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Q&A: The Other Woman – Is It Love or Curiosity?

For women, dating men that have many friends of the opposite sex can be stressful. Finding out that your partner is starting to have romantic feelings for one of his female friends is nothing less than emotionally devestating. Can you chalk it up to being typical male sexual curiousity, or is there something more going on there?

Question: My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. We never fight, have a great sex life & love each other very much. However, recently, he has been chatting with one of his female online friends more and more and he admitted that he might have feelings for her, but he really loves me and is feeling confused. I am the first woman he was with sexually, and I think that this might be curiosity manifesting itself. We’ve been talking about this very openly, but I find it increasingly difficult to cope with. Should I wait and see what happens with this, or should we take a break from the relationship and give each other space to figure out what we want?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv87cQJb0MA[/youtube]

Exploring His Options

If your partner is beginning to have feelings for someone else, it’s not something he needs to deny or run away from. He needs to be honest with you and honest with himself so that he can start to explore those feelings. If your partner just denies his feelings to himself or to you, it will only serve to exaggerate his feelings and the situation. Once he really begins to examine those feelings, he may find that they fade away quickly.

What Is Missing In Your Relationship?

Often, men who start having feelings for someone else outside the relationship are only doing so because something they want or need is missing inside the relationship. It might be incredibly emotionally difficult to take this situation and use it to take a look at yourself and the relationship, but it’s something you need to do if you want to find out the root behind his feelings for this other person. Talk to your partner, and be open and honest with them. Ask that they do the same for you. Is there something that he feels is lacking in his relationship with you? Is he feeling connected to you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and sexually? If not, it could be why he’s looking in the other direction – she may have something to offer him that you don’t. Instead of getting angry about it, take the opportunity to start giving him what he needs.

Is It An Online Fantasy?

While online dating is an excellent way to meet people, it definitely lacks when it comes to building a relationship with someone over the Internet. It’s difficult to really get to know someone online, and our brains tend to fill in what we don’t know about this person with “plausible” ideas. Essentially, you end up thinking you know someone you’ve met online but in reality, you’re having a relationship with a fantasy person. If your partner starts getting to know someone online and starts having feelings for them, they may actually just be having feelings for a fantasy – because it’s more likely that who he thinks this person is isn’t who they really are.

Wired to Connect: Why Technology Keeps You From Really Connecting With Your Loved Ones

By wendystrgar

Sustainable love, the kind that we use as a compass to keep us connected to a vital, healthy and happy relationships are now being recognized as skills that might just save our species.

Hardwired to be social

We finally have the scientific equipment to verify what we have always known: our drive to be social, to be connected to each other, is actually hardwired. Our need for connection and drive towards empathy is not a result of environmental influences but rather a function built into the brain itself.

Daniel Goleman, PhD, a New York Times science writer and bestselling author of Emotional Intelligence, has taken his research to a whole new level and has published Social Intelligence.

Advances in neuroscience now allow us to observe brain activity while we are in the act of feeling. We can now witness that we are continuously forming brain to brain bridges- a two-way brain traffic system. In the same way that we can “catch” a cold from someone, we can “catch” their bad mood- or good mood.

The significance of the relationship indicates how deeply we are affected and will stimulate actual physical consequences: hormonal response that magnifies stress (cortisol) or induces happiness (oxytocin).

Take your vitamins

Positive interactions and being surrounded by loving people actually works like a vitamin for your entire being. Negative relationships and interactions don’t just make us angry; they make us ill. As in other brain functions, this one also reflects our amazing neuro-plasticity.

This is to say that our brains are continually building new connections. And, no matter how young or old, anyone’s personality can be affected by other people. We literally heal each other through our social connections.

Virtual reality

This news couldn’t come at a better time, as we continue to replace real interaction with techno-driven reality. Is it really dating when it is virtual? Are we connected to others when we only share words on a screen? More than any new technology, what we truly need is to develop a lifestyle which encourages deeper human connection.

Overwhelmed with digital connectivity, it is easy to become oblivious to the people surrounding us. How often have you witnessed someone at a check out stand absorbed in some deep conversation on a cell phone and entirely oblivious to the person in front of them.

Making real connections

Real intimate connections don’t happen on the phone, in a text message or on IM: they require a real-life presence where we pay full attention to the people we live with. Empathy grows in our brain through eye contact, voice recognition, and touch–all of the time-intensive ways of knowing another person well enough that we can’t objectify them.

Empathetic connections are the prime inhibitors of human cruelty. Scientists agree that the survival of our species depend on our ability to grow and develop this innate ability and a culture which encourages deep and true human connections.

So next time you’re feeling blue about the state of the world, turn off your electronic gadgetry and go for a walk, preferably holding hands with someone who loves you. Sustaining your love is not only good for you, but you may also be saving an endangered species!

Webcam Love Affair – Will It Work?

By loveandsex

In the digital age, internet relationships and love affairs are becoming more and more common.

Dating websites are running rampant and the invention of webcams and microphones, you can have an almost face to face conversation with someone else.

Unfortunately, many of these internet relationships don’t work out. Whether it’s a long distance relationship with a previous partner or someone you met on the internet, without physical contact, your relationship may wane.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m in a long-distance relationship with a guy I’ve never met. I’ve seen him on webcam, but that’s all. I seem to have fallen for him and I love him very much. We used to talk all the time, but lately we haven’t talked at all. The past few weeks, I’ve said only a few things to him and one of those times I was angry at someone and complaining to him. We seem to fight all the time and I don’t know what I could do to fix it. We’ve tried all sorts of things, but nothing seems to work!

Please help us! –Keely

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EyhgXriovo[/youtube]

Why Internet Relationships Don’t Cut It

Humans crave physical contact. From the time that we’re born, our bodies crave to be touched. It’s not necessarily a sexual need, it’s more of a physical need. We crave intimacy and closeness with other people, even if it’s just a hug or cuddling on the couch in front of a movie. Webcam love affairs and internet relationships are obviously lacking this very critical component.

If being apart from your partner is temporary, subsisting on webcam and phone communication is often enough to get you through until you are able to be together again. However, if your internet relationship is simply that, it can be difficult if not downright impossible to get the physical contact and intimacy you need from your partner to keep the relationship alive.

Online Introductions . . . Not Online Dating

Internet dating should be called internet introductions. It’s perfectly fine and actually quite helpful to introduce yourself to someone online through an internet dating website, because it helps you find the person that you think best fits your personality. Often, after a period of time communicating online and possibly over the phone, you can meet your partner in person and begin building a real life relationship.

Many people, however, forget to do that last part and confine the relationship to the internet only. This is a critical mistake that can cost you the relationship. An internet relationship isn’t enough to keep you and your partner satisfied, especially if it’s someone you met online.

If you really like your new partner, make an effort to meet them in person and try building a relationship with them.

Relationships are hard work.

It probably comes as no surprise that real life relationships are hard work. It takes a variety of skills such as listening skills, body language skills and interpersonal skills to make a relationship successful. If you get discouraged, it can be tempting to confine a relationship online for fear of getting rejected in real life.

This is no way to have a relationship! Take your time and have confidence in yourself to find someone that you like and that you can have a real relationship with. If you meet someone worthwhile, take the next step and meet them. If it doesn’t work out, take the time to find someone who you are more compatible with.

Dating and having real life relationships is a series of trial and error. If it doesn’t work out with someone, try dating someone else. You can also mix it up a little bit. Search online dating websites for matches while you also keep an eye out in real life for people you think you’d like to date as well. With some effort and a good attitude, you’ll find someone with whom you are compatible with and enjoy spending time and being intimate with!