Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for Singles & Dating

Q&A: Online Dating – Can You Fall In Love Without Meeting?

By

There are a lot of questions when it comes to online dating, but very few answers as online dating is still new, uncharted territory for many people. Can you fall in love online, or do you need to meet them first? How can you stay safe if you do end up meeting them in person? Here’s what you need to know about love and online dating.

Question: Hi Dan & Jenn, I have an online dating question. I signed up for a dating website last week and a man, two years older than me from California e-mailed me a day later. We’ve been e-mailing each other constantly and texting/talking ever since, and he’s just told me that he wishes to be with me until he grows old- he even mentioned flying me to California whenever I wish to visit. The problem is, is it possible for a man who’s never officially met me to develop such strong feelings for me so quickly? I’m honestly really baffled by this.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU1_gfYF8Lo[/youtube]

Possible But Not Probable

While theoretically it is possible to fall in love online without having met them first, but it’s definitely not probable. There are too many unknowns when it comes to a relationship with someone online to really say for sure if you love them or if they love you. You may really like them and even have strong feelings for them (or vice versa) but is it really love? If someone tells you they love you before you even meet them, take it with a grain of salt. Often, people are unable to accurately express strong feelings for someone and may just be using the word “love” because they don’t have any other way of explaining how they feel.

In Love With The Idea Of You

When using online dating sites, there are lots of things you and your partner don’t know about each other and it’s difficult to say you love someone without knowing these things. For example, your partner may know what your favorite color is and what you like to eat for dinner, but he doesn’t know how you smell or how your hand fits in his. He’s unaware of your mannerisms, how you move and how a hug or kiss from you feels. These are all essential components of a relationship that can’t be obtained over the Internet. Generally, when someone says they love you when they haven’t met you in person it means that they are in love with the “idea” of you. Their imagination has filled in all the blank spots, and naturally they are in love with that person. But that’s not the real you! The way you kiss or hold his hand may be completely different than the way he’s imagined it.

What To Do If You Do Meet

If you do decide to meet in person, it’s important to consider online dating safety first until you’ve met a few times and have gotten to know each other. Meet him in a public place during the day for a short amount of time. A half hour coffee is probably enough to get your feet wet and allow both of you to decide if you want to meet again. At first, pay your own way so you aren’t indebted to him in any way, and make sure a trusted friend knows where you are and when you plan to be back. Take it slow and get to know them before being alone with them.

Q&A: Blind Date Tips

By

Blind dates can be nerve wracking from the get go. You know your blind date will be scrutinizing everything about you from what you’re wearing to what you look like. Beauty, of course, is only skin deep. How can you get your partner to open up and get to know you instead of just paying attention to what is on the outside?

Question: I am going on a blind date and from what I know she is incredibly beautiful. I am not the best looking guy around, but I know she is almost a perfect match for me interest wise. But girls are shallow now-a-days and never look past the skin. I think if all goes right, it could be great. What do I do to get her to want to get to know me?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlG8O0NqeFg[/youtube]

Not All People Are Shallow

While a lot of people may appear shallow at first glance, or even may seem shallow when you first start getting to know them, they might not be shallow at all. Not everyone is shallow and while feeling attracted to someone is important on a first date, many people do look past the surface and try to get to know someone for who they are on the inside. Some people really are shallow though, and it wil be impossible to know whether your date is judging you based on what you look like or if she’s actually paying attention to you. As important as it is for two people not to judge each other on looks alone, it’s just as important not to assume your date is shallow from the get go. Give her the benefit of a doubt.

Be Yourself

The best way to show your blind date who you really are inside is to be yourself. Making a good first impression is important, but don’t do it in a way that goes against who you really are. Keep an open mind and stay relaxed, remembering to just let her get to know you without having to pretend to be someone or something you’re not. If you end up going on more than one date with this person or develop a relationship with them, eventually the truth will come out. It makes no sense to try to fake it, because when she does get to know the real you, she will be upset for you having pretended from the get go.

Don’t Force It

While you may feel like you and your date have everything in common and more and will hit it off really great, sometimes that just doesn’t happen and there’s nothing you can do about it. Go with the flow and let whatever happens happen. Just focus on having a good time and being yourself, without trying to force the date to become something. If you and your blind date don’t hit it off, don’t stress and don’t automatically attribute it to your looks. Some people click and some people don’t. There are plenty of people out there that you will click with, so it’s important to keep a good attitude about it and keep dating!

Q&A: What Is Flirting?

By

Guys and girls that haven’t had much experience with dating may wonder what flirting is. You’ve probably flirted or have been flirted with before, but you may not have recognized it for what it was. Here’s how to tell between flirting and just being friendly, and how to make flirting count!

Question: What is flirting? I really don’t know what that is.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTUUcVq7uqM[/youtube]

What Is Flirting?

The definition of flirting is “playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest.” Flirting moves, however, aren’t necessarily limited to arousing sexual interest though – flirting is definitely a simple way to let someone know you like them and have more than friendly feelings for them. Flirting usually includes lots of eye contact and smiling, and can even include some non-sexual touching. For example, if a girl laughs loudly at your jokes, looks at you often, smiles a lot and brushes up against you or touches your leg or arm when she’s talking to you, chances are she’s flirting with you. A guy that is flirting with a girl may lean in towards her when he’s talking or brush her hair out of her eyes. The best way to identify flirting is by paying attention to their body language.

When Should You Flirt?

Flirting is appropriate any time, especially on a date or if you’re around someone you like a lot and want to be more than friends with. You can start slow so you don’t come on too strong, and work your way up from eye contact and smiling to brushing her hair back to look at hear earrings or laying your hand over hers when talking to her. If you’re shy about flirting, go out and practice flirting with a few girls at a club so you can get the hang of it. Things you don’t want to do when flirting is turn away from her, cross your arms or keep a straight face. Don’t openly flirt with someone who is with someone else, because you can definitely earn some bad blood that way.

It’s Important To Have Fun

The most important thing to remember about flirting is that it’s all about having fun. Don’t take flirting too seriously and wonder if you’re doing it wrong or getting it right. Just relax and go with the flow! Pay attention to your date’s body language and feed off of it too – you can flirt on your own or follow their lead and mimic what they’re doing. Above all though, it’s important that you stay relaxed and open to having a great time. If something awkward happens, just laugh it off! If you have trouble flirting or are shy, go somewhere you are comfortable whether it’s a club or a more intimate, one on one setting such as a coffeeshop or bowling alley. Have a few drinks if you need to loosen up, but don’t get too inebriated. If you’re unsure of how your flirting is being received, feel free to back off a bit until you’re more comfortable. Remember to be yourself – flirting isn’t an act. Your date will appreciate someone real and genuine as opposed to someone putting on.

Q&A: How To Stay JUST Friends

By

One of the most awkward times in a friendship is when one friend has feelings for the other that the other friend just doesn’t return. If your friend wants to be “more than friends,” it might seem impossible to let them know you don’t feel the same way without hurting their feelings, but you can and you should. Here’s how.

Question: Hey Dan and Jenn, last night my best friend of 8 years just admitted to wanting to be “more than just friends” with me however, we are both guys so I’m not really interested. He’s asked me to do stuff with him but I can’t seem to give him a straight no, I guess I just don’t want to hurt his feelings. Is there anyway I can permanently turn him down whilst keeping the friendship we had? Any help will be great, thanks.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVy1_B1Gs4o[/youtube]

Being Afraid Of Hurting Their Feelings

If your friend likes you and wants to be more than friends and have a romantic relationship with you, it can make the friendship very awkward if you want to stay just friends. You may be afraid to hurt them because they’re you’re friend, so you may have avoided telling them the truth about how you really feel. You may be afraid that they’ll think you don’t want to be friends at all, or they may be so hurt or embarassed that they just can’t bear to be friends with you anymore. Either way, if you haven’t told your friend the truth, you’re probably afraid that it hurt them and that it will end the friendship.

Be Honest

Regardless of how afraid you are to tell your friend the truth about not returning their romantic feelings, it’s important that you be honest with them and honest with yourself. Leading them on, even by not saying anything at all, will make it worse when you do finally tell them that you don’t like them that way or when they figure it out on their own. The best thing to do in this situation is to be completely honest, without being critical, and just let them know in a nice way that you don’t want to be romantic with them. Be sure to let them know that you really do value the friendship and want to continue to be friends, but that moving beyond that just isn’t something you are interested in.

If It Affects The Friendship 

No matter how hard you try not to hurt your friend’s feelings, you might end up doing just that. Hopefully if you’ve been honest with them and weren’t critical, they’ll understand and still want to continue the friendship. But no matter how nice or understanding you are about it, you do run the slight chance that they won’t want to stay friends with you. This is usually on account of embarassment on their part, especially if they really thought you felt romantic about them. If this happens, there’s nothing you can do about it, except let your friend know that you really don’t want to see the friendship end. Even if they choose to end the friendship, it’s important that you were honest about your feelings and didn’t lead them on. They’ll appreciate that in the long run.

Dating And Mating Like A Rich Person – Without Spending A Penny!

By

There are so many expenses tied to relationships and dating. Pretty much everything you do when you’re dating someone costs money. Meals, movie tickets, concert tickets, gas, new clothes, even hotels and plane tickets – it all adds up. And of course there’s the gifts to think about… lots and lots of expensive gifts.

And as you stay with someone longer and longer, their financial obligations seem to become as much your issue as theirs. You pay off your lover’s credit card so that they can relax and be happy. You help them with their rent, or child support payments, or even paying their taxes. And yet, so very few of us invest time in the one place that would probably help us salvage our souls – the therapist’s office!

Find Out Who Your Partner Really Is

Believe it or not, most relationships hit their high point after only six weeks. Once you’ve played your hand, slowly laying down your cards via texting, sex chat, perhaps even some real contact, and lots of insecurity, this person will eventually learn that you are only human, not the fantasy being they had imagined you to be, and the downward spiral begins. That is, if you don’t find out who they really are first and make the first move toward the door.

I was thinking that what would be ideal is if we formed our fantasies (and thus our search for reality) not based on bank balances or dress sizes, but on who people really are on the inside. That in itself may seem like a fantasy, but this is the millennium where things are really starting to turn around for us. More and more people are waking up and becoming self-aware, letting that higher consciousness override the biological drive to go all the way with the first mate that seems halfway reasonable. Our advantage over primates is that we have this inner ability to examine and contemplate our actions, to think about consequences before heading down the road that leads to disaster, and to have the freedom to choose not to take that road.

Stop Playing The Blame Game

This means we have the opportunity to turn humanity into something more evolved. Life is a gift, but it’s also a responsibility. For the first time, I’m really starting to be able to imagine a world in which we embrace this personal responsibility and let go of our blame game. We can choose to do the things that serve us well, and more importantly, choose not to do the things that damage us and damage others. We can stop looking outward for the answers, and turn within to find the contentment and bliss we are looking for. Gone will be the days when penises were said to rule men, and women were said to be slaves to PMS. We will no longer blame Mother Nature for our indiscretions – we will follow in the footsteps of those who dedicated their lives to following their true selves!

Love Doesn’t Cost A Thing

So, what does any of this have to do with the rituals of dating like a rich person? When you finally see the answer, you’ll wonder how you never noticed it before, even though it’s always been there before your eyes. The secret to dating and mating like you’re rich is to accept the truth that you are a unique expression of the divine, and you are the most valuable possession you will ever have. Your true affection is neither bought nor sold with money or desperate acts. You do not have anything to prove in order to deserve love, or to give love. The only person you need to love is yourself, and then send yourself out there to collide with the person who is the right match for your gift of love! And best of all, this happy ending comes at no cost to you whatsoever. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Great relationships begin within! If you want a guide on how to start this wonderful, loving relationship with yourself, and how to start down the road to ultimate awareness and higher consciousness, get a copy of Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers today!