Domination can be fun and sexy, but you need to make sure you don’t cross the line. Here are twelve things to keep in mind when getting your BDSM on.
Here’s how this game is played: one partner is the dominant one (the top) and the other plays the submissive role (the bottom). It is the power component that differentiates this form of lovemaking: the bottom accepts the vulnerable position and leaves all responsibility in the hands of the top.
Before engaging to it, be sure that you’re both aware of the following four conditions for good B/D:
- You know and trust each other enough to go beyond the “normal code” of sexuality
- You both agreed to practice safe sex and take all the necessary safety precautions so that nothing stands in the way of your pleasure.
- Neither you, nor her is pressured or uncomfortable doing it.
- Whenever something starts to feel painful or wrong, you stop immediately.
Do NOT Break These Rules
1. Be Careful With Your Knots
Don’t do anything air, circulation or joint constrictive. Don’t use slipknots (they’ll tighten up when pulled) or stockings (being so thin and slippery, they also tend to tighten up under pressure). The act of bondage is just make believe, so use knots tied very loosely or even thread.
NOTE: keep a pair of scissors nearby, just in case.
2. Never Use Alcohol Or Drugs Before Or During
Don’t abuse alcohol or drugs before doing BDSM. Your judgment will be impaired and you might overdo everything.
3. Use The Right Tools For The Job
Don’t improvise. Use specially designed sex toys for bondage, if you want to remain on the safe side. They are easy to use and don’t present complications.
4. Always, ALWAYS Have A Safe Word
Invent an escape word. Agree on an escape word that ends the game immediately when uttered. A clear and established sign is more prone to be taken into consideration than mere begging, which might be taken as a game play move.
5. Establish Boundaries First
Create a checklist. Sit down with your partner and write what is ok to do and what is not, so that there are no misunderstandings.
6. Don’t Forget The Intimacy
Keep the heat on. Whether you are on the giving or receiving and of the bondage equation, take every opportunity to behave seductively toward your partner. If you want this to work, you must not allow yourselves to get lost in the preparations and forget the goal of all this experience, which is to feel good and share your love for one another.
7. Don’t Aim To Hurt
Stay on the comfort side. The purpose of bondage is to restrain the body for sexual pleasure, but it shouldn’t cause you pain or irritation. It might end up distracting you and putting you off.
8. Keep It Simple
Rope, and handcuffs, and leather, and ear bunnies, and spanking, and dirty talk – sometimes too much is just that- too much. You don’t need to re-enact everything that you’ve read in all the books and magazines that have passed through your hands. Excess fumbling and fussing over elaborate details obscure the ultimate goal.
9. Know Your Limitations
As adventurous as you might be, there are some things that you just can’t do, and attempting to impose or maintain a position at the expense of anatomical realities eventually results in frustration and disappointment.
10. Know How To Release Your Partner Quickly
One of your first purchases when you’re preparing for this type of sexual activity should be a pair of paramedic scissors from a medical supply store. The blades will be at a ninety-degree angle to the handle and the lower one will have a blunt end to avoid cutting skin as you cut rope. If you’re using locking restraints (such as handcuffs), know where the key is at all times, and always have a backup one for emergencies.
11. Pay Attention To The Warning Signs
The human body is extremely unpredictable and no two bodies react the same to the same things. Fainting, out-of-focus gazing and talking, flushed an pale face, clammy skin, all these are signs that she’s not really liking what you two have put together. If you see any of these signs on her face, be prepared to put her out of the restraints immediately.
12. Never, EVER Leave A Partner Who Is Tied Up Alone – EVER
Not for a minute, not for a second. She’s helpless and she’s counting on you to be there. No matter what role play game you’re ‘pretending’ to play, always keep in mind that you’re responsible for whatever outcome this has, since you’re the one pulling the shots. Stay in the same room at all time and keeps your eyes and ears peeled for the tiniest sign of discomfort.