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Should You Have Sex Before Age 18?

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Teen sex is common these days – you see it on television and in movies, you hear about teenage celebrities getting busy and kids at school are trying it too. But is it right for YOU? Should you do it, or should you wait?

Legality

Let’s face it – it’s not legal for people to have sex if they’re under the age of eighteen. You can’t buy porn or sex toys if you’re underage either. While tons of underage boys and girls still do have sex before they’re eighteen and never get caught, it’s important to know the basics of when it is actually legal for you to engage in sexual activity.

That said, if you and your partner are both underage, it becomes less of a criminal issue and more of an issue with your parents. However, if you are underage and your partner is over the age of eighteen, or vice versa, you can get into a LOT more trouble. The older person may be charged criminally if it is ever reported that you are having sex with them, and they will be required to register as a sex offender after any jail time, probation or community service that is issued.

Being registered as a sex offender will haunt them for the rest of their lives and make it difficult for them to buy a home, have a job, have children and visit their children’s schools, and even impact their ability to vote. It’s not something that goes away after a few years – it’s a lifetime of being on a list with pedophiles and rapists. Think twice about having sex you or your partner are underage!

What Are You Waiting For?

If teen sex isn’t something you want to be involved in, think about the “why.” Are you waiting for marriage? Are you waiting until the age of eighteen to do it so you or your partner don’t get into trouble? Whatever your reason for waiting is, it’s a good reason – and it’s important that you fully understand the reason why you’re waiting so you can stay strong and continue to abstain.

If you’re not “waiting” but you just haven’t had sex yet, think about some of the reasons you should wait. Are you in a serious, committed relationship? If not, perhaps you should wait until you’re in love. Think about possibly getting yourself or your partner in legal trouble, or going against your personal beliefs. There are lots of good reasons to abstain and there are many of them that will apply to you and you alone. Perhaps you don’t want to abstain until marriage, but you just want to abstain until you’re older, smarter, more confident and ready. Every reason is a good one!

Considering Consequences

No one likes to think about the consequences of teen sex, but it’s a must if you’re considering losing your virginity. Having sex is an adult activity, and if you feel like you’re adult enough to handle it, then you’re definitely adult enough to think about the possible consequences beforehand. A lot of teenagers are afraid that if they think about the consequences of teen sex before they have it, they might talk themselves out of it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing!

If you’re sure you want to do it and “being talked out of it” isn’t something you feel will happen, considering the consequences will help you effectively plan for anything that might happen as a result of your decision. Think about the possibility of getting an STD – and all the different ways that they can be transmitted – and think about what you can do to reduce your risk as well as what you’ll do in the event that it does happen. Unwanted pregnancy is similar – before you have sex, think about how you can prevent an unwanted pregnancy and how you might deal with one should it actually happen.

Staying Safe

If you’ve thought long and hard and have decided that now is the right time to have sex, take the time to look into all safety options that you have available to you – and there are a LOT! Think about going to your doctor and getting on birth control. If you’re too young to go to the doctor by yourself and can’t tell your parents that you’ve made the decision to have sex and want to get on birth control, you don’t need to be having sex.

Also, think about using condoms and spermicide. Get flavored condoms and dental dams for oral sex. Talk to your doctor about other ways you can practice safe sex. Sex isn’t fun if all you’re worried about is getting pregnant or an STD. It’s also not fun if you’re worried about your partner going to jail.

If you can’t get it on with a clear conscience, try waiting until you can!

Are You Ready For Sex? (You Don’t Have To Be A Virgin To Answer This Question)

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Teenage girls around the world come face to face with this dilemma every day. Are they ready for sex? When is a good time to have sex? Are they prepared for the consequences of sex and are they properly protecting themselves from STD’s and pregnancy? Are they emotionally ready for sex? Usually, these questions are applied to virgins alone. Society assumes that once you have sex, you’re always ready to have sex again, whether you’re with a new partner or not. But what about those of us who have … uh … been around the block, so to speak?

“When” Not “If”

If you’re not a virgin and begin dating a new partner who is also not a virgin, the question becomes “when is the right time to have sex,” instead of “if.” You’ve probably heard of the golden ‘3 date rule’ and may have even heard of people waiting quite a bit longer to become comfortable with each other to have sex. Still, the question is never “if,” unless you’re a virgin or are with someone who is. The question is always “when.” What if you want that “if” factor back? Can you have an “if” factor, even if you’ve had sex before?

Getting The “If” Factor

You always have control over your own body. You decide when – or  if – you have sex, along with the how, when and where. So ask yourself, “am I ready to have sex?” Just because you are no longer a virgin does not mean that you are required to have a sexual relationship at some point with every person you date. Ask yourself the same questions you would if you were a virgin – for example, are you emotionally ready to handle sex again? Is your body ready for sex? Are you comfortable enough with yourself to enjoy having sex again? Do you enjoy spending time with your partner enough that you are ready to share yourself physically with them? Decide if you’re ready to have sex at all, or if you’re ready to have some sexual intimacy but without “going all the way.”

Getting Rid Of Expectations

You may be ready to have sex. You may enjoy it, no matter who it’s with, and be sexually confident in yourself. If that’s your case, go for it! But many women aren’t in that position, and because they’ve “done it” before, they’re expected to “do it” again in every new relationship they’re in. Their partners are constantly wondering if “tonight is the night” or if the 3rd date really is the magic date.

It’s time to shed those expectations and make your own rules! Each time you begin dating a new partner, consider yourself a virgin all over again if you like. Ask yourself the very same questions about sex and your partner that you did before you had sex for the very first time. Because in a way, this is your very first time too! Don’t allow men, or even your friends, to suggest that because you’re not a virgin anymore that you can’t make careful decisions about sex, or abstain from sex completely with a new partner if you so choose. It’s your body! You choose what to do with it or what not to do with it.

What Does Abstinence Mean To You?

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If you’ve heard about sex ed, you’ve likely heard about abstinence. What is abstinence, anyway? Basically, it’s just a fancy word for not having sex. Believe it or not though, abstinence may not be as black and white as you think. Abstinence means different things to different people. What does abstinence mean to you?

We can all generally accept the idea that sexual abstinence means waiting for marriage to have sex… But here’s where it gets tricky – What does “Sex” mean to you? Is it sexual intercourse? Is it any sexually arousing experience? Is it oral sex? Anal Sex? Masturbation?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWIhR9Z3gx0[/youtube]

The Definition Of Abstinence

Abstinence, in it’s most basic form, is to abstain, or keep from, doing something. Most people refer to it as refraining from having sex, but you can also abstain from alcohol, cigarettes, or anything really. In it’s most popular form, however, the definition of abstinence means to keep from having sex. In most cultures, the term abstinence refers to waiting until marriage to have sex, however, any couple can practice abstinence even if they’re married. Some married couples practice abstinence at a certain time during a woman’s monthly cycle as a form of birth control. In this article though, we’re going to explore how abstinence can mean different things to different people.

Defining Sex

To define not having sex, first you have to define the term sex itself. What does having “sex” mean to you? Does having sex mean only penetration, therefore abstinence from sex means oral sex doesn’t fall into that category? Or does having sex mean every type of sex, including oral sex, anal sex, masturbation and vaginal intercourse? Does your definition of abstinence relate to being a virgin? Is virginity still intact only if you abstain from vaginal intercourse, or is virginity intact if one abstains from the use of sex toys, or even tampons as well?

It Remains Undefined

The definition of sex, much like the definition of abstinence, remains essentially undefined. It means something different for everyone, and only you can decide what counts as sex and what counts as abstinence – no one else can or should decide for you. Abstinence, just like having sex, is a personal choice. Examine your own beliefs and morals, and do what feels right for you. Don’t let parents, a culture, society or your friends or family members pressure you into deciding to have sex or deciding to be abstinent – or even deciding what actions constitute sex and abstinence unless you’re sure that it’s what you want. It’s also not a one way street – just because you choose to be abstinent now doesn’t mean you can’t choose to have sex later if that’s what you decide. Similarly, if you decide to have sex now, that doesn’t mean you can’t decide to become abstinent later. While you may have lost your virginity in doing so, don’t assume that means you have to continue having sex if you’re not comfortable with it. Do what feels right to you!

Know Your Boundaries First

Before making your decision, know your boundaries. Think of the possible situations you might be in, and what you might decide if confronted with that situation. Really think about it – if you’re abstinent, does oral sex count? Does giving a handjob count? Do you want to be totally abstinent from every type of sex? Don’t be caught off guard – know what you want and what doesn’t coincide with your decision before you put yourself in a situation that might possibly make you uncomfortable if you aren’t prepared. Don’t forget sex education – learn about STD’s, pregnancy and birth control even if you’re being abstinent. You’ll be able to make smarter choices when you do decide to have sex. Ultimately, you’re responsible for your own sex education. You’re responsible for your body, right?

My Boyfriend Wants To Have Sex Before Marriage But I’m Not Sure. Is It Really Okay?

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Sex before marriage. It’s a tough topic that many people feel very passionate about, but not everyone is passionate about it for the same reasons.

Many people believe that sex before marriage is wrong or immoral and others believe that it’s not an issue.

While there may never be a universal agreement on whether sex before marriage is acceptable or not, many men and women find themselves in this situation before they’ve even given much thought to the question.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hello, I’m Lizeth from Turkey. I want to ask a question about virginity. Here doing sex before marriage isn’t common. I have a foreign boyfriend, and he want to have sex with me and  I it want too.

I know in America you don’t care so much about it. I just want to learn your things. Is it bad?

– Lizeth, Turkey

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko7hsvSOeGE[/youtube]

Is having sex before marriage wrong?

That’s not a question that anyone can answer but you. You need to take into consideration everything about the situation before you make the decision to have sex before marriage.

What are your religious or spiritual beliefs?  What are your moral beliefs?  How comfortable are you with the person you want to have sex with?  Do you trust this person?  How comfortable would you be with the consequences of sex should they arise. For example, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases?

These questions should be answered, but not by your friends, family or anyone else.  You need to sit down and really think about what having sex before marriage means to you.

Does it make you feel wrong?  If it does, don’t do it!  If you really feel that it’s not a big deal, that’s okay too.  Ultimately, it’s all about what you want and how comfortable you are with the idea.

What if I do?

Well, first things first. Use protection.

Sex is enjoyable, but you can get pregnant and you can contract sexually transmitted diseases.  Guard against possible consequences by using sensible protection and by being smart and safe.

If you have any questions about safe sex, pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, a great person to ask would be your doctor.  They’ll give you unbiased information and can educate you on how to safely have sex while still enjoying your partner.

Remember, sex is something to be enjoyed between two consenting adults.  You should never feel pressured into having sex or feel like you “have to.”

If you want to have sex before marriage, that’s fine.  If you don’t, that’s fine too.

Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should do or persuade you into doing something you don’t want to do.  It’s not up to your friends, family, relatives, church officials, neighbors or anyone else!  Trust your gut instinct and go with what you feel is right.

With that said, you basically want to just be sure you’re ready to take the step forward and have sex before marriage.  If you don’t feel that its right, by all means trust your gut instinct and stay abstinent, at least for now.  If you’re perfectly comfortable having sex before marriage and comfortable with the person you’d like to have sex with, go for it.  It’s your decision.

Don’t rush it though – take your time thinking about the situation and taking a look at how you might feel after the fact.  You don’t have to now, but you might want to later.  That’s fine too.  Remember, you call the shots.  What you say goes!

Think Masturbation is Wrong? Here’s The REAL Truth…

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This is how messed up my understanding of faith and sexuality was as a believer in Jesus. In order to show myself worthy and approved, in order to make sure I can present myself pure before God, self-love was not an option for a believer because it was seen as a sin against God.

Masturbation means I see something (or someone) to cause my loins to stir and thus touch myself; this means I violated the “fornication” code of having sex outside of marriage and violating God’s plan for me.

The message against masturbation

I can’t remember if I became a believer first, masturbated first, or both, but I think after reading some Christian books and hearing teachers from the pulpit come heavy against sexual issues I got the message very clear. If you are to a believer of honor, then you are to keep yourself sexually pure till marriage.

I tried not to touch myself down there. Not to masturbate or think of pleasing myself because it’s evil, of course. My will power (unfortunately) was like one Cosmo Kramer who was the first to loose “the Contest” against Jerry, Elaine, and George on the Seinfield series.

Then again, that could be a good thing.

But is It really wrong?

You see after many tears, many times mentally and spiritually beating myself up, I soon realized maybe masturbation is not a bad thing after all. My human sexuality teacher recommended Betty Dodson’s book “Sex for One.”

Man! Talk about an eye opening theory about the practice; she even had pictures and the whole nine yards.

But the thing that won me over to the “Touch Myself” club was a letter from a Pentecostal woman from Cincinnati, Ohio. She wrote how she felt guilty for years due to the church world she lives in, but because of the book it opened her eyes and mind. Now she knows God won’t shoot her down for touching herself.

“Well if she can do it and find inner peace, why not me?” I thought.

The truth about loving yourself

I realized a few things along the way to enjoy masturbation and keep things in perspective:

Many believers look at Onan as the reason why masturbation shouldn’t be part of a believer or non-believers life. If the passage in Genesis is looked at closely you can see it wasn’t masturbation in the sense of giving pleasure to ones self. God struck down Er because of his wickedness. After that happened, God asked Onan to fulfill the duty of his brother and continue the gene line by lying with his widow Tamar.

In what could be dubbed “the costliest money shot of all time” Onan “spilled his seed” so Er’s family line wouldn’t have an offspring. So Onan lost his life over the betrayal.

Tradition and retribution

Somehow tradition–or the fear of God’s retribution–latched on to this story as a way to keep many men (or women) from masturbation. So please, for the love of truth, stop blaming Onan as the one who messed up masturbation. Blame it all on tradition and for a wrong-headed approach to understanding to what self-love is all about.

The real truth

All the myths about masturbation–blindness, hairy palms, madness, neurotic disorder, etc.—are not true. Next!

We all masturbate throughout our lives. From the time we are babies till we are old and gray, masturbation is one of those things that makes us human. To deny it is both comical and tragic at the same time.

Frequency of self-love ranges from several times a day to every other day to a few weeks to none at all (unless one suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder). But normally, you are fine if that’s all you do with yourself.

God will not condemn you for having a sexual thought let alone if you are touching yourself over a sexual thought. You might have problems if you are thinking about possessing someone you know doesn’t belong to you.

But if a person turns you on, or an image, or a sexual thought and you just have to express your normal desires you are feeling then enjoy the time with yourself.

Masturbation is good for you!

The health benefits are huge! You can find out what turns you on and causes orgasm to releasing some sexual tension by masturbation. Also, it helps with sexual dysfunction due to the inability to orgasm, prostate health for men, relieves menstrual cramps, eases headaches, causes one to sleep, and promotes well being with the chemicals released during orgasm. Hmm, the benefits outweigh the myths. Did I mention it’s the safest sexual practice of them all?

The last thing about masturbation we need to touch on as Christians is the guilt factor. Again, if you feel you have the freedom to enjoy this practice without any guilt whatsoever weighing on your mind then enjoy.

Too many times believe everything our preachers and teachers say instead of studying for ourselves–with scientific fact and research–whether a practice is beneficial or not.

The information we have today is very accurate as opposed to the myths we discussed earlier. I have come to realize I have more issues about dealing with the things coming from my heart than self-love. Let all the ravers and ranters from the pulpit scream all they want. Masturbation is as good of a time as one person can with themselves.

Not that there’s anything wrong with it.

(Note: Thanks to Betty Dodson for their info and pick up a copy of her landmark book Sex for One: the Joy of Self-Loving)