It’s no secret, women are much more complicated to sexually satisfy than men.
For women, having an orgasm is a culmination of many different things all falling into place at just the right moment. Rather than being an automatic physical response to continued pleasurable sensations (like it is for most men), female orgasms are extremely connected to their thoughts, fantasies, and emotions.
She has to be relaxed and feel emotionally secure with her partner first in order for her body to respond positively to his ministrations.
Unfortunately trying to juggle all of these needs at the same time is difficult, even for the most caring and attentive lover…
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for about 6 months. We’ve been sexually active for about 4 months. She says it’s really good but she has never achieved an orgasm even with oral – long oral. She tells me that she gets short bursts of sensation but it never goes beyond that, no matter how long I go down on her.
I would just like her to experience an orgasm because I know it feels great!
How Can I Give My Girlfriend An Orgasm?
Wanting your girlfriend to be just as sexually satisfied as you are in the bedroom is a great goal. Many women out there wish their boyfriends cared enough about their sexual pleasure to be concerned with their lack of orgasms during lovemaking.
So if you’re in a similar situation, the first step to figuring out why your girlfriend is unable to orgasm during sex is to rule out the possibility of any physical problems that could be inhibiting her orgasms.
An easy way to find out is by asking her one simple question.
Does She Orgasm During Masturbation?
After you ask her, talk about it. If she says no, then why not give it a try together? It would be fun!
If her answer is yes, then it’s safe to assume her difficulties are more psychological or emotional in nature. One of the most common reasons why women can’t orgasm during sex is tension. This can be caused by embarrassment, general unease, or life-related stressors such as work.
Even something as simple as trying a new position could make her nervous and prevent her from relaxing enough to orgasm!
Make the Situation as Stress-Free as Possible
Don’t make her feel pressured. Remove the focus of your sex play from trying to make her have an orgasm, to just enjoying each other. It should be a light-hearted exploration process. This is particularly important when performing oral sex. In general, women become very self-conscious and worried about what their partner is thinking while he is “down there”.
Remember, the fastest way to get her to NOT have an orgasm is by wondering if she’s had one every two seconds.
You’re not supposed to be ticking off any mental check boxes, or worse, asking her “Did you do it yet?”
Orgasms Are About Giving Up Control
One of the hardest things to do is give up the control you have over your carefully crafted composure in the presence of someone else – and orgasms require you to do just that. Many women will allow themselves to enjoy the physical sensations of sex right up until the moment it begins to feel “too good”.
At this point, they either relax, give up control, and ride out the sensations to completion (typically to orgasm), or they shut themselves off from their own pleasure, retain control, and slip further away from orgasming.
It’s common for women to subconsciously do this without knowing why, or how to stop doing it. Essentially they are afraid of losing control, becoming vulnerable, and opening themselves up to getting emotionally hurt . This is why trust, love, and relaxation are critical elements to a fulfilling sexual partnership.
Communication is Key – Don’t Stop When She Says “Don’t Stop!”
Once she is relaxed and ready to give herself over to your amazing sexual technique, listen to what she tells you and do exactly that.
Often, it seems like just at the moment when everything is starting to feel “perfect” and her orgasm is right around the corner, the man will change his position, his rhythm, etc. and cause her to lose that gloriously “perfect” sensation.
Don’t solely rely on her words either to tell you what feels amazing and what doesn’t. Get to know your partner as a sexual being. Listen to her various moans, her quick intakes of breath, that little twitch in her ankle that lets you know when you’re on the right track.
Good communication encompasses much more than just words, it’s a whole body experience.
For more great orgasm technique tips, check out The Female Orgasm Black Book!