run, run like the wind!!!

Dating Tips for a Single Father

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Dating as a single father is probably one of the most frustrating experiences that a man can go through.

No matter how hard you try to pretend you’re not, at the end of the day you’re still a man with potential lady-repellent.  Overall, most women love children and love to play with them.  The difference between your child and the “other” children is that your child is YOURS and shares genetic code with a another  woman.

A single woman who doesn’t have children of her own is going to look at your child differently – because if she’s dating you, she’s dating your child.

Subconsciously the female mind is keyed into things that as a man, we’re just not aware of.  Our minds are wired differently, and women view children in more granular and deep ways than most men can dream of. We may see our child as a bundle of joy, but the non-parental partner sees a beautiful child AND a living, breathing, relationship technical difficulty.

Biggest Concerns Women Have When Dating a Single Father

Am I Becoming a Mom?

This is probably the biggest fear that I’ve heard.  Children are a huge responsibility, and someone who hasn’t experienced it may see raising children as a crushing weight that can be overwhelming.  Am I becoming a mom?  Does he expect me to help raise his child?  What will happen to our relationship?

Do I Have to Know His Ex-Wife?

Let’s face it; women love attention and affection.  A woman loves to know she’s the only woman in your life and she puts value in that.  No woman wants to feel like she’s in second place, and an ex-wife can be a constant reminder that your current lady isn’t Number One.  This can drastically affect her faith in your affections towards her, and really varies based on your relationship with your Ex.

In the long run, your girlfriend is dating your ex-wife, in a twisted sort of way.

Secondly, meeting the ex-wife (or ex-husband if roles were reversed) forces a woman to compare herself to your Ex.  No one wants to feel judged, and we are all our own worst critic.  How do you feel when you look at your ex-wife’s new man?  Take that and multiply it by twenty.

But He Has a Child…

You can’t change your past just like you can’t predict the future.

The fact that you have a child with another woman is something she’ll have to deal with.  There’s a profound emotional intimacy that people share when they have children, and women tend to be hyper aware of this.  The fact that you found this intimacy with another woman and created a child can leave a the woman you are dating gasping for breath because of how she sees this bond and connection.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t share that intimacy with another woman.

Unfortunately, this seems to be the issue that makes most women see divorced fathers as “tarnished” or “damaged goods.”

What’s a Guy to Do?

What I have found through personal experience, research, and discussions with other men, is that communication and patience are the keys for almost all of these concerns.

Be upfront about your situation and don’t hide that you have a child.

If you really are “shopping” for a mom, you need to be extremely honest about this.  If you are not, do your best to clearly articulate what you are looking for with your girlfriend.  Ask her to share what her concerns are and address them with her.

Be clear on your expectations.

Your Child Is Your Responsibility

On that note, raising and disciplining your child are your responsibilities.

You can’t pass the buck to do this.  You are the parent and the authority figure.  It’s your job to teach your child to respect the relationship you have with your lady, not hers.  If you don’t step up to this and nip it in the bud early, then expect lots of problems later on, especially with teenagers.  If you let your child step on your partner, you’re probably going to find yourself single again.

Being a single father is a big deal.

It’s tough and comes with a lot of difficult choices and discussions.  Be honest and communicate with your partner.  Be patient and help her when she has a tough time with the situation.  Communication is the key to unlocking the potential of a worthwhile relationship that you, your partner, and your child can enjoy together.

Are You a Stalker?

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Ever feel like you’re being just a little TOO persistent?

Do you ever wonder why she never seems to get that email or text message you sent?

And how did she miss all those voice messages you left her?

Wait… could she be trying to tell you something?

Ask Yourself These Questions to Decide if You May Be a Stalker

• Do you find yourself calling people three, four, five times … even after they haven’t returned a phone call?

• How about the endless text messaging or emailing to someone even when there’s no responses to any of them?

There Are Many Different Ways That Someone Can Be a Stalker

There’s the scary Glenn Close type from “Fatal Attraction” who has a penchant for boiling bunny rabbits and jumping out of bathtubs.

There’s the creepy ex against whom you have to get a restraining order to stop them from coming over to your house.

Then there is the form of stalker no one talks about. It’s usually the man or woman who doesn’t understand that when a person does not respond after the second phone message, text message or email, that the person is no longer interested.

One Rule Everyone Should Follow

I’m not very big into rules, but there is one by which I think everyone should abide: If you’ve left a few messages for someone and they haven’t called you back, then (borrowing from an old dating book) he’s (or she’s) just not that into you.

As Miranda on “Sex & The City” once told a group of women sitting on the library steps, if you leave a couple of messages for a man and he doesn’t call you back, he’s just not that into you. The problem is that they should have left it as a “Sex & The City” episode.

That book had one piece of good advice. The rest of it is annoying.

Plain and simple…

If you’re a man who leaves a woman a few messages and she doesn’t call you back, you’re done.

If you text her several times and she doesn’t respond, you’re done. Technology didn’t stop working. Her fingers simply stopped responding to you.

If you email someone a few times and they don’t respond, you’re done. The spam filter that wasn’t there before did not just magically appear.

So now let’s get it right. The term is no longer “he (or she) is just not that into you.” The new term is “you’re done!” Finished. Done. End of the game – no two minute warning and no instant replay. You’re done.

Protect your dignity and walk away. You don’t want to be stalking the sidelines at the raving Tom Coughlin, nor do you want to look as confused on those sidelines as Wayne Fontes used to look when he coached the Detroit Lions.

You’re Done! Anything past a few messages, and you ARE a stalker. There are plenty of people to date. Don’t ever get caught harassing someone who does not want to date you.

Now repeat after me:

“If someone doesn’t call me back after several tries, I’m done.
I’m as well done as a Jimmy Dean sausage from a Cracker Barrel
roadside restaurant deep off I-95 in North Carolina.”

I’d love to hear all of you share one of your stalker stories, whether you were the stalker or the one who was stalked.

Remember, it’s not necessarily negative if you’ve called someone once too often. We’ve all done it in our lives. So, share with us your favorite stalker or stalkee story.