When dating, especially if you’ve been dating someone for awhile, it is completely natural to wonder where the relationship is headed. Are you headed for commitment or is it still just something casual and fun? Either way, it’s important to know what is going on – the trick is, however, that this is a topic that is not always easy to discuss. Here are some tips on how to talk to your partner about commitment, where your relationship stands and where they think it’s headed.
Question: My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year now. I thought we were both committed to a long term relationship but lately she has been saying things that make me think otherwise. What is the best way to approach this topic and to find out where she expects our relationship to be heading?
The Importance Of Communicating With Your Partner
Communication with your partner during the dating stage is essential to learning where your relationship is and where it’s going. Some people are able to “let it ride” and simply play it by ear, letting it go wherever it goes, but many others are not and need to be in the know about what is happening between them and their partners. It’s easy for two people to miscommunicate and give each other weird signals, simply because men and women have totally different ways of communicating. If your partner is giving you a weird vibe about where the relationship is going – for example, you thought she was in it for the long haul but she is starting to act more like you two are simply dating and having fun – don’t be quick to judge just based on the feelings you’re getting from her. You may be assuming the wrong thing. Instead, recognize the importance of communicating with your partner and plan a time to sit down with them and talk about what is going on in the partnership and where each of you see it going.
How To Approach The Topic The Right Way
While sitting down with your partner and talking to them about the relationship sounds absolutely frightening, it doesn’t have to be if you learn to approach the topic the right way. First of all, never say, “We have to talk.” This will shut them down faster than you ever would have imagined! Instead, bring up the topic casually while having dinner or sitting on the couch watching television or a movie. Let her know that you really enjoy spending time with her, but that you’ve been getting a weird vibe from her about the where you two stand together. Ask her if it’s true and if she’s been meaning to give those vibes, or if it’s simply a misunderstanding. You can also ask her if she sees you and her heading into long term relationship territory, but just make sure you’re not being critical at all. Ask questions, but you absolutely don’t want to place blame on your partner for anything or criticize anything they’ve said or done. Criticism isn’t necessary and the negativity will only cause you and your partner to start arguing and fighting. You especially want to avoid giving them an ultimatum – that is the fastest way to end a new relationship.
When You And Your Partner Don’t Agree
If you and your partner don’t agree on where your partnership stands and where it’s headed, it’s time to make a decision. For example, say she isn’t interested in commitment and simply wants to continue dating and having fun and you would rather see what you two have actually go somewhere. You can choose to continue dating her and enjoy spending time with her, waiting to see if she comes around and wants to take what you two have to the next level. If you choose to head down this road though, you have to understand that she may never want to take it to the next level and may even dump you if something she’s more interested in comes along. This may or may not be a risk you are willing to take. The other option you have is to break up with her and end the relationship so you can start looking for someone who isn’t afraid of commitment. Either way, when you and your partner don’t agree on where the relationship is headed, it can hurt. Decisons that you make from here on out won’t be easy, but remember what your goals are and what you’re really looking for in life and in a partnership.