Anal sex requires some gentleness to begin with – you’ve really got to be aware of how hard you’re going, how fast you’re going and how much lube you’re using (probably not enough!) If you follow all of the anal sex “rules,” you should be pretty safe – but what if you’re doing it pretty much non-stop? Sure, you’re observing all of the precautions, but how can you tell if you’ve gone overboard with the backdoor action?
Taking Precautions With Anal Sex
If you’ve read anything about anal sex at all, you probably already know that you have to take precautions. It’s not at all like vaginal sex. The anus doesn’t lubricate itself, so you want to make sure to use plenty of lube when you do engage in the backdoor fun. Also, going slow, communicating and working your way up in size (do not start with a giant dildo) is in order when it comes to anal sex. The tissue of the anus is very tender and thin, and can tear easily, so always be gentle and slow!
Make Sure You’re Relaxed And Aroused
A vagina can often be penetrated at any time – lube or no lube. There have been countless women who have succumbed to their partner’s wishes for a “quickie” and got it on without being relaxed or aroused – but the sex still took place, right? Not so with anal sex. The receiving partner must be relaxed and aroused for this to work properly! If the anus is not relaxed, it is going to be much, much more difficult for anything to be inserted – if it is possible at all.
Also, lube is not optional for anal sex! You may think it is for vaginal sex (and in some cases it is, but lube is always handy), but it is absolutely MANDATORY for backdoor action! Use a good, thick lube that doesn’t get sticky or dry out easily.
Starting With Sex Toys
A lot of people like to start anal play by using sex toys. This is because they can start small and work their way up (often, starting with just the fingers or a penis is too much at first) – and that’s a good thing. You can start with a tiny butt plug (they make ones that are really small) and graduate to larger objects as you become accustomed to the feeling. Always make sure that your anal sex toys have a flared or ring style base, or they can get lost in there!
When To Stop
It’s not hard to tell when you’ve had enough anal sex – in fact, knowing when to put the brakes on things is relatively easy. If you experience pain at all, it’s time to stop! Plain and simple. There’s no grey areas here – if it hurts at all, find something else to do! Other reasons to stop may be if you notice any bleeding, or if you just feel like something isn’t right. Listen to your body and when it tells you that it’s had enough, you should know it!
The “amount” of anal sex that crosses the line varies from person to person. One person may not be able to tolerate as much as another, so only you will know what the right “amount” is for you. Again, let your body guide you. If you feel discomfort, pain or just want to stop, go ahead and stop!
A Note On Desensitizing Lubes
Never use a desensitizing lube on your anus during any type of anal play. This actually “numbs” the area from feeling pain – which can seem like a good thing, but it’s not. If you’re not aware of any pain during anal sex, it’s likely something could go very wrong and you wouldn’t be aware of it until later. Pain is your body’s way of saying “Stop!”
Symptoms Of Anal Sex That Is Too Intense
If you’re having anal sex that is too intense or goes overboard, you may notice these things:
- If you’ve been using big sex toys, such as a large butt plug (or your partner has a really big penis), you may notice that your anus stretches and it becomes more and more difficult to control your bowel movements
- Pain or discomfort that goes beyond just when you’re having anal sex
- Bleeding or hemorrhoids
Communicating With Your Partner
Communication is essential for successful anal sex. You want to be in constant communication about what feels good, and more specifically, what doesn’t. If something hurts, don’t be tempted to just “endure it” or “push through it” just because your partner enjoys it. And if you’re the giving partner, you definitely want to be asking your lover if everything is going okay on a regular basis.