Singles & Dating

7 Beliefs That Are Destroying Your Success With Women

I’m a big believer in self talk. Over the last couple of years, I’ve learned that the things we tell ourselves determine our outcomes. If you fill your mind with positive thoughts, then you’ll achieve quality results. On the other hand, when think pessimistically, you’ll end up with only negative outcomes.

There’s an expression that best sums up this outlook- “Garbage in, garbage out”

What this means is when you fill your mind with negative thoughts, you severely limit your success in life. The funny thing is we men use self-talk so much that it’s become a major part of our dating lives. We often “convince” ourselves that we’re not “worth” dating the truly desirable women.

Negative thoughts often take the form of a “Self-Limiting Belief”. The definition is simple- A self limiting belief is any sort of self-talk that limits your ability to achieve something.

It’s called “limiting”, because you literally limit your capacity to do well in life. And in the dating sense, a self-limiting belief is any thought that prevents you from succeeding with women.

In my experience, there are a number of beliefs that hold men back. In order to improve your success with women, it’s important that you identify these thoughts, then actively eliminate them.

Here are 7 of the most common self-limiting beliefs:

#1- “I want somebody to love the REAL me…”

I’m going to be honest here. Guys use this belief as an excuse to be lazy. Many secretly desire a change to their life, but don’t want to make any effort. So they think that coming up with some line about “being themselves” will somehow make them morally superior to the men who seek outside help.

The truth is, many guys require some guidance with meeting women. Don’t make an excuse about wanting a woman to love the “real you”. Instead, try to understand that life should be about constant improvement. If you want success with women, you need to get out there and find out what really attracts them.

#2- “Love will find me…Eventually”

I once heard a great story about a man who prays to God every day about winning the lottery. After weeks of having nothing happen, he finally screams at God and asks why his prayers go unanswered. Seconds later, he hears a booming voice that says: “Buy a lottery ticket!”

The belief that “love will find me eventually” is another excuse that limits your success. Don’t sit around waiting for the “dating lottery ticket” to arrive.

In order to improve your life, you must be willing to get out there and put yourself in a position to meet women. It won’t happen if you believe the woman of your dreams will magically show up with little to no effort on your part.

#3- “I’m not good-looking…”

This is one of my favorites! We men have it lucky in the dating game. While our attraction to a woman is built primarily on HER looks, they look for something completely different.

A woman’s attraction starts when she makes an emotional connection to a guy. Sure, looks are an important element. But, any guy can improve his conversation skills to the point where they can transcend a deficiency in his looks.

#4- “I never have anything interesting to say…”

Guys often let nervousness and anxiety affect their conversations with women. The end result is their mind goes blank and they have trouble thinking of things to say.

The truth is we ALL have interesting things to say! But sometimes, it takes a little coaxing to get them out.

A technique I recommend to my readers is to cultivate a unique personality through the art of storytelling. Women are strongly attracted to things like health, status, adventure, leadership, wealth, and preselection.

When you craft a story from your own life, with these traits in mind, you’ll have plenty of material to use when there’s a lull in the conversation.

#5- “Some guys are just naturally successful with women…”

This self limiting belief is another personal favorite. A lot of guys think there’s no way they can change their success with women. What they don’t know is this is an area of their life that is like any other skill. It involves a process that’s easily learnable and predictable.

Think of it this way. Everything you’ve learned in your life started out as something you didn’t know how to do. Only through learning and practicing were you able turn it into a skill.

Learning how to attract women is the same way! With the right kind of information, you can easily become proficient at meeting interesting girls.

#6- “I have no confidence around women”

A lack of confidence is common among single men. What’s unfortunate is this is the one quality that’s incredibly unattractive to women. So, in order to improve your success with women, you must overcome the notion that you can’t be confident when meeting a new girl.

Confidence comes from competence in a skill. In the last belief, I discussed how you can improve your success simply through learning and practice. As you work on your “dating skills”, you’ll discover it’s easy to dramatically improve your self-esteem. While you might feel that you lack confidence now, this is something that can be easily fixed through repeated success!

#7- “I’ll start tomorrow, or maybe next week…”

This belief is the creed of all serial procrastinators. Almost every single guy in the world feels he’s missing something in his life. Some might say they want to make a change. But most of the time, they’ll put off doing something about it.

If you want success with women, then it’s time to do something about it. Don’t delay. Do something right NOW! Even the simple step of writing down a plan of action can have a dramatic effect on your dating life. The only thing that’s holding you back is allowing limited thinking to prevent you from making a change!

Self limiting beliefs can restrict your success. When you allow negative thought patterns to be in control, the opportunities to date quality women will be quickly diminished.

Here’s some simple advice. ANY time you experience one of the negative thoughts I’ve just described, immediately challenge it! You’ll discover that the simple act of working through your self-talk will have an immediate effect on your success with women.

How to Get Over Shyness & Fear of Rejection to Get the Girl

By loveandsex

If you’ve never had a crush on a girl or boy and have felt a little shy about asking them out – well, you’re not human.

Everyone has had their run-ins with “hard to get” guys and girls and sometimes asking them out is a heck of a lot easier said than done. If you’ve got someone special that you just can’t take your eyes off of but your lips seem glued together whenever they come around, we’ve got a few things that will make it a little less stressful for you to actually ask them out.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

There is a girl I love. But I am to shy to even talk to her and I want to ask her out but I don’t really now how.

— Georgis, Alberta

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7iudMsWt_w[/youtube]

Recognize the Fear of Rejection and Kick It to the Curb

The biggest reason people don’t ask out their crushes is that they fear getting rejected. Rejection sucks. It hurts – everyone knows that. Sometimes it is difficult for people to grasp that rejection does not shape who they are and in no way does it put a sign on your forehead that says “not good enough.”

First and foremost, you need to know that you are okay just the way you are. Other people don’t decide that you’re okay – you do. You need to come to terms with the fact that you’re you and you’re fine how you are – no one can change that, rejection or no rejection. When you come to terms with that, you’ll be confident enough to approach anyone without the sweat beading up on your forehead and your knees turning into Jell-O.

Making the Approach

Almost every girl (or guy, really) will say, “No” if you walk up to them and introduce yourself by asking them out. Hard as it is to believe, that really is the way it works. Even the smoothest pick-up lines will not work.

So now that we’ve thrown your entire foundation for dating out the window, we’re going to share with you how to really pick up your crush.

Let them get to know you in a normal, pressure-free way.

You’ve heard about how people meet through being friends and it turns into this wonderful relationship, right? That’s honestly the best way to go about it – building a relationship on friendship creates bonds that last a long, long time. So let your crush get to know you before asking them out. Ask them for help or their opinion about something and strike up a conversation. When you’ve got a pretty good footing you can transition the friendship into something more.

Getting Rejected

Yes, rejection is a possibility. You need to know that a lot of the time, it has nothing to do with you. For example, if you approach your crush and they have just failed a test, broken up with their girlfriend or boyfriend or had some other mood altering life event, you’re probably going to get rejected and it won’t be your fault in the least.

It’s also okay if you are flat out rejected. Remember that part about you being okay no matter what? Play that card and you’ll feel a lot better. If you get rejected, nothing will happen. The floor won’t turn into a spinning vortex and suck you in, destroying your life as you know it. You’ll go home and everything will be the same as it was before you asked your crush out. So take the chance and keep trying until you find that special someone.

Top Ten Tips For Dressing For Dating Success

By nml

I’m all for individual style and taste but if you want to ensure that you don’t send the wrong messages, there are some style tips that you can’t afford to miss.

Groom from the inside out

I don’t care how hard you’ve worked, how little time you have, and bla, bla, bla, there is absolutely no excuse for lacking in personal hygiene and grooming. Your date doesn’t think “Oh…poor thing, they’re so busy” they just think “Hmmm, not a great first impression”.

This means that you should be clean smelling (don’t put deodorant or perfume over sweat or other dubious body odors), snowflake free (I know that people have dandruff but you don’t need to wear it like a shawl over your shoulder), teeth brushed, breath checked, and bogeys cleaned out of your nose.

To tan or not to tan

If you want to bronze up for your date, I’d steer clear of looking like an Oompa Loompa. Go for your tan the day before so that you don’t rock up to your date looking like a lobster or being in so much pain from sunburn that you can’t enjoy yourself.

Go easy on the fake tan because unless your date shares the same penchant for looking seriously orange, you’re gonna look dayglo….

Don’t try to kill your date with your perfume/aftershave or clown face

Heaven help your poor date when you douse yourself in so much scent that you can be smelt in outer space. A dash of scent is a lot better than eye wateringly, nose bleeding, brain wrenching levels of scent. If you need to take off your makeup with a trowel, it’s too much! Wear the appropriate amount of makeup for the date

Dress your breasts

I’m pleased that you’re proud of your breasts whether they’re real or fake, but if I had a pound for every woman who ever complained about guys spending half the date staring at their breasts, I’d be sitting back counting my cash instead of writing this.

If you don’t want your breasts to be the focal point don’t make them the center of attention by not leaving very much to the imagination. That doesn’t mean cover up like a nun but if your top is something closer to a nipple cover, or you might as well not have bothered with a top at all, you’re wearing too little!

Make. An. Effort

I don’t mean turn up looking like the dog’s dinner in black tie (unless this is actually the dress code) but if you roll up looking like you literally rolled up, you send a very clear message that you are lazy and that you don’t care about what your date thinks of you. This means wear clean clothes, don’t be full of creases or rumples, and basically look like you tried.

Wear clothes that fit

There is nothing worse than finding yourself on a date in too tight shoes, crotch strangling trousers or even worse camel toe, waist pinching attire that only gets tighter the more that you eat, or clothes that make you look like you have a few tires hidden underneath.

It’s not just because it’s more flattering when you wear clothes that fit; it’s actually a hell of a lot more comfortable. Do you really want to be sitting there being petrified of standing up and revealing that you’re literally letting it all hang out? Oh and be careful of trying out new shoes. I have enough experience of barely being able to walk to know that you should not let the date be their first outing.

Don’t be a walking fashion faux-pas

I suggest you rethink any of the following:

White socks, black shoes – If in doubt stick with black, navy, or grey socks.
White bra, black top – So distressing, it hurts to type it…
Socks and sandals – Why wear sandals with a pair of socks?
Spandex – Just say no!
Medallions – There are some that are actually in fashion but if you look like you’re competing with Mr T or your local pimp, you’ve gone too far.
Too short trousers – Do you want to be mistaken as a schoolboy?

Knickers, Knickers, Knickers

It’s not sexy when you show your thong so don’t parade it and keep baring string and bum! Likewise, knicker lines or visible panty lines depending on how bad they are can actually ruin the line of your outfit.

Be careful of flashing as well which tends to happen if you wear things that are literally skimming your crotch…

Easy on the excess body hair

Although this falls under grooming, it needs a place of it’s own. I’m not talking about a bikini wax or sorting the ‘ole back, sack, and crack… This is more for the ladies but unless you know your target audience, I’m not sure that visible hairy armpits should join you on the date. Likewise, if you have really obvious leg hair, wear trousers!

Dress to impress

Even if you have to go straight from work, jazz up your outfit with a different top or shirt, change your shoes, remove a jacket and look like someone who wants to create the first impression. Don’t wear a tracksuit (unless your date is at the gym) and do try to inject a bit of color rather than looking like you’re off to a funeral. Jeans are a very safe bet as they go with a hell of a lot things and can be dressed up or down.

Enjoy!

5 Tips For Meeting Women That Every Man Ought To Know

By josephmatthews

Finally! A step-by-step guide on how to meet women that makes meeting women fun and easy for any guy! I have a question…

(And you have to be honest with me here!)

Is meeting women hard for you to do? Do you feel afraid when it comes to meeting women?

And is that fear keeping you from succeeding and keeping you lonely and alone?

If so, don’t worry. I’m going to give you some incredible bits of advice you can use that will help you meet great women, and help you to take control of your love life and overcome your fear!

It’s not all about instinct

Meeting women should be a piece of cake. After all, that’s what you’re biologically programmed for, right? Nope!

Despite what you might think and what others may tell you, the fact is that us men are not born already knowing how to naturally meet and attract women. (Believe me, I wish that WAS the case, but its not, unfortunately.)

Knowing how to meet women is something you LEARN, not something you’re “born with.” Just like any skill, you have to LEARN how to meet and talk to women, just like you have to learn to speak Spanish, play the guitar, and recite your A-B-C’s.

It’s a SKILL. And skills are learned, not instinctual.

No worries…help is on the way!

So if you currently don’t know how to meet women, don’t worry, there is NOTHING wrong with you! You just haven’t learned enough to make meeting women something that’s comfortable and easy yet.

Sadly, there are tons and tons of men out there who are too afraid to meet women, and because of that they stay home alone over the weekend when they should be out meeting girls.

And even worse – most of these guys will never do anything to overcome this fear.

This is due to the fact that these men don’t realize just how much their lives are controlled by this fear! And they justify this fear of going out and meeting women by thinking of all the things that could go wrong.

Some guys have such a dim view of themselves as attractive men that they think a girl they’re interested in is going to laugh at them, or dismiss them, or tell them off. Maybe she’ll throw her drink in their face, or maybe they’ll get beaten up by her boyfriend!

Never think the worst

Do you ever think of these as possibilities before you meet a girl? Because if you do, then you are actually TRAINING yourself to be scared and take no action to meet women.

In short: You are practicing FAILURE.

The fact is – most of these irrational fears you’re worried about hardly ever happen in real life.

All these fears stem from poor experiences you may have had when you were young (junior high or middle school age) or you picked them off of television or movies and think they could actually apply to your real life.

It’s sad that so many men allow fears like these to shape their attitudes and beliefs about meeting and dating women.

In contrast, there are other men out there who were fortunate enough to have positive experiences with girls early on in their development. These experiences helped banish irrational fears about meeting women, which helped set them up for a lot of success with women as they got older.

It’s never too late

But even if you started off on the wrong foot in seventh grade, you can still take control of your fears of meeting women. You don’t have to be in high school to become a superstar with the ladies!

What you need to start doing right now is re-learn how to talk to women, and you’ll have to be willing to re-examine your current beliefs and attitudes that might be holding you back from success and change them to make meeting women easier.

But that’s difficult for most guys to do. It’s no problem to say you want to learn how to meet women easily, but it’s doing the work that’s the hardest part.

You need to want it badly enough!

Don’t let fear hold you back

Don’t be one of those guys who lets fear keep him from meeting the type of woman he’s always dreamed about. If you see a girl you want to meet – say SOMETHING. Even if you don’t know what to say, just take a chance.

Try these 5 tips for meeting women

Ask her for directions.
Ask for her opinion on something.
Playfully tease her about something she’s wearing or something she’s doing. At least make an effort to take an interest in her and be curious about who she is as a person.
Pay her a genuine and sincere compliment! What do you have to lose?
Quickly figure out something to talk to her about – exact words aren’t as important as the act of walking over to her and engaging her in conversation. If you let too much time pass by from the second you see her to the time you start talking, you give yourself a chance to chicken out. (If this freaks you out, memorize some good opening lines beforehand so you’ll know what to say.)

Don’t try and measure success based on if you got her phone number or a date.

Just the simple act of approaching a woman and talking to her makes you a winner, because you did something that 80% of the other men out there wouldn’t have done!

And the more you can do that, the greater your chances of meeting that one special woman.

To find out more, sign up for Joseph Matthew’s free Meet Women Secrets newsletter for all the most recent tips and methods for meeting and seducing women.

Tips for Dating a Cheapskate

By lavalife6

Is your guy so cheap he squeaks when he walks? Is your girl so thrifty she uses tea bags thrice? I feel your pain.

I too was a long-suffering companion of a date who felt that a root canal was preferable to spending money.

Allow me to introduce him. We’ll call him Rob. (I’ll call him the most miserly, tightfisted Scrooge to ever walk the face of the planet.) Let’s have a look at some of Rob’s endearingly frugal ways, penny-pinching behavior that bought our relationship to an untimely end.

Restaurant dates were for special occasions only. Lucky me, my birthday counted as special enough to warrant forking out the cash for dinner. But tightwad Rob would insist that we order main courses only — no dessert or starters. And he would hound the wait staff to replenish our bread, which he then wrapped in a napkin and stuffed in his jacket pocket. For breakfast.

On the rare occasion we would stay in a hotel (usually when someone else, such as my work, was paying) he’d load up on all the toiletries from the bathroom and then call housekeeping to replace them. This would go on every day during the stay and we’d depart with a suitcase full of crappy miniature shampoos.

Sound familiar? Perhaps you’ve got your own special brand of skinflint in your life who is forever calculating the cost of things, bemoaning spending money on things that aren’t considered essential or practical and basically ruining the romance by being so damn cheap.

How do you get your stingy date to see that splashing the cash now and then isn’t such a bad thing? Our tips will help your prize open his steel-trap wallet or loosen her purse strings — if only for a moment.

Pay Your Way

The classic cheapskate hates the idea of spending good money on food in restaurants when you can cook for yourself at home. True but not very romantic. Tightwads, particularly guys, are wary of restaurant dates because they feel the onus is on them to pay. Put your Scrooge’s mind at ease by offering to split the cost of eating out and letting them choose a restaurant with prices they are comfortable with — and no, McDonald’s doesn’t count as a date-worthy restaurant.

Discount Vouchers

There’s nothing the money minder loves more than discount coupons. Use these to your advantage by collecting as many offers and two-for-one deals as you can, then when you next want to see a movie or go to an exhibition and your honey whines that it costs too much money, you can whip out one of these babies and show them that you’re actually saving them money. Watch their little eyes light up as they do the math. Then sit back and enjoy your date.

Flower Power

Love having the odd bunch of flowers to brighten your day but your date is too stingy to spring for the occasional bouquet? To be fair, florists can get pretty expensive, with some retailers charging for flowers by the single stem and bouquets costing more than your weekly grocery bill. Instead of fighting a losing battle with your lovable miser, take matters into your own hands and steer them towards a local growers’ markets where garden-fresh blooms can be had for a fraction of the retail price.

Note to Cheapskates: If cut flowers seem like a waste of money to you (they only wither and die, moneygrubbers protest), buy your loved one a potted plant instead. You’ll win big points for your romantic gesture and you get to keep your wallet firmly closed for many months to come since potted plants last well past their cut-flower counterparts.

Speak their Language

Penny-pinchers watch their spending like the proverbial hawk and know exactly how much money is in their wallets at any given time, and you know it’s going to take something pretty special for them to cough up for something they see as an unnecessary purchase or expense. Show your date that you care about saving money.

For example, on Sunday morning, have breakfast at home: Two coffees, orange juices, scrambled eggs on toast, the morning newspaper, some sliced fruit. After your breakfast, lean over and whisper to your cheapskate date, “Honey, we just saved $40 dollars eating breakfast at home this morning.” This is music to their stingy little ears. Follow this up by purring “Now we can afford to see a movie this afternoon, aren’t we clever?” Try it. It’s like feeding candy to a baby.

Now if you can just rustle up some discount vouchers for the cinema, you just might be able to wrench a serving of popcorn out of them, too.

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