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Being Single On Valentine’s Day

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A couple of days ago a reporter asked if I would help him with a column he was writing about Valentine’s Day. He started off by asking, “If you’re single, where should you go to meet people?”

Well, that’s a question that’s impossible to answer without more information. I mean, where should you go to eat if you’re hungry? First you need to specify what kind of food you like, or you may end up at completely the wrong restaurant! If you don’t outline your preferences and desires, then it’s like saying that any random relationship will do, when obviously that’s not the case. I mean, you can show up at any bar and meet someone, but will they be someone who is right for you?

I told the reporter, “Finding the right person to start a relationship with isn’t just about meeting someone. If you approach it that way, then you’re relying on luck, which can waste a lot of time and emotion. If you don’t want to waste time trying out a lot of different options, then you need to focus on what you really want, and be clear about that. Then you need to hang out at the places where you think that type of person will be. It’s surprising how little effort you actually have to put in when you set a strong intention. Or, if you prefer some of the excitement of chance, you can mix with the sort of people you get along with, and see what happens. Your choice.”

The Secret To A Great Valentine’s Day When You’re Single

He then asked about coping strategies for singles on Valentine’s Day. This is a pretty simple attitude adjustment, and works like any other aspect of life – you can either celebrate what you have, or bemoan what you don’t. There’s no reason not to treat yourself like royalty on Valentine’s Day, or any other day for that matter. You’ll find that life will mirror how you treat yourself, and Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to turn over a new leaf of loving yourself more and more everyday. The sooner you start doing this, the more people will want to be around you.

But the reporter still wasn’t getting it. “So, where’s the best place for people to look for romance?” he asked.

The truth is, there is no magical place to look for love, except inside yourself. The world reflects only what you put out there, and if you’re giving love then you’re bound to get it in return. So quit looking for some special venue where you think the love is, and start getting things align within yourself instead. Focus on what you want, and that focus will carry you to where you need to be to meet the right person. You’ve already tried it the other way around, by just looking for “someone” and ending up with whomever you found. How did that work out for you? Instead, try doing the things that make you happy, and hanging out with the people who reflect that happiness.

In other words, the key is not trying to meet someone, but rather finding out who you are and being clear about what you’re looking for.

Make Up, Don’t Break Up This Valentine’s Day

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Everywhere you look in the headlines, one famous couple or another is breaking up. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are supposedly calling it quits, while Brad is rumored to be back in contact with Jennifer Aniston. And Elin has put her divorce proceedings on hold while Tiger allegedly hashes it out in rehab. I spoke to OK!Magazine on this very subject, saying that I believe most relationships CAN be kept together. In my practice, 98% of couples can work things out, you just have to be honest about addressing what problems you’re facing, and committed to dealing with them.

Ok, it’s not THAT easy, which is why I’m re-releasing my book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up, with new, updated insights into why we do what we do, how to break bad behavior patterns, the male dilemma of intimacy, and how to make the decision to stay together! I address topics like gender wars and long distance relationships. I also expand on a few of my techniques, which I’ve mentioned in my blog posts before, but I think bear repeating especially in light of upcoming Valentine’s Day and with people focusing on love and relationships.

How To Break Bad Behavior Patterns

  • Don’t underestimate the Biochemical Craving for Connection. More than being needy or clingy, we all need to connect in a deep and meaningful way with our partners. But some people have exaggerated feelings of stress, separation and loss that cause them to seek out illicit behavior in order to fill this craving. If you’re in this situation, you can avoid a lot of heartache by identifying it and dealing with it early on.
  • Learn how to fight fair. It’s a misperception that fighting is bad; a relationship without passion enough to launch arguments likely won’t last for the long haul. However, arguing in the wrong way can also drive a relationship into the ground. I encourage having a weekly ten minute “Smart heart”-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as you listen and echo back what you heard.
  • Consider a brush with death. This can be an extreme measure when it looks like a relationship may be coming to its end. This is a scenario in which a couple agrees to spend time apart with the intention of working things out and getting back together. – A temporary break up can help resolve certain issues, and creates a shake-up that many couples need. In certain circumstances, this is the only thing that will create an action step which will make reconnecting and making up easier to do. Remember that it MUST be a strategy, not something entered into half-heartedly.

Whether or not you’re in a rocky relationship, I encourage you to take this time, when “love is in the air” and focus on some things about your relationship that you’d like to improve upon or change. Have an affair with your own partner and plan for some romance!

Great Valentine’s Day Resources For A Hot, Sexy Evening You Won’t Forget

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Short on ideas for a hot and steamy Valentine’s Day? Want to spice things up for a Valentine’s night that your partner won’t ever forget? You’re in luck – we have some of the hottest resources available for Valentine’s Day ideas – whether you want to do something sweet and romantic or something sexy and fun, we’ve got you covered. Check out any of these e-books and get a free Valentine’s Day gift!

Get any one of these incredible e-books before Valentine’s Day and get 101 Unique Valentine’s Day Gift ideas absolutely free! No more worrying about what to get your significant other – now you can get them something creative, heartfelt and special! Your partner will never forget this Valentine’s Day!

Q&A: Valentines Day Gift – Anonymous Or Not?

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Valentine’s Day is coming up soon, and if you’re admiring someone from afar, you may be wondering whether to get them a gift or not. Should you give them a gift at all, or give them an anonymous gift? Here’s what to do if you’re stuck on getting your crush a gift – or not.

Question: I have a question seeing as its nearly February 14. I was going to get the girl I really like gifts, but I’m afraid to because she will know it’s me [we’re both teenagers]. What should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvwN4fmMHIA[/youtube]

Afraid Of Rejection

If you’re afraid of getting the girl (or guy) you like a gift for Valentine’s Day, it’s more likely that you are not so much afraid to get them a gift (and them knowing it is you who got them the gift) but you are afraid of rejection. Everyone is afraid of rejection, especially when it comes to dating, such as asking a girl or guy out. Here’s a sound piece of advice – don’t worry so much about rejection. Many times, when you get rejected, it has nothing to do with you. It’s not you who is being rejected. Most of the time, the girl or guy already has some things going on in their life that they are just too involved with at that time to be accepting of a gift or a date. For example, a girl may say “no” to a date because her puppy just died, or because she’s in a relationship, or because she’s a lesbian. Hey, you never know. More often than not, it has absolutely nothing to do with you as a person.

Don’t Regret What You Didn’t Do

If you hold out on yourself, and don’t ask out the girl you like or give her the special gifts you want to give, you’re going to be regretting it your entire life. Many people spend the rest of their lives wishing they did something they didn’t do, because they wonder how it would have turned out if they had done it. Don’t let life slide past you that way! Give her the gifts, say they’re from you, and tell her you like her. Do you really have all that much to lose? Even if you do get rejected, you can at least say that you took that step and weren’t afraid of making your feelings known. If you don’t do it, you’ll wonder for the rest of your life what it would have been like if you had.

Valentine’s Day is about showing the people you like or love that you care. Whether it’s your spouse, your girlfriend or boyfriend or simply someone you have a crush on, Valentine’s Day is the day to let it all come out. Don’t hold back! If you like them or love them, let them know. Let them know how special they are to you, and don’t be afraid to say that you enjoy having them in your life, even if it’s just your friend! Valentine’s Day is the best day of the year to let your feelings about someone be known. So go for it, take the risk and show someone that you care!

Q&A: Top 10 Valentine’s Day Gifts For Men

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Getting a gift for your guy on Valentine’s Day is tricky business. Girls are easy to buy for – chocolates, flowers, jewelry. Cliche? Yes, but when have women ever not liked flowers or jewelry? Men, on the other hand, are a little bit tougher to buy for. So here are some great ideas for what to get him this Valentine’s Day – because YOU asked!

I have a question – what gifts do guys like to get for Valentine’s Day?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOdtMPHHz2E[/youtube]

  • Sexy Lingerie. Every guy loves seeing his woman in negligee. Make sure to find some that fits you – you want to look good and feel confident. Feel like you have a muffin top in the garter belt? Try a sweet, lacy babydoll instead. Your confidence is what makes it the sexiest.
  • Have A Wild, Sexy Night. No good girls allowed! Be naughty, but definitely don’t be nice! Take this one night to let the wild girl inside you go.
  • Try A Sex Game. Ever played a sex game before? They’re fun, and downright kinky at times. A sex game will not only take the guesswork out of what to do next, it keeps the night full of fresh, sexy ideas so you and your partner will never get bored.
  • Sext Him. It’s Valentine’s Day, so sex is pretty much in the bag, right? Sure, but why not titillate him all day with racy text messages about what you’re going to do to him when you finally get him home alone? He’ll be so hot by the time he walks in the door, he won’t be able to help but jump all over you.
  • Send Him A Racy Photo. One of the great things about cell phones is that the majority of them have a picture app. Take a racy (or raunchy, depending on how you guys like it) photo of yourself and send it to him as a surprise, given that you are18 or older. He won’t be able to stop thinking about you all day! Bonus points if you take a photo of yourself in the new lingerie you bought for the occasion.
  • Fulfull His Deepest, Wildest Fantasy. Yes, your man has a fantasy. Has he told you about it yet? Probably not. If you can get him to divulge, let him know that this Valentine’s Day, his fantasies are going to come true. This may take some advance planning though, especially if it involves costumes and the like.
  • Do A Sexy Striptease. Every guy loves a good striptease. Give him one like he would get at the club. Don’t know how to dance? No problem. A little writhing and grinding while he’s sitting in a chair is just as good.
  • Get Him A Cool New Gadget. Is your guy a techie? How about getting him the latest gadget for his phone or laptop?
  • Get Him Tickets To See His Favorite Team Play. If your guy is a sports buff, game tickets are a shoe-in.
  • Give Him A Really Awesome Blowjob. What man doesn’t LOVE a good blowjob? None. Not one. So get some flavored lube and give your guy a fabulous one. Make the night all about him. He’ll go absolutely nuts!