• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

  • Sex
    • Sex Tips & Advice
    • Foreplay
    • Oral Sex
    • Orgasm
    • Masturbation
    • Swingers & Threesomes
    • Sex Games
    • Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies
    • Kissing
    • Erectile Dysfunction / Last Longer In Bed
    • Sexting & Phone Sex
    • Porn & Adult Movies
  • Love
    • Love & Romance
    • Relationship Advice
    • Marriage
    • Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs
    • Break Up & Divorce
    • Get Your Ex Back
  • Dating
    • Dating Tips
    • Date Ideas
    • Flirting Tips
    • Seduction Tips
    • Pick Up Lines
    • Online Dating Tips & Advice
    • Online Dating Sites & Reviews
  • Sex Positions
    • Best Sex Positions For…
    • Deep Penetration Sex Positions
    • Missionary Sex Positions
    • Oral Sex Positions For Her
    • Oral Sex Positions For Him
    • Rear Entry Sex Positions
    • Side By Side Sex Positions
    • Sitting Sex Positions
    • Standing Sex Positions
    • Woman On Top Sex Positions
  • Sex Toys
    • Anal Toys
    • Bondage & Fetish
    • Bullets & Eggs
    • Clitoral Vibrators
    • Cock Rings
    • Condoms
    • Dildos
    • Discreet Vibrators
    • G-Spot Vibrators
    • Lotions & Potions
    • Lubricants
    • Male Masturbators
    • Nipple Toys
    • Penis Enhancers
    • Rabbit Vibrators
    • Sex Furniture
    • Traditional Vibrators
  • About
  • Contact Us
You are here: Home / Archives for Sex & Intimacy / Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies

BDSM Dilemma – Should I Tell My Parents?

By loveandsex

No matter how close children are to their parents there are some things that probably shouldn’t be shared – and sexual preferences is one of them.

Most of the time parents don’t really want to know about their children’s sex lives. Just like most people do almost anything in their power to avoid thinking about their own parents as sexual beings, parents balk at the very idea that their children have sex at all, even when those children are well into adulthood.

Add to this already existing unease an element of danger, perversion, or “evil” (as are often associated with the term BDSM), and it’s easy to see why having this discussion could do more damage than good.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

A few of my very close friends know that I am into BDSM.

Because BDSM is so taboo, I could never tell my parents. My friends feel that I am lying to my parents because I tell them I am going to see someone else when I am actually going to see my Master. I am well over eighteen so I don’t feel that I am legally obligated to tell them.

— Amanda, Kentucky

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2hBT0H0x2c[/youtube]

Should I Tell My Parents I’m Into BDSM?

The Short Version Is – It’s None of Their Business

Really it’s not! As long as you’re an adult you’re entitled to make your own choices, including the choice to engage in and enjoy consensual BDSM sex play.

Unfortunately society hasn’t evolved enough yet to openly accept the fact that people derive pleasure from all sorts of sexual activities. Those that involve pain, bondage, and other “deviant” behaviors are especially persecuted.

Although this is slowly changing, and BDSM is moving into the mainstream, there’s still a good chance that those you do tell will look at you differently, and will disapprove of your lifestyle choices.

In general, people have a hard time accepting sexual preferences that differ from their own. Parents are no exception.

Unless your parents are also sexual explorers and have dabbled in BDSM themselves, the likelihood that they’ll understand why you would even consider engaging in those types of behaviors is very slim.

You are Still a Child to Your Parents

It’s important to remember that in your parents’ eyes, you are still a child in need of protection and guidance. Depending on the morals and values your parents tried to raise you with, telling them that you’re involved in BDSM could be a proverbial “slap in the face”.

They may interpret your choices as going directly against the very things they believe are good and right. As best, they may accept your differing morality, but at worst, they may denounce you completely as being an amoral or bad person.

They Will Probably Try to “Fix” You

If you decide to tell your parents about your BDSM adventures, don’t be surprised if their reaction is to try to “fix” you somehow. They will probably try talking you out of liking such activities or suggesting you see a psychologist to “get over” this issue.

Be prepared to spend a lot of time and effort explaining yourself and fielding their well-intended attempts to change you.

There is, of course, the possibility that your confession could make you closer to your parents if they are very open-minded people. But since these kinds of parents (and people) are rare, don’t count on a positive reaction!

Instead, weigh your decision carefully, keeping in mind that telling them could ruin the relationship you have with them now. Choose your words wisely, and know what you are going to say beforehand. This isn’t a conversation you’ll want to improvise on the spot.

Consider Getting Your Own Place

Although it’s understandable that you don’t want to continue lying to your parents, you shouldn’t feel like they have to know where you’re going every time you leave the house either.

You’re an adult, and as an adult you have the right to your privacy. Why not consider eliminating this problem completely by getting your own place?

One of the best things about being a “grown up” is you get to do your own thing without having to answer to anyone else. Getting your own place will give you that sense of freedom, and you won’t feel forced into lying to those you love anymore.

Keep Your BDSM Preference to Yourself

Whether or not you continue to live with your parents, our best advice is to keep your BDSM activities to yourself. Now that you’re an adult, you’ve earned the right to make your own sexual choices and to keep those choices private – use them!

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, domination, kink, submission

Is it Possible to be a Shy Dominatrix?

By loveandsex

Those are two words that you don’t normally see in the same sentence: shy and dominatrix.

Is it possible to be both? Here’s a question from Melissa who is a little confused. She always considered herself to be submissive, but lately, she keeps meeting others who want her to dominate them.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a submissive and  lately I’ve been meeting people that want me to dominate them. When I try I get shy and can’t do it.

So how do I NOT be shy when they asked me to do this?

–Melissa, Washington

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZpYYy8rar0[/youtube]

Is it Possible to be a Shy Dominatrix?

Of course it’s possible. Anything is possible…

If you consider yourself to be submissive and yet you find others wanting you to dominate them, I can see where this could get a little confusing.

The big question I have for you is ‘Why are you attracting these people?“.

If you are truly submissive, why do these people keep wanting you to dominate them. It’s normally quite obvious where a person lines up – a little to the top or to the bottom.

Are you sending mixed signals? Maybe you are a wolf in sheep’s clothing?

The really big thing you have to ask you self is “Are you sure about what you want?”

Sometimes we end up in a role, whether in life or sex, and find ourselves wondering how we got there. Maybe it’s time for a change and maybe not, but it’s worthwhile taking some time to get really clear about what you truly enjoy. Try on various roles and see what fits you best.

Start Slowly

If you do want to try the dominant role, then just start slowly rather than trying to put on the whole show all at once.

Just try little things and work your way up. That will give you time to decide if that is the role that you want or not. You don’t have to get dressed up in leather and spike heeled boots, tie him up, and punish him on the first try.

Start small and work your way up. Find and test your limits gradually. This works anytime you want to overcome shyness with with any area in your life. Take the first little step in that direction. The important thing is to take that first step.

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, domination, dominatrix, kink, role play

Rough Sex and BDSM – Going Beyond The Occasional Spanking

By loveandsex

Rough sex is an extremely popular but largely underground sexual fantasy. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen much, it just means people are usually afraid to talk about it.

And like with most things that are driven underground (prostitution being a great example), it’s hard to find good, safe tips and information… so you’re left to experimentation.

Rough sex is largely about mind games, dominance, and control – not just the physical

While many people think of rough sex as having mainly to do with physical aggression, when you truly get into it you’ll realize the most important aspect is generally the mental one. The mind games, the dominant and submissive relationship that quickly develops into total trust and absolute control.

Is make up sex just an excuse to have rough sex?

As amazing as it sounds, some couples actually have arguments and fights just so they have a socially acceptable excuse for what’s commonly known as make up sex (read: rough, wild, and passionate sex).

Here’s a question from a couple in Wyoming hoping to spice up their sex lives by experimenting with rough sex.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My partner and I have started to get into rough sex, but as far as we have gone with it, it’s just him pulling my hair and spanking me. I have tried to find other stuff online that we could add in, but really can’t find much. Any suggestions?

— Ellie, Wyoming

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6ixQk3EZic[/youtube]

Explore your sexual fantasies together

One of the wonderful things about being a couple is that you have a friend, a partner in crime, someone to share your experiences and the joys of life with.

Talk with your partner and share your fantasies…

It’s very important to explore and discover your fantasies together with your partner… many people keep their fantasies to themselves, which is a recipe for a boring sex life.

Watch some erotic movies TOGETHER and talk about what turns each of you on

Pay attention to the feelings that surface early on, and what excites you. Even if it’s just a hint of an idea or a feeling, run with it. Hard core porn doesn’t usually do much for women, but there are plenty of erotic thrillers that should do the trick. Movies like 9 1/2 Weeks are a great example of a dominant / submissive relationship evolving. Here are some erotic movies to check out.

Safety is a very important in rough sex play

Rough sex is often about pushing and breaking through boundaries, which is why safety is so important to discuss UP FRONT.

Decide on a safe word

This is a word that actually means “stop right now, no matter what”. It can be any word you agree on, but it’s best for it to have nothing to do with “stop” or “don’t do that”. This is because in rough sex play, pushing these boundaries often includes the idea of forced sex, etc. Thus “stop” doesn’t necessarily mean much. Something like “flower”, “coffee”, or “butterfly” is much more effective. Be creative, and make sure you both remember it.

Set a few simple ground rules that will NOT be broken

Rough sex is often about pushing and breaking boundaries, so you really can’t make a lot of rules around it. But agree ahead of time if there are a few specific things you ABSOLUTELY do NOT want to do. Remember, this is all about pushing boundaries and head games, so don’t set too many rules. Just a few so that you can really let go and have fun without worrying about going to far and spoiling the moment.

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, role play, rough sex, sex tips, spanking

  • « Go to Previous Page
  • Page 1
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 14
  • Page 15
  • Page 16

Sex & Intimacy Topics

  • Sex Tips & Advice
  • Foreplay
  • Kissing
  • Oral Sex
  • Orgasm
  • Masturbation
  • Sex Games
  • Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies
  • Porn & Adult Movies
  • Anal Sex
  • Erectile Dysfunction / Last Longer In Bed

Love & Relationship Categories

  • Love & Romance
  • Relationship Advice
  • Marriage
  • Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs
  • Break Up & Divorce
  • Get Your Ex Back

Singles & Dating Categories

  • Date Ideas
  • Dating Tips
  • Flirting Tips
  • Pick Up Lines
  • Seduction Tips
  • Online Dating Sites & Reviews
  • Online Dating Tips & Advice

Sex Position Categories

  • Best Sex Positions For…
  • Deep Penetration Sex Positions
  • Missionary Sex Positions
  • Oral Sex Positions For Her
  • Oral Sex Positions For Him
  • Rear Entry Sex Positions
  • Side By Side Sex Positions
  • Sitting Sex Positions
  • Standing Sex Positions
  • Woman On Top Sex Positions
  • About
  • Contact

Copyright © Your Name All Rights Reserved. Reproduction without express permission is prohibited.

Accessing this website acknowledges your agreement to the Terms of Use • Advertising & Affiliate Disclosure