Love & Relationships

How To Keep Your Relationship From Derailing!

Relationships are wonderful, but they do require a bit of TLC from time to time. We’ve all been in relationships where the love train came off the tracks.

How do you prevent that?

How do you manage to keep a relationship from derailing?

We have your answers.

What She Said About Keeping Your Relationship On Track

I have had the pleasure of derailing many relationships in my past and it always came down to lack of communication.

One partner shuts down (normally the girl), gets upset and then the other partner feeds off that and shuts down too. They stop talking about things and start fighting about bullshit things. This can lead to resentment and bad feelings, and these bad feelings can start off so small but explode because they weren’t talked about.

Communication Is Key

In order to keep a relationship strong and healthy the couple needs to put some work into it. A great way to keep a relationship strong is to talk, talk, talk. Always communicate about everything that matters.

Along with communicating, you need to listen too. Really listen to your partner! Listen to the small day to day tidbits and also listen to their dreams and goals. Be supportive and understanding and open. For women talking is easy, we talk a lot more than men but we need to also listen.

Give & Take Along With A Healthy Dose Of Respect

There needs to be give and take in relationships and each person should feel like they are being valued.

That being said another way to keep a relationship from derailing is to respect each other, even when you fight. There is nothing wrong with fighting but one should never ever attack their partner. You can be upset with them but if you start disrespecting them and attacking their character you are just putting them down. That is not fair nor does that lead to reaching a common ground. When you disrespect your man you start to be a bully, name calling and highlighting his faults. Your goal should never be to make your partner feel worse about themselves.

Never use the word “YOU” when talking about difficult topics. This has saved us many times in the past! –Dan & Jennifer

Have Something To Share

Another way to keep a relationship from derailing is to share common interests. It could be anything, favorite movies or sport team or a love of a certain food. You need to have something in common that you both agree on, adore and makes you feel good. That way when life gets crazy you always have a base of understanding and something that ties you two together.

Along the lines of sharing common interests, to keep a relationship strong you should have separate interests. You need to have days or night where you are able to do your own thing without feeling like you need your man with you. Do an activity outside your relationship that brings you joy and doesn’t require you man. This will also help keep you interesting, having your own hobby or activity is exciting and you can tell your man all about it.

Talk, Talk, Talk

All in all, to keep a relationship from derailing it is about communication!

Talking to him when you are super happy and talking to him when you are mad. Talking to him when you are doing things together, and talking to him when you are doing things apart. It’s all about knowing your man and respecting him and your relationship.

Do not let silence or resentment ruin a perfectly amazing love.

What He Said About Keeping Your Relationship On Track

I think the most important thing is to realize that this is something that could happen and can happen if you’re not careful. Your relationship could go completely off-track and leave you in the dirt wondering what happened!

I don’t care how amazingly well matched you and your partner are, I don’t care how great the sex is or how great a friends you are, your relationship can and will go off the tracks if you don’t make a deliberate effort to keep it on the tracks. I don’t care who you are, you have to work to keep your relationship from derailing. Denying the possibility only sets you up for the fall.

Shared Interests

I think the most important way to keep your relationship from derailing is to have a strong foundation based on commonality or shared interests. There is such bullshit surrounding relationships, especially the matching part. This opposites attract notion is horseshit. Yes, they attract, but that only lasts so long in and of itself.

You need common interests and a lot in common. You need to be into a lot of the same things. You don’t see a lot of pro bodybuilders dating yoga instructors. There’s a reason for that. Bodybuilders and yoga instructors have absolutely nothing in common.

Work For It!

Assuming you did that part right, another great way to keep your relationship from derailing is to do preventative maintenance, like date night, tantric workshops, couples massage, whatever.

The easiest way to keep your relationship in shape is to keep working at it. You can’t not go to the gym and expect to be in shape, you have to keep going.

And if all else fails, there is always make up sex.

5 Signs He’s Cheating On You (Or At Least Thinking About It)

By loveandsex

Signs that a guy is going to cheat on you are usually fairly obvious, but there are cases where women have been duped without even knowing it. Men can be masters of deception but when you start to put everything together, the fact that they are not happy or looking outside of the relationship for companionship can strike you like a lightning bolt. If you’re worried that your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you or is about to, there are a few telltale signs to look out for.

Here are 5 of the most common signs that he may be cheating.

1. He Works Late A Lot

Sure, even McDonalds has a night crew, but if your boyfriend or husband has what appears to be a 9-5 job and he’s working late a lot, you should have your guard up. The thing about working late and cheating is that his new schedule will probably appear when you start having problems between the two of you. Don’t jump to conclusions if he says he’s working late and your relationship is a little rocky. He might just be spending time by himself because he’s avoiding the issues in your relationship. If he comes home smelling like perfume or you find condom wrappers in his suit jacket, it’s time to have a talk.

2. You Don’t Have Sex Anymore

If you find that your guy is giving you excuses to not have sex there is a major issue. Men love having sex with their girlfriends and wives so if you’re throwing yourself at him and he’s resisting you need to be on the lookout. The most common reason that a guy doesn’t want to have sex with his wife or girlfriend is that he’s getting it somewhere else. There are a few things that occur when a guy is cheating. He might not want to have sex with you because of the guilt of cheating. Or he might actually not want to have sex with you because he feels like it would be cheating on his new girl. Either way, he’s in the wrong and you should look for other signs that he’s cheating.

3. His Stories Don’t Match Up

Has your guy ever come home and the reason that he was late didn’t match up to things that you already knew? If this is the case you probably have a cheater on your hands. The thing about cheating is that it’s hard for the guy to put himself somewhere that he wasn’t. When you start to ask questions because you know something that he doesn’t know he will start to get defensive. When a guy goes into defensive mode the argument will shift from where he was to why you’re so interested in where he was. This is a normal reaction and a normal tactic to try to change the subject and juxtapose the blame onto the accuser. Don’t let him do this to you. Stay on the subject and he will eventually cave.

4. He Accuses You Of Cheating

Have you ever heard it takes a thief to know one? Well, the same goes with a cheater. If your guy is accusing you of cheating and there is really basis for it, he’s got something to hide. Because he has engaged in the action of cheating, he knows how to manage time, make stories up and deceive his partner. But the main thing is that he knows what to look out for and every little bit of suspicion is going to come up. This is why he is accusing you. There is also a subconscious want for you to cheat so that doesn’t feel so bad about cheating on you. Don’t put up with his accusations and start to check up on him. If you find out he’s cheating, leave him immediately.

He Threatens To Leave You – A Lot

This is a big one. When a guy threatens to leave you a lot there’s something out there that he knows he can rely on, aka his mistress. A guy that threatens to leave a woman is a guy that is confident that he won’t be alone. If he really cared about you he would try to work on the relationship instead of threatening to leave. If he ever says things like “I could have a new girlfriend tomorrow” you should be extremely careful with him. This is the statement of a cheater and should not be taken lightly.

5 Things Women Do That Ruin A Relationship

By charlesdovbish

Women are not the only ones who can ruin a relationship, but there are a few things that a lot of women do that send men running for the hills. In a healthy relationship, both parties can talk about what is bothering them or common problems that can be avoided.

If you’re starting feel a rift between you and your guy, you can easily bring him back into the fold by making a few changes to yourself and the way that you handle issues when they come up.

Here are 5 things that women do to ruin a relationship.

1. Nagging Will Destroy Any Relationship

Nagging can be one of the most annoying things to a man.

Women that nag instantly get eye rolls from their spouses. It doesn’t matter if it’s over the trash, dirty dishes or laundry, nagging your guy to do something over and over again is going to get on his nerves.

Keep in mind that an overbearing mother during childhood can affect a man well into the rest of his life. If you nag and he has had this in his past, he could find it so annoying that he leaves you. If he’s doing something that really bothers you, be a mature adult and talk to him about it. Let him know what he’s doing and how much it bothers you. Once he knows that it’s a problem, he will change his ways.

2. Pushing Marriage Too Soon

Marriage is one of those things that every woman wants.

There isn’t a girl on this earth that doesn’t want to walk down the aisle with the guy of her dreams. But when you’re pushing marriage too soon you’re going to ruin what you have. Marriage is a huge step and it should not be taken lightly.

Properly planning for a future with a guy is not something that can happen overnight. If you’ve been with your guy for over a year and he’s not event talking about marriage you might have a problem on your hands. But if you’ve been together for a couple of months and you’re trying to get a ring, you need to slow it down.

Remember that a marriage is a marriage, not just the wedding.

3. Not Meeting Him Halfway

Here’s a very big problem that a lot of women face.

Traditionally, men have been the breadwinner in relationships. However, the last 20-30 years have made women even more successful than men in the workplace. Some women talk about equality until it’s time for the check. If you’re going to be in a relationship, you need to meet him halfway. This doesn’t just extend to finances though. Compromise is the foundation for every relationship and without it you will have a very unhappy man.

Always getting your way or always letting him get his way is not going to accomplish anything. Make sure that your relationship is a 50/50 partnership or you will find your guy leaving you.

4. Getting Distant

One of the things that makes men crazy is when a girl does not talk about what is bothering them.

Men like strong women that aren’t afraid to tell them what they want and what they don’t want. So many women clam up and get distant when they don’t like something about the relationship. If you don’t talk to your guy he could just give up all together and leave you.

The truth is that men love when there are no problems in a relationship. When you work through your problems he’s going to feel closer to you. Men are used to women getting distant when they don’t like something or when they are angry so when you open up to him, you will find that he is much more open and respectful.

Don’t let things fester. This will only make it worse for you and him.

5. Threatening To leave

This is something that all men hate in a relationship.

If you are threatening to leave him, you better be ready to do it. When your guy does something that you can’t stand and you threaten to leave him, he sees this as a bluff. It’s not until you actually leave him that he’s going to respect you.

So many women threaten to leave their guys every day and never do. The guy sees this as an empty threat and the behavior just recycles over and over again. This can easily ruin the relationship.

Men that get away with things and never have ramifications are going to walk all over you. Make a decision and actually leave him if the behavior does not get corrected.

5 Signs You Need To End A Bad Relationship STAT

By loveandsex

Ending a bad relationship with your boyfriend might be the last thing that you want to do, but when it’s time to get rid of him, it’s time to get rid of him. Putting up with a guy that you know is wrong for you isn’t going to make things any easier. You will eventually grow tired of the way that he treats you and end it, so why not save yourself a lot of time and pain?

When you’re in a bad relationship, it’s important to define the reasons that you’re staying with this person. Once you have discovered the psychology behind this you can move on and grow.

Here are 5 signs you need to end that bad relationship stat!

#1 You Don’t Look Forward To Seeing Him

If you are dating a guy and you’re not excited to see him at the end of the day, it’s probably a sign that you need to end it. Your significant other should be a welcomed treat after a hard day in the office or at school. But if you’re cringing at the thought of having to deal with your boyfriend or even considering making up an excuse not to see him, you should probably end it before you do something that you regret. Many women stay with guys just so they have somebody. Companionship is important in life, but you don’t want to forgo having a great relationship to hold on to a bad relationship that isn’t working.

#2 He Gets Calls In The Middle Of The Night

When your boyfriend is getting calls in the middle of the night, there are several things that you should be on the lookout for. The first is if the number has been saved. When a guy is getting calls from an unsaved number it could be mean that he doesn’t want you to know who is calling. This could also be a wrong number, but if he’s getting a lot of calls there is probably something wrong. Ask your boyfriend to answer the phone the next time it rings. If he is calm and natural with the other person on the line, he’s probably not doing anything wrong. If he’s really nervous, you might want to be suspicious.

#3 He Doesn’t Talk About The Future

A guy that doesn’t talk about the future doesn’t see a future with you – this is a bad relationship that needs to end. This is a golden rule that you should always live by. When a guy is excited about the relationship, he looks forward to trips, family gatherings and other things that the two of you will be doing together. When he doesn’t talk about the future, it’s because he doesn’t want there to be one. Being in a bad relationship with a guy that is just going through the motions is not only frustrating it’s unhealthy. If you think that your guy is disinterested in a future with you, you should probably sit down and have a chat. Get everything out on the table and end it if necessary.

#4 You Have Different Views

Whether you’re talking about politics or religion, different views can be great for a relationship. However, when you take things to the extreme it’s probably not going to work out. If he’s far right and you’re far left every political report can turn into a heated argument. Being different adds a little drama to the relationship and can even spark passion, but when you take things to polar opposites you’re just asking for trouble. Consider what your life would be like with somebody that shared your viewpoints and ask yourself if you would be much more happy. If you’re constantly getting into debates over every little thing – this is a bad relationship that needs to end.

#5 He’s The Jealous Type

The jealous type can be cute at first, but this is a REALLY bad relationship. It’s endearing to think that your guy cares enough about you to get irritated when other guys look at you. But problems can arise from this type of guy and the routine of jealousy can get very old very quickly. If you are dealing with the jealous type, ask yourself if you are willing to put up with his suspicions every time you leave the house. Being accused of cheating or watching your boyfriend yell at a guy who he thinks is flirting with you every time you go out can be extremely annoying. Ending things with a jealous guy can be hard. They will try to rope you back in through texts, flowers and other methods. Stand your ground and you will be glad that you dodged this bullet – this is a bad relationship that needs to end!

Save Your Marriage – Revive Romance and Passion with this Simple Trick

By melody

For the past 25 years I’ve had married couples come in to see me who have lost connection with each other and are contemplating divorce. Some are very committed to the idea of marriage and are traumatized by the idea, but they feel so unhappy they don’t have a clue how to revitalize what was once a passionate connection.

Sometimes these couples haven’t had sex in years, perhaps decades. But they stay together “for the kids” or because they “love” each other but they have no passion for each other any more. They also don’t feel emotionally connected and often feel lonely and sad.

Here’s what happened: they quit treating each other as friends. They stopped talking about important things because they were afraid of each other’s reactions. Most of the time, they blame their partner for the lack of connection and don’t recognize how their own choices led to a distant, passionless marriage.

Now, understand, I’m not saying you are “to blame”. What I am saying is that you have a choice about how to move forward, whether you are newly in a relationship or your marriage has gone south for years. And, you can’t “blame” your partner; this was a mutually acquired distance that took both of you to create. The good news is that only one of you has to begin to change gears for things to move out of neutral.

Why Does This Happen To A Marriage?

When we first get married or commit to someone, we see this person as our savior. We see them as the person who will rescue us from loneliness, sexlessness, and emotional isolation. Maybe we even see them as the person who will rescue us from our financial burdens. Our ideas of romance are like those of Edward and Bella in the Twilight series. We think that Edward will sweep us off our feet and make us feel like a princess, or Bella will love us no matter how many horrible things we have done. We will never fight, or have disagreements, we will always support each other and clean up after each other without having to discuss anything or challenge each other.

Now I know, your logically thinking “No, I didn’t expect that, I know people have conflict”. Yes, I know you “know” that to be true but the little kid inside each of us secretly longs for someone to be like our mother (or the mother we should have had) who was unconditionally loving and expected nothing from us. I am of course, talking about our unconscious desire for regression into infancy. We all have that pull, and it is what we emotionally crave from our spouse.

And anything that indicates we will not get what the little kid in us wants feels like a violation of our contract with our partner. We pout, we stomp our feet, or we dance around and try to please or we hold our tongue so as to not threaten loss of what we hoped we could have.

The bottom line is that we stop seeing the other person as our friend, and we see them as the person who is denying us the one thing that we most need. Because of this, we go into a self protective mode and stop treating each other with the kindness and respect that we treat our friends.

Take the Risk

Step back from your self, from your marriage, and take a really hard look at the way YOU act toward your partner. Start talking to them like someone you respect and want to get to know better. Trust me, there is more to your partner than you know.

So what if it upsets your spouse for you to discuss money, sex, housework (or whoever the topic)? In order to develop intimacy we have to be willing to let the other person have whatever feelings they have, even if they cry, storm around, or yell. Short of physical or verbal abuse, expression of emotion is needed between spouses. Learning to express your needs requires that you learn to deal with your partners unhappy feelings. No matter who you are, you are going to have thoughts, feelings and desires different from those of your spouse, and sometimes, they will cause conflict.

Chose to Be Emotionally Available

Being emotionally available means being able to tolerate you own feelings, as well as those of your partner. Being a full partner in a marriage means being willing to listen empathetically to your partners feelings without judging them or attempting to curtail them. That said, I know it’s not an easy thing to do. Our survival brain yells at us that we are risking being abandoned, divorced, or maybe even hurt and the truth is; we are, it is risky. But in reality it is no riskier than pretending those feelings aren’t there. When we ignore the real feelings that exist in our self or in our partner, we risk distance, emotional divorce, infidelity, and long-suffering loneliness.

So take the risk, feel the fear, and do it anyway. In the long run, you, and your spouse will fare better. Marriage or no marriage, you will have more honestly, intimacy, and understanding between you.